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RE: Am I a brat? - 9/4/2007 11:57:10 PM

EternalInferno

Posts: 47
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline

lol I have no clue as to how you can assume to know how I might handle this topic with my submissives. Actually, I don't use chastity much at all because I don't like going so long without! Now if you aren't just assuming about my submissives... it sounds like you have an attitude about female dominants and also feel that they use chastity to get out of sex. Come on!

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 21

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/5/2007 7:21:41 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Matching sex drives is very important to me. You need to talk to him and tell him how unhappy you are. Is he on any medication that could be causing loss of drive or ED? This includes illegal drug use and excessive alcohol use. I mention them because at age 24, heavy usage of alcohol and recreational drugs is very common.

Maybe he's afraid to go to the doctor and ask about this. If so encourage him to get treatment.

But you won't know what's going on if you don't sit down and have a frank discussion.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 22

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/5/2007 9:20:27 AM

EclipseAbove

Posts: 220
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline

Ok, I see two different issues you are asking about.

First is the topic of this thread - Are you a brat? That depends on how you respond to things you don't like and how you act in general. If nothing is ever good enough and you pout and jump up and down when you don't get what you want, then you are a brat. But it doesn't sound like you are doing anything like that, so I would say that you don't seem to be a brat.

The second is the issue of chastity and/or lack of sex in your realtionship. If you not having sex is part of play or part of your relationship, then it is chastity. If not, your master is just simply not having sex with you. That may seem like the same thing, but it isn't. Like being in a relationship where spanking is part of play and a realtionship where he hits you. If you are unhappy about the chastity play, you need to discuss it with him within the dynamics of the established relationship and perhaps redefine some boundaries. However, if he is just not having sex with you, that indicates to me a problem of some sort. Either he has some kind of sexual problem (medical condition?) or he is getting off somewhere else (perhaps with someone else). You may want to approach the situation a bit differently as a sexual problem will necessitate care and understanding and the other possibility brings monogomy into question and could be a serious violation of the relationship. There are probably other possible reasons for not having sex, but I think they will fall into either he can't for reasons beyond his control or he doesn't want to.

(in reply to slavetorain)

Post #: 23

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/5/2007 9:58:49 AM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EternalInferno

lol I have no clue as to how you can assume to know how I might handle this topic with my submissives. Actually, I don't use chastity much at all because I don't like going so long without! Now if you aren't just assuming about my submissives... it sounds like you have an attitude about female dominants and also feel that they use chastity to get out of sex. Come on!

Actually, I am not assuming anything about you. I was speaking of the tone the threads would take. I am not really interested in what you do.

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(in reply to EternalInferno)

Post #: 24

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/5/2007 10:51:18 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

You aren't a brat you are HORNY!

I'd have fits too.

Months at a time, uhg. Are you a submissive or a nun? Or both?

What was the agreement?

I would certainly walk. It isn't like he is deployed to another country is he?

gods, I would tell you to go fuck yourself, but you can't!! LOL

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 25

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/5/2007 12:49:48 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

I see. Promise to serve and obey, but when you don't get your way, go ahead and leave. Interesting how that works. I would imagine chastity was discussed before she commited to him. Was that a hard limit that she made him aware of? If none of this was discussed, that was a big mistake. If it was, she commited to him knowing his view on chastity. By her post it sure doesn't sound like she is being mistreated. It seems more like she is angry that she can't cum when she feels like it.

Where do you get the idea it was discussed? Because I'd bet anything that it wasn't. That they've never discussed their sexual needs in a frank discussion. And that all this came as a shock to her.

Keeping your word is fine and good as long as he keeps his. He's not talking to her about this although he does know how unhappy she is. He isn't addressing the problems this is causing the relationship. Doesn't sound like the actions of a trustworthy dom to me, but of someone passive aggressive, hiding his head in the sand to not face the problem.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 26

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/5/2007 1:07:14 PM

Masternslave07

Posts: 203
Joined: 12/29/2006
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And of course if we talked to him, we would get a completely different story. I could be wrong, but she sounds like a brat.

