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Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 6:08:24 AM

ELUSIVE1

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I was having lunch yesterday with my Son and his girlfriend when the conversation turned to dog leashes and collars (looped under leg of bedframe) and his girlfriend and I were verbally comparing toy bags...now my adult children were never exposed to anything lifestyle by me [until they approached me, after they were legal age]...yet all three of my adult children enjoy the kink lifestyle--they have been to the same alternative clubs as me--my middle daughter was even involved with the same man as me...my youngest hi-jacked my fav nipple clamps...so I wonder if kink is inherited??

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 6:22:25 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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I don't know one way or the other whether or not kink in of itself is genetic. Neither of my parents were 'kinksters' to my knowledge (I've asked my mother when I was a young adult). However, both of my parents were very imaginative, intelligent, creative, inquistive people.

I think anyone who has the desire to explore themselves, the things around them, and others are more prone to kink than those who are content with mediocrity. I've known many people who were overachievers, underachievers, those who were content with being average. Of those people, the ones who were overacheivers were the ones who were more likely to admit to any type of kink interests, while the others, either thought it could be interesting, or it was just flat out perverse. Whether or not this holds true with most 'kinksters', I have no clue, as I do not know "most" kinksters.

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 6:29:57 AM

submittous

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It appears likely that "hard wiring" is a component in our sexuality. Certainly many gay and tg folks appear to have had their orientation from birth. Those of us into bdsm fall into what pioneer sexologist John Money would call people with "difficult love maps". I love his thought that those of us with unusual kink needs who find compatible connections demonstrates "a triumph of the human spirit".

How we actually get to our sexuality and particularly our fetishes is just too complex and esoteric to be understood yet, I think that our genetics or hard wiring gives us predilections and possible life courses and our experiences determine which path we end up on and how that journey will go.

I would also comment on the OP and the idea that our kids "didn't know about our kink or were never exposed"... my experience is that kids pick up on the smallest of hints and often get it right. Certainly most of ours had enough glimmers to put it together if and when they wanted to. I don't think many of us could hide such a basic part of our character from bright young minds living with us full time.

Bill

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 6:38:13 AM

ELUSIVE1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submittous

It appears likely that "hard wiring" is a component in our sexuality. Certainly many gay and tg folks appear to have had their orientation from birth. Those of us into bdsm fall into what pioneer sexologist John Money would call people with "difficult love maps". I love his thought that those of us with unusual kink needs who find compatible connections demonstrates "a triumph of the human spirit".

How we actually get to our sexuality and particularly our fetishes is just too complex and esoteric to be understood yet, I think that our genetics or hard wiring gives us predilections and possible life courses and our experiences determine which path we end up on and how that journey will go.

I would also comment on the OP and the idea that our kids "didn't know about our kink or were never exposed"... my experience is that kids pick up on the smallest of hints and often get it right. Certainly most of ours had enough glimmers to put it together if and when they wanted to. I don't think many of us could hide such a basic part of our character from bright young minds living with us full time.

Bill

I agree that growing up in a more 'open minded' environment may have some influence on their lifestyle choices..as for them getting 'hints'--I was actually married to a 100% vanilla for 20 years--till two were over18--the youngest 16..so there were no toys, literature, websites around the family home to be found...

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 7:55:56 AM

kshearsecouple

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quote:

I would also comment on the OP and the idea that our kids "didn't know about our kink or were never exposed"... my experience is that kids pick up on the smallest of hints and often get it right. Certainly most of ours had enough glimmers to put it together if and when they wanted to. I don't think many of us could hide such a basic part of our character from bright young minds living with us full time.

Well being a couple in the lifestyle and yes we do have children I'd have to say that there is no way to really say one way or the other. I do agree chirldren pick up on the slightest detail and since our children are quite young most aspects of the lifestyle we keep under tight wraps.
As far as My husband and I go.....we come from very vanilla sets of parents. So who's to say one way or the other....now if my kids come to me when they get older and say *hey this is me* I won't be suprised

< Message edited by kshearsecouple -- 9/2/2007 7:56:59 AM >

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 7:57:25 AM

LATEXBABY64

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I think it is more media exposore it is in video games hip hop culture and fashon. i have seen it in tons of movies.

