RE: tricky question :)

RE: tricky question :) (Full Version)

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SunnyTawse -> RE: tricky question :) (9/1/2007 3:02:22 PM)
To grow her submissive side, don't forget to reinforce the positives, especially when you see her going a direction that you like. Sunny Tawse Sadien Domina Archon of Rings http://AthenorLodge.com

Focus50 -> RE: tricky question :) (9/1/2007 3:49:52 PM)
Even allowing for pain being a hard limit, the principle of working out what she likes and what she doesn't is still the best way of defining punishment and reward. In this regard, being observant is one of the better Dom traits, IMO. And you might wanna do some research on the difference between punishment and discipline, too! Focus.

subUser31 -> RE: tricky question :) (9/1/2007 4:13:08 PM)
I'm with you on this, as I don't belive in getting physical. I got no intention to threat her with a whip or cane for that matter, as I rather get her to do the stuff from convincing her so she gets teased and curious, and submit by herself to my ideas. The only way I can se myself with a whip is for teasing, small gentle slaps against tigh, tits and pussy, and mostly to see her reaction. Or to get her to answer, or say stuff if she wants it to stop. But she simply sees red when the whip is mentioned, so Ill leave it alone now. Although she likes a slap in the ass from time to time.

Babybass -> RE: tricky question :) (9/1/2007 5:18:57 PM)
I am not majorly into humiliation - although I do like pain and I find that while most punishments are not meant to be enjoyable that i do find myself enjoying them as they remind me of my place. So in my (limited) experience - anything that reminds me of my place is a good punishment. Sometimes it involves humiliation, sometimes pain - sometimes just a verbal reminder of my place in His world.

feastie -> RE: tricky question :) (9/1/2007 6:07:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie quote: ORIGINAL: feastie Punishment is for those who lack the creativity to achieve the results they want in any other way, in my opinion. I always respect your opinion and wisdom, feastie, even if I do not always agree. This statement above, however, was too universal for me to not comment on. In some cases (such as my own, at least previously), punishment is the only language a slave can understand, simply because of her background and history. And punishments can be extremely creative, without inflicting any corporal pain whatsoever. I've had punishments which have caused me to break through enormous internal barriers and had cathartic effects. In my case, punishment was always accompanied by lengthy, ongoing discussions, analysis, and/or exercises to learn the problem and how to overcome it. While I don't wish to hijack by turning this thread into a debate on punishment vs. no punishment, I do feel that while in some cases, what you said is true, I have to absolutely disagree with your statement above, which appears to relect an "absolute" to me. OG, please note that I did say, "in my opinion", which means that others may not share the same belief. Of course you and anyone else are welcome to disagree. That's the beauty of being individuals. That said, for the droves for whom the belief is that there is no other way, or think that it is just because it's been what they've read in a junk mag or seen in an equally junk vid or in a chatroom, the concept must be introduced that it is not always an ideal form of interaction. There are multiple facets of WIIWD and not a single one is the only way. You must admit, that there are many people out there doling out punishments to others who are not fit to do so. While your personal experience is a grand one, lucky girl, there are many others whose are not nearly so beneficial. Many are downright detrimental. All in all, it depends more on the people directly involved than any of our opinions. The same dominant might treat two different submissives/slaves differently, because said submissives/slaves are different. I've done with attempting to be politically correct on these boards. I no longer try to make everyone happy in the way I post or what I have to say. The only persons I have to please are my dominant and myself. So while, I might soften my thoughts with a phrase such as "in my opinion", I'm also not going to sweat over my writing to make sure that I haven't offended anyone. It's actually not possible, as it will offend someone, sometime. It's usually not my intention to offend anyone, as I think you well know, OG, and of course I meant no offense to you or your master or anyone else for that matter. However, I do believe that punishments are unnecessary and the same results can be achieved with different methods. My objective in my response to the OP is to interject the possibility that punishment is not always the goto action.

ownedgirlie -> RE: tricky question :) (9/1/2007 6:46:15 PM)
Hey there feastie, I don't know how I missed it, but somehow I missed your "in my opinion" part. Weird, and I offer my apology for mis-reading and writing a post based on my own error. Thank you for so patiently setting me straight. And yes, I do agree with your assessment about unfit folks doling out punishments. In fact, I actually agree with everything you posted in your response to me - My Master has another, and he treats us differently because we are different. His dominance over us is geared on who we are as unique individuals and not some cookie cutter approach that would not work. I appreciate you taking the time to post. I think I become so absorbed in what is going on in front of my nose that I forget about the "chat room doms" and such that you have mentioned. I haven't been in chat in so long, I forgot about how silly it can all get. Thanks again, feastie, and I was not offended in the least, so no worries there. :)

SimplyMichael -> RE: tricky question :) (9/1/2007 7:42:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feastie Gosh and my suggestion is so much simpler. Have conversations with her regarding expectations and disappointments. Punishment is for those who lack the creativity to achieve the results they want in any other way, in my opinion. Most issues, the above is the only real way to deal with them.

slaveish -> RE: tricky question :) (9/2/2007 5:03:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feastie Gosh and my suggestion is so much simpler. Have conversations with her regarding expectations and disappointments. Punishment is for those who lack the creativity to achieve the results they want in any other way, in my opinion. Yeah, but punishment can be fun (as long as it isn't administered by an idiot) and can make for laughs later. And since the girl is new, innocuous non-scary / non-dramatic punishment can get her in a submissive head.

feastie -> RE: tricky question :) (9/2/2007 12:39:21 PM)
Punishment is not an erotic game.

