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RE: What did you want? - 8/23/2007 4:41:43 AM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline

I had no clue I was even a masochist the first time I stepped into the physical world of BDSM. There are certian things I am drawn to in a person and I was lucky to come across it my first time out.

Integrity, creativity,leadership,confidence, personal hygene. And first and foremost who ever I chose to play with would have to understand that I am married, that my husband, no matter what ,comes first and foremost and that he will know everything I do.

When I realised it was pain I craved, that I was a serious masochist a few more things were added to the list of what I wanted/needed in a Top/Dom (insert term here) Luck/fate won out and the first person I played with had all these things and more. Knight and his girls set the bar high and most fall very short of this. I feel very spoiled to say that two and a half years later I am still his bottom and still far exceeds what I had ever hoped to find the first time I walked through the doors.

I am also drawn to sadist who are actually comfortable being sadistic and don't spend an equal amount of time after play being frought with guilt over what they just did, or worse yet apologizing continiously. ( unless something happened that nearly caused the loss of life or limb and even then.. RACK- people- accidents can happen) It sounds terrible I'm sure, but to me that indisicivness and self loathing is a deal breaker. Preditor or Prey, I love that preditory gleam sadists get when they look at you and you know they are thinking of all the wicked things they are going to do.

denika

(in reply to adoracat)

Post #: 21

RE: What did you want? - 8/23/2007 5:26:59 AM

IvyMorgan

Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline

I wasn't looking for anything. Mainly because I didn't think I was ready to find anything. Yeah, that sooo didn't work out the way I'd planned. Can't say I'm complaining though.

(in reply to denika)

Post #: 22

RE: What did you want? - 8/23/2007 7:29:39 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Thank you all for your replies it is nice to see i an not the only one who was unsure of what i wanted.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to IvyMorgan)

Post #: 23

RE: What did you want? - 8/23/2007 9:11:58 AM

Tigrita

Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I was actually a little surprised to see here how many people didn't know what they wanted at first. Like I said, I have a very clear idea of what I want and I just assumed a lot of others would too, maybe not the majority, but more than I see here. I'm wondering what led people here if they didn't know what they were needing? Just dissatisfaction/emptiness/not fitting in with the vanilla world and seeing what else is out there? I think I'll start a new thread on that.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 24

RE: What did you want? - 8/23/2007 9:28:06 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Just because you do not have an exact idea about what you want, does not mean you are disatisfied with some bogus seperate 'vanilla' world. Bdsm and vanilla are only seperated if you make them seperate. What you live is your life, not some seperate life different from another.

Not knowing what I wanted specifically means that I am willing to explore and change and experiment and not be blinkered by some idealistic fantasy which means I may miss out on something I never, ever envisaged or could even think up alone. That led me to Darcy - which simply rocks.

Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Tigrita)

Post #: 25

RE: What did you want? - 8/23/2007 9:28:07 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Well I had been into kink for years before I came "here" as in CM.

And frankly, I hadn't had the internet before 18 and was pretty clueless in terms of exposure to kink- everything I saw was in books or movies and I had determined that these were just crazy fantasies that went along with all the other crazy parts of me and would simply never be experienced except in a fictional world.

Then I got online and found chat rooms. After that I was off running- but that doesn't mean I knew what I wanted.

Just like a college freshman doesn't know what they want to do when they grow up :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Tigrita)

Post #: 26

RE: What did you want? - 8/23/2007 2:22:04 PM

satyrne07

Posts: 19
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Well I had been into kink for years before I came "here" as in CM.

And frankly, I hadn't had the internet before 18 and was pretty clueless ...

Funny. I read that and was like, "the internet before 18?" geez, they didn't even invent the web until I was 22, in 1990. I feel like granpa rememberin' before telephones. ( and yes I remember before cell phones when beepers were fancy and confined to doctors and drug dealers).

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 27

RE: What did you want? - 8/23/2007 2:32:20 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

I came here looking for some boys to serve me.
I had never heard of a Daddy Dom before this site.
( I hadn't heard of most of this stuff before this site)
Found a boy or two, no big deal.
Found Michael...*sigh* I'm done...

eruditegirl, I LOVE the new picture!

