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Ideas and suggestions, please? - 9/6/2007 11:20:50 AM   
Karynn


Posts: 773
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline 		Hello everyone,

I'm a very devoted female in a household that might be defined somewhat closely to the Gorean dynamic of FC where the man is leader and patriarch and simply by existence and pledged contract (submissive contract, vows in marriage before witnesses and God) and somewhat closely to mainstream BDSM when one speaks of Master/submissive with a very sincere 24/7 reality that reaches far beyond the bedroom and kink.

I'm also a very physically handicapped female spending about 85% to 90% in bed with little ability to get up, get out, and do a lot of what I used to consider part of my day to day life. I loved to do all the little things like shop at the gourmet market so I could get his favorite brands of foreign beer and wash his clothing and fold/iron it before he even asked on military drill weekends. I was a soccer coach, a soccer referee, a Youth Pastor, a wife, a mother. I still am the latter two, wife and mother. My handicap plus illness has removed so many abilities to get out and play, and laugh and dance.

This weekend, he goes on another deployment. I'm putting on the brave face, smiling and saying the three of us (my teen sons are 17 and 16 and very very helpful) will survive well in his absence. He doesn't have to worry. If we get in over our heads, my father will step in and help. He lives very close and wants to be far more involved than I usually let him. I don't want to take advantage of him either.

In years past, I made a big deal about his departures and returns from military assignments. He's promised in his personal vows to never engage in sexual play with other females without discussing it with me first. As of now, we have yet to include other females, so when he plans on departing and when he returns, one of the ways I want to tend to him is to make sure his sexual needs are met. I know there are tons of needs other than sexual, but I know men and their drive and need to cum remains a constant.

With my medical issues, sexual partying truly has evolved and creative thought has been an element I've had to draw on for ways to meet his needs and not damage myself further. I know that once in the throes of certain things, it's very hard for men or women to just "stop" cold turkey. If he's really aroused and in that head space where everything seems to suspend, time and air and space, and no coherant thoughts pass between us, it's easy to cross that danger line. I know he worries about hurting me, and I worry about the rammifications of after effects. I often don't feel the painful side of things in my own headspace, and on top of that, I'm a masochist, so the painful experiences add to my pleasure for the moment. We worry about the side effects though and how many times I've ended up in the emergency room in pain that is so overwhelming, it is out of control after doing life or living life the way I used to do.

I want to plan something special, nonetheless. I want to continue to be that special girl in his life that makes every effort to tend his needs despite my own pain. I want to tease and please him so badly. I want to make the touch last the weeks he's gone. At this point, his Mastery has become a voice of logic and reckoning, and I think that because ultimately he finds his duty as my keeper to keep me safe and healthy, he puts himself in mental chains so that he doesn't reach that edge and risk damage.

How do I entertain him and please him, in new and fun ways without harming myself or making him worry that after the fact, when he's gone, I'm going to spend his absence healing or worse? Are there suggestions for ideas that might bring delight in a special, soft and yet poignantly dynamic way so that while he's gone, he can reflect back on the special moments, just as we've always done?

Are any of you working with new handicaps and have advice, or living and loving with handicaps you've had all your life? I really seek friendly advice and ideas. I just want to continue to be the girl that sparkles his world, the woman that makes him crazy and the fiery wild thing that always waited eagerly to try new things.

I am a natural masochist with a moderate level of pain=pleasure mentality. I can take mid-level experiments that include some funky wild kinks and some of the more traditional things. Some of those kinky moments are erotic and don't seem to harm or damage me in any way related to my abdominal nerve damage and pain, and in the same moment, they also do not in any way hinder his pleasure. It's just hard to find those creative niches that still fit into our way of life, and don't cross all those new lines.

I hate the concept of telling him no, that hurts. I simply don't tell him. I've had a few dominant friends tell me, "No, karyn, that won't work because your dominant partner must know all the details, and if you hold back information, you're failing in your service to him." It's just so frikken hard to pause, to stop, the hold back.

Please, if you have ideas, and have somehow followed my random request for help, I'd love to read ideas both from the top and bottom members of M/s partnerships.

