DiannaVesta
Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
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This is one of my recent articles I wanted to share with everyone here. I hope to elaborate on it more later. Thanks & have a safe holiday.
Humiliation: Fucking Your Mind & Spirit
What sexually motivates a man to want to be called a worthless pig? Why would a grown man want to wear ridiculous costumes and act like a complete fool? What forces a man into shameful acts to get a hard on? Why do we find sexual taboos so exciting?
Erotic Complexities
The complexities of erotic humiliation are far too vast to cover in one article. My hope is to dispel a few myths and create a deeper understanding of how or why humiliation works. When it’s a good thing (constructive) or when it’s damaging (destructive). My views are from real time experience and some of my methods should not be used by novice players. I also suggest that before you make any attempt to engage in heavy humiliation play that you speak to an experienced professional dominatrix that has real time experience in psychological play. I’m not saying that she will cure you or offer an outlet but that she can shed light on the subject to help you determine if you’re avenue is constructive or destructive.
There are a lot of people that struggle with submission in the first place. Seven out of ten people that explore sexual submission often battled with some form of depression. They struggle with their desires and longings to be submissive. Rather then seeing the strength it takes to walk the path of submission, society views it as weak and an escape from responsibility. You add kink to it and the taboo elements seems to push conflict into overdrive. Lets face it, if the average person seen a man dressed like ballerina at the beach they would point, laugh and ridicule. Very few, if any would smile and conclude that he was having a good time. In fact all of us, to some degree are infected with guilty created by society’s expectations. We can remain trapped or begin to explore the many alternatives available.
May Roads to Submission
Many submissives use humiliation as a pass to explore submission. It can be forced or purposely induced, however both share the same element; In order to feel total loss of control, deep submission, they do so through varied levels of humiliation. These variations could be as subtle as exposing a body part or as extreme as forcing someone into a submissive act in public. Some people are humiliated simply by any act of submission. The degrees are intricate because you’re dealing with human psyche and emotional issues. These could be from childhood or even from a past life. No one really knows why people are affected the way they are or how the same incidents can affect people differently. It seems to be a synchronistic chain of events that leads us to being a kinky adult.
Everyone has a hot button that drives them into erotic space. Some guys look at tits and ass to get aroused while others wear panties. What turns us on can be simple or extravagant, common or taboo, but no doubt it’s a personal issue. The more complex our desires the more difficult it is to articulate and allow someone to share that space with us. I know that many of you have experienced rejection and misinterpretation of your sexual desires. This is both frustrating and depressing because it makes you feel very alone and kind of freakish. It’s not easy explaining to your lover that you want to wear Mary Jane shoes, sing and dance for her while she laughs hysterically and then orders you to get off. Even if she agrees there is no real dynamic because she’s acting and you’re walking on egg shells so that she doesn’t freak out. Communication is the key, however finding the right key for your lock is the real trick. It’s easy for all to give advice, “Sit down and talk about your feelings, negotiate and communicate.” However many of you know, first hand, how very difficult it can be.
Constructive Humiliation
You’ve all heard the term, “facing your fears” as a way to surmount difficult challenges. In some cases subtle acts of humiliation are used to create awareness or to get beyond a fear. Some people are extremely humiliated at the fact that a sexual taboo makes them hot. In this case humiliation can be very exciting as long as the person is mentally and emotionally stable. When in a trusted situation they will experience safe doses, enjoy the sexual benefits and then move on. If the trusted opportunity does not present itself then most likely they’ll harbor their fantasies and save it for masturbation. If they are lucky enough to have a trusted situation then most likely they will move beyond their fears and enjoy the kinky escapade. Of course there is always the chance that it will backfire and leave them feeling guilty, however most cases it becomes a process of exploration into their sexuality.
Finding a good and safe platform to explore can often be tricky which is why so many people never realize their fantasies much less share them with another person. It takes two emotionally stable people to begin the journey together. At first communication is delicate and cautious. Both parties must act responsibility and adhere to the rules of safe, sane and consensual. Expectations and guidelines are discussed carefully and both parties should benefit from the experience.
Destructive Humiliation
Some fantasies are never meant to be realized, however I feel that it’s ok to keep them in your head IF they erotically arouse you and you are able to close the door, carry on with your life and keep it all in perspective. If you fantasize, become aroused and then harbor guilt and depression that affects your daily non-kink life then there’s a problem. It’s also a problem when a person preys on the weaknesses and vulnerabilities of another person.
An example would be the person that erotically enjoys humiliation because it brings him to an extreme level of submission or he/she can not get into that space without some form of humiliation. This person is use to being in control in his/her daily life and often has a lot of stress. Losing control wipes the stress away and can sexually stimulate him/her. I’ve talked to people that can’t enjoy sex any other way because they are unable to slow down and enjoy sex unless they relinquish control and completely let go. Humiliation is often used in this case as they humble them to the extreme desires of their Mistress. The owner of their soul and the person that now makes all the decisions. Time and consideration is allowed for this escape and when it’s over its placed back into the appropriate compartment. This is common and healthy.
