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Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 3:45:14 PM

JustSomeDom

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

What happens if two Dom(mes) fall in love? What is the dyamic? Who leads, if anyone? What new lessons do they have to learn about treating partners? Should Doms or Dommes avoid sending messages to other Dom(mes) to avoid such a possibility, or can they be friends? What happens if it progresses too far?

Perhaps someone has had an experience like this. I am very curious. Thanks in advance for your advice.

Just Some Dom

_____________________________

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
Gandhi

Post #: 1

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 3:56:08 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

I tried things with a Domme once. She was pretty much polarized into being a sub, didn't like it, and we decided that it was a fun try, then went back to being friends.

The sex was surprisingly vanilla.

(in reply to JustSomeDom)

Post #: 2

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 3:57:35 PM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

If two Dommes fall in the woods does anyone hear them wrestle?

(in reply to JustSomeDom)

Post #: 3

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 3:58:35 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

My most recent ex also had dominant tendencies. The fact I'm using the word "ex" probably lets you know how well that worked out. Of course, we had much deeper issues than just both of us having the desire and need to be in control.

I think it's going to be the standard works for some, doesn't for others situation.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 4

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 4:04:04 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

Two Dom/mes in Love as a Dom Couple. They both lead, Duties for who does what is slip between them. However does what the best and can take on what does it. No real big deal here. D/s is not the Be All and End of All, of relationship structures around the world. I suppose if all you know is D/s relationship structures, you'd be kind of fucked figuring out and dealing with a D/D relationship. Yes, you can actually avoid D/s rather well...

Can have some really interesting kinky BDSM play as well... things that are not the norm of what people expect. Day to Day living works well too...

Oh yeah, you two have to be able to Debate, and assert your ideas, and be willing to find what you have in common. Two Dom/mes with little or nothing in common, Sorry this relationship won't work well. Important to have similar tastes and interests and even personality dare I say it... Well, at least this is what I noticed or picked up that worked well for the Dom couple relationship I was in..

(in reply to JustSomeDom)

Post #: 5

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 4:04:28 PM

MizzElle

Posts: 82
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

My husband and I are both Dominant, we argue and things like vanilla couples, but we're also best friends, and we have a very equal relationship. He handles what he's good at and I handle what I'm good at. Sure there are times where I want to knock him out, but I love him, and we work on coming to a compromise.
Strangely enough, we met online, but I intially thought he was submissive (think goth guy wearing a skirt and collar). Boy was I wrong!

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 6

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 4:10:21 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MizzElle

Strangely enough, we met online, but I intially thought he was submissive (think goth guy wearing a skirt and collar). Boy was I wrong!

JJeeeezee.. I'm surprised you even thought of him as straight!

(in reply to MizzElle)

Post #: 7

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 4:14:56 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustSomeDom

What happens if two Dom(mes) fall in love? What is the dyamic? Who leads, if anyone? What new lessons do they have to learn about treating partners? Should Doms or Dommes avoid sending messages to other Dom(mes) to avoid such a possibility, or can they be friends? What happens if it progresses too far?

Perhaps someone has had an experience like this. I am very curious. Thanks in advance for your advice.

Just Some Dom

To help clarify your question, may I ask what You think Might happen?

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to JustSomeDom)

Post #: 8

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 4:20:31 PM

TheShadows

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline

We've lived happily ever after....so far. LOL. Honestly, for us, there really isn't a dynamic, per se. We're equal in each others eyes. Our everyday interactions are very vanilla. What makes our arrangement work for us is the respect we have for one another. In a scene context, we both lead. Sometimes at the same time. Sometimes not. We typically follow the other's lead if one of us has more experience or interest in a particular style or area of play. If we're both into it, we do our own seperate/different things to the same person at the same time. As CuriousLord added, our sex is also surprisingly vanilla, though rougher from both sides than the typical vanilla sex would be.

I don't think we had to learn anything new about treating partners, really. I'd say we had to adjust how we treated each other based on what each of us wanted from the other. We're married, and have been for quite a while, so the way we treat each other could also stem from that fact. We make a concerted effort to treat our partners how we'd want to be treated, with honesty and respect.

If a Dominant wants to Email another Dominant about starting a relationship, I say go for it. We're very happy, and make things work just fine. Though, if you're in the business of sparing yourself some disappointment, don't email Dominants that obviously state they are only looking for subs/slaves, or don't have Dominants checked under the "Interested in Meeting" thingy.

Who's to say what's too far? There are many Dominants out there that prefer to have a relationship with someone they see as their equal. I don't see anything wrong with them taking the relationship as far as it will naturally go with another Dominant. I'm happy for them.

Don't worry so much about what other people might think about your relationship. If it makes you happy, and it's not hurting anyone else, knock yourself out.

