the rules? (Full Version)

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RandBcouple -> the rules? (7/13/2005 12:46:36 PM)

ok...not sure how to phrase this so bare with me...

some of you may have read, or at least heard of this book titled, "The Rules"...it's basically a guide to finding the man of your dreams, playing hard to get, and by doing so you achieve what you want.....i have a friend that swears by it! lol

i'm curious about something tho....it's been my own experience that most men tend to enjoy the "game" of cat and mouse...if you will...maybe a girl that's hard to get, that doesn't answer calls, or keeps you waiting...etc... my question, and it's only out of curiousity that i am asking brought on by a conversation i had with a friend once, are dominant men in the lifestyle different ...or should i say, tend to be different in this aspect than vanilla men? do they just enjoy the attention and constant adoration of their slave or does it ever get boring...dull...

i know everyone is different...yadda yadda...so i'm asking for your own opinion on thi, it's only out of curiousity i bring this up...no advice needed here...just thought it might make an interesting topic, if all the arguments on word choices and terms and definitions can be avoided.

~Hugs~
Babygirl [;)]



CitizenWolf -> RE: the rules? (7/13/2005 12:50:32 PM)

"Cat and Mouse" games are a COMPLETE turn-off for me. I'm not trying to speak for everyone, but if a girl plays hard to get with me I just walk. I don't play games, don't have the time or desire.


Edit: I gotta say that I'm just now realizing my place in this lifestyle after having my eyes opened to who I am by a friend of mine. So I'm speaking from my vanilla past.



JerryInTampa -> RE: the rules? (7/13/2005 12:54:25 PM)

Comeplete turn off for me as well. I suspect (but cannot say with any authority) that a smaller portion of the dom-male community will enjoy it / will it work for than the male community at large.

BTW, those men that tends to work on are also the ones who leave when the chase is over.



Tempestspet -> RE: the rules? (7/13/2005 12:57:26 PM)

You'll find that just like vanilla, guys are all different.

Look at the ratio bewteen doms that enjoy a brat ( the challenge) and the ones that can't stand brats.....

Tempest's pet
jennifer




stormsfate -> RE: the rules? (7/13/2005 12:58:52 PM)

I have never heard of the book you mention, but psychologically speaking, trying to hold onto someone or being clingy tends to make them want to pull away. One of the best viewpoints I've ever read on this was from Dr. James Dobson in "Love Must Be Tough". Written from a deeply religious angle, the psychology behind it was incredibly revealing to me.

What a great topic you have introduced! In thinking about the long term M/s relationships I've been exposed to over the years, as well as the dynamic I'm involved in, the "norm" doesn't seem to fit. I know that my owner never seems bored with constant attention and devotion...and in fact he demands it. Those I know seem to be more concerned with honesty and being real versus playing games like "hard to get" or "guess what I am thinking" One of the things that drew me so much to the lifestyle (as I have experienced it in my journey) was being able to toss games like manipulation and guessing games out the window and being able to be completely open about my feelings.

I am really looking forward to responses to your post. How interesting!


best regards,
fate



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: the rules? (7/13/2005 1:00:35 PM)

I think vanilla men are just like dominant men in this respect, and just like submissive men too.

Some love being chased, some hate it. Some love being the chaser, and some hate it.

"The rules" are for women who want men who like to chase women.

I have no problems chasing and I adore being chased...but I also have no problem doing neither. I'm flexible.



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: the rules? (7/13/2005 1:08:24 PM)

I never ask twice. Hell, I never ask once unless it is painfully obvious that the answer will be yes.

When I was in college, I was working at The Gap with this very hot girl. I asked her out and she said no. Years later we met again and she told me that she had had such a crush on me and had said no because she was playing hard to get. We laughed and laughed and then I punched her...no, no...just kidding about the punching part.

Taggard

In an odd mood.



CitizenWolf -> RE: the rules? (7/13/2005 1:11:07 PM)

Yeah as stated by the others it's really dependant on the person. Everyone is different, so anyone who writes a book called "The Rules" on how to get a guy and try to make it applicable to all men is seriously wearing blinders.



RandBcouple -> RE: the rules? (7/13/2005 1:11:12 PM)

Great replies!

i'll admit to having read "the rules" lol...well, that friend i told you all about, who swears by it, she gave me that book after my divorce....the book pretty much tells you that men are men, that you have to play hard to get...seem mysterious, say you're busy when you're not....keep them "intrigued", never call a guy, never return a missed call, well, you get the picture.....so, while i was reading that book, i kept thinking to myself, how could i possibly apply this to the relationship i'd like to have with a dom? (like i said, this isn't relevant to me anymore since i am happily married now to my Master.....this book i read some years ago)

i, for one, despise those games....i don't like to have to "pretend" anything....i figure, i'm too old for that sort of high school crap....but, i do wonder at times....how dominant men really, honestly, feel about all this. A typical vanilla male might get tired of having a woman devote so much of herself, be so adoring, so giving....do dominant men ever feel that way?
~hugs~
babygirl



CitizenWolf -> RE: the rules? (7/13/2005 1:13:22 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
Years later we met again and she told me that she had had such a crush on me and had said no because she was playing hard to get. We laughed and laughed and then I punched her...no, no...just kidding about the punching part.