K

_____________________________

In all things, to thine own self be true.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Ideas and suggestions, please? - 9/6/2007 11:27:14 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Not trying to be too personal here but without more specific information about your disability/illness and what you can/can't do it will be very difficult to give advice or come up with possible suggestions.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Karynn)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Ideas and suggestions, please? - 9/6/2007 11:39:30 AM   
Karynn


Posts: 773
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline 		thank you for reading, and yes, I had another girlfriend suggest the same.

Let me give a general idea, since some of it is really embarassing and hard to discuss.

I've had like 11 surgical procedures related to kidney dysfunction and other abdominal disorders that began as issues when I was born with deformities and exaggerated after I had children.

The greatest pain center is my right groin area, and it is like touching fire or like a shock you receive from a violet wand, minus any electricity and really only the most normal of touch. (Making a grabbing motion difficult from some angles and making internal vaginal play either somewhat uncomfortable to extremely uncomfortable depending on the day). The subsidiary pains have spread as time passes, and some of my physicians have diagnosed fibro myalgia brought on by chronic pain, dispersing the pain to odd and random locations. And the tertiary regions of notice relate to side effects of some of the medications I take, making intestinal, abdominal and anal play difficult.

I think the thing I'm asking most of all is creative ideas that include a very nominal participation on my part and a great level of pleasure on his part. I have the basics down; including oral, massage, and basics that focus on his pleasure.

The thing is, I think there must be at least some pleasure derived from a dominant man in being able to torment his woman/girl. Part of it being all about him ends up being all about new and creative ways he can still touch erotically and avoid the regions of pain. He wants to play roughly because that pleases him and I used to crave such treatment. I don't know how to morph, and still be the female he desires.

I hope that helps clarify. I still feel like I'm rambling. Honestly, sitting here typing about it makes me feel vulnerable and emotional. He'd probably chuckle and tell me I'm thinking too much. I hear that a lot.

K

_____________________________

In all things, to thine own self be true.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Ideas and suggestions, please? - 9/6/2007 11:44:36 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You aren't in enough torment already?

I understand your desire for the 'big goodbye" thing, but I'd say more to make the mood rather than make the actions.  I've had more intimate experiences while snuggling in bed with someone eating pizza and reading the paper than I have with a hard cock in the vicinity.

What will make your relationship last is your connection and intimacy with eachother.  Play with what you can play with, for sure, but focus on just being together and enjoying what there is to enjoy.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Karynn)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Ideas and suggestions, please? - 9/6/2007 11:50:34 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Karynn, I'm sorry that you are feeling so poorly. As someone who has had to deal with prolonged illness a time or two I can certainly relate. Obviously, you can't provide past your physical limitations and health is a concern of utmost priority.

I have a friend with fibromyalgia who is having some great success with controlling her illness through diet. I'm not sure if you have researched this and I am only suggesting it as a possibility.

You also state that he has vowed to never engage sexually with another female without discussing this with your prior. Is this something that you are opposed to?

I know how important it is to feel as though you are your partner's "everything". Sometimes though, that can be accomplished if you just begin to view it in a bit of a different light.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Karynn)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Ideas and suggestions, please? - 9/6/2007 11:51:50 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

You aren't in enough torment already?

I understand your desire for the 'big goodbye" thing, but I'd say more to make the mood rather than make the actions.  I've had more intimate experiences while snuggling in bed with someone eating pizza and reading the paper than I have with a hard cock in the vicinity.

What will make your relationship last is your connection and intimacy with eachother.  Play with what you can play with, for sure, but focus on just being together and enjoying what there is to enjoy.


And I second everything that LA has said.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Ideas and suggestions, please? - 9/6/2007 11:56:42 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Your post moved me to tears. Yes it is hard, so hard to say when you can't keep going because it hurts. But you need to, you need to tell him.
Holding back does both of you a disservice.

