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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/10/2005 11:29:58 AM

onceburned

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBeckett
My pleasure is his priority, always. Hence, the pleasure is mutual.

Such a simple but 'to the point' saying. I like.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Strongnsubmissiv
if a submissive has needs (other than the obvious one of keeping their dominant pleased), does that make them any less of a genuine submissive?

I do not think so. But the important thing is to trust her to meet those needs, rather than constantly pleading for indulging those desires.

< Message edited by onceburned -- 7/10/2005 11:34:45 AM >

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/10/2005 11:39:38 AM

SweetDommes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: onceburned

I do not think so. But the important thing is to trust her to meet those needs, rather than constantly pleading for indulging those desires.

Yeah, that's a better way of saying what I said, I think LOL

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/10/2005 9:57:58 PM

Euryanx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

It all comes down to this:
I want you to offer all of yourself to Me, with no reservations. I want it to all be equally satisfying to you. I want it to be who you are.

Goddess, what a wonderful post. Lots of food for thought there.

The thing that strikes me about what you wrote is this...

To me, you're talking about unconditional love. You want to be loved, but you never actually use the world "love."

It seems that a lot of people here are looking for loving, committed D/s relationships, but the "L" word never gets used. Is it taboo to say it?

Why is it we can talk about all the things we want out of a partner, all the things we do and don't want them to do... and yet not talk about how we feel inside? Isn't it really all about love? Finding true love with someone whose ying fits your yang? Or is love passe, unimportant? Is committment more important than love?

Do the Dommes here care that their subs love them? Or is just about service? Can a Domme make a sub love them? Would you want to "force" someone to love you? Doesn't love involve free will?

Just some food for discussion.

< Message edited by Euryanx -- 7/10/2005 9:59:02 PM >

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/10/2005 10:25:08 PM

GoddessDustyGold

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There is a difference between "love" and "being in love". I know it is an old cliche, but it is true. I will always love My boys. I have boys who tell Me they are afraid because they will fall "in love" with Me. And if they fall in love, then the M/s relationship will not be enough for them. They will want more.
I have no problem saying that I will love My boys. If I didn't, then I would be miserable and so would the boy. And, for Me, the M/s relationship would be the most satisfying. I do need to begin with a good compatibility and know I can love a slave as a person, or at least be in sincere like, when we begin. I don't have to do that if I just want to hire a (live-in) housekeeper. As long as the applicant is trustworthy, I will hire. This is more involved than that.
You are right. I probably don't use the word, or even think of using the word, because it is so often misconstrued.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 7/10/2005 10:27:15 PM >

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/11/2005 1:12:06 AM

GentleLady

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quote:

What is the thrill that you get from Dominanting?

I would not call it a "thrill" that I get from being a Dominant as much as a need to be Myself. I do get an emotional rush during a good scene.

I do have very specific things I want from a submissive who is Mine and serving Me either 24/7 or on a regular basis. The Ladies who have posted have already covered My answer as to what I am/was searching for.

You almost seem to be asking what you can do to be a better submissive. The answer to that is to be yourself and know yourself...your needs and wants...your abilities and limitations. That way you can find the right Dominant for you.

Gentle Lady

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/11/2005 1:30:36 AM

GentleLady

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quote:

It seems that a lot of people here are looking for loving, committed D/s relationships, but the "L" word never gets used. Is it taboo to say it?

Why is it we can talk about all the things we want out of a partner, all the things we do and don't want them to do... and yet not talk about how we feel inside? Isn't it really all about love? Finding true love with someone whose ying fits your yang? Or is love passe, unimportant? Is committment more important than love?

Do the Dommes here care that their subs love them? Or is just about service? Can a Domme make a sub love them? Would you want to "force" someone to love you? Doesn't love involve free will?

Just some food for discussion.

I would not say that it is taboo so much as I would point to all the threads arguing the meaning of terms like 'slave' and 'submission'. The word 'love' can be interpreted very differently and often has a very individual meaning to each person.

One of the ingredients that had to be there before I took My boy as My own was the feeling of love. Why would I choose to spend the rest of My life with someone if love was not there? How could he meet My needs and how could I care for him without love on both our parts? How could there by trust at that level without love? Perhaps it has just been My own assumptions but I thought love was an integral ingredient within a 24/7 relationship.

