quote:

Yes that's right I'm not allowed to love my Master.

quote:

ORIGINAL: blacklily

sorry to unearth an old thread. I have met a man that has proposed a d/s relationship to me. We have insane chemistry, many common sexual interests and desires, are both young, healthy and attractive... I long to serve and he longs to dominate. The arrangement will not be 24/7 due to my obligations to work and taking care of my two sons and his external obligations (which drive the nail in the coffin) - these two factors keep me from moving forward: He is married... he is NOT emotionally available.

I agree that this is a recipe for failure, but I automatically want to please this man... follow behind him like the good little girl I am. This is purely natural between our desires, personalities etc. He approached me at work on day... and here I am.

I have been up all night trying to come to a final decision about this man. There is a proposed session of play this Wednesday after a few days of sporadic play that led up to a nice little chocking/gagging session in the men's bathroom (his first test of my will)..... but I am torn.

quote:

ORIGINAL: punnishme

Yes that's right I'm not allowed to love my Master.

***falling in love happens - nothing we can do about that - the matters of the heart - how anyone can even think to control that is insane***

This man is old enough to be my father, that doesn't bother me but the more time I spend with him the more I realize that it does bother Him, or at least makes Him believe that we could never have a relationship with one another. It's not fare, I mean I've given up everything for Him, sacraficed and put my life on hold to be with him, and am even moving there to be with him so that I can do everything possible to make Him see me, the person that's so in love with Him, the person that would sacrafice her life for this man (I'm serious)

***did he tell you to sacrifice everything for him - or is this -your- choice? And why on earth would you move to one that has already said
1. i do not love you
2. you are not allowed to love me
3. i will find another to love
What will you do, then?? New place - no network and no him??***

I just dont know what to do anymore.

We spend more time fighting about me being in love with Him, more time with me listening to Him telling me that I need to find a way out of my feelings and emotions because He's going to find someone else and knows what it will do to me,

***why is he still holding onto you, i wonder...is it like someone else said here - he needs a bedwarmer until is "twue" love arrives? To me that is so selfish and cruel, i lack words...personally i feel he should let you go - so you can heal and grow strong on your own - and when your wounds are healed, be able to find one that not only allows you to love him - but expects it - and gives the same back. ***

we spent 2 hours the other night talking about that issue well I should say He talked and I just sat on the other end of the phone on mute and sobbed at just the thought of it like I always have, i'm at the point where I'm loosing sleep over this now because i know the day is coming and i'm about to make another huge sacrafice by moving there in just a couple of months. Like I said I dont know what to do anymore.

***again - why do you call this a sacrifice? it should not be felt like that at all - it should be the most natural thing in the world to be able to be close to your "Master"...if you even feel you are giving up things for him - i'd say you are on the wrong track here...you should only move to another - if you know that it is for a good thing and that it is right for you both...he has said it several times - he will find another to love - how can you possibly serve under these circumstances? For some slaves this works fine - for you it is obvious that it is not working...you will go around being nervous every single day - living in fear for the moment the other woman steps in...what will you do, then?? i know it is hard to leave someone you love - but i am honestly thinking he is not worth it....***

I dont want to leave Him and I wont, I just need to know what to do to make my self fall out of love with this man and just be the slave that I'm suppose to be to Him yet I dont know if I can do that because I feel like the only thing that keeps me going is my love for Him, I' m so attached, I'm so vulnerable and I miss Him so much it's been a month since I've seen Him and each time I leave it doesn't get any easier, I still cry myself to sleep not having His arm around me to feel safe and secure as I fall asleep. I'm just so lost and He's on the phone each night, what's it going to be like when He's not there anymore at all.

***it sounds like a bad thing all around to me.i do not believe your love for him is the only thing that keeps you going..somehow - deep down - i think what you can't have - you want..and is determind to turn him around. Sadly i do not think it is even a remote chance of that happening. Would you accept this from a vanilla boyfriend/love?? i do not think so...and just because you all yourself slave - does not mean you have to stop thinking...you have gotten so many good replies here - but in the end...the only one being able to change it - is you. Could also be that he is a "mental" sadist - that he likes to hear you cry and hurt...and i wonder why he calls every night, if all you do is cry and sob??
1. do you want to be miserable - anxious - and sacrificial in this relationship?
2. do you want to do a clean break - heal and then find the right One for you?***

I'm starting to think our friendship was the worst decision of my life because I know how much pain it will cause me in the end if I dont do something about my feelings now.

***Your friendship was not the worst decision in your life. He obviously helped you a lot  - but i also think - took advantage of your vulnerability. He should be man enough to end this - knowing he can never give you what you ache for...love....***
I want to be His slave, I just dont want to love Him anymore.

***as it is - you DO love him - he does not want that. He has said he will find another he can love - so truth be told - you are the "slave for the time being" - but when he finds "his love" - you will be pushed out into the cold. Be brave - end it now - and do not move there....knowing it is not going to last.That knowledge in itself would be a heavy burden***

ugh..this was longwinded  - sorry...s...i wanted to read your profile also - but it could not be found...

< Message edited by badlilthang -- 3/24/2009 8:58:29 AM >

_____________________________

.Forgiveness is the fragrance a flower leaves in the air after being crushed underfoot.

(in reply to IndigoMystry)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I thought it was '04

quote:

ORIGINAL: cantilena

quote:

ORIGINAL: blacklily

sorry to unearth an old thread. I have met a man that has proposed a d/s relationship to me. We have insane chemistry, many common sexual interests and desires, are both young, healthy and attractive... I long to serve and he longs to dominate. The arrangement will not be 24/7 due to my obligations to work and taking care of my two sons and his external obligations (which drive the nail in the coffin) - these two factors keep me from moving forward: He is married... he is NOT emotionally available.

I agree that this is a recipe for failure, but I automatically want to please this man... follow behind him like the good little girl I am. This is purely natural between our desires, personalities etc. He approached me at work on day... and here I am.

I have been up all night trying to come to a final decision about this man. There is a proposed session of play this Wednesday after a few days of sporadic play that led up to a nice little chocking/gagging session in the men's bathroom (his first test of my will)..... but I am torn.

I think you know the answer to your questions.  What's keeping you up at night is that you don't like those answers.

quote:

he is NOT emotionally available.