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What did you want? - 8/22/2007 3:45:23 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		To all my fellow subs/slaves.  When you first started out looking for a Master/Daddy/Dom (insert term here).  Did you know exactly what you wanted or did you learn as you progressed further in the lifestyle?

As for me i did not know what i wanted exactly when i started.  I had a relationshp that showed me what i did not want so when i found collar me i stated what exactly i knew i needed in a Master.  I wanted a Master who was stern but also caring and gentle and NOT a sadist. Also a man who was not afraid to put me in my place when i need it.  I found what i was looking for with my wonderful Master.

Matt's littleone

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What did you want? - 8/22/2007 4:16:36 PM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline 		I had no clue of anything when I first started.  It was like asking a virgin what kind of lover/relationship she wanted.  I didn't even know enough to ask questions.  Through reading and research and finding out what felt right to me, I discovered more of the type of relationship I wanted.  Over time and playing with others, I was able to solidify the idea of my ideal man/Dom.  Then he found me and made me his.

Patience, perseverance, thick skin....read read read, research, talk to other subs and Doms as well...go with what feels right to you.  If you get the ickies, that man/situation is probably not a good idea.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What did you want? - 8/22/2007 4:18:33 PM   
callistaIn


Posts: 62
Status: offline 		Having had both Master's and Mistresses in the past, I now know exactly what it is that I want, and what it is that I am looking for in another. It's a process that has evolved over the years; when I first started in BDSM, I had no idea what I was looking for. Over the years, I learned, and added to my requirements

callie

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What did you want? - 8/22/2007 4:31:32 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		after having 2 "do me" doms, i didn't want to go that route again when i had a profile on another site however i never considered a DaddyDom type when i met Daddy. actually i was looking to leave the scene for good and just meet a regular guy.  someone who was caring, loving, enjoys stimulating conversations about anything and nothing, friendship, etc etc well, fate had a way of changing things ...and the rest is history.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to callistaIn)
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RE: What did you want? - 8/22/2007 4:45:55 PM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		I had an idea of what I thought I wanted in a dominant. Over the years I learned it was idealistic and totally romantasized. I wanted him to be kind, yet strict, loving, yet dominant, etc. I haven't stopped wanting those things, but my expectations are a bit lower now that reality has kicked in.




_____________________________

He who laughs last didn't get the joke


We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
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RE: What did you want? - 8/22/2007 4:54:38 PM   
Eruditegirl


Posts: 53
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline 		I had such a romantic fantasy about who and what my first Dom would be.....the whole freakin white knight on a horse....how we would grow and learn together.......in every aspect of our life....
Then after dating a few.....I realized that although I would find it...I would either have to lower my expectations....or wait and be patient....
I have never been a person to just settle...so I wait patiently...happy and patient....





_____________________________

The road to stupidity is paved with good intentions....

(in reply to littleone35)
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RE: What did you want? - 8/22/2007 5:07:14 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

To all my fellow subs/slaves.  When you first started out looking for a Master/Daddy/Dom (insert term here).  Did you know exactly what you wanted or did you learn as you progressed further in the lifestyle?



I may be strange but I really wasn't looking for anything other than a dominant/alpha type partner with whom I shared a mutual attraction, would at least be pretty damn kinky in the bedroom and who I got along with wonderfully. I've always tried to keep my mind pretty open about potential partners.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What did you want? - 8/22/2007 5:14:22 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		When I first started looking, I was hoping to get $1.93. I'm not sure why that amount, but it just seemed like if I got $1.93, all of my submissive fantasies would finally be achieved. Once, I got $1.07, and another time I got $2.28, but never $1.93, so no matter how hard I try, and how much emphasis I put on my search, I have come up constantly wanting in my search.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What did you want? - 8/22/2007 5:42:27 PM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

I have never been a person to just settle...so I wait patiently...happy and patient....


With you sista! I'm new and young, but I have a very good idea of what I want. I have a very defined type that attracts me, and who I am willing to be submissive for. Many consider my standards too high in wanting an older (but fit), charming, highly educated professor type (one reply to my profile described me as seeking James Bond meets Einstein meets Gandhi; not far off lol). But I am steadfast because I know it can be found, I've had it before, so the bar is high!

My very first experience I didn't seek out my self, but a natural dominant man outside the lifestyle found me and saw exactly my deepest desires and needs which complimented his perfectly and we explored what came naturally, and found deep trust and true submission.

I'm delighted with my life, so I'm happy to wait for someone who can add to it and not be neutral or a let down.

(in reply to Eruditegirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What did you want? - 8/22/2007 5:50:31 PM   
chey


Posts: 121
Joined: 7/1/2005
Status: offline 		I thought I knew what I wanted but quickly realized I had no clue in the beginning. After meeting people & having a relationship or two I was able to see tangible traits that appealed to me. As well as those that did not. So I guess the experience was pretty helpful but even so I find that sometimes the chemistry is there or it isn't. Sometimes I tell people it is so hard to put into words what I want but when I experience it I will know.

(in reply to Tigrita)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What did you want? - 8/22/2007 5:59:37 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I didn't really have any idea what I wanted- sure I could have spouted off a few essays on dominance, slavery, all that good stuff- but really most of it would have been total idealistic crap with no substance behind it.

And what I WANTED at the time has absolutely nothing to do with who I became and want for myself today. 

