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RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/3/2007 11:23:23 AM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		Here I am in agreement again. He determines my responsibilities and how they get prioritized. We live together, work from home most of the time, so it would be unlikely he wouldn't know what I was doing. It has happened that he has called from the road and needed something, he wants to know if I'm doing something he would consider more important than that, but he makes the determination if I stop or continue.

He does that for the whole of the relationship as well. He doesn't want me struggling with who to do for first because he knows my inclination will be to stop and do for him or take care of him and that might not be the best thing at the moment. So he makes himself the decision maker in those circumstances.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
Not at all and that is not what i meant. However there are times when if Sir rang and said 'do this' that it just would not be possible etc. That is what i mean by life gets in the way of life. I cannot always be his 100% devoted submissive because i have other responsibilities.


For us, he decides which responsibility will take priority in any given situation.  If he calls and wants me to do something and I am in the middle of something else, I will ask to give him that information.  It is then his decision on what I do first, what he called to have me do or what I was already in the middle of doing. 

He makes the decisions that best serves the relationship.  Sometimes that means that his immediate wants have to be put on hold, but it is his decision to make.

Knight's Kyra


< Message edited by BeingChewsie -- 9/3/2007 11:24:37 AM >

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
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(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/3/2007 11:42:11 AM   
submittous


Posts: 345
Joined: 6/12/2004
Status: offline 		Lots of good comments on this thread, at the risk of being redundant in some ideas I'd like to share a few thoughts.

We are most interested in M/s bonding that for us only happens when we have a live-in 24 hour a day slave. We are not wealthy but were able to retire in our 40's and have time to focus on our bdsm. Some physical things like privacy, a facility, a lot of time etc are really helpful from our experience in creating 24/7 M/s but that doesn't mean a slave could live in chains, nude or be caged all day, while our slave could not be nude 24/7 she could be when told to be. The option is there 24/7 if not the physical fact. The power exchange is there 24/7.

It is a lot of work to live M/s but I don't see it as exhausting at all... in fact for me not living it is tiring and leaves me feeling incomplete, living it helps me feel congruent with who I am and overall more centered.  We have struggled through the last 2 years with medical issues but the most draining thing both physically and emotionally during that time was not having live in slaves. We look forward to getting back to our real lives now that cancer is no longer an issue.

There are lots of fantasies that cannot be lived 24/7 or even at all, but from our experience living 24/7 M/s TPE is not only possible but for many of us the best and easiest way to live... or maybe even the only way to live happily.

Yep, YMMV.

Bill

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 102
RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/3/2007 11:53:42 AM   
YesMistressIrish


Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submittous

but from our experience living 24/7 M/s TPE is not only possible but for many of us the best and easiest way to live... or maybe even the only way to live happily.

Yep, YMMV.

Bill

Yeah!

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Profile   Post #: 103
RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/3/2007 12:36:38 PM   
homedespot


Posts: 79
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

I see 24/7 (bdsm) compared/like a store that is open 24/7.  They cannot close because the cashier needs a break and she locks up and people await outside to purchase their stuff on the go.  Mopping also, must be done while the store is open, washing one aisle at a time and posting 'wet floor' signs at periodic areas.

She is stuck there.  Her whole duty is to be available and do the work of the store and only the store. She can't just call her friends on her cell while working, chew bubblegum and ignore customers while listening to her headphones.

I see nothing romantic about 24/7 as you say I do. Reading about it? anyone can read or write about it. Not the same as living it.  In my opinion it is a description of constant, unyeilding D/s, without breaks, without down-time.  It is a different description to everyone., always will be.


edit: even the military gives leave eventually or the person would obviously be insane.  Prison on the other hand, they are even being watched while their spouses, um's visit. Now THAT is 24/7. The authority is a constant, even if just via environment.


I really couldn't disagree with you more. It seems as though you imagine 24/7 as an unending list of duties. But, as many others have said here better then I can, his duties include down time for him...on My schedule. jssubc tends to go to sleep later than I do. he has duties to prepare Me for bed, and to prepare the bed for Me...then (if his chores are finished) he writes on the computer, eats cookies, watches soccer highlights. He loves soccer. So if I am pleased with his behaviour during the rest of the week he can sit on Sunday mornings and scream at the teams. He makes Me breakfast during half time. The authority is constant but the never-ending drudgery not correct. This summer *I* decided all the things that were going to be done. We went to Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon. We went to Abiqu and white water rafting. In Las Vegas he carried the luggage and went to the restaurants that I picked. When I felt like swimming we went outside and hung by the pool. We had a lovely time...with Me picking everything I felt like doing and him enjoying every second of it. In our 24/7 I have the bank accounts and the passwords. he asks Me for money if he wants something. It is part of our dynamic to ask Me for the money to buy something he desires but I don't deny him the money to bully him. I deny it if it is something I don't want him to have.Would you like a drink by the pool Mistress? Yes I would slave! Here is 20 dollars and you can have a beer.

