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Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 3:31:13 PM   
mysticalcreature


Posts: 5
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline 		Is it wrong for a Master to keep a secret from his submissive?  Regardless of the secret?
Isn't the whole relationship supposed to be built on trust and honesty, openessess and sharing?
Just a little curious?
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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 3:41:40 PM   
jaymckenas


Posts: 146
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline 		Depends on the secret...

however..

The core concept of D/s is indeed after all, trust/honesty. Secrets do not breed trust nor honesty, and therefore, are generally frowned upon by myself. Granted this is just my personal opinion.

*secrets*  <---- me frowning upon secrets


====edited for improved visual aid====

-Jay

< Message edited by jaymckenas -- 8/30/2007 3:43:20 PM >

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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 3:42:47 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Obviously it would depend on the secret. Do you need to know that he picked his nose while you were in the other room?
If the secret is a way of being dishonest in your relationship, then there is a problem.

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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 3:48:03 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		it really depends on the individuals in the relationship and what they want in their relationship....

and not every relationship will be built on trust, honesty, openness and sharing. 


as a note... having secrets in a relatioship doesn't mean their are no trust or can't be trust.

In this instant... trust could be that any secrets that exist will not be harmful or hurtful to the other in the relationship. 


< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 8/30/2007 3:49:38 PM >

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 3:51:42 PM   
DWCdelight


Posts: 9
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		Honesty is one of the most important things in any relationship, BDSM or vanilla. This is not only important for a slave/submissive to her Dominant/Master, but also from the Dominant/ Master to the submissive/slave.  Honesty is always the best policy and the only way to build a sound relationship.  Lying is most certainly wrong!  Trust, especially in the lifestyle, is one of the most important factors and You cannot build a solid relationship on anything less than total honesty. Keeping a secret, no matter what it is, is not being honest. The first lie begins the "tangled web" you create when you practice to deceive. 

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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 3:53:18 PM   
SirDraco7


Posts: 108
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mysticalcreature

Is it wrong for a Master to keep a secret from his submissive?  Regardless of the secret?
Isn't the whole relationship supposed to be built on trust and honesty, openessess and sharing?
Just a little curious?


Like the others have said, it depends on the secreat.  But no, I don't see it as being wrong.  Perhaps it's a suprise for you?   Or something he is unsure of and doesn't want to get your hopes up about(like maybe getting a promotion).
There are many things.

Basically, if it is a big concern for you, ask him.  And his reaction will tell you some things perhaps.  If it's a big concern have him look you in the eye and tell you it's nothing bad or along those lines.  But that is if you trust him 100%.  But the fact that you are asking means there is doubt and that there is not 100% trust.

So basically it depends on what the secreat is. The lifestyle is about trust and honestly, but that doesn't mean he has to tell you everything per say. 
Can't he say get in the car, and then start driving you somewhere?  Would it matter where he took you?  or would you trust him that he knows what he is doing and that he'll keep you safe?  Or would you have to ask and find out where your path led?
As long as you trust that what he says is true then the secreats do not matter.  So talk to him and ask him.  If you trust his answers great.  If not.  well then there are other issues to contend with then.

Just my honest thoughts....

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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 3:53:40 PM   
Carrianna


Posts: 273
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mysticalcreature

Is it wrong for a Master to keep a secret from his submissive?  Regardless of the secret?
Isn't the whole relationship supposed to be built on trust and honesty, openessess and sharing?
Just a little curious?


No not at all, if it is personal to the master then no, just my oppinion...

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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 3:54:34 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		As long as he's open about keeping secrets.

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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 3:55:23 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Master wants to foster an atmosphere for oneness, keeping secrets isn't very conducive to oneness...so for us secrets wouldn't work out so well.

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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 3:58:05 PM   
SirDraco7


Posts: 108
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DWCdelight
Keeping a secret, no matter what it is, is not being honest. The first lie begins the "tangled web" you create when you practice to deceive. 


Actually it can be. 
"master do you know when my next orgasm is?"
"Yes I do my pet"   "Will you tell me please Sir?"
"No, pet it's a secret"
Is that a lie?  is that not being honest?  No.
She must either trust him, or not and consider their relationship in peril.