I sent you mail on the other side for the rest of this.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Ideas and suggestions, please? - 9/6/2007 11:57:17 AM   
Karynn


Posts: 773
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline 		Hi erin and LA,

Thanks for interjection. Yes, you're right, LA. Much of the time, I feel very sure that all the moments of cuddling, talking, listening, and such bring the best intimacy a girl could need. I just also know there were times in the past where I was able to give so much more. Dealing with that truth is difficult. Meanwhile, to answer the other question. We have discussed adding females. I probably would have been terrified to take that step in the past, but I do not fear I'd lose him to someone else. I feel like if we did it "right" I'd end up gaining something, not losing. I know that when the topic has come up before, he's always said it was something he couldn't do before his boys were old enough to understand the explanation "why." They're fairly mature now, and I don't know when or if he's really going to have that conversation. Meanwhile, you're right, it's very hard realizing that I'm still me, but sometimes my me can't be his "everything girl."

K

_____________________________

In all things, to thine own self be true.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Ideas and suggestions, please? - 9/6/2007 12:02:21 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Karynn, I also have to wonder how much of this stems from your desire to make him happy....and how much of it is actually based on his needs? Is it possible that the sexual service aspect is less important to him at the moment....and more important to you because you feel like you are failing to provide it. I know that when I was ill, the sexual part of our relationship was the last thing on my partner's mind. He was more concerned with my health and cherished the times when I was feeling well enough to cuddle, laugh, share a meal or other moments of intimacy.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Karynn)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Ideas and suggestions, please? - 9/6/2007 12:25:35 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hey, Karynn.

You're unusually well spoken.  This is a trait that one of good humor, as it sounds your Master is among, would be inclined to regard with considerable appreciation.  I would like to offer you sympathies on whatever condition that may be causing you such grief.

This unnecessary effort you're taking explimifies devotion.  I suppose you're serving him rather well in simply trying to further serve him so well.  I'm sure, too, you're aware that your continued health, both physical and mental, is an asset to him, and, as such, should not be endangered.

I am unsure of what advice to offer you, so support may have to do it.  You seem to be trying down the right direction.  Without the particulars of his sexual desires- which might be a bit personal to share- as well as your condition- it seems that it would be difficult to provide any ideas for precise mechanics and methods that you haven't likely already considered.

As for other females.. I do not yet satisfactorily understand the manifestations of the variety of emotions a slave may encounter as a result of a Master finding service in other females.  For myself, my slave is, in may ways, part of my identity; she would be no less special in such an event in the typical romantic considerations.

Oh, and, yes.  I hope you understand that, as his, it's likely your obligation as a slave to relay to him the sensations which you experience due to play with him.  If he decides that it's against his interests to hurt you, it's not manipulation nor failure on your part.  It's rather to the contrary; if you keep this information from him, this would be manipulation and failure.

When we're younger, a "Master" might wish to derive sexual pleasure from his "slave" as a primary aspect of the relationship; this is to say, one may seek an immediate satisfaction, particularly physically.  As we mature, though, appreciation often grows to form a new equilibrium with physical satisfaction.  It seems you would provide something more than satisfying that need to cum; not that either is negliable, but you certainly still do serve him well.

To a truly devoted slave, I hope you find your peace.

(in reply to Karynn)
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RE: Ideas and suggestions, please? - 9/6/2007 12:39:26 PM   
Karynn


Posts: 773
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline 		Now I'm the one with tears in my eyes. Thank you ladies and you also Curious. Sometimes I read things and I think, 'Hey that's the advice I'd give someone else in this situation.' but now it is advice I'm reading. It's like I know the answer somewhere inside me and I still have insecurities and fears dancing on nerves and poking me to worry or overcompensate.

Your words have truly helped.

K

_____________________________

In all things, to thine own self be true.

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Ideas and suggestions, please? - 9/6/2007 1:21:25 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Karynn
In years past, I made a big deal about his departures and returns from military assignments. He's promised in his personal vows to never engage in sexual play with other females without discussing it with me first. As of now, we have yet to include other females, so when he plans on departing and when he returns, one of the ways I want to tend to him is to make sure his sexual needs are met. I know there are tons of needs other than sexual, but I know men and their drive and need to cum remains a constant.


