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If your Dominant released you - 9/3/2007 6:17:32 PM   
NefertariReborn


Posts: 381
Status: offline 		Let Me preface this by saying that NO I'm not talking about Me! So don't ask for more information.  I'm sorry it's the personal problem of a real friend and this is as far as I want to go.  Yes, We do actually have some of those *grins* I'd like some input on this scenario.  All perspectives are welcome. 

Subs/slaves,

If your Dominant (you've met and bonded, deep feelings exist but you live very far apart)  decided after some time that maintaining the relationship online until some arbitrary date in the future was unfulfilling. you are confident of the fact that He/She loves you but won't do online.   If the Dominant decided to release you given those circumstances but gave you the option that if you could get your life together and move nearer or even in house that your place with Him/Her was assured, no ifs, no ands, no buts.  What would you do?  Why? 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/3/2007 6:23:56 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		To tell the truth, I would say no and then ask him why does he not move closer to me.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to NefertariReborn)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/3/2007 6:24:35 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Sounds familiar.
Ive done this with several boys, because as much as you love someone, distance is impossible when there is no end in sight.  The question has always been the same.
Are you not moving becasue you cant, or becasue you dont want to?  IS this persons life not together in a financial way, emotional, mental, carerwise? Whats the holdup?
Sometimes, wanting to be with someone is a good enough reason to up and move. Sometiems, the reality of the move is not workable.
If her move to him would disadvantage EVERYTHING else in her life, Id say dont do it.  If there are the same oppertunities where shed be going as where she is, or if shed be able to do better perhaps... then shes got nothing to lose.

Angel and I faced this. The move was mine to make, but I had to weigh the options and see if I was going to come out here, or if I was going to wait until he finished school and have him come to me. It was more to my advantage to go towards him, and so I did.  Not an easy decison to make, but all things considered it was one of the best I have ever done.

Hope this helps.
DV



_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to NefertariReborn)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/3/2007 8:46:58 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm not sure I understand.  He made up his mind that the situation as it was, was exactly what he wanted and fulfilling for him.  Now, he's completely changing his mind.  And the sub can either decide to make a huge life move, or they will end the relationship.

That's a very difficult place of life to be in, but it's honestly a very real and true situation for a lot of people.  As long as the dom HONESTLY came to a place of sincere decision in both cases, then there really isn't a place for "blame" here- everyone changes in life and we all get to say "Well who I was isn't who I am and what I thought was right for me isn't at all"

The sub in this case also should not be made to feel guilty or a "bad" sub because she does not choose to maintain the relationship.  She chose a specific dominant with a specific situation.  Such a drastic change in life is not easily undertaken and specially now that the stability of the entire relationship is in question, it's completely legitimate if she chooses to simply let it end here and now.

What would I do?  I'd end the relationship. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/3/2007 9:09:10 PM   
curiouspet55


Posts: 133
Joined: 10/13/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		For me, it would depend on the situation. If I was just deciding on a job, or unhappy with my current job, or not situated in a locale for a reason such as family/school, then I'd move. If I had a job I loved, wanted to live near family, or was (as I am now) attending college, I wouldn't give that up to move for a Dom. If we'd met several times, I would hope we could make it work until it was possible to move.

If I was in a job I loved, but had been in for a while, and I was truly in love with my Dom and he couldn't relocate, I might agree at that point.

Just my thoughts,
cp55

_____________________________

Question everything, try anything, do something.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/3/2007 9:27:42 PM   
obis


Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I'm not sure I understand. He made up his mind that the situation as it was, was exactly what he wanted and fulfilling for him. Now, he's completely changing his mind. And the sub can either decide to make a huge life move, or they will end the relationship.


I'm not sure how you got that "as it was, was exactly what he wanted and fulfilling for him". I don't see anything that indicates that.

It sounds fairly understandable to me -- two people meet, hit it off, and the guy decides that while he knows she is a totally compatible person for him, the distance simply makes it impractical to pursue the relationship at that point in time. If she were to move closer, he's certain he'd pursue it, but for whatever reason he's unable or unwilling to move closer to her at that point in time.

Sounds like pretty much every long distance relationship I've ever had, which is why I don't do them anymore. It's totally up to her instinct and feeling -- is she confident that he is worth taking such a big risk to be with? It's just not a hypothetical that anyone else can deal with, because it depends entirely on the gut feeling of attraction they feel and all the hundreds of logical reasons in their individual lives to do it or not to do it.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/3/2007 9:37:21 PM   
unsung


Posts: 183
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline 		deleted

< Message edited by unsung -- 9/3/2007 9:42:03 PM >

(in reply to NefertariReborn)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/3/2007 9:38:49 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Reply to OP:

If I were her, I might consider making the move if I felt that the relationship was a commited one on both parts and if I were sure that it had long-term potential.  However, in this case the feeling I am getting (if I understand your post correctly) is that he is giving it to her in the form of an ultimatum in an effort to manipulate her to make the decision to move to him. I could be wrong, but that's how it reads to me.  If this is the case, it would certainly give me pause to think long and hard about whether or not his love and commitment are really genuine.


_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to obis)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/3/2007 11:18:16 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NefertariReborn
If the Dominant decided to release you given those circumstances but gave you the option that if you could get your life together and move nearer or even in house that your place with Him/Her was assured, no ifs, no ands, no buts.  What would you do?  Why? 

If my head, heart and gut all spoke the same language in telling me this guy was the dominant for me, I'd be there so fast it would make your head spin. If any one of those three was in conflict, adios amigo.

