RE: Using a safeword = Punishment?!

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RE: Using a safeword = Punishment?! - 9/3/2007 4:34:13 AM

Cyntilating

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"you're drowning??? oh ..ok ... here, I'll throw you this life-preserver, so you can be pulled to safety.....BUT...IF you use it> I will be so disappointed in you and will probably not trust that you can swim as I thought you could.. And will be less likely to want to let you go in the water with me again...."

I think I would choose to drown...

< Message edited by Cyntilating -- 9/3/2007 4:35:31 AM >

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RE: Using a safeword = Punishment?! - 9/3/2007 8:03:22 AM

BeachMystress

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I personally feel that if my sub has to safeword **I** am the person who failed -not him. I didn't correctly read his body language and signs to keep him on the able-to-take-it side of the equation. I'll chime in on the never punish the use of a safeword side, since with my view I'd have to punish myself. *grins* What do you think the chances of that are? LoL

And if you have a submissive you suspect of using a safeword for reasons other than necessity, you have to address that in other ways. If you can't trust them to use the safeword appropriately, what else can't you trust them with?

In any case, having to use a safeword is often punishment enough for the submissives with whom I talk. Even when reassured otherwise, they often feel they've disappointed their Dominant when they've had to use it. That generally hurts them more than anything else.

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RE: Using a safeword = Punishment?! - 9/3/2007 8:27:09 AM

thetammyjo

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Well, in my household using a safeword to control me or to control a scene, in other words, not because the sub/bottom really needed to stop or slow down, this would be cause for stopping the scene and having a very serious discussion.

If it happened a second time, the dynamic is over because misuse of the safeword is not maintaining the authority dynamic and thus breaking the contract in my household.

If someone wants me to respect their safewords then they need to use them honestly and seriously. Since I would consider it a breach of my own ethics to ignore a safeword I would just simply not be in relationship with such a person.

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RE: Using a safeword = Punishment?! - 9/3/2007 8:27:45 AM

Celeste43

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Punishing me because I have a problem? No matter if the problem is physical - my wrist has gone numb-, or emotional - you've hit an emotional trigger-, punishing me for having a problem would teach me that he was not someone safe. That I couldn't trust him to protect me. That he was the wrong person to love and to be with. Thankfully that's not the lesson he wants to teach.

But then again, we're into bondage and not s&m, so that may make a difference.

On safewording to get out of punishment? Yes you should be able to. You could be feeling faint or nauseous or have a flashback to someone doing something without consent to you that you didn't know was an emotional trigger. Because obviously we don't know about the triggers until they've been tripped.

Safewording to get out of punishment just because you don't want to be punished? Shows you two needed to discuss having a punishment dynamic before he implemented it, and that you've got some major incompatibilities.

Safewording out because you don't know what you did wrong? Shows a lack of clear communication. And IMO a lot better to have the discussion about what happened and how you misread each other before you discover you screwed up and she didn't deserve to be punished after all. Being hot-headed and too stubborn to learn anything doesn't make a great dominant for me. Punishing without listening to me builds anger and resentment and distrust.

But my relationship is based on emotional transparency so not putting up the walls that anger, resentment, distrust etc cause is bad for us.

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RE: Using a safeword = Punishment?! - 9/3/2007 12:04:21 PM

MrDiscipline44

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Personally, I don't believe in "safe words". They're a silly means of control. Someone punishing theirs for using a safeword is on them. I could really careless.

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RE: Using a safeword = Punishment?! - 9/3/2007 12:16:30 PM

leatherette

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

I'd rather be able to tell that person they are screwing up-and losing my trust and respect. And if they keep it up-we are going to be quits., Isn't that punishment enough?

RRafe: that hurts the most. I would respect someone far more for knowing that losing their trust and respect would be my own ultimate loss.

quote:

Mr Disipline44: Personally, I don't believe in "safe words". They're a silly means of control. Someone punishing theirs for using a safeword is on them. I could really careless.

