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Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 6:08:50 PM

slavetorain

Posts: 3
Joined: 4/22/2007
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The question falls upon this situation. I hate chasity I despise it. I am monogomus to avoid this delimah. Though I understand it to a certain extent it can be valuble. My master is wonderful and good though there are long periods of chastity including play that seem unusual for his young age of 24. Sometimes it lasts WEEKS even months...Is it wrong of me to be upset? HOW LONG IS too long I end up throwing tantrums and hate it the behavior is unbecoming of my position.

< Message edited by slavetorain -- 9/4/2007 6:10:34 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 6:13:40 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
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From: Kentucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetorain

HOW LONG IS too long I end up throwing tantrums and hate it the behavior is unbecoming of my position.

However long is too long for you.

Look... find someone who is compatible with your own desires. It saves a lot of headaches for everyone.

(in reply to slavetorain)

Post #: 2

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 6:18:28 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I don't think you are a brat, I just think you are very unhappy and incomaptible in your relationship right now. Communicate your feelings and go from there.

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(in reply to slavetorain)

Post #: 3

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 6:21:21 PM

Dddylilgrl

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Compatibility is very important along with honest communication.

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RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 6:46:40 PM

EternalInferno

Posts: 47
Joined: 8/30/2007
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My mother didn't always have sound advice, but she did give me a few good tid bits. One was something I rejected at first, but after too many years {!} I have found it to be true.

'A man that can spend the night in bed with you and doesn't want to have sex with you, has something wrong with him.'

Now, I can argue this as I did back then with many arguements I don't want to argue here. lol But, for the most part, I have found that anyone I was in a relationship with, that went long periods of time without sex, had something wrong with them. lol

(in reply to Dddylilgrl)

Post #: 5

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 7:07:04 PM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
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It sounds to me as if sexual release is a need of yours. I can see the pain, pleasure, and enjoyment of withholding needs for sometime, but months... that is ridiculous. Some cats dig on chastity. Some don't. You shouldn't feel like your needs are not important because you are a slave of someone who feels said needs are not important.

Respectfully ask what he intends to teach you through chastity, and that you really don't like it, and have not been trained in how to see the pleasure of it. I'm not a homewrecker, but let's say My Pet came to me with those exact words about her deep-throating lessons, I would have answers. It's the duty of any good leader, in a sexual way or not, to be masterful of what's going on.

I believe that there is a proper time to ask these questions of your master. There IS a rude way to ask them, and a time when it's rude. So be mindful of that.

Are you a brat?

I've never read the work of any biologist, psychoanalyst, or philosopher who said that sex should be avoided. I'm terribly biased and do not see much good from excessively long periods of chastity. I don't think you're a brat.

Let me know what he says to "What does he intend to teach you through chastity?" and the statements "I have not been trained on what to gain through chastity." and "Can you please teach me to better understand this."

If asked properly (right way and right time) and he responds with anything other than a lucid answer, seriously consider if this man looking out for your best interests.

After you've decided if he is or is not looking out for your best interests, ask yourself if you want a man that will look out for your best interests or not.

If you do want that, and he isn'tdoing that, there is a problem, Houston.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to EternalInferno)

Post #: 6

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 7:16:32 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

Oh dear. At 24 I don't think I'd be handling that. Hmmmmmmmmm. Not handling it much at 45 either. Well I guess that depends. If he were addressing it I'd hang in there. As you know the tanturms don't make you seem more desirable and probably don't do much bet let off some steam. Are you masturbating a lot? Letting off your own steam?

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to slavetorain)

Post #: 7

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 8:08:55 PM

CatKnight

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/31/2007
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I don't see you as a brat. Subs have needs too, and wanting to have them fulfilled is not bratty behavior. Demanding might be - I'll let the experienced doms deal with that possibility - but it's natural and healthy for you to long to have sex.

A 24 year old male (heck, ANY male) who doesn't want to for so long is....hm. Unusual. I like that. Unusual.

