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mixing sub-cultures? - 9/2/2007 11:12:31 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		i'd like to think that we all recognize that we are part of a subculture just by being on this website...whether we are actively in it in real life varies from person to person...but i have noticed that there are quite a few people around here that venture into the meat world...

i have spent quite a few days this week submerged in a conference with people from all over the world gathered in my home town talking about our lives in another sub-culture...completely unrelated to this one...but there are some similarities that are quite amusing yet spot on...in both sub-cultures we are huggy people who value our annonymity...i don't mix them...meaning,..i don't take people from one group to the other or from the other group to the first....but i don't hide who i am in regaurds of one group from the other...it took me a long time to get where i am...to not be ashamed that i like to be beaten on and give up control to someone who had good intentions for me...and to not be ashamed that i used to do really hard drugs and whore myself out...

the past is the past...but if i don't learn from it, i am bound to repeat it...i am who i am...if i don't embrace it, it will overwhelm me....i can't tell the future...if i worry too much about theres no way i will enjoy today...

these are the two sub-cultures that i mix right now on a regular basis...throw in school two days a week, a liberal sprinkling of mental health fiestas, church once a week with a choir practice on the side and you have a round about picture of me...i posted on another forum that i wanted someone to man the sails with me for when the storm comes...because though the water is calm now, the storm will get here sooner or later...and he said...what if it never does....and i said...aww how cute...what if it never does...how nice and calm life would be if the storm was never coming....if this was my only proclivity in life...if the only thing "abnormal" was that on ocassion, i like to get beaten on or cut or fucked roughly.......but its not...

anway....lots of rambling to get to this....

if you do find yourself in more than one sub-cultures with very little overlap...how do you mix them or not mix them or what do you do when someone asks you what you're doing this weekend or why you have that visable bruise or any other issue you have come across?

chelle
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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/2/2007 11:31:37 AM   
callistaIn


Posts: 62
Status: offline 		I have pointed this out before; I do not live seperate lives; or as you have put it here, seperate "sub-cultures" I am not on this site so that I can find a way to merge two worlds or two sub-cultures ( or even to find a way for them to co-exist ).

I am A submissive; I am submissive; I am a daughter, I am a friend, I am a college student, and I am a member of the workforce. In addition I also am a Catholic who attends church on a regular basis.

I have friends from church, school, work...all of them who know/have seen first hand who and what I am. It is not an issue with me if they fail to accept this or not; it is an issue with them.

All I can say by the way of advice is to be yourself. Don't feel that you have to hide parts of yourself in order to please or make others more comfortable. Be yourself; and be proud of being yourself.

(in reply to chellekitty)
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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/2/2007 11:35:13 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		oh no, i don't feel that i have to hide...i just figured out after experience that its a bad idea to take people from munches to NA meetings and a bad idea to take people from NA meetings to munches...its the whole...we don't have the same set of social rules in both venues so we act innapproiately when we see eachother in venues other than the ones we first met in thing....
but thats just me...

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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/2/2007 12:03:50 PM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		Chellekitty
 
I think I understand what you're talking about...
 I think we all have "layers" to our lives.....
personally  ( I guess I'm feeling brave today to actually share this outloud) ...one of my "layers" I found challenging to integrate into the personal philosophy I have about my submission >>  I am a member of an Al-anon 12 step program...have been for many years...
Not all of their philosophy conflicts with a Ds dynamic but a certain amount of it seemed to at first, to me anyway..
Personal empowerment...taking care of your own needs...not depending upon anyone else....
Taking control of yourself and your life...
 
in hindsight...I HAD to experience that first (working the steps and taking control of myself and my life ) before I could ever move into a healthy relationship> be it vanilla or otherwise ( ds)...  and so things happened as they needed to.....
When I finally did find a healthy person to become involved with...and he was also a dominant>  I was in a place that I could understand how to give of myself without giving up mySelf.  and many more things I could go into..but don't want to bore anyone..
how did I integrate the 2?
I guess I don't see my submission as a personal weakness ...and I was with someone who only accentuated my strengths..
and knew about the power exchange...
I still do not "mix" as you say  the people ( sponsor ) with Alanon and my Ds beleifs and life....it isn't something I think they would understand, frankly. 
But I do feel I have a healthy balance of it in my own life and way of living. 
 
Many of the groups you refer to in your comment work because of the annonymity of the program..and so perhaps is not meant to be exposed or integrated???  just a thought for you to consider... : )
I hope I  understood the meaning of your question ...
 
: )
 
 

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to chellekitty)
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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/2/2007 1:44:06 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

if you do find yourself in more than one sub-cultures with very little overlap...how do you mix them or not mix them or what do you do when someone asks you what you're doing this weekend or why you have that visable bruise or any other issue you have come across?



I tend to keep this world appart from the others, mostly because the others involve vanillas who are simply going to get confused.

The difficulty is when they express a romantic interest in me.

I've explained this world in detail to two of them, neither of them local. One I subsequently met (didn't work out, this was just too much of a stretch for her) and the other I didn't meet.

And with anyone else, I wouldn't discuss sex at all anyway. When they ask how my dating life is going, I can answer honestly without providing details.

I like my privacy.


_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to chellekitty)
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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/2/2007 1:53:30 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I tend to focus on the image of life being multifaceted - which reflects differently depending on the light but is always the same in the end.
I do not seperate the sub cultures - they all intermingle - and I am just me.
If I am bruised, then I amswer honestly.
If I am going to a fetish event and I am asked - I am honest.
If you lie to and about your partner and your life, then you are being non consensual to those around you - they cannot make a informed decision or thought on faulty information.
 
Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to chellekitty)
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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/2/2007 3:21:38 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		i had a councelor say something to me that just popped into my head as i was reading the responses and watching a commercial that involved stripping in the security line at an airport....pretty sure it was for chewing gum....anyway...he said...
it says rigorous honesty, not rediculous honesty....
which to me means...don't lie...but not everyone needs to know every little detail...so...thats pretty much how i go into things...with rigorous honesty, not rediculous...

chelle

(in reply to RCdc)
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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/2/2007 7:43:14 PM   
leadinghand


Posts: 23
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		chelle,

I think your counselor was very smart to say "rigorous honesty, not ridiculous honesty...." Not sharing everything has always been smart. I have joked saying that I can never have a big party because everyone in my life fills a separate, different and sometimes conflicting compartment in my life. I would never introduce my brother (cars, hunting, family) to one of my closest friends (literature, art, history, politics), and neither one of them to my submissive (savage passion, power exchange and exploring the dark places of body and soul). I would have a hole in my heart without any one of them, but they should never be in the same room. As cyndi wisely said "I still do not mix ...the people... it isn't something I think they would understand, frankly.  But I do feel I have a healthy balance of it in my own life and way of living. 
Both comments are on the right track.
Good Luck, 


_____________________________

LeadingHand

When insired by a great and extraordinary purpose, thoughts break their bounds. You transcend limitations, consciousness expands and you find yourself in a new, and wonderful world

The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali

(in reply to chellekitty)
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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/2/2007 8:10:13 PM   
Damocles809


Posts: 532
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline 		Hell no.  No mixing here. 

My BDSM friends,  gym buddies, and co-workers have never met. 

And I'd like to keep it that way.  I don't think my snob friends would get along well with my thug friends or psycho friends. 

(in reply to chellekitty)
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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/3/2007 3:47:46 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Ditto to the essence of what Domocles, and leadinghand said.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 9/3/2007 3:55:51 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/3/2007 4:09:12 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

Hell no.  No mixing here. 

My BDSM friends,  gym buddies, and co-workers have never met. 

And I'd like to keep it that way.  I don't think my snob friends would get along well with my thug friends or psycho friends. 


would that be like the Seinfeld episode when Elaine meets the nice alternates of Jerry, George and Kramer and realizes she can't be part of their group because she just isn't 'nice' herself? and the uncomfort at having both entities meeting on the street. lol

Yes, I tend not to mix this scene with other stuff, people think I am crazy enough, that is plenty.

< Message edited by came4U -- 9/3/2007 4:10:03 AM >

(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/3/2007 4:13:38 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Tolerance and tact dictate that there is a time and place for everything. Common sense decides the order.

(in reply to chellekitty)
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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/3/2007 4:49:29 AM   
e01n


Posts: 1472
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty: if you do find yourself in more than one sub-cultures with very little overlap...how do you mix them or not mix them or what do you do when someone asks you what you're doing this weekend or why you have that visable bruise or any other issue you have come across?
Not normally an issue for me - the sub-cultures I'm part of DO tend to overlap... This isn't to say that they "get it" in either, but they have some exposure, hopefully enough to have a clue. Such as why I'm listening to Siouxsie and Ramones while wearing a suit and fedora and dropping references to suedeheads and protein resequencing...

There are a few that I keep totally separate - but that's more because within those, people don't have last names and it has very little, if anything, to do with anything but what the primary purpose of that sub-culture is. (10 years going on 11, why do you ask?)

If you are my friend, you know who what and where I am. Most people are merely acquaintances - they have a partial image with some idea of overlapping interests. And most of the people I know within various sub-cultures stay at "acquaintance" for most of our lives and within that specific context. Very few are friends.

I always assume that the reverse is also true, and act conservatively within that.

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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/3/2007 5:30:49 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i'm a black woman ....a black submissive ...a black single (divorced) mother of 2 UMs ...a black radio personality for an internet radio station who reviews rock bands - there are so many ways you can describe me. all my worlds overlap constantly even while attending church services on Sunday afternoons, people will see the stainless steel collar around my neck and chains around my ankles. 

i don't turn my submissive side on/off like a light switch - it's who i am and i'm proud of what i am yet there are times when the nilla me has to take dominance over the submissive me especially when around my religious relatives.


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...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/3/2007 5:37:26 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I take one pretty little white girl,
one pretty little black girl,
one pretty little red girl,
and one pretty little yellow girl...

mix them together, refrigerate for two weeks---
Viola!  the best blueberry yogurt imaginable

Chef Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/3/2007 5:59:52 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		if you tell me your last name is popeil i am gonna run screaming....

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/3/2007 6:01:24 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Ha ha ha!

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/3/2007 6:01:25 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Nope, it ain't.

I just said it and forget it.

Ron Popeil


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/3/2007 6:02:42 AM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

if you tell me your last name is popeil i am gonna run screaming....


lol
images of the "Bass in the Blender" on  SaturdayNightLive, running through my head....
uhg..
 

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

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RE: mixing sub-cultures? - 9/3/2007 6:09:06 AM   
e01n


Posts: 1472
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating: images of the "Bass in the Blender" on SaturdayNightLive, running through my head....
Bass-o-matic's nothing compared to Will It Blend?...

And yes, between the iPhone, cans of spam, DVDs, concrete and other things - he blends a fish...

(in reply to Cyntilating)
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