I can acknowledge that there might be committment without love but I cannot see why one make that committment without love being there. And no I do not think that love can be forced. It grows and enhances the relationship. Can there be love without trust? Trust can develope without love but does it work the other way? I do not think so.

Service vs love....for Me, I can be served without love. But the quality and nature of the service will be different. Certain activities I will not do unless I trust the submissive. Some things I will not do until the commitment is there and that requires love.

Gentle Lady

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/11/2005 4:06:14 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: strongnsubmissiv

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBeckett
There is only one thing for My submissive to remember. My pleasure is his priority, always. Hence, the pleasure is mutual.

This got me thinking... as sexual human beings, we all have needs, regardless of our orientation. I agree that a submissive with a laundry list of kinks he/she wants fulfilled is a bit needy, but by the same token, if a submissive has needs (other than the obvious one of keeping their dominant pleased), does that make them any less of a genuine submissive? Does yin and yang not apply to this lifestyle?

sns

Then, I believe, it becomes a question of compatibility. I personally will adjust my style somewhat to my partner. If there is something he or she really likes that leaves me indifferent, I might give it to them as a reward. But overall, I think the best matches are when the "lists" match up.

- LA

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/11/2005 4:07:01 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

quote:

ORIGINAL: onceburned
I do not think so. But the important thing is to trust her to meet those needs, rather than constantly pleading for indulging those desires.

Yeah, that's a better way of saying what I said, I think LOL

He did indeed say it well!

- LA

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/11/2005 4:10:20 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

Do the Dommes here care that their subs love them? Or is just about service? Can a Domme make a sub love them? Would you want to "force" someone to love you? Doesn't love involve free will?

My boy loves me. It makes his devotion to me the most wonderful thing I've ever experienced. His devotion comes from free will, not from me forcing him by any means.

I agree with you 100% Euryanx. And that, I believe, is the reason why so many Dommes get so turned off when boys approach us with their set of desires. Because we see ourselves as a wish fulfillment unit rather then the potential apple of their eye.

- LA

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/11/2005 9:45:07 AM

Oumae

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I agree with you 100% Euryanx. And that, I believe, is the reason why so many Dommes get so turned off when boys approach us with their set of desires. Because we see ourselves as a wish fulfillment unit rather then the potential apple of their eye.

- LA

I'm with you on this too.

I need a rapport to top a person... I need to care to Dom....and would need to love to take on a more full time basis.
I also find a difference between loving and being in love.... I love many people, I'm in love with less.

Oumae

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/13/2005 6:11:28 PM

littlespike

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

And, for Me, the M/s relationship would be the most satisfying. I do need to begin with a good compatibility and know I can love a slave as a person, or at least be in sincere like, when we begin.

Love is a fine quality in a M/s relationship. Love and mutual trust are both fine qualities and certainly enhance a M/s type relationship.

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/13/2005 9:14:07 PM

Dragonflyredux

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(I apologize if I did not use proper edicts; this is my first posting in a chat room)
GoddessDustyGold recantation of Aakasha posting on 7/8 is quite fair and reasonable. Theoretically speaking I could definitely embrace the aforementioned qualities. But for me, there is a critical time-line for me to offer these attributes to a lady. I would be very reticent to dump these qualities into the lap of woman. Many who are not appreciative of this lifestyle would duly take advantage of this so called symbiotic relationship, and abuse these special facets, not knowing the complexities and simple ruin the whole thing (kind of power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely).
I’m willing to relinquish full control of my mind and body to you, but you have to earn it (that’s why a having play partner really doesn’t have much interest for me), just as my qualities of being a (slave/submissive etc, you define the term) is quality that I must earn with you. It is my observation of these sites and I may be wrong, that many are looking for a quick fix, rather than a true relationship. I see this in vanilla as well as, alternative websites. Many are not willing to go the distance for the ends that they truly need.