Please don't do your man the disservice of over-emphasizing the "need" for ejaculation.

Guys want to matter to someone.  They want to know they make a difference.  No matter how healthy his sex drive, dick-in-pussy is not what keeps a guy around. 

The need for intimacy, emotional bonding...LOVE...are considerably greater.  Your love for him IS what matters most.  Trust him enough to believe that.


_____________________________



(in reply to Karynn)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Ideas and suggestions, please? - 9/6/2007 1:26:49 PM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline 		Well to start you have been given some great advice here.
 
There have been a few occasions where the RA got to me so badly i did not want to be touched.
 
Have you tried just masterbating him? How about tittie fucking?

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

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RE: Ideas and suggestions, please? - 9/6/2007 1:49:51 PM   
fyreOmega


Posts: 158
Status: offline 		Greetings MIstress,

quote:

. We have discussed adding females. I probably would have been terrified to take that step in the past, but I do not fear I'd lose him to someone else. I feel like if we did it "right" I'd end up gaining something, not losing.


you sort of asked and answered your own question.

and throw some oral into that tf

well wishes

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)
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RE: Ideas and suggestions, please? - 9/6/2007 5:10:43 PM   
kisshou


Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Karynn
but sometimes my me can't be his "everything girl."


Greetings Mistress Karynn,

I don't think any girl can be a man's "everything girl" and by trying you are automatically setting yourself up for failure and feeling like one. You are His Karynn and everything He wants You to be for Him.

As for the sex stuff , I am bisexual and love having sex with Master and another girl at the same time. 3 somes are really hot and fun , definately something you should consider!! :) If you want any nitty gritty practical tips about that I am allowed to cmail you.

well wishes
kisshou

(in reply to Karynn)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Ideas and suggestions, please? - 9/6/2007 5:46:07 PM   
Karynn


Posts: 773
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline 		Woot as they say, kisshou!

I'm smiling as I read your notes. At this point, if we invited a third, and a female, I might take the greatest joy in a primarily observation point of view. I'm happily voyeuristic anyway, and practically speaking, the fact that sex itself hurts means that sex with one or 4 or 10 would still have that bottom line that sex itself hurts. Watching never seemed to hurt. It might be erotic. I imagine to some that constitutes a 3some, but in my case, I'd enjoy just seeing the wild side as it made him happy.

K.

_____________________________

In all things, to thine own self be true.

(in reply to kisshou)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Ideas and suggestions, please? - 9/6/2007 5:48:10 PM   
divi


Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		Heya Karynn,
I agree with LA about the cuddling..Snuggle in bed with some music and candles.   Maybe an erotic massage would be fun.  I know my man loves those.   Also kisshou has a good idea about the 3 some. 

Good luck and lets us know ..

(in reply to kisshou)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Ideas and suggestions, please? - 9/8/2007 8:51:18 AM   
Invisibleme


Posts: 11
Joined: 5/2/2007
Status: offline 		Hi Karynn, Thank you for sharing. Your story has touched my heart. Makes my problems seem small and selfish. Thank you for opening my eyes. I wish I could be of more help to you, but I am very new here...and don't know much about this lifestyle. It sounds as if you have been together along time, and he is not going anywhere. I know how my head gets though, and I do know it is hard not to worry. Some of us have this insane need to fix things, that maybe aren't even broken as much as we worry ourselves into thinking that they are. Sounds like you have gotten some wonderful bits of advice. I guess the only thing I can add to this other then encouragement, is this. I think that you are on the right track as far as the net goes, especially if he has access when he is deployed. The net is a wonderful tool. Use it for what it's worth. Between the various sites and information out there in cyberspace. You can do wonders with the written word. If you can type without pain, you can spin quite a web for your man. There are all kinds of stories out there to tantalise him with. You can be anything, and anybody on the net. Even if he can't physically touch you, I bet you can fulfill some of his desires through the written word. You are not rambling, you seem to write very well. I wish you the best!
                                    Sincerely, Dynakitty
"His are the chains that bind me, forever nearer to his heart"

(in reply to divi)
Profile   Post #: 18
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