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Compliments? - 8/26/2007 11:43:06 PM

TakenPet

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Joined: 1/12/2007
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How do I deal with Master's compliments when I don't see what he does? How do I accept that he feels I am beautiful and sexy when I dont' feel that. I trust him, and I love him, but its hard they make me feel shameful and I end up breaking eye contact and this is distressing for me, any suggestions?

Post #: 1

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 12:26:03 AM

trusting

Posts: 144
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Virginia
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i also have this issue! it is hard for me to be complimented because i do not feel i need to be complimented. i will have to check back on the answers to this one!

_____________________________

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Post #: 2

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 1:26:54 AM

girlygurl

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Think of it this way, you are showing him respect when you say "thank you". You may not feel the same way, or agree on what he sees, but accept his compliment and go on. There are a lot of times that I don't agree with what my Sir says about me.... sexy, hot, ect... but i always say thank you. It's just being polite to acknoledge what he's say.
It took me years to be able to take a compliment without invalidating the persons statement. Try it sometime, lets see what his reaction will be when you simply say "thank you."
best of luck

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happily forever one

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Post #: 3

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 1:49:32 AM

RumpusParable

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From: NYC now!
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Also, keep in mind that accepting his compliment doesn't mean you have to agree that you are beautiful, sexy, whatever... Only that you appreciate and accept that HE thinks so.

You don't have to think you're beautiful to believe and enjoy the HE thinks so. His and your opinion differ on this, but you can still sincerely thank him for his.

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Post #: 4

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 2:03:09 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
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From: Tampa, FL
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For some of us it's really difficult to get past years of false thinking. By that i mean we have this running lie about how we aren't beautiful or sexy or whatever because we have lied to ourselves for so many years.

Part of real surrender is surrendering not just the good but also the bad. It is not my decision to say if i am beautiful or sexy. It is my Master's decision. He has declared it, so i accept it.

It is a service to HIM to accept the compliments, to reject them is to reject HIM. Simply say "Thank You" and trust Him in this as you trust Him in other things.

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Post #: 5

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 3:59:05 AM

Twicehappy2x

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Lol, Jewel and i giggle and wonder if those hour glass shaped contact lenses he has glued to his eyeballs are ever going to fall out.

Because if they ever do we are in a world of trouble. I think he sees her as a hot hard bellied red head and me as a Barbie blond.

In the same respect when i whistle at his ass or tell him he is beautiful he swears he is going to take me to the eye doctor.

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Post #: 6

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 4:38:33 AM

Littlepita

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Joined: 10/6/2005
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I know this one really well! It does get easier if you let it. I had a horrible self-image in the beginning and I'm still plenty unhappy with my physical (weight) appearance. But, my Sir never lies and he isn't one to give an empty compliment. So, when he says that I'm beautiful, sexy, wonderful, etc. then that means I am what he sees me to be. He owns me, and I'm learning to see myself through his eyes and not through mine.

When he tells me that I'm beautiful I smile, say thank you, and repeat to myself that I'm beautiful. Do you know that after 2 years of doing this I actually sort of believe it is true.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 7

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 4:51:01 AM

slaveish

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Joined: 2/19/2007
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This is a self-centered and selfish issue.

Your Master is telling you something positive. What you are telling him in return, effectively, is that he does not know what he is talking about. It doesn't matter if you feel like the creature from the black lagoon - your Master is telling you otherwise. Let go of the self-deprecating control.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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Post #: 8

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 4:51:07 AM

Cyntilating

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Joined: 6/19/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TakenPet

How do I deal with Master's compliments when I don't see what he does? How do I accept that he feels I am beautiful and sexy when I dont' feel that. I trust him, and I love him, but its hard they make me feel shameful and I end up breaking eye contact and this is distressing for me, any suggestions?

Takenpet
.. I do understand...and especially the " diverting eyecontact" concern and comment..