Then there is the person that has fantasies and might even become obsessed with them especially during emotionally stressful periods. It becomes such an obsession that it might interrupt their daily routines and they might even turn into destructive behaviors. A destructive behavior might be the inability to concentrate on anything else or become compulsive where they are completely absorbed beyond normal reasoning. They might suffer from deep depression and feelings of worthlessness. Like an alcoholic they can’t seem to get enough and will drown themselves into destruction. For instance they might go into debit doing professional sessions or using phone sex services even though they can’t afford it. Like alcoholism it begins to take over their life and harm them and the people that are close to them. Of course this could be any sexual addiction but in the case of humiliation it can be more destructive then anything else.
People that experience this should approach it like any other type of addiction because the root of addiction is always deeply rooted. The desire for the “high” or escape becomes an addiction they can no longer control.
A strong desire does not constitute an addition. If someone has a strong sexual desire this does not mean they are obsessed even if it appears this way at times.
Common Male Humiliations
Sissy: I have encountered this the most. There are sweet effeminate sissies that enjoy frilly dresses and age play. They enjoy humiliation as a vehicle to relinquish control but also to tap into a type of innocence. Humiliation emasculates them into a space where they can explore their feminine side. It’s different then cross-dressing because it disassociates him and humiliation is what sexually drives him.
There are slut whore sissies that first emasculate themselves and then intoxicate themselves with “forced” actions such as forced bisexuality, strap-on dildo play and the like. Some might have fantasies about being with the same sex because of desire or they might find being forced to suck another man’s cock the epitome of submission. In order to come to terms with it they sissify themselves which gives them permission, so to speak to be “forced” into the act. They may have no desire to be with a man *really* and prefer to be sexually overpowered by a woman with a strap-on.
Most sissies love to administer adoration. They often seek approval and love to please.
Human Toilet: This isn’t always an act of humiliation, however for those that enjoy it because it is humiliating; it’s an extreme form of subjugation. I enjoy golden showers; however I don’t always look at it as a form of humiliation but an honor. Still when I piss on a male’s cock and balls to make my territory I guess this could be a little humiliating. Lol
Human ATM, Financial Slavery: This type of humiliation can vary from mild to extreme. As I mentioned earlier, everyone has a hot button; something that pushing them into submission or loss of control. Money is power to some men and the thought of being used this way renders them powerless. They enjoy the sacrifice and of turning over their hard earned pay. This is what distinguishes them as a man, or so they think, by “turning it over” they relinquish control. This is more of a fantasy then a reality. You might see guys throwing around tons of money to “get off” on the experience because it’s a fetish; however it’s rare to see this as part of an ongoing relationship. It is, however obviously easy for this fetish to become destructive and careful considerations must be made to keep this type of humiliation play healthy and sane.
Dog Training: This is a type of dehumanization and can be mild or extreme. It’s relatively safe play and every submission whether you think you’re into it or not, should at least give it a try. I have a series of audios for dog training (among other fantasy audios) at Sex Slave Academy that can help you explore this. Of course it’s always best to have a partner or someone with you; you should still explore the various options. It can be affectionate or extremely dehumanize and degrading.
Human Rug/Ashtray/Furniture/Crushing/Trampling: Is another form of dehumanization that can vary with different people. Whereas a slave/worthless male are sub-human a rug or other isn’t human at all making it simply and “object”.
Public Humiliation: Again this can be mild or wild but whatever the case many things should be considered. You should always be respectful of the public and in my opinion this falls under consensual as much as anything else. You should carefully consider all the repercussions of your actions so that no one, including you gets hurt.
It could be a man wearing ladies earrings (not unisex but ridiculous earrings) or me ordering a gentleman’s meal at a restaurant OR my favorite is ordering a nice large meal for me and letting him have the leftovers. I admit that I’ve engaged in some extreme scenes that I would not recommend for just anyone but I always carefully considered the repercussions.
Public humiliation should NEVER be spontaneously explored UNLESS you’ve discussed it ahead of time and have properly negotiated each other expectations. I say this and yet I don’t always do this but keep in mind that I have a tremendous amount of experience in this area and in carefully studying a situation. Be careful before you embarrass someone in public even if it is all in kinky fun!
I personally enjoy public humiliation as a dominant because it also challenges some of my fears within morality. I am fascinated by human nature and it’s almost spiritual for me.
Whatever Floats Your Boat!
I’m sure here are others I have not covered here. I’ve outlined the most common I come in contact with most often. I personally feel that humiliation play can be extremely hot and even healthy if it’s constructive and kept in perspective. I really enjoy someone that is adventurous and willing to try new things, especially things they are unfamiliar with or find a little scary and humiliating. The high I get from humiliation is the power exchange and when I experience it it really moves me into a higher state of dominance. I love to laugh and have a good time with humiliation. It just makes it fun and everyone can use a little fun! Just keep it in perspective, lighthearted and above all sane and consensual.
< Message edited by DiannaVesta -- 8/31/2007 10:18:36 AM >
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