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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/24/2007 10:13:31 PM

KnightofMists

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am I such an open book"

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/24/2007 10:48:27 PM

BruisedHick

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I think it has mostly to do with motivation.

Imagine sitting with the other person, and telling them every last bit of that secret.

A: How would you feel? If you dread it, it is probably something you should tell them.

B: How would they react? In the case of a b-day gift, they would be happy. Don't tell them that. If they would be upset, ironically you should probably tell them before they ask.

Basically, if you think they won't like it, minimise the damage.

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/24/2007 11:02:27 PM

slaverosebeauty

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I do. MJ knows that despite us having been friends for years and now with this new dynamic to things, that their are things that He does not know; He learned one less than an hour ago. Since we are still talking and He has given me permission to stay up a bit longer online then read, I would say, that what He learned is fine for the moment. He made jokes about it, so I am not worried.

Some secrets are best left alone, others need to be brought to light so we can heal and move forward. Full disclosure sounds great, in theory, but, at times, others are not ready or prepared to handle what we may disclose. Timing is definatly everything.

I use the same logic that I do with what I tell co-workers, my munchkin, family and other friends as I do with MJ, its about timing, 'need-to-know' and can that person HANDLE what I am about to disclose?!

What may seem trivial to one person, may be detramental to another.

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/24/2007 11:23:41 PM

LaMspeach

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quote:

ORIGINAL: goodslave0319

i want to know if it is okay if i kept a secret from a Mistress/Master .

Nope it is never ok to keep a secret from your "One". I couldnt even if i was allowed to * laughs* I am the worse at secrets i cant even keep birthday surprises a secret.

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/25/2007 1:58:50 AM

NefertariReborn

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plaid and polyester lol Yyou two kill Me. I've wondered where the other arm of this triad is? I never see any posts from her (at least I don't think I have).

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/25/2007 3:13:28 AM

ClandestinedOne

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At the end of the day, you have to live with yourself. If keeping something from Them is going to eat away at you, if it's something that will haunt your conscience, please tell Them.

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/25/2007 6:58:51 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NefertariReborn

plaid and polyester lol Yyou two kill Me. I've wondered where the other arm of this triad is? I never see any posts from her (at least I don't think I have).

I have her locked up for being a good girl.... damn I hate those.... if you can't be naughty what the hell good are ya.

anyways... take a peak at these.. she does post on the rare occassions...

http://www.collarchat.com/searchpro.asp?author=alandraofMists

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 8/25/2007 7:00:04 AM >

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/25/2007 10:25:53 AM

welshwmn3

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Personally (and I'm sure I'll take a lot of flack for this), I keep secrets from both Sirs a lot.

Basically, there are some things that I never think of talking about, or other things that ... well, if they knew they'd worry about me more than they already do. Now, if they ask direct questions about me, I will answer truthfully. But honestly, they already worry about my emotional health, they don't need to know that I've had nightmares every night for the past 3 weeks. *shrugs*

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/25/2007 11:35:54 AM

shyinini

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quote:

ORIGINAL: goodslave0319

i want to know if it is okay if i kept a secret from a Mistress/Master .

Do you want a secret kept from you?

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/25/2007 12:13:54 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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A kind of tough question...I think mainly because I tend to not want to tell every thought or emotion I am experiencing..Maybe it is because I do not want to be percieved as whining nor of a negative personality.For the most part I am pretty even keeled, but when not..I cover the negative emotions...and simply deal or await their disappearance..So do I think it is good keeping secrets from a Master?..best answer is...it depends on that particular Master..Tempting

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/25/2007 4:30:21 PM

agirl

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I keep some things to myself ( the odd bit of emotional wrangling etc)......I don't see it as *keeping it secret*, though that's what it is, effectively. I CAN tell M anything at all but I choose not to, sometimes. It's not a big deal; if I'm really stuffed, I'll spill like a milk pitcher.

Also.....sometimes I sneak a midnight snack in bed and don't tell him. Sometimes I'll sneak upstairs to the bathroom to pee, instead of using the garden. I suppose they are *secrets*, too......until he either catches me or asks me. While our relationship is serious, situations aren't, always, and we both get an amount of amusement from the cat and mouse aspect of it.

Soooo, yes, I keep secrets from M and he KNOWS it.

agirl

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/26/2007 9:09:51 AM

valkyriesdaughte

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As in any relationship, it depends on the depth of the relationship, the secret, and the potential that secret has for negatively impacting the relationship, and also the personalities of the partners.