Dude I don't "condone" violence against women but that made me laugh so hard LOL



Tormentius -> RE: the rules? (7/13/2005 2:49:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CitizenWolf

"Cat and Mouse" games are a COMPLETE turn-off for me. I'm not trying to speak for everyone, but if a girl plays hard to get with me I just walk. I don't play games, don't have the time or desire.


Couldn't agree more. Not returning a call, playing hard to get, or any other kind of "games" bore me rather quickly. I'll try twice, because in my experience sometimes the first instance isn't intended as a headgame. If the second time gives the same result I'll walk.



Gauge -> RE: the rules? (7/13/2005 2:55:29 PM)

I guess I must look at things a little differently but I don't want or have time for games. If someone is into them, great for them, I wish them well. I look at it this way, I am an adult, I will say what is on my mind. I expect others to reciprocate. Now, I do believe in courtship and romance, but the playing hard to get game is a silly waste of time. If a woman is interested I prefer that they say so and we can explore that together.



DesertRat -> RE: the rules? (7/13/2005 3:05:13 PM)

I prefer clear and honest communication. That said, the flirting game can be lots of fun, and that can include playing coy. A lot of good information can be exchanged in the flirting process. Deep, multilayer games are too much for me, though. I don't do them, and I don't want them done to me.

Now, seduction...that's a whole 'nother thing...[:)]

Bob




FelinePersuasion -> RE: the rules? (7/13/2005 3:08:35 PM)

I'm not a male dom, but I have been given the cat and mouse games. If I percive you're no longeritnerested I stop thinking of the said person as a potential. for example something happend in real life. I met someone we hit it off had a great time and then he stoped calling when he said he would, and he knew to me it was a major thing of importance to keep your word, and I'd go months on end with out hearing from him sometimes, and when I calle dhim he sounded really disinterested.


I finally said to hell with it he wants me he knows where I am, I stoped calling him or hoping he'd come around. I'm not interested in chase me games, nor am I interested in someone who can't keep their word* IE by not calling when they said they would*



dominmd -> RE: the rules? (7/13/2005 4:56:52 PM)

I admit I like the flirting. When you are giving information about yourselves, I believe that means there is a mutual interest.

But I am sorry, the playing hard to get stuff is not only boring but outright irritating. This type of head game has turned me off from vanilla women so many times I cannot count.

Don't return my call once ok. Don't return it again, and you will not hear from me ever again.

Seriously ladies, if you like a guy tell him. Don't make him ask twice because he may just have someone else in mind, and you never know what you may lose.

The whole bit of meeting someone later down the road and have that girl say "Why didn't you ask again? I wanted to go out too". My typical answer is thus: "I asked and you were not interested, so I moved on. Sorry But I don't play games."

Sorry, I will end with a rant which is unusual for me: Some books are fine while others are total bullshit. Let's face a fact. Men are outnumbered by women on this planet. MEN have the choice of whom they want. Ever hear a phrase "A good man is hard to come by"? Want to know why? Because some women don't play these head games and go after that guy just on a chance that he may be the "one". Wanna land a good guy, say yes when a man asks. If for nothing more than curiosity. If it doesn't work out it is no big deal. But what if it does work out? If you are vanilla you may be wearing a diamond and a white dress. If you are bdsm you may be wearing those plus a collar.

Your choice ladies. Stop playing all the head games? Or rove through life looking for Mr Perfect?

Please note: This can whole heartedly be switched around to the guys who play hard to get. You don't get off easy here fellas, sorry.



fastlane -> RE: the rules? (7/13/2005 5:14:53 PM)

I love cat and mouse play, especially when they go for the cheese, in the mouse trap. Now, I'm turned on.



quietkitten -> RE: the rules? (7/13/2005 8:19:04 PM)

I read "the rules" a few years back.. I laughed myself silly. I figured it must be some sort of joke book about men and women and then I realized it was actually a serious attempt at dissecting relationships. Although it might work on some men, I have serious doubts that it would be terribly useful for any of the men I have ever known.



Smtreker -> RE: the rules? (7/13/2005 9:00:55 PM)

I love games but not to attract another. After all, the fun begins after you have caught your prey not while chasing it. I would much rather spend my time having fun rather then running around trying to have fun.



domm4subf1970 -> RE: the rules? (8/3/2005 11:27:31 PM)

Some people get off on games.



junkyard -> RE: the rules? (8/4/2005 1:31:52 AM)

Any situation based on deceitful manipulation is bound to end badly. You cheat your intended partner and you cheat yourself by playing those kinds of games. No one ends up with any real understanding of who anyone is in the relationship because you are just adopting attitudes for the purpose of manipulation.

There are scene games that can be played, but I consider those far different than what is being discussed here.

Whether I end up loving someone or not has nothing to do with a lot of game playing nonsense; so I of course think the "Rules" are all wrong. Transactional Analysis therapist Eric Berne covered this garbage a long time ago in a book called "Games People Play." If people are going to play the "rules" games on you, then it's not so hard to identify those games and effectively shut them down.

The authors of the "Rules" are basically telling you that people will love you if you deceive them effectively. If that's what it takes to win the prize then maybe it's not worth having in the first place.

Let me put this another way...

Does the Con artist actually want to marry the mark? If so, why?

Love cannot be the basis of such a relationship. You can't respect someone you are able to deceive.



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