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(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 27

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/5/2007 2:30:43 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

Long periods of forced celibacy is something I would not agree to. I'm very upfront about that. Sex is an ingrained part of who I am.

There fore I would not be and could not be with a partner that wanted that as part of our relationship. Would not work for me at all.

I'd be talking to my Dom and asking him if it was going to be a consistant part of our relationship, if yes then I'd probably move on.

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(in reply to Masternslave07)

Post #: 28

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/5/2007 3:28:46 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

I see. Promise to serve and obey, but when you don't get your way, go ahead and leave. Interesting how that works. I would imagine chastity was discussed before she commited to him. Was that a hard limit that she made him aware of? If none of this was discussed, that was a big mistake. If it was, she commited to him knowing his view on chastity. By her post it sure doesn't sound like she is being mistreated. It seems more like she is angry that she can't cum when she feels like it.

So, in your itty bitty world, a slave leaves her needs at the door when she joins your home? That's just too stinkin bad and she has no recourse? Yeah, ok. Go ahead, you roll that way. The rest of us don't have to.

There's plenty of evidence that suggests that months and months of chastity were not discussed, but who among us has managed to cover every single topic with their partner before the relationship moved to the M/s level? How many of us actually sit down and talk it out like we all say we should, or do we get caught up in the frenzy of a new relationship and kinda let all that slide because it seems all too perfect? Why would thoughts of extreme periods of forced chastity have entered her head? They wouldn't mine.

I may not know her particular guy, but I was married to *that* guy. The one who doesn't give a shit about his partner's sexuality and doesn't touch her for months on end. This doesn't end, it doesn't go away, it doesn't get better. Chances are while he's got her all locked up, he's availing himself of some strange every chance he gets.

The bottom line definitely is this:

Everyone deserves to be and expects to be happy in their relationship. Be it vanilla, M/s or D/s. If they are not, they can either take steps to work it out or they can bury the damn thing in the backyard and move on. Why would anyone even suggest that someone remain in a situation which is so clearly making her unhappy?

< Message edited by feastie -- 9/5/2007 3:31:08 PM >

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 29

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/5/2007 3:55:14 PM

slavetorain

Posts: 3
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

Within a couple of days i start getting little upset by a week i start to cringe and past two is when I start to go what could possibly be that bad?

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 30

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/5/2007 4:29:21 PM

slavetorain

Posts: 3
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

SOME MORE INFO>
Yes it is to him I have given myself to with the best intentions of giving him all I am and helping him achieve all he needs to be the best in whatever he dreams. "Unusual play" I believe was a slip of edit I believe I meant to say unusual lack of play. I see in the majority of the responses an approach on the emotional state of the relationship. At this point in our relationship I would say that it is good though not perfect but who's is. The only severe thing is my negativity which mostly derives from said current situation. I have before told him of my needs and desires many times perhaps I am going about it wrong. I will take into consideration what was said about respect time and place of addressing it furthermore. I understand that what he says goes that goes with out saying this is almost second nature doesn't mean that I am not loathing the fact and thinking of what the full meaning of it may be? To be a slave I must keep my wits about me though lately because of these things all my thoughts seem in vain and I feel stupid to boot all because I can't figure out what’s wrong. The most he has told me when I try to talk about it is to quit bothering him and that I have to be more positive. I usually follow up with well I know what will make me positive ;-). Nothing. It's a vicious circle.

Thank you to all who have taken the time and thought into this situation it is greatly apreciated.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 31

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/5/2007 7:39:19 PM

shyinini

Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetorain

The question falls upon this situation. I hate chasity I despise it. I am monogomus to avoid this delimah. Though I understand it to a certain extent it can be valuble. My master is wonderful and good though there are long periods of chastity including play that seem unusual for his young age of 24. Sometimes it lasts WEEKS even months...Is it wrong of me to be upset? HOW LONG IS too long I end up throwing tantrums and hate it the behavior is unbecoming of my position.

jeeez..... Sir would say he's a sadist and selfish....
but maybe you signed on for it??