How is it different then a 1950's relationship? Thats easy. Awareness. I see lots of posts from men saying "how can I get my wife to be more dominant". And I see lots of responses like "just do the laundry more, whats the difference". The difference is the MY awareness that he is a slave and doing it for Me to please Me and make Me happy. The difference is the awareness of his that he belongs to Me and obeys Me.

Many people have said it is a mindset. The knowledge that the relationship is always there. but prison? misery? working in a convenience store? It is most certainally not. If by 24/7 you mean whips and chains and latex and crops and beatings and working in a field for a meal of bread and water then I don't live 24/7. By most other ways of defining it I do.

J





J.

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RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/3/2007 12:45:20 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: arayofsunshine55
We are very laid back.  Few to no rules or protocol.   Not at all difficult to manage when we are shopping, at a restaurant, etc.  the dynamic is he leads and I follow.  What is so difficult to sustain about that?  Plenty of people do it.  My mom did it for 40 years

After reading each and every response here - whew - I find this snip to be the one I can most relate to.  Our relationship is very much this way.  Not a lot of rules and protocol.  He always leads and I always follow.  It is very much like the relationship my mom and dad had for 33 years before he passed away. 

To the best of my knowledge, they weren't into any "kink" and they didn't see each other as Master and slave but he led and she followed.  She served him well in every area of their marriage and he was her protector and guide.  I grew up in this dynamic and learned alot from it.  I employ much of the same behavior in my own M/s relationship.  He owns me 24/7 and I obey Him 24/7.  To me, it all boils down to that: obedience.

I have to laugh (as some others have mentioned) when it's pointed out about one's M/s or D/s "life" interfering with their "vanilla" life.  For us, it's just all one life.  We don't live "vanilla" in public and then come home and slip into our M/s "life."  What's that mean?  We come home and get into our leather clothes, He picks up a whip, and then "turn on" the M/s part of us?  That would be kind of hard as neither of us own or wear such trappings.  If that's what it took to "turn into" our M/s selves, we'd be in big trouble...lol....

We get up in the morning and go about our day (together or separate) knowing without any doubt that He owns me and I obediently serve Him - no matter what.  He's intelligent and mature enough to understand that, because I have a job, I can't always drop what I'm doing to talk on the phone or immediately do what He needs.  He knows my schedule so He's aware of when I might be otherwise occupied.  He doesn't expect me to behave in such a blind manner that I'd get myself fired just to speak with Him on the phone for a moment.  Geesh, He needs the money I bring in.  He's not stupid.  The point is that, even though there may be periods of time when I have to obey work rules at the moment, that still doesn't mean that I'm not owned and obedient then.  As others have said, at that point, I'm being obedient to the larger principle of keeping my job.

Then, when I return home at the end of the day, those work rules don't apply anymore and I'm back to focusing on whatever He desires without any interference at all.  Some days, there is no sex had nor ever a whip cracked, but, but.......we are still M/s.  That is what is so important to us.  Knowing that without sex, pain, leather, humiliation, or whathaveyou............we are still Master and slave (at home and in public).  Knowing that without a doubt is our security.  As Kyra said, I can't imagine NOT doing it that way............luci

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RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/3/2007 12:47:15 PM   
rew9999


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/13/2005
Status: offline 		hi

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RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/3/2007 12:53:45 PM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		Homedespot, that was a great description of a pragmatic 24/7 relationship. So very real, so exciting, and seemingly very workable. You seem to have found a way to really integrate the "normal" vanilla aspects of life with the femdom aspects, and I must say that I am very impressed by it.

(in reply to homedespot)
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RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/3/2007 1:34:30 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

so we can all agree that part-time or on/off is not 24/7? or is it?

there is no correct answer. It has become a competition of who can go the longest at actually 'behaving' D or s without real life interfeing, which in a vicious circle thought, is that then not 24/7?

ok, going insane now, getting dizzy. No more thoughts on this lol.