Celeste



_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to NefertariReborn)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/4/2007 3:52:17 AM   
Slave2js


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/8/2007
Status: offline 		i thought i would put in my two cents because i am in the process of making that exact transition.  my Owner lives 2 states away from me, and i will be moving to Him.  i have been actively seeking employment in His city, and can, and will pack up and leave at the drop of a hat.

For me, there was no question that i would go to Him...but there was also no question, in my mind, that i just couldn't live apart from Him anymore.

This is truly an individual, situational issue that many face.  There really is no "right" answer in this situation.  i hope that your friend will take some time and do some soul searching and she'll find the right answer.

Good luck to both of you.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/4/2007 6:25:46 AM   
servantheart


Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NefertariReborn

Subs/slaves,

If your Dominant (you've met and bonded, deep feelings exist but you live very far apart)  decided after some time that maintaining the relationship online until some arbitrary date in the future was unfulfilling. you are confident of the fact that He/She loves you but won't do online.   If the Dominant decided to release you given those circumstances but gave you the option that if you could get your life together and move nearer or even in house that your place with Him/Her was assured, no ifs, no ands, no buts.  What would you do?  Why? 


What a horrible position to be put in by someone who supposedly "loves" you!  Love means working together to overcome obstacles, not pressuring the person to make a major life change that may not even be possible at this time.   Why is the Dominant so willing to let love slip through His/Her fingers?  It appears the Dominant is being manipulative and attempting to place the burden of sustaining the relationship squarely on the submissive's shoulders.  If so, your friend should walk away and never look back.  It would be easier to give an opinion if more details about the situation were given here, but your friend may be looking at a blessing in disguise. 
 
Taryn
 
 

_____________________________

When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

(in reply to NefertariReborn)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/4/2007 7:40:07 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I'm not sure how you got that "as it was, was exactly what he wanted and fulfilling for him". I don't see anything that indicates that.

For me it was the fact that he is her dom.  That means he chose to become the dom in this situation and chose to make that commitment in a relationship.  The mere fact that he is in a position to release someone shows that there was a commitment made- at some point this person said "This is what I want and what will work for me."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to obis)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/4/2007 8:01:39 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		I will be cold here. When doing the open ended long distance relationship with no end game in plan one of the persons is going to get burned at some point. Human beings are social/physical human beings and each and every one of us has a limit on how long we can go and if two people trying to attempt this are not close in this area, then this is a predictable conclusion.

End game should be discussed and planned and this includes an agreement on who moves and some time period. If the OP friend had been in a long enough relationship to get hurt by this type of revelation then they should have never put themselves in the situation in the first place. If end game was discussed and agreed to in general and the dominant then could not handle it the submissive should be grateful that they did not transplant there entire life to a person who is some sort of bad combination of selfish and lacks patience.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/4/2007 8:10:29 AM   
HotFaerieMama


Posts: 2617
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline 		hmm.. i wonder if my current situtation would fit in here.. i waitd for 4 years.. and am not sure as to where this is headed...

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/4/2007 8:11:13 AM   
mmb1


Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline 		I'm confused...........why would he release you if you agreed to relocate and do as he wishes?

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/4/2007 10:01:20 AM   
HotFaerieMama


Posts: 2617
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline 		I was just released after waiting for 4 years and its painful.. i know now i can't trust him. he wants to remain friends.. and is acting like nothing happend.. and i have the feeling that his wife has his balls in a jar...

(in reply to mmb1)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/4/2007 10:11:21 AM   
mmb1


Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline 		This whole releasement thing puzzles me at times, whether it's the Dom or the sub.  Why don't people put in the effort needed to hold it together if it is a healthy relationship, I mean not abusive etc, instead of thinking "Ok, well I can release them or ask to be released if necessary"?  It seems like something to me that would always be in the back of your mind as a cop out.  Just my opinion.

(in reply to HotFaerieMama)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/4/2007 10:25:43 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Some people will keep a relationship going that resembles a cowboy try to ride a bull for three years. You don't know what effort was being made-if you aren't them-so try not to judge so harshly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mmb1

This whole releasement thing puzzles me at times, whether it's the Dom or the sub.  Why don't people put in the effort needed to hold it together if it is a healthy relationship, I mean not abusive etc, instead of thinking "Ok, well I can release them or ask to be released if necessary"?  It seems like something to me that would always be in the back of your mind as a cop out.  Just my opinion.

(in reply to mmb1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/4/2007 10:56:58 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mmb1

This whole releasement thing puzzles me at times, whether it's the Dom or the sub.  Why don't people put in the effort needed to hold it together if it is a healthy relationship, I mean not abusive etc, instead of thinking "Ok, well I can release them or ask to be released if necessary"?  It seems like something to me that would always be in the back of your mind as a cop out.  Just my opinion.


You are making an incorrect assumption that the people who break up/”release” do not make an effort to fix things and/or stay in the relationship to see if it is just a rough patch.

People do and some do and it still does not work out, some do and the other is unwilling for any type or not enough change/work to see if the relationship can work well again and some are just in denial that there is really anything wrong or anything they need to do.

By the time you hear about the breakup whether strangers on a message board or people you know in real life you are often just hearing the tale end of a long drawn out situation.



_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to mmb1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: If your Dominant released you - 9/4/2007 11:59:02 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I'm not sure why the choices are online only or 24/7. What happened to LDR? No, I wouldn't have moved for an online only. We had expected to stay LDR until all minors were out of school. Thankfully he had the opportunity to move up here ahead of schedule. And we're working on blending the families.

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 20
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