Sir's girl

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to slavetorain)

Post #: 32

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/6/2007 6:48:30 AM

jmslilbytch

Posts: 26
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline

Greetings Slavetotrain.
Your frustration is understandable since you don't know why He is doing this. The problem is how your addressing it.
As a slave, you gave yourself to Him, yes? Depending on your agreement or contract, His say is final. Given that, you should still be able to ask or discuss problems that you have, as long as it is done respectfully.
It is His duty to look after your needs; mentally, emotionally, and physically. Since you have a serious problem with this, you owe it not only to yourself, but to Him to ask why or what it will accomplish if you don't understand.
I don't agree with that He has a problem. He might, but no one knows this. Just because a man has control over himself, doesn't make something wrong with him, in any direction.
One point I would like to make that I haven't seen here yet. Is it possible that it is a form of punishment? Your behavior, no matter how understandable from any of our viewpoints, is bratty. Throwing a fit about it is not only unbecoming behavior, but it tends to bring to mind a child that isn't getting thier way. Perhaps the more you throw fits over it, the more He makes you abstain. Not only that, but it may make you less desirable in His eyes. Just a thought.
Now, if for some reason you can't communicate with Him, you have a problem you need to address yourself. At that point you need to figure out where you are going.

(in reply to slavetorain)

Post #: 33

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/6/2007 7:07:16 AM

jmslilbytch

Posts: 26
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetorain

SOME MORE INFO>
Yes it is to him I have given myself to with the best intentions of giving him all I am and helping him achieve all he needs to be the best in whatever he dreams. "Unusual play" I believe was a slip of edit I believe I meant to say unusual lack of play. I see in the majority of the responses an approach on the emotional state of the relationship. At this point in our relationship I would say that it is good though not perfect but who's is. The only severe thing is my negativity which mostly derives from said current situation. I have before told him of my needs and desires many times perhaps I am going about it wrong. I will take into consideration what was said about respect time and place of addressing it furthermore. I understand that what he says goes that goes with out saying this is almost second nature doesn't mean that I am not loathing the fact and thinking of what the full meaning of it may be? To be a slave I must keep my wits about me though lately because of these things all my thoughts seem in vain and I feel stupid to boot all because I can't figure out what’s wrong. The most he has told me when I try to talk about it is to quit bothering him and that I have to be more positive. I usually follow up with well I know what will make me positive ;-). Nothing. It's a vicious circle.

Thank you to all who have taken the time and thought into this situation it is greatly apreciated.

You wrote this as I was in the process of writing the first post.
Sometimes changing behaviors can work wonders. I'm still working through many of mine.
He shouldn't tell you not to bother Him about it though, unless it's because He's tired of hearing about it. Men in particular don't have a lot of patience when it comes to "harping" on a subject.
Hope you can work through it. Only you can figure that out though. Good luck.

(in reply to slavetorain)

Post #: 34

RE: Am I a brat? - 9/6/2007 7:35:45 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetorain

The most he has told me when I try to talk about it is to quit bothering him and that I have to be more positive.

I've quoted just this because it's the most telling point. He doesn't want to know about your needs or your emotions. He doesn't care about what effect his actions have on your feelings. He only wants you to paste a fake smile on your face and not share with him.

Now I know people who get off on stuff like this. But only poly types who don't live together. They like the difficulty of obeying stuff like this for a time.

I'm not one, and apparently you aren't either. Is this relationship otherwise sufficiently satisfying that you can deal with your sexual needs yourself or is a sexual relationship a requirement for you?

(in reply to slavetorain)

Post #: 35

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