Mark

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/14/2005 11:26:49 AM

lonewolf05

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dragonflyredux

and again...i have to apologize. i find it very odd, everyone keeps harping on the same topic........EARN IT.

what IS this? i have never......expected ANY domme to EARN diddly.
i give of myself freely, completely as much as i emotionally can.
i utterly completely fail in this EARN IT idea.

i sure hope somone can explain this. seems to ME if anyone is earning anything.......it becomes more of a job task than dominance/submission.
i liken all this EARN IT to a normal vanilla job. and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

the wolf

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/14/2005 8:52:30 PM

Euryanx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
My boy loves me. It makes his devotion to me the most wonderful thing I've ever experienced. His devotion comes from free will, not from me forcing him by any means.

I agree with you 100% Euryanx. And that, I believe, is the reason why so many Dommes get so turned off when boys approach us with their set of desires. Because we see ourselves as a wish fulfillment unit rather then the potential apple of their eye.

I'm with you Lady A. It's all about love. That's whats at the heart of any good relationship. And love involves a lot more than just sex or Dominance and submission... it's about trust... communication... affection... honesty... romance... committment. Everyone focuses on the sexual part of the relationship. I guess that's where all glitz and glamour comes in. But if you don't have the other stuff - if you don't have open, honest communication - the sexual part, no matter how good, won't last forever.

I like the way you describe your relationship with your boy. I like the way that you sort of buck the establishment here, have tossed out the D/s rules, and created your own rules. So long as the two of you are happy, and in love, that's all that really matters.

Cheers to you,
S.

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/14/2005 11:05:45 PM

lonewolf05

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ORIGINAL: MHOO314
if I start out giving you a "task" list, you will take that list and seek nothing beyond that--you could miss the subtleties of change or the changes in what I need--

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

somone please explain this?
what, needs? i fail to understand. esp. since "a list" is all "I" have ever had to deal with.

thanks
the wolf

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/14/2005 11:12:15 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting
Well here is your chance to tell us what do you really want?

Submission.
...And what GoddessDustyGold said.

M

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/14/2005 11:29:35 PM

onceburned

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lonewolf05

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
if I start out giving you a "task" list, you will take that list and seek nothing beyond that--you could miss the subtleties of change or the changes in what I need--

somone please explain this?
what, needs? i fail to understand. esp. since "a list" is all "I" have ever had to deal with.

Wolf, I think every domme is different in her style of domination - what she expects, what she wants. But MHOO314 says that for her, what she wants is for her submissive to actually be submissive at heart. Pinpointing specifics is too rigid - far better for the sub to be attuned to the domme and thinking 'how can I best please her'. I think several dommes here have voiced agreement and its an approach I find comfortable.

Some dommes may prefer a laundry list of chores to be done. Its a different style - one that is less intimate, and (to me) colder.

I dunno... different strokes for different folks, I guess. <shrug>

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/14/2005 11:38:01 PM

Dragonflyredux

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To Lady Angelika and Euryanx,

I just wanted to say that I respect your value system, and I hold you both in high regard.
I firmly embrace the qualities in your most recent postings. When Euryanx says that Lady Angelika is bucking the establishment, are serious that most people here are really looking for a 2-Dimensional topical relationship (play and a lay), and not a 4-D relationship that D/s can provide over conventional relationships?

Mark

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/15/2005 12:02:31 AM

BlkTallFullfig

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Euryanx
Do the Dommes here care that their subs love them? Or is just about service? Can a Domme make a sub love them? Would you want to "force" someone to love you? Doesn't love involve free will?

I care that my sub (when I have one, lol) loves me, and that I love him; otherwise the whole relationship is pointless to me in the end. If I find I cannot love a sub, I definitely cannot be his Domme, and feel he should be released to pursue a happy and fullfilling relationship on all levels with someone who can love him... Likewise if a man is unable or unwilling to involve his heart/love me while submitting to me, he cannot be my submissive. M

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RE: What do Femdoms want from Submissives? - 7/15/2005 4:22:09 AM

lonewolf05

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onceburned;
Some dommes may prefer a laundry list of chores to be done. Its a different style - one that is less intimate, and (to me) colder.

quote:

--------------------------------------------
and lil bud, it is ALL "I" know about. running a list in my pocket notebook. "I" didn't know there was any other kind!

the wolf

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