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Make you happy - 8/23/2007 6:53:55 PM   
akbarbarian


Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline 		Should a slave try to MAKE his/her Master happy, is this her goal?  Should a Master try to MAKE his/her slave happy?  Is it healthy to be conserned about making someone happy?  I read some philosophy on conserns over this that rung true with me awhile back, but I don't have the source any longer.

What would you think of someone said they wanted to make you happy?
What would you think if someone said they want you to make them happy?
What would you think if someone said they don't want you to make them happy, but to do things for your own reasons beause they work for you?
Thanks

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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 6:55:33 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		Relationships are built on the goal of being happy and there are elements of a relationship that builds that.  But if you go in with a list of "these are the things that will make me happy" Chances are you won't be.

A healthy relationship is healthy by being built on common goals and guidelines of getting there. 

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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 7:12:15 PM   
ThinkingKitten


Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
Status: offline 		I would hope that a happy Master makes for a happy slave, ergo if the slave can make Master happy...... BUT I don't think it serves any useful purpose if the Master doesn't do anything to help make the slave happy if it's with regards to something that the slave needs/desires.
 
However, your questions need a little more context to be relevant I think. Taking them at absolute face value (and in order) however:
1. It would demonstrate that they were prepared to invest something (time/effort) in doing whatever for me. Necessary if I'm going to be making a similar investment in them. I can't/won't do all the work.
2. Depending on what it was that would be required to make them happy, then it could be just fine.... if for instance pushing me to achieve a goal that I might otherwise not make would make them happy, then who am I to complain? (Because I derive satisfaction from achieving the goal at a minimum).
3. I'd look at them a bit sideways. Are they being too self-sacrificing here (would it work out in the long-term)? Possible though, if the collateral effect of me doing what I want, makes them happy.... then no problem.
 
Hope that makes some kind of sense...!!!

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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 7:17:13 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I think a M/s relationship is a mutual one, if one is happy the other is. My goal is to be the type of slave Master wants me to be. By doing that I make him happy.  By doing the things that pleases him he is happy, therefore I am too.  We are lovers, friends, etc. When I care about someone and love them of course I want them to be happy.

I think most people in any type of intimate relationship want to make the other happy. Most everyone would like a happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship.

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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 7:20:02 PM   
akbarbarian


Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThinkingKitten

I would hope that a happy Master makes for a happy slave, ergo if the slave can make Master happy...... BUT I don't think it serves any useful purpose if the Master doesn't do anything to help make the slave happy if it's with regards to something that the slave needs/desires.
 
However, your questions need a little more context to be relevant I think. Taking them at absolute face value (and in order) however:
1. It would demonstrate that they were prepared to invest something (time/effort) in doing whatever for me. Necessary if I'm going to be making a similar investment in them. I can't/won't do all the work.
2. Depending on what it was that would be required to make them happy, then it could be just fine.... if for instance pushing me to achieve a goal that I might otherwise not make would make them happy, then who am I to complain? (Because I derive satisfaction from achieving the goal at a minimum).
3. I'd look at them a bit sideways. Are they being too self-sacrificing here (would it work out in the long-term)? Possible though, if the collateral effect of me doing what I want, makes them happy.... then no problem.
 
Hope that makes some kind of sense...!!!

To #3:  I've seen subs post asking if it's ok to want to do somthing, and the doms come back and say "Yeah it totally makes me hot when a sub does that" and she wonders if it's ok to get benefit out of it and whether it's being selfish, or whether it's bad to be selfish.  I believe collateral effect should be that you have a symbiotic relationship most of the time, and you should compromise when in areas you don't, or don't yet.  I believe that one person's giving, should be another person's taking.  Like a clothesline.  When you pull in what you need, you're giving out the other side at the exact same time.

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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 7:21:27 PM   
charlotte12


Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		Should two people in a relationship want their partner to be happy? I don't really see it any differently in a D/s than a vanilla relationship.

I don't see why there can't be a balance of wanting your partner to be happy but not compromising your own sanity or morals. With the people i truly care about in life i find that doing things that work for me doesn't generally mean compromising their happiness because they want me to be happy and vice versa.

I think the gray areas come in with why i want to make my partner happy. Do i want to make them happy because i care about them or because it will somehow make me feel better about myself?

I'm not sure i'm making sense so i'll stop for now


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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 7:25:30 PM   
callistaIn


Posts: 62
Status: offline 		It's not my responsibility to 'make' anyone happy except myself.

In a relationship, it is both our responsibilities to see that the needs of the other are being met. If I am giving more than I am receiving and vice versa; then resentment will ultimatly ruin the relationship. For it to work; with the goal of long term in my mind; it has to be give and take of equal value on all sides.

callie

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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 7:27:00 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I dont know about anyone else, but Angel and I want one another to BE happy. We dont go out of our ways to make one another happy, necessarily, but we do enjoy the after effects.  There is no one thing that he does that makes me happy, I dont think we could put our finger on it exactly. And I do try and make sure he is enjoying himself the same as he does me. Its a give and take, and we are both happy for the most part.  Sure there are things wed rather not have to deal with, but overall, it evens out in the end.