10 years ago> that was the first 2 things Master addressed. As I have posted on a diff thread> I was no longer allowed to make derogatory comments about myself or my appearance in any way....and I needed to learn to take a compliment with grace and acceptance...and He certainly enforced that rule..

When I first met Him, I was actually faily self-confident about myself and was in touch with my own strength and inner-beauty to a certain extent..infact He said it was one of the things He found most attractive on first impression ....but I was seriously lacking in trust that others ( and He ) saw that about me too .....and compliments about my sexiness or body being beautiful was foreign to me still..

He explained that even if I had a hard time accepting the words or compliments > they were HIS words, HIS vision of me...HIS likes and desires and so rejecting them was actually criticizing Him essentially....questioning what He thought was beautiful and what He found attractive? calling myself negative names was disrespecting something He chose and owned and felt pride in...
that helped me " see" a differnt way of hearing compliments from Him...
and made myself open to the possibility that He really did think I was all those things....

He also insisted on eye contact ( still does ) ..
it might have been difficult ( both of the above ) but it didn't take long until I could see and feel the difference...genuinely..

Look in his eyes..let them hold you ..and trust ...desire/want to believe..(until you do ) ..

there is a 2nd part to this tho' : ) some internal work...
you asked for suggestions,and that would be mine as well..
we have to love ourselves...
we all have beauty..sensuality...passion...and an inner glow...
find yours... if you don't know how > ask others you trust how they found theirs..... WANT to feel all those things about yourself ...be the best you can be, for yourself and for Him..

to be able to truly love, appreciate and embrace all of who I am, has been a life changing thing for me....and for Him ( he will tell you ) ..

it is as natural as rain for me now....and now when othrs around me cut themselves down and I call them on it : ) feeling good about yourself is something we have to learn to do sometimes.....but it really can be just as easy as feeling bad about ourselves > just takes the "want and desire" to change your attitude...

I know you can find this is you too : )

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to TakenPet)

Post #: 9

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 5:01:29 AM

Satyr6406

Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
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I have a slightly different take on this.

If I tell her that she's beautiful and she doesn't believe it, isn't she, in effect, accusing me of being dishonest?

Peace and comfort,

Michael

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Michael

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(in reply to Cyntilating)

Post #: 10

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 5:06:28 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

Agreed Michael. I'm pretty sure, as you are not someone he's trying to pick up in a pub for a quickie, that when he says you are beautiful, he means you're beautiful. Why would he bother lying? If he said nothing, or said that you were ugly, would you feel better? I think not.

Say thank you, shut up and bask in the glow of feeling loved and admired by someone you love (or even only like, lol)!!!

(in reply to Satyr6406)

Post #: 11

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 5:19:08 AM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

Just some things to ask yourself.......

What's stopping you from believing what your Master is telling you? Why can't you feel that you are beautiful? Why don't you embrace your sexiness? What are you ashamed of? Are you comparing yourself to some ideal of beauty that is based on an artificial standard, such as what the media and advertisers portray, rather than loving the unique qualities that make you the person that you are? Are you so focused on seeing your "flaws" that you can't see the beauty that makes you special?

Also, i agree with what Satyr6406 stated,

quote:

ORIGINAL: Satyr6406

If I tell her that she's beautiful and she doesn't believe it, isn't she, in effect, accusing me of being dishonest?

When my Master tells me He likes the way i look, i know He is giving me His honest opinion and not just trying to flatter me, because He doesn't toss around fake compliments and He has no need to flatter me. He is an honest man.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."

quote:

ORIGINAL: TakenPet

How do I deal with Master's compliments when I don't see what he does? How do I accept that he feels I am beautiful and sexy when I dont' feel that. I trust him, and I love him, but its hard they make me feel shameful and I end up breaking eye contact and this is distressing for me, any suggestions?

(in reply to TakenPet)

Post #: 12

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 5:25:17 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish

Let go of the self-deprecating control.