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 8:22:24 AM

chellekitty

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nature or nurture is an argument i have been a part of over the years (a grand total of 6, not trying to claim anything more) many times, and the total summation of all those discussions can be brought down to three words...some of both...is it inherent in gender or due to work or personality or the way you were brought up or this and that and whatever i can reach with a whiffle ball bat....and i am about to say something slightly oxymoronic but bear with me...humans by nature have two brains...the "primative" brain... - eat, sleep, fuck, fight, flight kind of stuff....and the "evolved" brain... - influences all those primative reactions and allows us to be "civalliazed"...so...to ask whether our brain functions on one level OR the other would be just silly...it funtions on both...might lean more to one side in certain things...but it is influenced by both...
so now that i have solved this arguement i am going to go see what i can do about world hunger

or breakfast....whatever seems more feasable after a cigarette..
chelle

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 8:27:19 AM

sublizzie

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Both of my adult UMs are kinky, though neither is public about it. Their father, as far as I can tell after 26 years of being married to him, was as vanilla as they get. I'm not. I thought my parents were totally vanilla in every way until I was getting my divorce. That's when I found out they are not kinky but very, very sexual with one another, which to some of my vanilla friends makes my parents kinky.

From my perspective, there is a genetic component to it. Some people aren't open about their kinkiness with thier children due to societal pressures but that doesn't mean that they aren't kinky. They're just better at hiding it than others!

Just my thoughts.......

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 8:32:48 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submittous

Those of us into bdsm fall into what pioneer sexologist John Money would call people with "difficult love maps".

Once you read "As nature made him" you lose a lot of respect for Money's work.

That said, I think it's at least partially inherited. That doesn't mean your children are going to like everything you like, but it means they might. As with anything, your child might it get and might not.

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 10:43:12 AM

chellekitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie
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i hate to nit pick...no, wait, no i don't...if they are adult, they are no longer unmentionables....

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 11:01:44 AM

Perplex

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I doubt there is a S/M/B/d gene...but I suspect that the mindset that led the parent to the lifestyle continues in the next generation by dint of exposure growing up. My mother is a lesbian, otherwise straight as an arrow (forgive the pun) but I recently found out my grandmother (who raised us both...typical divorced story nothing to see, move along folks) was a "sex queen" (as explained it was described to me) during the 20's...now I know my grandfather and have a hard time accepting him tied to a bench with feathers sticking out of his ass, so her wild days were before she went back home to Illinois, with her little black book adn the brand new non-partyline telephone. during the 40's when she was raisign my mother she was working in the war effort/post war industry so didn't ahve time for fun, but by the time I came along had started going to her 'garden parties" again.

I have no living memory of anything being said or done that would raise jerry farwell's dick in salute, but kids pick up things here there and yonder so who knows.

just be lucky you have the relationship with yoru kids to be able to talk with them openly. if my partner's daddy ever mentioned sex to her she'd have to be peeled off the cieling..and floor and cieling where she started bouncing like a superball thrown by michael jordon.

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 2:48:57 PM

classykindasassy

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I don't think genetic as a physical fact, BUT I have long had a theory that we can get it by our parents by "osmosis". A vibe if you will, that we resonate with. I think I've taken my kink much farther than my parents ever did, but I know I get a healthy appreciation for nastiness from my parents - who never really hid the porn from us.

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 4:40:32 PM

ELUSIVE1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Perplex

I doubt there is a S/M/B/d gene...but I suspect that the mindset that led the parent to the lifestyle continues in the next generation by dint of exposure growing up. My mother is a lesbian, otherwise straight as an arrow (forgive the pun) but I recently found out my grandmother (who raised us both...typical divorced story nothing to see, move along folks) was a "sex queen" (as explained it was described to me) during the 20's...now I know my grandfather and have a hard time accepting him tied to a bench with feathers sticking out of his ass, so her wild days were before she went back home to Illinois, with her little black book adn the brand new non-partyline telephone. during the 40's when she was raisign my mother she was working in the war effort/post war industry so didn't ahve time for fun, but by the time I came along had started going to her 'garden parties" again.

I have no living memory of anything being said or done that would raise jerry farwell's dick in salute, but kids pick up things here there and yonder so who knows.

just be lucky you have the relationship with yoru kids to be able to talk with them openly. if my partner's daddy ever mentioned sex to her she'd have to be peeled off the cieling..and floor and cieling where she started bouncing like a superball thrown by michael jordon.