I wonder if you are actually reading the posts here and applying any kind of cognitive thought to them, because this is completely way off base.

In a pragmatic sense, I have to accept the fact that my girl has a job. I have to appect that she has a boss. If I want her to continue to keep her job, I will have to accept that her bosses decisions will provide circumstances that I will have to deal with. Kind of like the circumstances presented when I want her to be home at a certain time and the car breaks down.

However, just because she goes to work doesnt mean my authority over her decisions dissolves. Its still there if I choose to exercise it. I can call her and tell her to come home because of an emergency. I can tell her to take a certain day off from work or when to take her vacation. Her boss might influence what I want, but this is circumstance that I have to accept.

The authority or the D/S element is kind of like a lamp. Sometimes its off. Sometimes its on. But it never simply disapears.

If your argument is that 24/7 is impossible because I am not God and cant control every factor in real life that will influence my control, well then by that definition, 24/7 is impossible.

But personally...I think that definition needs some revision



< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 9/3/2007 1:40:17 PM >

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RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/3/2007 2:54:24 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well I think once you break past the idea that this is "what you do" and realize it's much more "who you are together/how the authority flows" then you're halfway to understanding just how easy it is to be 24/7 slave just as it is to be 24/7 "mom."

Perhaps my own experience can help- my former master told me to go create strong relationships with other people, boyfriends and lovers.  Now, in order to follow THOSE orders, that means that he is limiting OTHER orders he may give me.  He can't tell me to cancel every date I have AND expect me to have solid stable relationships.

He still CAN tell me to cancel every date, and I would.  But that's all up to him exactly what priority is most important at that time.  And it doesn't take a lot of time to explain, but that's because he trusted my judgement and when he called and wanted my service I would say "OK but I DO have this date with John that we've had planned for two weeks, so I'll cancel that."  And then he would make a final choice. 

But that's what all that communication, getting to know eachother, learning styles of management and judgement are good for- it takes awhile to get you there, but once you're there, it's pretty smooth sailing for the most part.

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RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/3/2007 4:05:51 PM   
onmykneesb4Him


Posts: 113
Joined: 8/28/2007
Status: offline 		There have been lots of good replies already. A very interesting conversation!

We live 24/7. He exerts control over every aspect of my life. In some situations, that means allowing me to do what i want to do. For example, i am a professional person and i work for myself. He could tell me to stop immediately, and i would, but He knows that this part of my life is fulfilling and He knows how much i love it. So He lets me do what i want to do in this area. He chooses to allow me this freedom.

There are lots of things that are expected of me every day. Some are fairly vague expectations, such as having dinner on the table around a certain time, and some are as specific as what color He wants my nails to be, what clothes He wants me to wear, and what exercises He wants me to do. i am also available for any request or any sort of sex He desires at any moment, whether kinky or vanilla.

We have a lot of fun together. He lets me have a little time to myself. He likes to take care of me because He loves me. i'm not always naked and handcuffed (which of course is fine if that's what works). i am always His submissive, regardless of what is going on at the time.

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RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/4/2007 12:59:53 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
So firstly what is your definition of 24/7?
The quality of being maintained constantly.  In the case of BDSM, a contineous dynamic (no breaks).

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
Secondly do you think it really is possible to live the dynamics 24/7?
Definately.

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
And if you do live this 24/7, how do you manage it?
Not sure how to not live it.  It's natural and comfortable.  I'm perfectly content having my slave live under my rule.  My slave is perfectly content to be ruled.  We're just happy.

A lot of non-24/7 individuals have voiced concern about how the Dom might have any time in a 24/7 dynamic.  Rules being in place, laid out in an orderly structure, can allow the sub to understand even orders that have not been specifically created for the individual sitution.

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RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/4/2007 1:43:00 AM   
sammy7626


Posts: 89
Joined: 8/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

I see 24/7 (bdsm) compared/like a store that is open 24/7.  They cannot close because the cashier needs a break and she locks up and people await outside to purchase their stuff on the go.  Mopping also, must be done while the store is open, washing one aisle at a time and posting 'wet floor' signs at periodic areas.

She is stuck there.  Her whole duty is to be available and do the work of the store and only the store. She can't just call her friends on her cell while working, chew bubblegum and ignore customers while listening to her headphones.