It may be that he has his own issues. For example, perhaps he's displeased with his performance, or he suspects something is medically wrong and doesn't want to 'betray' himself, or maybe some other deep seated reason why he thinks sex is a bad idea.

You two DEFINITELY need to communicate. In any relationship, even 'vanilla', both parties go in with their own needs, wants and limits. They stay in a relationship if these are honored. Being a sub doesn't mean you give up your right to your own needs and wants. You may be giving him the power to decide when they should be dealt with and under what circumstances, but if they aren't being met at all....?

I agree with Heavenskeeper here: Go to him and ask what's going on - nicely of course. If he's said chastity is part of the program, then it's time to nicely ask why. Tell him it's unpleasant and feels like a punishment, that it's upsetting you.

He should at least be able to tell you why it's part of his plan - or failing that if there's a deeper issue, he should tell you. Honesty and open communication is the key here....and if he fails, then he's probably not the master for you. Far better to find someone compatible with your needs and wants.

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)

Post #: 8

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 8:10:06 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
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You're not a brat for being unhappy that your needs aren't being met. Have you discussed things with him? Not as in getting frustrated and throwing a fit, but actually sitting down and talking things over?

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I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to slavetorain)

Post #: 9

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 8:32:52 PM

disciplinedslave

Posts: 25
Joined: 3/24/2007
Status: offline

Maybe He doesn't want to be a slave to your libido like you are. It strikes me as interesting that people want to say that there is something wrong with the man who is supposed to be in control of himself, when he is actually controlling himself. He is the one in charge, it is His decision whether or not He wants to have sex. If you don't like this there are three diffinitive ways to go about this: 1) talk to him and see if it can change, 2) continue with it as it is and be an embarrassment to yourself if no one else, or 3) find a new dominant who is more sexually active with you.

edited to add:
As far as you being a brat, i think that if you are doing this to get your way with everything, then yes you would be a brat. but from what you described, you are just a frustrated woman who does not have a constructive outlet to voice it [frustration].

< Message edited by disciplinedslave -- 9/4/2007 8:36:48 PM >

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disciplinedslave
owned and collared by Mr. Discipline44

It's not about the man being strong enough to dominate, it's about the woman being strong enough to submit.

(in reply to slavetorain)

Post #: 10

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 8:39:23 PM

EternalInferno

Posts: 47
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: disciplinedslave

Maybe He doesn't want to be a slave to your libido like you are. It strikes me as interesting that people want to say that there is something wrong with the man who is supposed to be in control of himself, when he is actually controlling himself. He is the one in charge, it is His decision whether or not He wants to have sex. If you don't like this there are three diffinitive ways to go about this: 1) talk to him and see if it can change, 2) continue with it as it is and be an embarrassment to yourself if no one else, or 3) find a new dominant who is more sexually active with you.

Controling himself or avoiding a personal issue?

Slave to libido? That didn't sound very nice. She wants to be a slave to him with a lil more action. I can't blame her!

(in reply to disciplinedslave)

Post #: 11

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 8:44:21 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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It would seem natural that hating chastity, you would be upset at being forced into it.
By your profile name I assume you are his slave. You are right that you are not behaving as one. If he decides it is chastity for you, that is what you do.

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Boycott Whales!

(in reply to slavetorain)

Post #: 12

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 9:04:09 PM

nyrisa

Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetorain

there are long periods of chastity including play that seem unusual for his young age of 24. Sometimes it lasts WEEKS even months...

I would agree that this is a pretty big disparity of needs between the two of you. And while some have said that if you are his slave, and he chooses chastity for you, then that is what you get......I would disagree somewhat. With ownership comes responsibility to maintain the health of the being that you own. If someone owned a horse, but never let it out of its stall for exercise, then they would rightfully be considered to be neglecting its needs. He would either need to ride the horse, let it run in the pasture on its own, or find someone else to exercise it; if not able to do any of the above, then he should relinquish the horse to someone more prepared for ownership of such an animal, and maybe get a goldfish, instead.