I have to say, I cannot think of any 'exposure' they may have had growing up--my ex-husband was vanilla---missionary-minute man...no exposure from him...I really think that 'masochistic' or 'sadistic' personality trait must pass from generation to generation regardless of whether it is 'well hidden' by the older generations or not

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 5:11:15 PM

BeachMystress

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There may be some merit to this. In my own family, my brother is a wanna-be Dom (he's talked about one of his girlfriends wanting and needing control via spankings and BDSM and his desire to oblige her) and my sister is a vanilla Domme. (A vanilla Dominant, to me, is someone who controls the relationship and the other person but does not enter into any kink or BDSM activity.)

Now is it nature or nurture? That is a harder question. We are products of both. Neither of my parents were overtly or to my knowledge, covertly, into BDSM or kink. Hell, with my bedroom sharing a wall with my parents I never even heard them having sex. (Thank you God, Thank you God!) The most they ever did in front of us was chaste kissing and hugs. It was an open minded environment and we were encouraged to think for ourselves, be self reliant and consider options. Other than the open minded and self reliant part, there was nothing that encouraged a kinky life.

I do want to point something out that I noticed in my search for a submissive. The majority of subs I interviewed had blue eyes. I love eyes and notice color. After a while it hit me.. with brown eyes being the most prevalent, I should be seeing mostly brown eyes men asking to belong to me. Yet the recessive colors, blue, green and hazel, made up over 80% of the men I was meeting. Is this a local phenomena? (I live at the beach in Southern California.) Or is it something genetic? Is there a gene that is more prevalent in those with lighter eyes? There is too little evidence to state that as more than an intriguing question. I just made a poll in Polls and Other Random Stupidity asking about orientation and eye color.

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 5:20:27 PM

Lordandmaster

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I've always assumed it must be. How many of us have the feeling that we've been like this since birth? How often do we say that you cannot make someone dom or sub?

Of course it's not ONLY genetic; social situations, I'm sure, play a great role in determining what we find erotic. But I think there has to be a genetic element too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

so I wonder if kink is inherited??

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 5:27:20 PM

MadRabbit

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I think it really depends on what that kink is really.

I really have a hard time buying that a fetish for leather is something passed down threw our genes.

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 6:27:38 PM

sadomasokisti

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In my view. Certain hardwiring makes some people more open to sexual exploration or kink.

Having this hardwiring makes you not necessary kinky, but associated with certain stimuli from the environment kink becomes more likely.

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 7:21:55 PM

marieToo

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I think dominant and/or submissive traits can and do lie within all human beings inherently. Some discover it, unleash it, live it to different degrees in different ways, others keep it contained or supressed or they don't recognize it, or understand it.

BDSM isn't the only outlet through which dominant/submissive personality traits can be expressed. People exhibit those traits in a myriad of ways from career and job choices, to relationships, to sex, to whathaveyou. I would imagine that a lot (if not most) people actually express those traits their entire lives, in various ways, without ever being cognizant of it.

< Message edited by marieToo -- 9/2/2007 7:25:27 PM >

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 7:43:55 PM

heavenleigh

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I know that my sister has a kinky streak, but we don't share details. I don't want to know that much about her sex life, and vice versa.

But, funny that I saw this thread tonite, since about an hour or so ago, my 10 year old UM asked me to buy her a blindfold! (aka sleepmask). Yep, there's something funky going on.......

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RE: Could KINK be genetic??? - 9/2/2007 8:01:31 PM

onmykneesb4Him

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i've actually been thinking about this a lot lately. i always thought my parents were vanilla- well, whenever i gave much thought at all to their sex life, that is. Now i'm not so sure. My mom completely submitted to my dad. i never thought about it, just thought it was normal. Then there is the fact that their bedroom door would be locked for long periods of time at night while my sisters and i wondered what the odd noises were. And the flogger i once found in their bedroom closet.

i'm thinking my parents are kinky. i'm also feeling a little irritated that it was kept such a complete secret. It was REALLY hard for me to embrace my submissive side and it took a long time to get here. i think if my mom would have told me what was going on (when i was older, not as a child), things may have been a bit easier.

Or maybe i'm totally missing it and all those things are coincidences.

Anyway.........genetic, yeah, i think it can be, but it doesn't have to be.

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