Bobkgin -> RE: "Love Reign O'er Me" (9/2/2007 9:24:45 AM)
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ORIGINAL: Squeakers Reading through the OP, I sort of get what he is saying, but to me is sounds like there is no balance. A relationship is GIVE and TAKE. In order for it to work, someone has to give and someone has to take. It sounds to me like he is saying both parties need to give and if one or the other party takes then they are selfish. Correct. In my paradigm, the relationship is best described as GIVE and RECEIVE, or perhaps also a GIVE-GIVE relationship. I need not take from my slave. I need only tell her what it is that would make me happy and she would give whatever I need to accomplish it. She wants to know what makes me happy because she loves me and accepted herself as my slave and I her master. Thus she GIVES and I RECEIVE. By the same token, I love her and want her to be happy, so I invite her to tell me what would make her happy in the moment, and to the best of my abilities I accomodate her wish. Thus I GIVE and she RECEIVES. Self-sustaining harmony of opposites. Neither she nor I ever stop being what we are: slave and master. quote:
This is what is sounded like to me. There is one piece of bread left. "Slave you take it, you are more important than me. No Master, you take it, I am selfless. Slave I love you and I can go without, you take it. No Master, you take it, I love you and I can go without." So the bread molds and they both go without. Where was the balance, split the damn slice of bread and each TAKE half. But no according the the essay, each partner should give more so to take half would be selfish so they should give ALL to the other partner. Then you've misunderstood. I, as master, am the final arbiter. When I instruct my slave, she obeys. If she is seriously eager for me to have the last piece, she'd provide an explanation I'd find hard refuting. For example, if she's full, I would not insist on her having the last piece. If I'd gone a considerable time without food where she had not, I would not refuse the last piece. And by the same token, were the positions reveresed, I would instruct her to eat the piece and she would do so. There is no loss of selflessness in any of the above, as we are both thinking of the well-fare of the other as well as our own, balancing them to find harmony. quote:
Bobkgin---where is your balance? No one can give ALL of themself, for if they did, they would parish. This is not a slam, just to make you think and sincerely I don't really need to know where your balance is. Excellent segue. I hadn't read this part before responding to the previous part. I am more willing to damage myself than damage those I love, or those for whom I feel responsible. That doesn't mean I'm willing to damage myself, only that if someone has to take damage, I'd rather it be me than anyone I love. When I was just starting out with bdsm, this was one of the largest stumbling blocks. How do you spank someone (thus causing damage) when you love that person? It wasn't until a lover asked me to spank her that I found my answer. My slave/wife asked for everything I did with her. She didn't have to spell it out and plan it for me. She could ask me to do something delightfully evil with her, and leave it to me to set something in motion. But her accepting herself as slave meant that she was to seek instruction from me whenever she wasn't already following instructions. And all instructions were based on her asking for instructions. Thus by giving her the instructions she needed, I gave to her, and through her following instructions, she gave to me. And one of the instructions I was at liberty to give was to instruct her to tell me what would make her happy. Which she would be bound by her vow of honesty to answer honestly. And I would do my best to make that happen. Because I loved making her happy.
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