In the part of your post above, what types of "unusual play" is going on? Perhaps this play is meeting his needs, but not addressing yours. I was only wondering, because fetishistic interests come to mind.

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to slavetorain)

Post #: 13

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 9:11:43 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

The whole point of any relationship, be it D/s, M/s or vanilla is that everyone has needs and everyone's needs are met. Sexual needs are an inherent part of humanity. Nature intended it this way! If her needs are not being met, then there is a problem and it's not hers, other than the fact that she hasn't figured out that she needs to tell "Master" to get packing.

To the OP ... I am the voice of experience on this one. The difference is, I hung in there, had kids and then stayed because of the kids until I was 37 years old. Don't do what I did. You'll be a much happier person and down the line, a much better slave to someone who is more compatible with you if you do not buy into this whole "because I said so" type of mentality.

Granted, some people WANT forced chastity for months on end, that is their NEED. This girl's need is nothing of the sort. Honey, let me tell you, the longer you stay with him and allow him to do this to you, the more you will begin to lose your self-esteem and self-confidence. It's a difficult thing to overcome and in some ways, I still haven't quite overcome it. I don't know if I ever well, honestly. But I am working on it.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 14

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 9:12:55 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
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I think I'm too much a brat

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Post #: 15

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 10:27:05 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I see. Promise to serve and obey, but when you don't get your way, go ahead and leave. Interesting how that works. I would imagine chastity was discussed before she commited to him. Was that a hard limit that she made him aware of? If none of this was discussed, that was a big mistake. If it was, she commited to him knowing his view on chastity. By her post it sure doesn't sound like she is being mistreated. It seems more like she is angry that she can't cum when she feels like it.

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Boycott Whales!

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 16

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 11:40:57 PM

EternalInferno

Posts: 47
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline

When young and getting into a relationship, we often don't think of all things to be concerned about. As we get further into a relationship, we will see things that need to be addressed or changed. At any age this can be a problem. I find it interesting how many talk about the contracts and such. Some things just don't seem to be a concern, that can crop up at any time.

As for this thread, we are projecting and assuming an awful lot I think. I am not just accusing others here... I made my comments too.

Personally, I don't feel that this is an area where her service or commitment should be challenged by us, because if her master were using this as a way to form or guide her, he would be addressing it more. Wouldn't he?

I have personally experienced men who went long periods of time without the need for sex with me. Now... in a healthy relationship, my men never went long without wanting me. It was only with men who had issues with their mother or sexual issues or money crisis or another sex partner, who didn't want sex. In other words, going so long without wanting sex with a commited partner, in my opinion is coming from an unhealthy place rather than an instructional or benefical one unless it is a topic of conversation leading to the end result. I am not saying that is what is happening here, but what happened with me.

Not having sex with someone you are in a relationship with can have far reaching emotional effects if it is not openly and honestly addressed. To see this as just a D/s thing or an emotional problem would be wrong because we don't know the facts, but to get real involved in assuming we know the motivations is wrong on our part. Why don't some of us older folks consider that this is a young couple that might need a little guidence rather than a situation where we feel we need to question commitment from the submissive? What about the commitment to his girl? I go on that one for a long while!

edited for font size

< Message edited by EternalInferno -- 9/4/2007 11:52:23 PM >

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 17

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 11:46:41 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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And so a Domme who locks up her male slave in a chastity belt for long periods of time is doing that for who's benefit exactly? Certainly not the slave's.

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Boycott Whales!

(in reply to EternalInferno)

Post #: 18

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 11:49:59 PM

EternalInferno

Posts: 47
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline

As a Domme, I would explain what I was doing if I did it. A confused submissive isn't my idea of proper anything in dominance. Allowing such long periods without sexual relations between us, without communicating why is cruel in my opinion.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 19

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 11:53:07 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Actually, what would be said is the male slave should quit complaining and understand that there is more to serving than just sex. Interesting how that doesn't apply here.

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Post #: 20

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