Aswad
Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
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For the OP and her boyfriend,
He seems a bit pushy about this, but a lot of guys are pushy in general.
First of all, here's a quick breakdown into three components:
Power dynamic
For a lot of the people on this forum, the power dynamics are one of the main elements. In the basic form, it comes down to the parties assuming unequivocal roles, whether for the duration of a session (top/bottom) or in life in general (dominant/submissive). This is something that can range from a classic 50's marriage (though, in your case, with a role reversal) to an antique-style slavery
It's perfectly healthy, and something that is wired into humans on an instinctual level.
Whether it is for you, depends on whether you like the idea, or not. You have some experience with exploring it as a bedroom activity (a top/bottom dynamic), and can run through some ideas in your head regarding whether there are any dominant stereotypes that tickle your fancy (as a starting point). Do you picture yourself on the stage, being adored by millions? In the office, calling the shots? As a princess? The femme fatale? There are any number of classic stereotypes, and if any of them sound appealing to you, it may be good to sit down and think about what part of it appeals to you, and why.
Sadism / masochism
I mention this seperately because some people tend to mix it up with the former. In reality, there are dominant people with a masochistic streak, too, and submissives with a sadistic streak. The two are independent, although they often occur together. One need not find both sides appealing, nor does one need to engage in both sides.
I'm not a woman, and a bit atypical for a sadist, so I'll leave the details to others, but it really comes down to whether there is some amount of some kind of hurt, pain or suffering that, in one or more contexts, is arousing to you in any way. This is, like most other things in the kinks, a very wide spectrum. Don't go further than you're comfy with.
In my experience, people don't become sadistic, nor do their "appetite" grow per se, but when you turn over rocks, you find out what's under them. Simply put, you won't be uncovering anything that wasn't already there, but there may be an incremental process of uncovering those things.
Practiced in a consensual and risk-aware manner, this is also perfectly sane.
Kink / fetish activities
Okay, this part is too wide to touch in any great detail, except to say that people get turned on by anything from a sexy pair of legs (most men, for instance) to dressing up in heavy wool clothes, devil horns, mittens and high heels before riding a crucifix and peeing all over the "altarboy" with maniacal laughter. Really, I can't cover all the variations.
Basically, this is any activity outside mainstream practice, and independent of the other two components.
Again, as long as both parties are happy about it, there's no problem.
As for the specific questions:
quote:
Can you explain to me why he likes this?
It's how he is wired. The specifics are up to him to explain, to the extent that he knows.
quote:
Is it sick?
No. Not unless you'd also consider gay people sick, for instance. As the saying goes, "I'm sexually sophisticated, you're kinky, he's a pervert, they're sick." That word is just a way to label unfamiliar things in a negative way, particularly in people we don't know personally. It's only sick if it causes a real and significant problem in important areas of life.
quote:
Does it lead to more extreme things?
Do you want it to?
quote:
Am I dominant?
I don't know. Do you like being in charge?
quote:
Can I be?
Sure.
quote:
What if I am not?
Then it's no biggie. You just tell him so. And he sounds like he's more after playing submissive on his own terms than actually being submissive, since you say he's rather assertive outside the bedroom, although that could conceivably a compensatory behaviour instead, of course. Either way, make sure this is on your terms if it happens.
quote:
Can I become dominant?
Try and find out. If you want to find out if it's possible to learn how to be better at it, then definitely.
The police, fire brigade, armed forces and so forth would be wasting lots of time otherwise.
quote:
If I am not, are we incompatible??
Ask him. Does he need you to be? Will he suppress his kinks for you if necessary?
Some guys demand that their girlfriends give head. If the girlfriend doesn't, they're incompatible.
Some guys just like it, ask for it, and accept a "no". If the girlfriend says "no", they're still compatible.
_____________________________
"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.
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RE: How shall I handle my kinky boyfriend? - 
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