I see nothing romantic about 24/7 as you say I do. Reading about it? anyone can read or write about it. Not the same as living it.  In my opinion it is a description of constant, unyeilding D/s, without breaks, without down-time.  It is a different description to everyone., always will be.


edit: even the military gives leave eventually or the person would obviously be insane.  Prison on the other hand, they are even being watched while their spouses, um's visit. Now THAT is 24/7. The authority is a constant, even if just via environment.

Even stores that are open 24/7 have shift changes....in a 24/7 life, you have other roles that are filled too, but that does not take away from the inherent D/s relationship.  I may be a mother/caretaker/housewife/submissive, but submissive is part of what I am all the time, not just some of it.

And yes, the military does give leave.  However, even on leave and liberty they are still on 24 hour call back.   Their leave can be interupted at any time.  Military members are, for all intents and purposes, owned property of the US government for the entire time of their enlistment. Anyone who says otherwise has never been in the military.

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RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/4/2007 5:32:51 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation 
So firstly what is your definition of 24/7?

To me and my Master, it means that i am available to Him 24/7, to use any way He sees fit.  If He decides to use my mouth, He has my mouth to use.  If He decides to exercise His sadistic creativity, with His whips and such, He has my flesh to use.  If He decides He is hungry, He has me prepare, serve, and clean-up His meal.  It all depends on what He wants and needs from me, at any time, day or night.  When He doesn't need me, i am still available to Him but, free to do what i choose to do, with His approval.  No matter what i am doing, if He calls my name out, i go to Him and attend to whatever He needs from me.  It might just be that He needs me to get His glasses or the phone book.  He calls, i come to Him.  He gives me a task and i complete it to the best of my ability and His satisfaction.
quote:

Secondly do you think it really is possible to live the dynamics 24/7?
For my Master and i, Yes it is possible.  i have been living as my Master's slave 24/7, without stop, since Dec. 2005.  He does go to work at night, five days a week.  When He is at work, He still calls me on the phone, usually once a night but, sometimes more.  i am still available to Him to take care of things at His house and to receive instructions, if any, on what He wants me to do in the morning.  When He gets home, His house is always clean and His slave is sound asleep where He can find her, if He needs her then.
quote:

And if you do live this 24/7, how do you manage it?
Day to day living is just that, Wwe have a routine, just like most people have a daily routine, and Wwe adjust it accordingly when something comes up that requires it.  Wwe do what Wwe enjoy, within the constraints of living in a society that demands certain things from it's members.  Wwe manage it by just doing it.  The Dominance and Control of my Master over His slave is there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.   Wwe don't have to be physically together all that time for it to still be a 24/7 M/s relationship.  Wwe don't have to be doing BDSM 24/7, for it to still be a 24/7 BDSM-based M/s relationship.  Wwe don't have to be eating, 24/7 to be well-fed and nourished. Oour life is what Wwe make it.  Wwe make it possible.  Wwe make it real for Uus.  Wwe make it livable for Uus.  Wwe make it enjoyable for Uus.  Wwe make it satisfying for Uus.  It's not exhausting when you love what you do. slave joyOwned property of Master David___________________________________________________________________"Dreams still do come true in this crazy, messed-up, twisted beautiful world."

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RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/4/2007 6:07:53 AM   
curiouspet55


Posts: 133
Joined: 10/13/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
So firstly what is your definition of 24/7?
Secondly do you think it really is possible to live the dynamics 24/7?
And if you do live this 24/7, how do you manage it?


I believe a 24/7 relationship is one that maintains the dynamic of D/s in all situations, though being flexible with terms used depending on where the couple is. I do think it is possible to live the dynamics this way, because it isn't about obeying orders 24/7, constantly, but about submitting to Him constantly. Your Dom should know you, and know you well enough to see you are mentally exhausted, and thus you can relax and talk as equals, and he can still be the Dominant in that type of situation.

My two cents-
cp55

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RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/4/2007 6:22:11 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
I have not read through all the posts so I am only going to respond to the original questions that were posted. These are only my thoughts on the questions posted.
 
My definition of 24/7 is that you constantly ( 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year ) strive to keep the dynamic of M/s/D/s in place. You don’t have to be living together to achieve this, and you do not have to be constantly ‘scening’ to achieve this either. It’s a mental dynamic that never diminishes.
 
Yes, I do believe that it is really possible to live, practice, and thrive with the dynamics in place 24/7.
 