DV


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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 7:39:38 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		No one is responsible for my happiness, nor am I responsible for the happiness of anyone else. Personally, I don't believe that a person can make another person happy. Happiness is something that comes from within. I can bring things to a relationship that may bring pleasure and enhance it, but ultimately I can not "make" happiness occur in someone who can't find it within themselves.



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~erin~

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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 7:41:04 PM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline 		My opinion is that it is one's own responsibility to make oneself happy. One of the tools to do so is to surround yourself with people who reinforce you in your quest to do so. 

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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 8:06:39 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

Should a slave try to MAKE his/her Master happy, is this her goal?

Why not? Is his happiness important to her? Is that what she agreed to do?
quote:


Should a Master try to MAKE his/her slave happy?

Does the master care about her being happy? Can she function well with someone who doesn't care about her happiness? Did he say he would?
quote:


Is it healthy to be conserned about making someone happy?

Not if you thinking about it every second of every day of every year but yes, it is healthy to be concerned about it. Valyraen and I are concerned about each other being happy. Both of us will go out of our way to do things that make the other happy. I had a sword engraved for him (that was hard to do) and he tracked down a DVD from my childhood that is hard to find and paid a pretty penny for it. We both do things for our friends because we actively care about them and want them to be happy.
quote:



I read some philosophy on conserns over this that rung true with me awhile back, but I don't have the source any longer.

Ok
quote:


What would you think of someone said they wanted to make you happy?

That they care about me.
quote:


What would you think if someone said they want you to make them happy?

I would find it odd that they told me that out of the blue. If I'm in a relationship with them, of course I would be trying to make them happy. If their happiness didn't matter to me, than I wouldn't care enough about them to bother being in a relationship with them.

However, if in a relationship I was told, in so many words, that my partner was no longer happy, that it was my behavior that caused it, and they wanted to stay with me because they still loved me but they needed me to change my behavior for them to be happy... Well, I would either love and care for them enough to change my behavior or I would decide they weren't worth it and move on to someone else.
quote:


What would you think if someone said they don't want you to make them happy, but to do things for your own reasons beause they work for you?

I would think that was really weird to hear and ask them to explain it further. Do they want me to do things for my own reasons because that makes them happy? Do they want me to just be me and that makes them happy? I can't being in a relationship with someone who I couldn't make happy. If I can't please them, why are we in this relationship?

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 8/23/2007 8:08:08 PM >

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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 8:07:57 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		There are people who are simply not happy.  No matter what anyone does they find fault.  I call it ‘new rope syndrome’ i.e.  they wouldn’t be happy if ya hung ‘em with a new rope.
Attempting to make the unpleasable pleased is an effort that leads to frustration. 
A happy person finds their own pleasure and at the same time likes the fact that another person feels happiness as well.

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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 8:10:47 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		My partner and I try to "make eachother happy" all the time.  Seriously, it's often sickening.

But I agree with Erin- happiness really is just a transient state and no one else's responsibility but that person.  We understand this even as we act in our smooshy cutesy ways.

So, more importantly, we want to make eachother fulfilled and as true to ourselves and loved as possible.

If someone told me they wanted to do what they wanted for their own reasons- I'd respect them for their honesty, but it would depend on what those reasons were and how they worked for me as to whether I'd choose to be involved with them or not.

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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 8:17:32 PM   
MTCsBlueyedslav


Posts: 10
Joined: 8/8/2007
Status: offline 		I'm just being talkative tonight.... Yes my Master is away for two nights in a row which is unheard of!!!! Yet I had a first today! I met him in Skamania and did him in the truck. So if anyone saw a cab rocking at 8:30 in skamania  (14) it was me. Huge smile!!!!!!

Oh darn make me happy, you all know who I called upon on the east coast,the Rhode Ilsand crew rules!!!

Yes I have had bi play time before but I felt lost out here, So had to call upon friends. Importing friends work for now! I used to feel threatened that i was not good enough....now its different....just many gifts!!!!! And Andy thought I was just gettin playful! To all the doms out there watch out for us science types. We come with knowledge.

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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 8:26:00 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		akbarbarian,

Depends on the specific nature of the relationship.

It is possible to be happy without the other person aiming specifically for that. It may be incidental, or even due to something outside the relationship entirely. In the general case, however, happiness tends to involve some degree of reciprocal interaction and adaption. When one party is in control, that party is in a position to direct things toward this goal.

As far as I'm concerned, the primary concern of a slave should be the virtue of Obedience.
What secondary concerns the slave should have will generally follow from that.
Your mileage can and will vary on that particular subject, however.
Edit: I agree with Erin that happiness comes from within.


