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Balance of husband and Master - 7/10/2005 11:52:23 PM

O2bksd

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/27/2005
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Hey there,
Recently I have been trying to prepare my self to become my wifes D/ and seem to have come to a sort of philosophical dilemma...I know its my duty and responsibility to ensure the training and discipline of my sub, but how do some of you reconcile the nurturing part of your husband side with the training, punishing D/ side... I would have no problem taking the paddle to my wife for an infraction,but in the back of my head, I seem to hear the little voice that says"you must not strike your spouse"... is this because of all the stories of spousal abuse they keep cramming in our heads?... or is it something that DOES have a place in a well-balanced relationship?... any thoughts you may have,deep or otherwise, would be greatly appreciated

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RE: Balance of husband and Master - 7/11/2005 5:02:11 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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That's a very typical sadist/dominant issue to have, and I find the best way is just exposure. Going out and meeting other doms and seeing how they do it can be the best way to seeing how it IS done and how it DOES work.

Realize that your ultimate discipline and training ADDS to the relationship and secures it, that you always can love and care for her, but that commitments are commitments and cannot be ignored.

(in reply to O2bksd)

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RE: Balance of husband and Master - 7/11/2005 5:40:03 AM

Leonidas

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
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Hi O2bksd,

Our word "hudband" comes form the old english "husbonda" which meant "master of a house". There is another aspect to the word's meaning that is along the lines of "steward", as in "animal husbandry". By becoming master in your own house, you are simply reclaiming your role as husband in the older meaning of the word. From the sound of it, anyway, that is what your wife is asking you to do.

If you are training your wife to please you, it will probably take both the paddle and nurturing to succeed. They aren't mutually exclusive. You'll know that you're succeeding because she does in fact become more pleasing to you. You will know that you are keeping her under good discpline if she does in fact become more obedient, and proactive in seeing that your wishes are fulfilled. You'll know that in doing so, you aren't engaging in abuse if her general level of happiness and contentment increase, rather than decrease, over time as she becomes the women that you would have her be.

These things aren't really all that hard. As you said in your post, it's the little voices in your head, placed there by your socialization as a youngster, that make them so. If you want to embark on a different way of life, you have to be willing to put those aside for a while, and judge your actions by their outcomes, rather than whether they conform to the rules you were taught.

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 7/11/2005 5:50:38 AM >

_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

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RE: Balance of husband and Master - 7/11/2005 12:44:18 PM

Archer

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Joined: 3/11/2005
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Personally for me I keep a strict seperation between exercising my sadistic nature and exercising my Dominance. First of allI have to remind you that dicipline is about teaching and if you are going to instantly go to corporal punishment for infractions as a tool to teach I believe you are doing yourself a dis service. If the goal is to modify behaviour then the whole idea of dicipline meaning to teach has to be kept in mind. I tend to design any punishments (which serve as the attonement part of dicipline) inline with the goal of teaching what I want taught. It takes a little more thought on my part to do it but the results are well worth the effort.

If your problem is one where you are doing D/s only then the solution is simple don't use corporal punishments, use something else.

If your problem is with play time then the suggestions here have been spot on, exposure and reassurance that consent makes the difference, will help you adjust to the new dynamic.

In Leather

Archer

(in reply to O2bksd)

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RE: Balance of husband and Master - 7/11/2005 5:03:36 PM

sub4hire

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I agree with Archer here. My dom and I are planning our marriage. We've almost done it many times already.
I don't forsee any changes when we are married that do not exist right now. Even with children added to our home. Why should anything change?
It isn't like we are going to do anything unsavory in front of them.

Punishment does not always have to be physical in nature either. What about mental punishment? All effective doms use it...at least in my mind.
People who only punish with physical are teetering on the edge of abusers. You cannot control someone with pain. Yes, you can but don't leave the butcher knives out.
In a whole physical punishment just lacks. It is a fast and easy uncreative way to do something.
Not to say, it hasn't happened to me in the past. Of course it has. Although usually punishment is something I remember for a much longer time than the red to go away.

(in reply to Archer)

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RE: Balance of husband and Master - 7/13/2005 12:59:57 PM

O2bksd

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/27/2005
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Hey all
I think I'm beginning to see the light. I appreciate all of your responses so far... if the correct balance is present,then it all pretty much is manageable... have to separate what has been pounded into my psyche for all too many years and listen and observe the real situation...basically, if things are as they should be, I will feel the exchange of energy between us and know that things are proceeding as they should!!

Thanks
More input is graciously accepted
B

(in reply to sub4hire)

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