Though it would have been fine if it remained the same...it's harder when you're younger though.  Change comes rarer and more slowly in general when you're past 35 rather than just turning 18.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to chey)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What did you want? - 8/22/2007 6:30:35 PM   
completenz


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		Like the others, i was really not sure what i was looking for to begin with. Experience soon taught me what i did not want and what to avoid.
When i met C. it just clicked. i had found more than i had ever imagined. Here was a loving, affectionate Dom who was on exactly the same wavelength as me when it came to what we were both seeking.
Here we are 18 months later growing together in love
c

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What did you want? - 8/22/2007 6:35:49 PM   
xolarkinxo


Posts: 73
Joined: 9/10/2005
Status: offline 		No, I did not know exactly what I wanted.  Certainly someone that I could not push around.  I had many men previously who jumped when I spoke, gave in to me all the time.  I was always thinking "goodness, be a man...take control."  The problem with those relationships was, I felt pushed into a role I was not comfortable with and felt angry.  I had a few relationships (d/s) before joining collarme and by that time I had a pretty good idea of what I didn't want.  It was a start.  Another important realization was that being a sub/slave is quite challenging.  I work harder on myself and our relationship than I ever have before.  And I am alot happier being true to myself.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What did you want? - 8/22/2007 6:50:45 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I was a senior in college when I started. I had no idea what I was about let alone what I was looking for. I just absorbed as much info as I could to better myself and grow.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What did you want? - 8/22/2007 6:52:40 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		I have to chuckle at myself because what I 'look for' and what I 'find' are always so different.  Yet, I'm usually quite happy with the result. 

When I first started, I didn't have a clear idea what I wanted and kind of learned as I went.  Some of the lessons were harder than others, but they were all worth learning.  And none of them conformed to any ideas I had about bdsm.  Those have all been completely revised.

quote:

Change comes rarer and more slowly in general when you're past 35 rather than just turning 18.


That's a hell of a generalization.  Talk to me next week, and you'll see why. :)



< Message edited by gypsygrl -- 8/22/2007 6:54:55 PM >

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What did you want? - 8/22/2007 7:02:08 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		I wasn't looking for a dominant when I found mine. I was interested in this lifestyle and had been reading a lot about it. I was very excited to find out that he was also interested in D/s. I had no idea what I wanted, except I knew I wanted this man. I worried that he would want more than I could give. I worried that I wouldn't like being controlled and pushed.  

I am entirely too blissful for my own good. I adore my dominant and my life with him.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What did you want? - 8/22/2007 7:46:54 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		I started talkin to the Lady in Charge at the end of Jun 06...a little more than a year ago. We were workin on a fundraiser together. And Then as a friend I helped Her with Her house. It needed painting. And then as people with compatability so far and me needing a place to move to...I moved in. That was Sept 14 06. We Talked about moving into this dynamic as a theory befoer I moved in. After I moved in we talked about the dynamic and what it would be and look like and went through the motions figuring out what works and what doesn't until Feb 07....Prior to moving in I wrote a blog on my yahoo 360...this is it...

"I want a crazy bitch in my life. You know the kind that makes ya wish ya were smarter than that? The one that makes you think twice about everything? The inner psychopath is hot. I want a bitch who's in firm contact with that inner psychotic. Then I want her to have firm contact with me. It's the intesity that you get. Yeah, there's a safety lock somewhere...maybe. But I don't want to be counting on it. I want the fear the panic...the wide eyes and slack jaw. I want not knowing if I'm going to be pushed too far. Maybe I'm crazy and maybe I have a death wish. But I want these things because we don't have them in our everyday lives. I want it everyday. I want to be grateful and humbled daily. I want to be remined that I don't really get a choice. So could you live with that kind of life?"

Fondly now I refer to Her as a Crazy Bitch...She first saw this at the end of Oct 06. For days after She just grinned.

So yeah I've known

(in reply to Littlepita)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What did you want? - 8/22/2007 7:59:35 PM   
Steelriven


Posts: 300
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline 		When I broke up with my ex-fiancee and Master I had a rough idea of what I wanted. Some one willing to accept me, all of me. Some one I had things in comon with outside of the lifestyle-kink and what not. Some one willing to compromise, and comunicate.

Took me almost three years, but I found him. It was well worth the wait.

_____________________________

steelriven who's just a lil_twisted

-Don't asume, instead ask.

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What did you want? - 8/23/2007 12:39:08 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		one of the things Sir and i laughed about last night, was that when he and i were first talking, he had laid down a whole laundry list of do's and dont's.  and one of the main ones on there was that i was not to look him directly in the eyes, that it was disrespecful.

in dealing with me, he found that he LIKED that.  and he likes the way i'm soft and willing and loving, and so in need/want of him...he went from calling me his "prospective slave"   to calling me his "treasure and comfort".

he isnt any less pleased with me, just sees me as something really different than what he had thought of 5 months ago.

kitten, who is up too late yet again...

(in reply to Steelriven)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What did you want? - 8/23/2007 4:39:19 AM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

To all my fellow subs/slaves.  When you first started out looking for a Master/Daddy/Dom (insert term here).  Did you know exactly what you wanted or did you learn as you progressed further in the lifestyle?


Because of age, life experience and self-awareness, I had a very clear idea of who I was looking for; I just wasn't convinced that he existed or that I'd find him.

Life surprises you sometimes. 

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 20
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