Not being honest is saying you're not having an affair when the secret is that you are or anything like that really.

::shrugs:: just my thoughts...

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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 4:33:38 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		It depends on the secret. I had something come up with my daddy dom he was all secretive and mysterious and made me feel alarmed, turned out it was something very simple, and he wasnt telling me because he thought I'd insist he see a dentist if I knew his teeth were hurting him. James is terrified of dentists.

Now if he'd told me he was at work all day, but instead was off scening with someone else, no he'd be in deep shit, because our dynamic don't allow one or the other to play w/ith others with out letting the other know, and we certaintly don't keep what happend in the scene from the other.

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Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.


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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 5:01:23 PM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		Thorns and i have no secrets between us.  

I will however state that when it comes to Christmas presents......all bets are off! so to speak........we look each other dead in the eye and LIE!!   then walk away giggling or laughing

~smilezz~

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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 5:15:48 PM   
rmanrr


Posts: 358
Joined: 7/25/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings
(replying without reading the rest of the posts).
I do not keep any damn thing from My Woman who is also My submissive and serves occasionally with a certain slave tendency. We have completely open and honest communications on every conceivable subject to date on the phone, through typed communiques, and in person. The remarkable thing is that there is no difference in the medium of communication...it remains completely comfortable to speak (or type) with her. That in My opinion is only as it should be in any relationship.


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Be Well, Be Careful

Jarl Rmanrr

"the road untravelled is the loneliest." Me
Courage...the ability to overcome obstacles during the course.
"to be insane is to be original!"...Me

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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 5:26:14 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Smilezz pretty much sums it up for me.

I don't want a relationship with a woman where I have to hide anything.  Neither do I want a relationship, where I absolutely must tell her everything for fear of damaging her somehow because I forgot a detail of my day.  Some secrets are better left as secrets; from Christmas presents, to an unpleasant (and forgettable) days at work.  The issue shouldn't be "I can't tell my partner." 

A similar thread was started this morning, here by the way.

Stephan




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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 5:51:31 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mysticalcreature

Is it wrong for a Master to keep a secret from his submissive?  Regardless of the secret?
Isn't the whole relationship supposed to be built on trust and honesty, openessess and sharing?
Just a little curious?


Depends on the secret. Valyraen and I agreed that we really don't need to know everything. What I need to know is what affects me and our relationship. Granted I hear just about everything because, like Stephann said, there is very little (if anything) we can't tell each other. Just stuff that doesn't need to be told.

There are things that, while I don't care if he does them, his hiding them from me would cause me to wonder what he is up to. However, being a girl who loves surprises, I don't mind at all if he outright lies to me to keep a present hidden from me.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 6:13:20 PM   
mysticalcreature


Posts: 5
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline 		ok to clarify, the secret is more of him being involved with another without any discussion, as previously discussed in our dynamic
Is that something that should be secret?

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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 6:14:24 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		no. not in my opnion it shouldn't.

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.


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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 6:22:16 PM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DWCdelight

Honesty is always the best policy


I've found that "always" is a bitch. Honesty might be a fine policy, most of the time, for most people... but there will be an exception somewhere.


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It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
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Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 6:27:22 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

quote:

ORIGINAL: DWCdelight

Honesty is always the best policy


I've found that "always" is a bitch. Honesty might be a fine policy, most of the time, for most people... but there will be an exception somewhere.



honesty is always the best policy.  however.  there are times when saying nothing is much kinder, and some people never learn how to tell things gently rather than harshly.

kitten

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RE: Master's Secret? - 8/30/2007 6:57:23 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mysticalcreature

ok to clarify, the secret is more of him being involved with another without any discussion, as previously discussed in our dynamic
Is that something that should be secret?

Are you aware that this is what is actually happening?..Have you discussed your suspicions with him?..If so, has what he said, been a lie to what your info has given you? Do you trust what he has said?.My best advice..confront respectfully, communicate what you think,feel or saw..and go from there..as we in this forum are not part of your dynamic..You need to talk with the one person who is within your dynamic..your Master....Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

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