I was just told

I was just told (Full Version)

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slave4umastr -> I was just told (8/31/2007 4:42:21 AM)
I was just told, quite angrily actually, that a master should never love his slave, and that love has NO place in this lifestyle. I've always imagined when I find the right master, that I would love him, but I also thought that he would love me too, although we would both express our love in very different ways. But what I want to know is, do most people think like this really? That love has no place in M/s, or was it just a bad experience?

mnottertail -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 4:47:35 AM)
it is neither good nor bad, it is what it is. Some love, some will not... if you think of anything at all and say is this true? it is only true for that case, for the next it will be completely different. Know you were looking for something else my fellow Minnehoovian, but such is life. Ron

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 4:52:46 AM)
Some BDSM relationships are romantic-based. Some are not. Finding a romantic-based one is a little harder (because you're both looking for a lot of chemistry and compatability), but there certainly are dominants out there that want that as well.

Bobkgin -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 4:53:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slave4umastr I was just told, quite angrily actually, that a master should never love his slave, and that love has NO place in this lifestyle. I've always imagined when I find the right master, that I would love him, but I also thought that he would love me too, although we would both express our love in very different ways. But what I want to know is, do most people think like this really? That love has no place in M/s, or was it just a bad experience? I don't know whether most believe it or not. It is incorrect. I loved my slave/wife. I've loved every woman I've been involved with, whether she be slave or sub. For me, love is the cornerstone of every good, intimate relationship and where it is absent I will not remain involved.

MissMorrigan -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 4:56:15 AM)
Some people don't need it as an essential part of any kind of BDSM relationship, or any other type for that matter. It hasn't been for me in some of my former relationships especially when they have been solely service-orientated. However, it is an essential element between my submissive and I. I would be inclined to question why the person reacted angrily to the subject of love within an M/s relationship.

Twicehappy2x -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 4:56:43 AM)
To need love in your D/s relationship or not isd a personal requirement. For me it is an absolute requirement. I cannot submit when there is no love involved.

Tristan -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 4:59:25 AM)
I would have a hard time being in any sexually based relationship without love. I love romance!

AquaticSub -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 4:59:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slave4umastr I was just told, quite angrily actually, that a master should never love his slave, and that love has NO place in this lifestyle. I've always imagined when I find the right master, that I would love him, but I also thought that he would love me too, although we would both express our love in very different ways. But what I want to know is, do most people think like this really? That love has no place in M/s, or was it just a bad experience? Bad experience. Love does not have a place in every relationship but there are plenty of m/s and d/s relationships that do have their relationships built on love. If you want a master who will love you, than simply hold out for that. You have every right to.

happypervert -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 5:02:39 AM)
quote: I was just told, quite angrily actually, that a master should never love his slave, and that love has NO place in this lifestyle. You just need to remember that there is one twue way, and if you don't like it then that means you aren't a twue sub. Of course, if you aren't twue it also means you can think for yourself instead of having your head stuck up your ass, so that isn't a bad thing at all.

slave4umastr -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 5:03:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan Some people don't need it as an essential part of any kind of BDSM relationship, or any other type for that matter. It hasn't been for me in some of my former relationships especially when they have been solely service-orientated. However, it is an essential element between my submissive and I. I would be inclined to question why the person reacted angrily to the subject of love within an M/s relationship. Well, the person I was talking with liked some stuff I didn't, and when I explained to him that that particular activity would make me feel uncomfortable and completely unloved, he got a little upset, and (of course) told me I needed to rethink my idea of 'slave' because I knew nothing about it being only 18. Then went on to tell me that love between a master and his slave/submissive is ludicrous and that love had no place in thise lifestyle. So I'm pretty sure he was angry because I was disagreeing with what he liked.

