RE: is it cheating?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: is it cheating?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: is it cheating?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 8:16:05 AM

Alumbrado

Posts: 5560
Status: offline

quote:

You can disagree all you like but I wouldn't regard that person as anything more than an overgrown child trying to get their way all the time and willing to tell all sorts of lies to do it. And of course, it is not exclusive to the BDSM world.

But calling themselves Master is.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 8:26:37 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

quote:

You can disagree all you like but I wouldn't regard that person as anything more than an overgrown child trying to get their way all the time and willing to tell all sorts of lies to do it. And of course, it is not exclusive to the BDSM world.

But calling themselves Master is.

Sure the title is. But anyone can call themselves master. Doesn't mean a damn thing until a person's behavior and personal actions show they warrent the title. This is exactly why I'm not allowed, nor would I if I were free, to give respect simply on the basis on title. Too often it's just a word just in front of a name to disguse bad behavior, an inability to keep one's word, or respect relationships - be they their own or other people's.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Alumbrado)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 8:36:49 AM

Alumbrado

Posts: 5560
Status: offline

Anyone can call themselves Master, regardless of their behavior/integrity, that's my whole point.

And I don't believe that self administered titles create any special status, or traits.
Better to take it as a given that Master ( or sub) So-and-so is a human being, who is going to act exactly as they see fit.
I would certainly hope that those actions would be beneficial to the other party(ies) involved, but I don't count on it.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 8:47:20 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Right. But while we aren't big on protocol, I always thought the capital letter and the term master was something about respect.

There's nothing about that behavior worth respecting, which is why I said "not master, no capital letter", so forth. If negiotating one set of terms just to get a sub/slave to agree and then completely going back on it once they've put a collar around her neck still warrents a "Master"... well it's a good thing I don't buy into the whole capital letter system anyway.

Sure a master is going to do as they see fit. But if what they see fit is do a bait-and-switch on their sub/slave, particularly since plenty of people don't believe a sub/slave can leave, then no I don't respect them. I'm not going to call them master, sir, ma'am, or anything along those lines. And I'm not going to mince words about why I won't do it.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Alumbrado)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 9:02:58 AM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

To the OP..I am not going to bother with asking what were your terms discussed before relationship started..as I feel if you had agreed to a more "open" type of relationship, you would of not been shocked about your discovery nor would he have bothered to of hidden it either..So IMO you have a dominant who is lacking..lacking the control of himself, lacking in honesty, lacking anything but the behavior of a spoiled child...to my eyes he is not a Dominant...he is not even a good man....Tempting

Glad to see, I'm not the only one thinking the same thing here. Come on folks, it's clear she thought and felt it was a monogramous relationship, why else would she be making this post.

Anyways, sound like he's invoking a Dom/Master can do anything they damn well please card, as an excuse to not be held accountable for his own actions.

At the outset of any BDSM lifestyle relationship, you get to lay all the cards out on the table. Limits, rules, activities and expectations. This is why people even write shit out into contacts, or sets of rules. Basically a contact is not legally binding, but damn well spells everything out on paper. Some people Love to constantly change the TERMS of AGREEMENT, and YES it's ok to change the RULE and TERMS as the relationship progresses. But you need to Let somebody know, of the RULE Changes before simply doing it, and trying to Cover Ass After the fact. Dugh....

Very well said. i often times become very frustrated that so many think just that very thing, i.e. the "I am Master/Dom/me i get to change the rules or do as i please and to hell with how it makes you the slave feel"... It's just another bullshit way to try to convince 'you' that as a slave, your position in life is one where you have lost the ability to have your own sense of self worth. (i hope that makes sense).

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 9:05:50 AM

Angelsmile

Posts: 113
Joined: 12/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

Anyone can call themselves Master, regardless of their behavior/integrity, that's my whole point.

And I don't believe that self administered titles create any special status, or traits.
Better to take it as a given that Master ( or sub) So-and-so is a human being, who is going to act exactly as they see fit.
I would certainly hope that those actions would be beneficial to the other party(ies) involved, but I don't count on it.

There are many who call themselves Master without being one. A real and true Master is very rare and hard to find. And one will recognize Him on His integrity and behaviour and His acts.

Somebody who cannot even control Himself and His behaviour is no master but a wannabe. Mostly somebody who failed in real life and tries to compensate this by a selfgiven title with nothing behind.

< Message edited by Angelsmile -- 8/26/2007 9:12:01 AM >

(in reply to Alumbrado)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 9:20:30 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic
Very well said. i often times become very frustrated that so many think just that very thing, i.e. the "I am Master/Dom/me i get to change the rules or do as i please and to hell with how it makes you the slave feel"... It's just another bullshit way to try to convince 'you' that as a slave, your position in life is one where you have lost the ability to have your own sense of self worth. (i hope that makes sense).