< Message edited by Aswad -- 8/23/2007 8:28:34 PM >

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We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 8:26:47 PM   
charmdpetKeira


Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		I can see how a person can do things that might make someone happy, but I wouldn’t think it is possible to “Make” someone else happy. Actually, in the given context; I'm not even sure I can "Make" myself happy. I can do things that I enjoy, therefore becomming happy, but I'm not very good at insisting happiness of myself and having it happen for no other reason.

I find that those who have said they want to make me happy, have more or less meant, they want me to be happy with what they have to offer and have no idea what my being happy would entail.

I believe if I were to engage in an activity, with someone else’s happiness in mind; I’ve already found my own reasons to do so.

k

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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 8:44:59 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		It is my goal to contribute to his happiness.  As has been said, I don't have the power to "make" someone else happy, but I can add to his joy and I can please him and I can do things that I know bring about feelings of happiness in him.  Because I know what adds to his happiness, I do as much as I can with that in mind.  I simply love when he is happy, and find my own joy in that.

In turn, he enjoys my happiness.  He wants me to be happy, and has taught me how to be happy.  Currently I am happy overall, despite some other stuff going on, because I am living my purpose and being true to myself.  He did not "make" me happy, but he led me down the path to find happiness.

We might say we make each other happy as a matter of speech, but a person has to want to be happy to start with, and no one can make that person happy if they are content being miserable, ya know?

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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 8:47:10 PM   
Hisbellaluna


Posts: 127
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		i have found that any relationship where one person wanted to make the other person happy quickly turned into they had to make the other person happy and they couldn't be happy unless the other person was happy...very co-dependent
do i want to be pleasing? obedient? submissive? everything my Sir wants me to be and more? yes...does that encourage his happiness, i think so...if i were not these things and provided nothing he wanted...i'm not even going to go there because i would hope that he would not keep me in a situation that was not mutually fulfilling.
the same with my sister...
edited to add: as for my happiness, that comes from within, and personally it comes from following God's will...not something i am willing to argue...it works for me, not going to fix whats not broken...



< Message edited by Hisbellaluna -- 8/23/2007 8:48:43 PM >

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Do not be like servants who serve their masters expecting to receive a reward; be rather like servants who serve their master unconditionally, with no thought of reward. --Antigonus of Sokho

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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 8:48:46 PM   
MisterPervert


Posts: 39
Joined: 5/17/2005
From: Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

Should a slave try to MAKE his/her Master happy, is this her goal?  Should a Master try to MAKE his/her slave happy?  Is it healthy to be conserned about making someone happy?  I read some philosophy on conserns over this that rung true with me awhile back, but I don't have the source any longer.


Happiness comes from within so it's physiologically impossible to make another person happy. We can do what we think are pleasurable things to them and for them, but this isn't guaranteed to make another person happy, no matter how much happiness doing such things brings to ourselves. Actually, come to think of it, it's not even possible to make ourselves happy. For example, masturbation might be pleasurable but there come a point where it's not enough to make one happy. The same is true for having money. I heard about recent research into people who'd won large sums of money in lotteries and, while the windfalls brought brief pleasure, after a period of time the winners described themselves as no more happy than they'd been before winning.

De Sadean philosophy suggests that humans are, by nature, hedonists and ultimately, the only people they want to make happy are themselves. Using this perspective, it's possible to argue that all of the greatest philanthropists and charity workers in the history of the world only did what they did to make themselves happy. It's an argument that doesn't go down well with Catholics, if you're describing Sister Therese as a selfish hedonist: that it's impossible to be completely self-less, but there it is.

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RE: Make you happy - 8/23/2007 9:01:05 PM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian
Should a slave try to MAKE his/her Master happy, is this her goal? 


I beleive that in being a slave to MJ that I make Him happy, if not, we would not be together, is it my goal? Its a mutual goal.

quote:


Should a Master try to MAKE his/her slave happy?


Like above, its a mutual thing. Happiness is a two-way street.

quote:


Is it healthy to be conserned about making someone happy? 


I learned a LONG time ago that you cannot 'make' anyone happy, its a state of being, you can assist in their happiness, as to 'making' someone happy, that's not realistic.

quote:


What would you think of someone said they wanted to make you happy?


I would smile and say 'thank you.' Then see what happens.

quote:


What would you think if someone said they want you to make them happy?


It's not realistic, and since I live in reality, I would blow it off as someone who is NOT happy on their own, that's their problem. I won't solve another person's problems, I may do something to try to get them to be happy. Thats my decision though.

quote:


What would you think if someone said they don't want you to make them happy, but to do things for your own reasons beause they work for you?


I do that already for the most part. I do things because its who I am. I do do little things that I KNOW will make MJ happy or smile; I do those things for my own reasons, or sometimes because He does ask.

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