eyesopened -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 5:12:30 AM)
It is irresponsible for any one person to declare the state of this "lifestyle" for all to follow. Love is a single word with a lot of different nuance. Fondness and affection are often more appropriate in my opinion for a great many Master/slave relationships. Appreciation for a slave and respect for her/his abilities and obedience is very common. Love can take many forms and love is a shape-changer and may start out as fondness and grow to become something more. It's as different as the people involved. When you stop to think about actual slavery.... perhaps romantic hearts-n-flowers kind of "in love" emotions aren't appropriate. In times past, a Master purchased a slave at auction or by negotiation with the slave's family and the slave was purchased to perform tasks not unlike any other beast of burden. An owner can have a great respect and appreciation for His ox or horse or dog or slave, but it would be highly inappropriate to be in love with any of them. The owner may take extremely good care of His property spoiling them with treats, but still never fall in love because they are property. Period. There is certainly nothing wrong with this attitude, it is what it is and it is a very tradional and historic view of slavery. The person who expressed this to you was expressing this view. However it should not have been expressed as a universal truth. There are a great many couples i know personally who are very much in love with each other. They have not lost the absolute roles of Master and slave and actually find that it IS a better way for them to express their love for each other. But this too, is not a universal truth.

Cyntilating -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 5:14:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slave4umastr I was just told, quite angrily actually, that a master should never love his slave, and that love has NO place in this lifestyle. I've always imagined when I find the right master, that I would love him, but I also thought that he would love me too, although we would both express our love in very different ways. But what I want to know is, do most people think like this really? That love has no place in M/s, or was it just a bad experience? my observation is that you will find some with, some without...it's the individuals involved >perogative and definition of their relationship.. neither right or wrong..just whats right for those involved.. essential that both/all are on the same page about that tho'...or it can lead to some serious heartache and insecurity...imo what DOES stand out in that note you wrote was the part about " quite angrily" ... interesting that it would cause anger...do not know who it was informing you that love is not a part of...but I wonder why it made them so adamant and angry?? answering that might answer some other questions for you as well..

toservez -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 5:16:22 AM)
D/s and M/s relationships are just like any other relationships and they have the full spectrum of the realties of human nature and life. The fact is there is a percentage of human beings in loveless relationships that stay together and are content with the situation. Whether they are just not wired for love, do not need love or are together for some tangible convenience does not matter, all it takes is two people to have the same beliefs or are perfectly OK with a situation of a loveless relationship. As a member of the no way in hell I would be in a loveless relationship and obviously a very major majority just by common sense and the replies here would back that up. Is the Master who wrote the OP insane though no, he is just another of a long line of human beings because of how they are wired then form their beliefs around themselves and try to preach it as gospel. It is not that a quality relationship for two people can be loveless is wrong but the thinking that how a M/s relationship should be is the screwed up part.

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 5:16:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slave4umastr quote: ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan Some people don't need it as an essential part of any kind of BDSM relationship, or any other type for that matter. It hasn't been for me in some of my former relationships especially when they have been solely service-orientated. However, it is an essential element between my submissive and I. I would be inclined to question why the person reacted angrily to the subject of love within an M/s relationship. Well, the person I was talking with liked some stuff I didn't, and when I explained to him that that particular activity would make me feel uncomfortable and completely unloved, he got a little upset, and (of course) told me I needed to rethink my idea of 'slave' because I knew nothing about it being only 18. Then went on to tell me that love between a master and his slave/submissive is ludicrous and that love had no place in thise lifestyle. So I'm pretty sure he was angry because I was disagreeing with what he liked. ya think?