And yet in my relationship, he will change the rules and do as he pleases. He will do this despite how it makes me feel as long as it does not harm me or the relationship. Being unhappy or upset with his decision does not equate to harm either. He may help me overcome the negative feelings I have in regards to his decisions (or not), but they will not stop him from doing what he wants as long as it does not harm me.

I can assure you that despite this, I have not lost any ability to have my own self worth. In fact, my self worth has increased while being his slave.

I know that there are not many who would be happy in the type of relationship that I have, but just because you or anyone else would not be happy in it, does not mean that I have no self worth because I choose to be in it.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to angelic)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 9:27:28 AM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

krya, you have a well-established relationship. What you have established did not happen overnight... you have learned to trust Knight as he has you. It would be (granted this is based solely on what i have read of the three of you), a complete 180 for Knight to do something dishonorable or lacking in integrity. my comments were directed at those that really do use that "I am Master/Dom/me......." card without the honor or integrity behind it.

< Message edited by angelic -- 8/26/2007 9:59:04 AM >

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 9:52:41 AM

MstrSkyWoIf

Posts: 238
Joined: 10/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Of course masters can be assholes. God knows Valyraen has his moments. But if you agree to submit to somone under terms X, Y, and Z and then they completely negate those terms and tell you "tough shit, you are collared now"... sorry, no respect. They aren't man, a master or any other of those other respectful terms. That behavior is purely childish and deceitful. They may be oriented towards dominant in their relationships but they clearly haven't grown up enough to be in one.

You can disagree all you like but I wouldn't regard that person as anything more than an overgrown child trying to get their way all the time and willing to tell all sorts of lies to do it. And of course, it is not exclusive to the BDSM world.

I agree 100%

< Message edited by MstrSkyWoIf -- 8/26/2007 10:01:12 AM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 9:56:20 AM

wittman40

Posts: 29
Joined: 8/4/2007
Status: offline

If he were truly Dominant then he would have no problem with telling you straight out what the facts and possibilities are. I always do that and count myself lucky if someone walks at that stage as it saves both parties the heartache of feeling betrayed because something was smoothed over or ignored early on.

Its about a relationship and finding someone compatible. God knows there are enough different viewpoints here that no matter what your take on things you have a fair chance of finding someone compatible IF you are open and honest. Want to be a polyamorous, switching bisexual male who likes to crossdress and take out the battery leads every so often? Fine, it wouldn't do it for me BUT there will be someone out there to suit you and IF you are honest you just might find them. If you aren't honest then you just end up taking advantage of others along the way ( which is NOT AT ALL a Dom thing to do.... or more importantly a thing anyone with an ounce of honour or integrity would do. I mightn't like someone who tells me they are going to do something abhorrent to me and then set about doing it but, at least, I'll respect them. I can't respect someone who skulks around in the shadows.).

I am assuming here that he wasn't explicit with you about his desire to play around... Obviously though if he was then he has only done what he said he would/might do and you really have no cause to complain.

(in reply to angelic)

Profile

Post #: 50

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 10:03:00 AM

MstrSkyWoIf

Posts: 238
Joined: 10/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

Anyone can call themselves Master, regardless of their behavior/integrity, that's my whole point.

And I don't believe that self administered titles create any special status, or traits.
Better to take it as a given that Master ( or sub) So-and-so is a human being, who is going to act exactly as they see fit.
I would certainly hope that those actions would be beneficial to the other party(ies) involved, but I don't count on it.

Again I agree 100% I would also add and Maybe I hold myself to to higher standard then most. Maybe I am old school so to speak but I must say it again A true Master has integrity, Honor and can be trusted. We as Masters take on a great deal of responsibility for our sub or slave. They trust us to care for there well being. If we can not be trusted with something as simple as honesty of our actions then how can they trust us with there very lives in play?

(in reply to Alumbrado)

Profile

Post #: 51

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 10:17:43 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

krya, you have a well-established relationship. What you have established did not happen overnight... you have learned to trust Knight as he has you. It would be (granted this is based solely on what i have read of the three of you), a complete 180 for Knight to do something dishonorable or lacking in integrity. my comments were directed at those that really do use that "I am Master/Dom/me......." card without the honor or integrity behind it.

and who says that the OP's Master is doing this.... This OP could be just saying enough to mislead. Personally.. I like what Smilezz said

quote:

Chances are this is not going to be a pleasant reply......I am blunt and rarely take back what I think/type.

I'm most likely going to repeat what has already been said, but it's worth repeating. Was being monogamous part of your negotiation(s) before you became collared? If it was, he is a liar and a coward. If not, you left the door open and now you are pissed over something that should have been dealt with a long time ago.

Just because he is "Master" and says that he can/do what he wants does not mean jack shit. Anyone can put that title in front of their name and think their actions have no consequences. It takes a strong Individual to take the step in doing the next right thing.