As always, YMMV...
~MrsShadows~

_____________________________

"The reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream is because of it's shallowness." - George Carlin

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most..." - Ozzy Osbourne

(in reply to JustSomeDom)

Post #: 9

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 5:01:11 PM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

I've come across quite a few Dom/Domme couples, many married and for a long, long time at that. They are happy and it works. I can't really say HOW it works, but it does, and it heartens me to see it.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to TheShadows)

Post #: 10

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 5:37:15 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustSomeDom

What happens if two Dom(mes) fall in love? What is the dyamic? Who leads, if anyone? What new lessons do they have to learn about treating partners? Should Doms or Dommes avoid sending messages to other Dom(mes) to avoid such a possibility, or can they be friends? What happens if it progresses too far?

Perhaps someone has had an experience like this. I am very curious. Thanks in advance for your advice.

Just Some Dom

Okay... point by point.

What happens if two dominants fall in love? Well for starters they now have someone to shop for on Valentines day. They also probably think about each other a lot. And who knows, they might even, you know... have... sex! But of course its not polite to ask. In other words, pretty much the same thing when anyone else falls in love.

What is the dynamic, who leads? Whatever they want it to be. I've known couples where both were dominant and treated each other as equals, had one of that sort myself. I've known couples where both were dominant with others, but with each other one was submissive... and had one like that also. There's no official rule book here, so just make it up as you go until you figure out what works.

What new lessons do they have to learn? None, lots, depends on how well they handle relationships to begin with. People already good at relationships aren't going to face much in the way of new challenges... those who are still trying to figure out how to get a date they don't have to pay for are pretty much screwed...

Should dominants avoid messaging each other to avoid the possibility? What possibility... the possibility of making new friends, or of actually finding romance... sheesh I hope I NEVER avoid that! Of course they can be friends... well... theoretically. I've know dominants I've been good friends with. There have been female dominants (Dommes/Mistresses/insert preferred label here) who I have flirted with, learned from, had hot raunchy sex with, a couple I've deeply cared for... and a few I wouldn't have pissed on if they were on fire. In other words, they're people and you can expect the same with them you can any other people... its a mixed bag of nuts.

What if it progresses too far? Define "too far" cause if too far means "living happily ever after" or heck even just "having some really great sex for as long as it lasts" I'm thinkin ya need to reconsider your priorities. But that's just me... I'm weird that way.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to JustSomeDom)

Post #: 11

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 5:50:36 PM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

Lmao......they get married, go poly and hunt for subbies.

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The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to JustSomeDom)

Post #: 12

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 5:56:06 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

What happens when two vanillas fall in love?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1175519/mpage_1/key_two%252Cdoms/tm.htm#1175941
Double Ds

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to JustSomeDom)

Post #: 13

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 6:00:08 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

I cannot bend, so it will not be.

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SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to JustSomeDom)

Post #: 14

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 6:03:30 PM

suitemindcrime

Posts: 34
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: the dark recesses of an overactive imagination
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

What happens when two vanillas fall in love?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1175519/mpage_1/key_two%252Cdoms/tm.htm#1175941
Double Ds

Ice cream cones?

_____________________________

070-042-204

"I now no longer moved as a free woman, even a beautiful one, of Earth. I now moved, and naturally, as what I was, uninhibited and shameless, taunting, catlike, insolent, a Gorean slave girl.
Captive of Gor Book 7 Page 175"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 6:07:11 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

Lmao......they get married, go poly and hunt for subbies.

Excellent solution 2X!!

Silly me, I read the topic and thought it was going to be about some really great, kinky, lesbian sex!

On THAT note, imagine the things TWO Domme's could come up with.................muahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 16

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 6:10:44 PM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

Lmao......they get married, go poly and hunt for subbies.

Excellent solution 2X!!

Silly me, I read the topic and thought it was going to be about some really great, kinky, lesbian sex!

On THAT note, imagine the things TWO Domme's could come up with.................muahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!

Wait a minute Beautiful, i can do hot kinky lesbian sex..............

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 17

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 6:11:07 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

In every day life, I have a naturally dominant personality. In the lifestlye, I'm a versatile top (a switch), that tends to be attracted to people that are equally willfull (dominants, tops, alpha subs).

I've not maintained such a relationship, but at least for me in regards to a scene at least, I find the little bit of friction and power struggle between tops to be really hot... kinda primal.

Pardon me while I venture to my happy place for a moment....

Outside of a scene, the interaction (for me) tends to be pretty business as usual vanilla with no one really leading, provided neither one has a proclivity for submitting at all.

YMMV

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to JustSomeDom)

Post #: 18

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 6:42:25 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

Lmao......they get married, go poly and hunt for subbies.

Excellent solution 2X!!

Silly me, I read the topic and thought it was going to be about some really great, kinky, lesbian sex!

On THAT note, imagine the things TWO Domme's could come up with.................muahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!

Wait a minute Beautiful, i can do hot kinky lesbian sex..............

I can work with that!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 19

RE: Two Dom(mes) fall in love - 8/27/2007 6:50:51 PM

MizzElle

Posts: 82
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord
JJeeeezee.. I'm surprised you even thought of him as straight!

I wasn't totally sure until we met...

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 20

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