Shadowen -> RE: tricky question :) (9/2/2007 1:14:55 PM)
Which is why I'm a firm believer myself in not using the same methods of play as I do in behavioral correction. Usually ends up with one of two ways in my opinion and personal experience. Enjoying punishment or not enjoying play becasue of the mental associations. Beat the hell out of someone with a crop for enjoyment and then use the same crop for corrective action and you're sending mixed signals. At least in my opinion

Cyntilating -> RE: tricky question :) (9/2/2007 2:36:45 PM)
[How to punish when she don't answer back as I wish. I guess I'm looking for gentle ways of punishment. ] when she doesn't answer back as I wish>>>> you didn't go into whether she is doing this because she doesn't understand your "wishes" or if she is doing this with disregard or to misbehave?

bandit25 -> RE: tricky question :) (9/2/2007 2:47:12 PM)
Swear to God...sometimes I think I'm half a step behind everyone else. What the hell does "when she doesn't answer back as I wish" mean? If you have a script, then give it to her and she'll answer just as you wish. If she's screwing something up..how about telling her? How hard is that? Good Lord..this isn't rocket science.

PairOfDimes -> RE: tricky question :) (9/2/2007 2:52:14 PM)
Punishment, as in deterrent, thing she dislikes, discipline? Have her do the poorly-executed task again, correctly. And then again. And then again. Writing lines might be good, too. Cold, or heat, to an unpleasant level. Itchy or otherwise uncomfortable clothing. Time out--idle time, in other words, although I dislike this because it encourages inactivity and is inefficient. Take away things she enjoys and that you are indifferent to her doing like comfortable seating, hot showers, or television. (Again, I don't like taking away things that you want to encourage--grooming, for example, or reading good books.) I also tend to think that things people aren't into, i.e. that that they dislike, make excellent punishments. This associates an activity you want to discourage with something the submissive dislikes--classic aversion. Or, punishment, as in a fun playful thing to do that involves punishment/contrition roleplay? Again, writing lines can be good. "Forced" orgasms, perhaps. Difficult bondage. Position holding.

goalie62 -> RE: tricky question :) (9/2/2007 3:45:22 PM)
I personally prefer the positive reward of an evening of something she likes to do or the negative being denial of something she likes or a task that she does not like. That works best for me so far.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: tricky question :) (9/2/2007 4:42:15 PM)
Since you're new my advice is to save your punishments for when they are seriously needed- once you start handing them out like candy you get all worked up on what's "not working" and not just communicating and working together to make eachother happy.

Celeste43 -> RE: tricky question :) (9/3/2007 8:54:52 AM)
I'm not sure about what you mean by not answering as you wish. If you mean she forgot to say Sir, then tell her repeat the sentence correctly. If you're talking about getting a straight answer about how she doesn't get hot having a dirty sock shoved in her mouth, tough! You ask a question, you better be ready for the answer. I'm hoping you mean how to phrase things, not how to get her to lie to you about what she really thinks and feels.

slaveish -> RE: tricky question :) (9/3/2007 11:24:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feastie Punishment is not an erotic game. If this was in reply to me, you're right, it's not. I did not suggest that it was. The OP asked for specific non-pain / non-humiliation punishments and I gave him some.

feastie -> RE: tricky question :) (9/3/2007 11:27:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveish quote: ORIGINAL: feastie Gosh and my suggestion is so much simpler. Have conversations with her regarding expectations and disappointments. Punishment is for those who lack the creativity to achieve the results they want in any other way, in my opinion. Yeah, but punishment can be fun (as long as it isn't administered by an idiot) and can make for laughs later. And since the girl is new, innocuous non-scary / non-dramatic punishment can get her in a submissive head.

Bobkgin -> RE: tricky question :) (9/3/2007 11:32:13 AM)
I do not believe in punishment. I believe in corrective action. If the goal is to teach the slave to behave properly, then it is my responsibility to find out what is preventing her from doing so, and address the obstacle (or the goals) accordingly. A slave should always be able to succeed, and should always want to succeed. Goals should be established with this in mind, and unrealistic goals dispensed with. If indeed a slave is behaving in a way that raises doubts about her desire to be a slave, I end the master/slave aspect of the relationship and begin discussions about whether there is a future for us at all. No one serves me unless they do so eagerly, willingly and joyfully, and if serving me isn't producing those results, she shouldn't be serving me and I shouldn't expect her to.

burningdesires47 -> RE: tricky question :) (9/3/2007 11:57:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feastie Punishment is not an erotic game. I have to disagree. For some of us, it is.

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