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to Eruditegirl)

Post #: 28

RE: What did you want? - 8/23/2007 3:09:17 PM

Eruditegirl

Posts: 53
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline

Thanks BSB.....it's amazing what duct tape and plaster can do....lol.....

_____________________________

The road to stupidity is paved with good intentions....

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 29

RE: What did you want? - 8/23/2007 4:56:49 PM

pleasureforck

Posts: 95
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline

I still don't know what I want. Everyday I learn more and more about myself. One major lesson I learned is that I should never say never because I did say that in the beginning and most of my nevers have turned into things I've wanted to try. I now say I'm not ready now but maybe someday.

_____________________________

I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not

(in reply to Eruditegirl)

Post #: 30

RE: What did you want? - 8/24/2007 7:32:08 AM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrne07
Funny. I read that and was like, "the internet before 18?" geez, they didn't even invent the web until I was 22, in 1990. I feel like granpa rememberin' before telephones. ( and yes I remember before cell phones when beepers were fancy and confined to doctors and drug dealers).

Well, if your "grandpa" then i must be great-great-grandma. Way back, in 1990, when you were 22, i was 46 and had been living as a BDSM submissive for 13 years, by then. Now, add 17 more and that makes a grand total of 30 years of being on my knees before a man and doing exactly what he wants (yes, and i have the rug burns to prove it

).

As i stated in the thread, "What led you to BDSM?", i was 21 when i got started in BDSM and i was brought into it. i didn't actively go looking for it, so i didn't have anything that i was looking for. Luckily, a Dominant Man, who did know what He was looking for, found me, and showed me what i had been missing in my life - - that i needed to be under the control of a strong, honest, decisive man, who had integrity and a sadistic streak. After that, it was easy for me, just stay with those types of men and do whatever they say. i am very grateful for that. It has made my life so fulfilling and fun!

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."

< Message edited by slavegirljoy -- 8/24/2007 7:37:09 AM >

(in reply to satyrne07)

Post #: 31

RE: What did you want? - 8/24/2007 9:21:21 AM

HotFaerieMama

Posts: 2617
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

i had no clue what i wanted. but i found Master and he saw it in me and brought it fourth. from then on i knew what i wanted and have been happily collared & owned ever since

(in reply to slavegirljoy)

Post #: 32

RE: What did you want? - 8/24/2007 2:19:10 PM

Constanza

Posts: 57
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline

Well i always knew what i wanted.....well i thought.... until i met my Master.... we started out as just friends and then after we had build up our everyday relationship as partners for life and i started talking about the lifestyle... he turned into the great Master he is.... He loves me and protects me... even from myself... He knows me better then i know myself, so he knows what i want in life... and the only way i know how to respond to that is by being submissive towards him.

_____________________________

Collared by Lord Sully on Saturday august 25th 2007, The man i adore and love.

Fetish Gear

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 33

RE: What did you want? - 8/24/2007 3:24:39 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

so when I started into the lifestyle I actually had a really firm idea about what I wanted. Then over the course of three years I had that picture erased, by myself, by the men I was with, and by the other subs I talked with. Instead what formed in my head was an image of what I *should* want if I was a true slave (it was like the Ken to my *true* slave Barbie)

About two years ago i decided to draw a line under who and where I was because it was all just getting a bit ridiculous (seriously feeling myself persuaded that a 40 year age gap was not unreasonable in a life partner) This was the single best decision i have ever made. Since then I got back the image I had started out with, of a strong, kind, gracious man, who values what he has and cares for what he owns, of a man who wants to own a whole complete able person, who is funny, and intelligent and well read, who can cook, and likes kids, is good at killing spiders, be able to go to the pub with my brother and charm my mother at christmas.
All those things that makes a Master a whole person - and not just some strategically shaved monkey holding a single tail. lol
so i knew what i wanted all along, i was too young and inexperienced to recognise and understand it

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to Constanza)

Post #: 34

RE: What did you want? - 9/5/2007 9:42:38 PM

cautiousiasub

Posts: 199
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline

I really didn't know what I wanted to begin with. I did some research trying to get an idea (any idea) of what I was looking for. Looking back, I laugh. I've gone farther than I ever thought I would, and only look forward to more. Things that in the beginning I thought I would hate are now some of my favorite activities. I had a friend tell me once that when you first start looking into BDSM, try to get an idea of what you are looking for, but to keep in mind you will probably go at least two steps further than you thought you would...some will go way further.