When I was married it was simply a matter of knowing that he was the boss J There were things that he wanted done a certain way; things that he did not want me to do; and things that he expected and demanded that I adhere to. These things were second nature; I never thought about them; I just did them. His total authority and control over me and the relationship never wavered; was never put to one side; and was never questioned.
 
Our life together was not about playing ( scening ), it was about how we interacted with each other and how we interacted with others. He was always the one in charge; 24/7.


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RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/4/2007 6:45:35 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		~ General reply ~

I'm really glad i posted this thread . Sometimes it's really good to go outside my circle of lifestyle friends to find out what a broader circle think.
Naively and due to convos with friends i thought 24/7 for most was defined as 24/7 scening etc. I now see that this is only one definition and that it really doesnt have to be that way.
I was confused by it thinking that i was only a part time slave to a certian degree and i really don't see myself like that. I have struggled with the issues of occasionally not being available to Him there and then and felt i was failing in some way.
Thanks to a lot of posters here i now see that it is a frame of mind being 24/7  (my opinion). I dont stop being a good slave or become a part time one because i have a job to do, unmentionables to see to etc. 
So i thank you all for helping me with this

_____________________________

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RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/4/2007 7:21:41 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I've been discussing the concept of living this lifestyle 24/7 with a few people recently and the conclusion we came to (opinion only) is that it's just not possible.
Now of course this would depend on your view of what 24/7 actually is! My view would be that the dynamic and servitude is in place 24/7. For me this is just not possible. I would be absolutely exhausted mentally and physically if i were to try this.
 
So firstly what is your definition of 24/7?
 
Secondly do you think it really is possible to live the dynamics 24/7?
 
And if you do live this 24/7, how do you manage it?
 
Pretty sure this will have been done before but i couldnt find anything so apologies if im being repetitive.


The reality of 24/7 is that you don't spend every waking hour on your knees providing servitude. This is a huge misconception. People have jobs, kids etc that run your day to day business. We are both people that work and do things outside of BDSM.

If you go in with a realistic attitude about and talk about this with your owners about their expectations things can be worked out and living how everyone is happy can be obtained.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

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RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/4/2007 9:07:25 AM   
BlackSakura


Posts: 131
Joined: 7/23/2006
Status: offline 		Lol, 24/7 for me does NOT mean I want him chanined to the bed at all times serving me, etc.  That's just silly and unrealistic.  24/7 is him living with me and being in a D/s relationship.  We act like like a regural bf/gf couple but he knows his place at all times.  

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RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/4/2007 1:17:08 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Glad you saw the difference in perspective as valuable missturbation.

For us it is a matter of
When she goes to the store, she does so in service to me.
When she picks up the kids from school she does so in service to me
When she takes a break so as to keep herself in good mental and physical working order for a lifetime, she does so in service to me.
It's the mindset, that everything my girl does from basic life things, to SM, to motherhood, to grocery shopping, to furthering her education, etc is done as part of her service to me. When viewed as such real life doesnt "Get in the way" it mearly provides different opportunities for service than those we expected.

(in reply to BlackSakura)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: 24/7 - no way!! - 9/4/2007 3:02:39 PM   
SuspendedInGaffa


Posts: 188
Joined: 8/17/2007
From: Wales, UK
Status: offline 		This thread should be required reading for newbies like me, and has made me rethink my whole idea of 24/7.

I was fully aware it wasn't about leather and chains every hour of the day (if at all), but my problem was that a 24/7 submissive might not have any opportunities for freedom of expression or following their own interests. And again, what if I handed over total power to someone who then wanted to take on another lover/master/mistress/submissive - which I'd hate? Or made me go to the next family dinner dressed as Shirley Temple? OK, that one's a deliberately ridiculous example, just given to illustrate my worry about handing over total power. One Domme I was in contact with said I didn't understand TPE if I had a problem with her taking on another man, which confirmed some of my worst fears.

Some of the 24/7 relationships I've been reading about above seem like absolute models to strive for, and I guess the answer is down to being basically compatible in the first place, so that the dominant partner is unlikely to stray too far from their sub's limits. But theoretically, if total power has been handed over, couldn't the dominant partner decide to completely ignore those limits? I suppose you could say it's then time for the sub to walk away, but what if the dominant holds all the financial clout?

I'm still worried about it (maybe it's the amount of trust I have to give), but I'm leaning far closer to considering 24/7 than I ever was before.

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 120
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