Good luck......I wish you much peace in this...

~smilezz~

I will add... Just because she calls herself submissive or slave doesn't mean she will walk the talk when the time comes. This so-called pup doesn't bother to respond or answer a KEY question.

Did you both discuss Monogamy or Poly structure?

or any comments for tht matter... I will make a note to avoid this one's drama!

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 8/26/2007 10:18:45 AM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to angelic)

Profile

Post #: 52

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 11:17:49 AM

SirDraco7

Posts: 108
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I will add... Just because she calls herself submissive or slave doesn't mean she will walk the talk when the time comes. This so-called pup doesn't bother to respond or answer a KEY question.

Did you both discuss Monogamy or Poly structure?

or any comments for tht matter... I will make a note to avoid this one's drama!

The thing is, after 2 years I would imagine the topic has been discuessed. And if not at least the feelings about such should be known.
And in fact it was known. He hid it because he knew she would be upset.
Fact of the matter is, it does NOT matter if it was discuessed or not, it does NOT matter if he's a Master or not, what matters is that what he did was wrong and what he did was cheating.

It's no different than a vanilla couple getting together and being together for two years and her finding out he was with another woman. And his reply being " Well we never said we couldn't be with other people, or never said it wasn't an open relationship" Just because it was never discuessed doesn't make it right. The fact he knew it would upset her and hid it makes it wrong just there.

It doesn't matter if she is submissive or not, if he's a Master or not, if it was discuessed or not, it was wrong and it was cheating. And he knew it was because if he didn't he wouldn't have hid it.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Profile

Post #: 53

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 11:17:59 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish

He handed you a whole bunch of power by deceiving you, apparently afraid of your reaction. It's hard to be Master of anyone when one is too weak to be honest.

Well said!!!!!!!!!!!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to slaveish)

Profile

Post #: 54

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 11:40:14 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

It is my belief that cheaters do not stop just because they've been caught, they just get sneakier about it.

HOLY SMOKES!!!! i realize this is an old saying, i just forgot i knew it LOL. I think this may be a KEY issue as to some of my insecurities.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Profile

Post #: 55

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 11:47:50 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

It doesn't matter if she is submissive or not, if he's a Master or not, if it was discuessed or not, it was wrong and it was cheating. And he knew it was because if he didn't he wouldn't have hid it.

Yeah...i have to respectfully disagree with the people saying "was it discussed 1st?" what the heck does that have to do with the price of tea in China? Since when does being honest and of good character have to be discussed or its not on the menu?....WTF?? but thats just me....

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to SirDraco7)

Profile

Post #: 56

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 3:22:18 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

It doesn't matter if she is submissive or not, if he's a Master or not, if it was discuessed or not, it was wrong and it was cheating. And he knew it was because if he didn't he wouldn't have hid it.

Yeah...i have to respectfully disagree with the people saying "was it discussed 1st?" what the heck does that have to do with the price of tea in China? Since when does being honest and of good character have to be discussed or its not on the menu?....WTF?? but thats just me....

for me, it *would* be discussed. i'm married, not monogamous, and any prospective partner would know about it. i'm honest, would bring it up and also bring up my insistance that i be informed if my prospective partner was going to play elsewhere.

not the details, but the fact that s/he *was*.

but that's me, and i believe in honor and honesty between individuals, too.

kitten

(in reply to breatheasone)

Profile

Post #: 57

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 3:40:02 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

Kitten....thats my point....he was not being honorable or honest...or he wouldnt have been sneaking around...if he had nothing to hide...he should have been hiding nothing

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 8/26/2007 3:41:55 PM >

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to adoracat)

Profile

Post #: 58

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 4:36:33 PM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

It is my belief that cheaters do not stop just because they've been caught, they just get sneakier about it.

HOLY SMOKES!!!! i realize this is an old saying, i just forgot i knew it LOL. I think this may be a KEY issue as to some of my insecurities.

Thank you for the compliment, but actually it is not an "old saying".

I was just expressing my belief, and the statement was composed as I wrote it and then posted it.

Perhaps that explains why you "forgot"

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Profile

Post #: 59

RE: is it cheating? - 8/26/2007 4:51:22 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

It is my belief that cheaters do not stop just because they've been caught, they just get sneakier about it.

HOLY SMOKES!!!! i realize this is an old saying, i just forgot i knew it LOL. I think this may be a KEY issue as to some of my insecurities.

Thank you for the compliment, but actually it is not an "old saying".

I was just expressing my belief, and the statement was composed as I wrote it and then posted it.

Perhaps that explains why you "forgot"

Bob, while i'm sure thats true...i do indeed remember a very simular form of this saying from my mom or grandma years and years ago....

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Profile

Post #: 60