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 35

RE: What did you want? - 9/5/2007 11:57:42 PM

whysperz

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline

Not only did I not know what I wanted...I didnt know that I did want. My first relationship hit me by surprise and had no labels. It was a couple of years into the relationship that "bdsm" was discovered. The relationship and actions were already well in place. Even though that first relationship was a long one...even it did not give me the realization of what I really needed...just a glimmer. It took an intense, although brief online mentorship with a very powerful and experienced Dom to open my eyes and mind to what I really need.....I'm sure that even my current perception will change some in time

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 36

RE: What did you want? - 9/6/2007 7:53:50 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

I wanted a bondage top/sex partner who was a good friend. That's what I went looking for. I was just emerging from the end of a bad marriage and thought I wasn't ready, or perhaps not deserving, of more. I found someone in the same place and we healed together. We also found that saying 'fill just this one need and I'll be okay with everything else unfilled' wasn't going to work. Once we started looking to fill one need, we discovered that all the others started yelling that they needed/deserved to be fulfilled also.

Basically I went looking for water and stale bread crusts and got a feast instead.

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 37

RE: What did you want? - 9/6/2007 8:46:32 AM

favesclava

Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

made me think of the song The Spy who Loved Me ." i wasnt looking but somehow you found me...."
i was looking for one night stand .i knew of the D/s lifestyle a little bit but it wasnt something i thought would be for me. Master made up His mind i would belong to Him before we met after chatting online. i had no idea He was a Dominant .pretty much i was captured with no hope of release. He has had to train me in the life and in serving. although i took to it like a duck to water. and have never been happier in my whole life.
Happy to serve Master Fredpbear.

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 38

RE: What did you want? - 9/6/2007 11:48:53 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

I have a guideline of the type of person I want in my life. I feel as a couple we feed off each other and take and give what the other needs. This will flex and change consistantly through out the relationship usually. Because of the D/s dynamic there will always be a base line of what will not change unless there is a major change in our lives for one reason or another.

My former Dom was a Sadistic Daddy, I never ever thought I'd connect with the Daddy / girl dynamic but amazingly i slid into it very easily and very comfortably.

I never would have specifically looked for that type of relationship when I met him, but I'm extremely happy that I got to experience it with him.

My guideline is not kink specific, or looks specific. I don't demand my potential parter be over 6' with a 9" johnson lol. My specifics are; someone I respect, someone that respects me, someone i can talk to as another human being, and the main thing, He must have that "something" that makes me feel the need and desire to sit as his feet and strive to please Him.

I can bottom to anyone i choose, but I will only submit to those I feel with in myself that I must. I hope that makes sense lol

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to favesclava)

Post #: 39

RE: What did you want? - 9/6/2007 11:54:45 AM

twistedkytten

Posts: 240
Joined: 9/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

I started talkin to the Lady in Charge at the end of Jun 06...a little more than a year ago. We were workin on a fundraiser together. And Then as a friend I helped Her with Her house. It needed painting. And then as people with compatability so far and me needing a place to move to...I moved in. That was Sept 14 06. We Talked about moving into this dynamic as a theory befoer I moved in. After I moved in we talked about the dynamic and what it would be and look like and went through the motions figuring out what works and what doesn't until Feb 07....Prior to moving in I wrote a blog on my yahoo 360...this is it...

"I want a crazy bitch in my life. You know the kind that makes ya wish ya were smarter than that? The one that makes you think twice about everything? The inner psychopath is hot. I want a bitch who's in firm contact with that inner psychotic. Then I want her to have firm contact with me. It's the intesity that you get. Yeah, there's a safety lock somewhere...maybe. But I don't want to be counting on it. I want the fear the panic...the wide eyes and slack jaw. I want not knowing if I'm going to be pushed too far. Maybe I'm crazy and maybe I have a death wish. But I want these things because we don't have them in our everyday lives. I want it everyday. I want to be grateful and humbled daily. I want to be remined that I don't really get a choice. So could you live with that kind of life?"

Fondly now I refer to Her as a Crazy Bitch...She first saw this at the end of Oct 06. For days after She just grinned.

So yeah I've known

Mine makes me feel like that all the time... I LOVE it!

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 40

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