MrDisipline: I am not one to use safewords - especially in that stoplight controlling type of way. That said - maybe once in a rare while, a safeword should be used.
With all due respects to the many fine dominants: one tiny slip - and all could be lost. For example, what if you were ..administering something intense.
You were very focused in every way, in severity, refinement and health. All the best possible in human ability. But, somehow - the slave's gag.. got sucked down her throat for example ( may not be best example but please fill in ..) and you were unaware, if even for a moment.
Now - even if there was no "offical" safe word , surely you would want to know, just in case of any margin of human error?

I can't answer for anyone - just a thought.

Thanks OP and everyone.

< Message edited by leatherette -- 9/3/2007 12:33:07 PM >

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RE: Using a safe word = Punishment?! - 9/6/2007 1:35:06 PM

lonlyrossInNeed

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I have seen a few who will abuse there safe word for reasons that they should not be used i think that safe words and abuse of them is just as bad as the 85% of the on line world who are fake and play games
its just not right

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RE: Using a safeword = Punishment?! - 9/6/2007 3:12:45 PM

Missokyst

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Wow that doesn't make sense. I can see using a safe word if you need it but it seems to me that you are going to not only get what you safe'd out of, but you get more for calling a halt.
Seems to me like you might as well just cave and do it regardless of leg cramps, vomit rising, ect. Cave.. or beat the shit out of the so called dominant who has decided that you saying no, is an insult to their ego.
I would choose to beat the shit out of the top. Obviously the head is full of something.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

I came across the following on another site, it was a poll question yet it disturbed me and made me wonder how many agree with this or do not agree. If you do NOT believe in safewords, then please, do NOT repond to this, I don't want a debate over using or not using safewords. Its a dead horse, no use in beating the carcus any more.

"We use 'safe words' during 'playing', but there are penalties for the use of them, and then continue with the activity slowly after the punshment has been administered. what would be the proper punishment/penalty for the use of the safeword?"

That was posted by a 'male slave' who is searching for a Mistress if that matters. I did email this person with what I hope will be a wake up call of sorts. Since his page is basically baren, who knows. Safewords are NOT to be punished as far as I recall; they are a tool to let your partner know what is going on and in punishing someone for using them its counter productive and it can be very dangerious and for lack of a better word, 'ignorant.' Why have a safeword(s) if there is a punishment attached?! Makes NO sence to me.

Others thoughts on this..

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RE: Using a safeword = Punishment?! - 9/6/2007 4:06:54 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

I came across the following on another site, it was a poll question yet it disturbed me and made me wonder how many agree with this or do not agree. If you do NOT believe in safewords, then please, do NOT repond to this, I don't want a debate over using or not using safewords. Its a dead horse, no use in beating the carcus any more.

"We use 'safe words' during 'playing', but there are penalties for the use of them, and then continue with the activity slowly after the punshment has been administered. what would be the proper punishment/penalty for the use of the safeword?"

That was posted by a 'male slave' who is searching for a Mistress if that matters. I did email this person with what I hope will be a wake up call of sorts. Since his page is basically baren, who knows. Safewords are NOT to be punished as far as I recall; they are a tool to let your partner know what is going on and in punishing someone for using them its counter productive and it can be very dangerious and for lack of a better word, 'ignorant.' Why have a safeword(s) if there is a punishment attached?! Makes NO sence to me.

Others thoughts on this..

In my relationships it has always been understood that there were NO safewords. Period. If I tried to get him to stop, or begged for it stop, he would just laugh and keep right on going. Please understand though that in my relationships, it has always been understood that safe words have no place and that the use of one would be ignored unless he felt that something was really wrong.

As for punishments...well...it is not and was not my place to tell him whether he could or could not punish me for something. If he felt that it was needed, I was punished; pure and simple. Trying to get out of a punishment by threats, warnings, begging...anything, only warranted more punishment.

( as I stated though, this was MY relationship and it was something that I accepted willingly )

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