I suppose in some peoples world, the fact that you ate frosted mini wheats for breakfast, are on page 584 of the latest Harry Potter book, and shaved your legs yesterday might be relevant in the grand scheme of the relationship, and failng to mention them could be considered deceptive.

Now- if you wrecked the car, are pregnant, have a serious diagnosis, have decided you are really a lesbian switch trapped in a slave male body- well , those sorts of things it would most likely be wise to mention in passing.

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/26/2007 11:27:17 PM

TakenPet

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I am in complete agreeance that secrets are bad. I tell Master everything I talk about with anyone, who is on the phone to who I played my games with all day (I am a geek/gamer). Master knows what I talk about, and what they tell me. Master even knows when I do research on certain topics. There is no secrecy and that is the dynamic that we have chosen. I suppose keeping something secret is not a good idea, but that depends on you and your Master. Trust your instinct and your relationship.

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/27/2007 9:05:48 AM

Sirandpet10

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I don't think it's okay even to keep a secret from your SO, regardless of whether or not they are your Master/Mistress. Keeping something from your lover, friend, Master, Mistress, boy/girlfriend, etc...is the same thing as lying.

I started smoking (cigs, not marijuana! lol) five or six months ago. I never told Sir and when he found out, he was very upset with me. I felt like I had truly hurt him. I stopped smoking that day and haven't had one since. I will never again keep a secret from Sir.

twink

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/27/2007 9:10:24 AM

callistaIn

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quote:

ORIGINAL: goodslave0319

i want to know if it is okay if i kept a secret from a Mistress/Master .

Quite honestly, it depends on what you are keeping from them and how serious it is ( how seriously it will affect the dynamic )

Some things like special events, gifts, etc...I have kept secret in the past, and told some white lies to keep them secret...but never anything that was so important that it could affect or change our relationship.

callie

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/27/2007 9:25:59 AM

atendersoul

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this is such an open question since it is not stated what the secret is....
would it be something you found out about the truth of the situation you are in, how it could impact your safety......

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/27/2007 11:09:20 AM

yours4keepz

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LA,
i've told my Dominant that there were some things he just doesn't need to know. and i don't think he does need to. he said i should share everything with him, even the things that are hard to talk about. i have grown to trust him more and more as time goes by. and in theory this sounds great but....in practice, i don't want anything to come up later and regret sharing it with him.
i don't need to tell him things from my past--do i? i mean things that do not affect him only affected me?
also...he wants me to explore anal with him, but i have "issues" there, and am embarrassed to spell it out for him! i don't want to have a medical discussion about it with him, i want him to see that i'm uncomfortable about it and leave it alone for now. what should i do?
i appreciate your advice. thank you.
urs

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/27/2007 11:52:59 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Wanting him to "see" something is a set up for failure.

Sitting him down and TELLING him that you are uncomfortable about it NOW, aren't ready to really have a serious discussion and would really like table it for later is the way to go. I don't understand people's assumption that it's "all or nothing" or even "now or never." This is a growing relationship. Things need to come out over time, developed, processed, GROWN. You aren't saying "No." You're saying "please not now." Very big difference.

However, telling him what he does and doesn't need to know isn't a good way to go either. No one in a relationship is the ultimate decider of that and you make him feel totally closed out and helpless- not really what you want to go for, certainly for your dominant.

I'm ok with everyone in every relationship keeping as much as they want separate from eachother- as long as they are open about not sharing those things.

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/27/2007 1:56:18 PM

akisha

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Only thing I'd keep secret are the things previously agreed upon, like birthday and Christmas presents and suprise just cause I adore you presents *S*

If you feel you need to hide it, it usually means you are ashamed or embarrassed by it, or you know darn well that it is wrong. Keeping secrets builds distrust in a relationship. Once trust is gone so is the relationship as far as i'm concerned.

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RE: keep a secret from a Mistress/Master - 8/27/2007 2:41:32 PM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: valkyriesdaughte

As in any relationship, it depends on the depth of the relationship, the secret, and the potential that secret has for negatively impacting the relationship, and also the personalities of the partners.

I suppose in some peoples world, the fact that you ate frosted mini wheats for breakfast, are on page 584 of the latest Harry Potter book, and shaved your legs yesterday might be relevant in the grand scheme of the relationship, and failng to mention them could be considered deceptive.

Now- if you wrecked the car, are pregnant, have a serious diagnosis, have decided you are really a lesbian switch trapped in a slave male body- well , those sorts of things it would most likely be wise to mention in passing.