PapaCrunch -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 5:17:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slave4umastr I was just told, quite angrily actually, that a master should never love his slave, and that love has NO place in this lifestyle. I've always imagined when I find the right master, that I would love him, but I also thought that he would love me too, although we would both express our love in very different ways. But what I want to know is, do most people think like this really? That love has no place in M/s, or was it just a bad experience? Whoever told you that was suffering from cranial/anal inversion. I've heard this argument, usually from neo-goreans who believe that falling in love makes them vulnerable. Rubbish! Love expresses itself in many forms, and I guarantee no two couples show it exactly the same. Love has a definite place in the M/s dynamic. If it didn't, if we did what we did without emotion, then what does that make us? I shudder to imagine. Crunch

kshearsecouple -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 5:19:12 AM)
Just me two cents worth. Every relationship is diffrent weather you bass in on M/s D/s or just plain vanilla lifestyle. Not every relationship wants love not every relationship wants sex and not every relationship wants servitude. Personally My husband and I love each other very much and are in love with each other. We have had this very discussion before and we both have come to teh realization that we may care a lot for our slaves/subs but we would never be in love with them. shrugs just us

BeingChewsie -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 5:25:50 AM)
Quick reply: It isn't a requirement. Love isn't something that you can demand happen or decide will or won't happen. It either does or doesn't as the relationship goes on. I'm in a relationship almost a decade long, I'm his wife, the person he trusts most and he still hasn't "fallen in love" with me. It isn't something he tries to not do or anything like that, it just never happened..and before we knew it 4 or 5 years of a our relationship had flown by. We all have love and belongingness needs that we need to fill. He makes sure I know I belong and that he deeply cares about me. He is emotionally available. I often tell him I feel "loved" by him because he is so good to me and my kiddo. He lets me love him, tell him so, and he is very affectionate and physical. I have in the past been very hung up on the word "love". I realized sure I could leave this relationship and seek one where the man would "love" me. The odds of him being like R, providing the life for us that R does, the odds of him getting all my quirks and sharing so much in common with me and on and on seemed slim. My other option was I could relax into the incredible relationship I am in, where I feel loved and cared for, where I will be kept and allowed to be the person I'm most comfortable being, allowing my kiddo a life I could never on my own provide( or could not have had I not met R), a relationship with no drama, no lies, no games with a man who is consistent and sure of who he is. I chose option number two. I'm grateful he doesn't require being in love or we wouldn't have this relationship or each other..and that would quite simply suck. I can't tell you what to do, I can tell you I would not intentionally get involved with a man who flatly told me "I'll never love a slave or you"...not because love is a requirement but because that just indicates a level of emotional unavailibility that wouldn't work for me. If it didn't happen as the relationship progressed but everything else was perfect and he was emotionally available I'd suggest staying with the relationship and working through it.

mnottertail -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 5:28:13 AM)
Youd think that people would have had enought of silly love songs. But I look around me and I see it isnt so. Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs. And whats wrong with that? Id like to know, cause here I go again I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I cant explain the feelings plain to me, say cant you see? Ah, she gave me more, she gave it all to me Now cant you see, Whats wrong with that I need to know, cause here I go again I love you, I love you Love doesnt come in a minute, Sometimes it doesnt come at all I only know that when Im in it It isnt silly, no, it isnt silly, love isnt silly at all. How can I tell you about my loved one? How can I tell you about my loved one? How can I tell you about my loved one? (I love you) How can I tell you about my loved one? (I love you) [repeat and fade] And that's the way it is... Walter Cronkite

Stephann -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 5:33:33 AM)
The answers are pretty much already there. Love isn't a necessary component of D/s. A slave is not a girlfriend. Having said that, I wouldn't own a slave I couldn't or didn't love. If you need/want/expect/desire your owner to love you, find a man who expect to include love as part of the equation. Good luck, Stephan

callistaIn -> RE: I was just told (8/31/2007 5:36:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slave4umastr I was just told, quite angrily actually, that a master should never love his slave, and that love has NO place in this lifestyle. I've always imagined when I find the right master, that I would love him, but I also thought that he would love me too, although we would both express our love in very different ways. But what I want to know is, do most people think like this really? That love has no place in M/s, or was it just a bad experience? It really depends on the people involved and the kind of relationship that you agree on before hand. My past relationships I can honestly say that we did not love each other. I can honestly say also that love was never an option for any of us. That is not to say that I may not fall in love in the future with someone; only that it is not a requirement. callie

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