Great response. One of the first rules my Master put into place when he began training me was that the only one who had a right to berate me, from that point on, was him, and he would decide when that would occur, not me, and not anyone else (meaning if others do I'm to ignore it and let it go). I was the queen of self-deprecation, and he put an end to that right away. It was hard for me at first, but trust me, once you get used it, it's really quite nice to be complimented by your Master! :)

(in reply to slaveish)

Post #: 13

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 5:31:27 AM

bandit25

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Joined: 6/18/2005
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Michael, although I understand what you are saying, of course, she isn't telling you that you are untruthful. She is simply saying that she doesn't find herself beautiful. It's one of the biggest problems, in my opinion, that most women have. We are conditioned to believe that some impossibly beautiful model image is what we should all strive for and we simply aren't aware of our own beauty.

(in reply to Satyr6406)

Post #: 14

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 5:33:38 AM

instynctive

Posts: 2726
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish

This is a self-centered and selfish issue.

Your Master is telling you something positive. What you are telling him in return, effectively, is that he does not know what he is talking about. It doesn't matter if you feel like the creature from the black lagoon - your Master is telling you otherwise. Let go of the self-deprecating control.

Thank you. That's basically how I've been trying to explain it...

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Post #: 15

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 5:35:17 AM

bandit25

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Maybe for some. I don't know. It's easy to say...let it go. Not so easy to do.

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Post #: 16

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 6:24:12 AM

kossack

Posts: 82
Joined: 8/5/2006
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There's a quote, wrongly attributed to Nelson Mandela, but I don't remember who actually said it, something about "It is not our darkness that scares us. It is our light. Who am I, you think, to be so beauitful, intelligent, wonderful. Who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn't serve the world. When you let your radiance shine, you give other's permission to do the same." (Bad paraphrase, but I'm sure you know the quote.)

This has been true for me.

I had a very interesting moment a few days ago. I've trained myself that the 'only attractive' or polite way to respond to a compliment is with "thank you." But I was on a date with a man and he looked at me with this gaze of incredible, intense, present longing. Every other time I've seen that look in a man's eyes, I've looked down or defused it with a laugh or changed the subject. This time, I started to look down, then took his gaze full-on and just beamed--I saw myself the way he saw me and I don't think I've ever let anyone see that intensity or beauty in me and it was utterly profound. I don't know why it happened with this man, but it touched my core in a way I never expected. But, if I hadn't been saying "thank you" for years now, I couldn't have accepted this far more intense compliment.

Look into his eyes, and see your reflection there. That is what he sees. Start with the verbal 'thank you's and let the true ones develop.

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 17

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 6:32:06 AM

fairerthanshe

Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
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One thing I recommend is that you make a list of the things which your Master compliments or likes about you and then say them into the mirror each morning. "Master likes my..." and let the list continue to grow. The positive reenforcement of the things which he finds attractive about you will help you to accept his opinion as fact. Try to see yourself through his eyes.

Otherwise, it seems to me, that you are withholding a part of yourself from him, deciding that you know better than him and essentially discounting his view. Allow yourself to be as beautiful as he sees you to be. You might be amazed at the results of this consistent exercise.

well wishes ~ fairer than she

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Post #: 18

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 6:40:49 AM

spankmepink11

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I agree with most of the ladies, and still have to bite my tongue from adding the usual disclaimor...."thank you....BUT....I'm not..etc..etc..

I even agree with Satyr to an extent. How many women have suspected insincerity when compliments have seemed a bit grandiose? Although in my experience that feeling is more common in casual situations than long term relationships.

As owned said, once you get used to simply saying thank you and enjoying the compliment, it's very pleasant.

(in reply to kossack)

Post #: 19

RE: Compliments? - 8/27/2007 6:56:46 AM

littleone35

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Joined: 2/17/2005
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My Master has never lied to me so when he says i a beautiful i believe it. As long as he sees me a beautiful who am i to say he is wrong i am beautiful to him. Your Master sees you as beautiful so are you going to tell him he is wrong? Actually whenever Master says "you are so damn cute" it always make me smile.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 20

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