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Advise on mental submission - 9/6/2007 8:04:01 PM   
jackthehammer


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline 		Hi;

My girlfriend and I have been involved in D/s relationship for few months. We play the scene well but she is asking me to get into her head and make her belive that she is indeed a sub. I am more into action not verbal D/s. How can I improve on my mental part of D/s? what does she want? Any advise?
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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/6/2007 8:06:23 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

to get into her head and make her belive


No one can be made to be anything other than what they are

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/6/2007 8:14:27 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Try talking dirty and using seductive language during the day as foreplay. 

Just make sure it doesn't become a constant game of "catch me" where you do all the work.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to IrishMist)
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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/6/2007 8:23:10 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jackthehammer

Hi;

My girlfriend and I have been involved in D/s relationship for few months. We play the scene well but she is asking me to get into her head and make her belive that she is indeed a sub. I am more into action not verbal D/s. How can I improve on my mental part of D/s? what does she want? Any advise?



The next time you're kissing her, run a finger up her spine starting at the small of her back. Not to hard. When you reach her neck, splay your fingers and continue to run your hand up, fingers pointed up towards the crown, through her hair. Then squeeze your fingers together, grabbing the hank of hair in your hand and pull back gently so her head tilts back, then growl into her ear.. "Mine."

Okay, maybe that just works on me.. but you could give it a shot.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to jackthehammer)
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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/6/2007 8:53:05 PM   
Slaveless1


Posts: 105
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline

[/quote]

The next time you're kissing her, run a finger up her spine starting at the small of her back. Not to hard. When you reach her neck, splay your fingers and continue to run your hand up, fingers pointed up towards the crown, through her hair. Then squeeze your fingers together, grabbing the hank of hair in your hand and pull back gently so her head tilts back, then growl into her ear.. "Mine."

Okay, maybe that just works on me.. but you could give it a shot.

Celeste
[/quote]

Nah, not only you but works on my slave as well, but she likes it a bit more rough!!!!

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/6/2007 8:56:36 PM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		Although I agree with IrshMist all the way, I will give you something to do with your girl. Have her make you your favorite dinner and then serve it to you naked and on her knees. But don't allow her to eat while you are eating, she is only to serve the food and then just kneel there as you eat. If you feel particularly gracious, you can have her hold your drink while you eat. When you're done eating, she can then remove your plate and ask if she may eat. Mind you, this is based on a service aspect and without knowing your girl, one can't say for sure what will make her feel more  submissive.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/7/2007 4:12:41 AM   
Redoubt


Posts: 185
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline 		Communication. (Anyway for me to have this as a signature at the top of every post?)

What does she have in mind? Does she want to be humiliated, used, ordered, forced to confess what a naughty girl she is, made to feel misdirected or one step behind you. (an example?... something like.... making her suck your fingers, and ask her if she'd rather being sucking something else... if she doesn't say anything "Answer me!", if she does "Don't speak with your mouth full".... and then denying her what she thought she was going to be getting next, maybe swapping it with something else... like making her hold a riding crop between her teeth for a while... )

The rest of it is probably half patience - both you and she sound like you have a good physical relationship... but make her wait for it, maybe even telling her after playing with her verbally and mentally for a while, she'll have to do without for that evening as "punishment" because you weren't satisfied with her behavior - show her that you can control your passion, and be in control of hers as a result. The other half trying to find the balance between confidence and arrogance. So start slow, communicate. Talk about it afterwards, what worked, what was missing, what she would like more of, what she would like less of. And if you don't enjoy it, let her know.






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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/7/2007 5:26:48 AM   
Babybass


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/30/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe what your girlfriend wants is not someting to make her feel like a sub - you either are or you are not - she probably wants something that will make her feel taken and owned - a reminder that she is yours. Daily tasks reinforce this for me - also being asked from time to time what i am and having to reply 'i am your (whatever)' does remind me. And sometimes just being told that i am his is enough to remind me of my place. Different things work for different people - she may have an idea of what she would like - in what way she wants to feel your domination. She may not feel able to tell you - so make her tell you as part of your play - it might be easier for her to share with you if you in that way.

_____________________________

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting" - e e cummings

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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/7/2007 8:30:52 AM   
oriole


Posts: 11
Joined: 10/28/2004
Status: offline 		It's all according to what is going to make her feel that way.  Whatever makes you feel more powerful over her - and makes her feel that she has less power - do that.

We have a girlfriend whom we play with from time to time, and I like making her kiss my boots.  Now she isn't really a fetishist, but she knows that I am, and that I enjoy it a great deal.  So I built up the association strongly in her mind, sending her vignettes I'd written in email, describing her servicing me in that way...and making her beg for permission to do so.  At this point, she has developed a fetish for it - but only for my boots.

For another, she has a thing for light humiliation, being objectified.  I like to whisper to her, often while we're in public, and play right to those hot buttons she has - calling her a slut, describing how I'll tie her down later that night, and so forth.  Maybe grabbing her hair, if I can do so discreetly.

Try some of those, or better yet, see if you can get her to describe what will put her over the edge - and do that.  Without regrets or hesitation - because you're the Master.  Good luck!

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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/7/2007 8:36:10 AM   
sweetNsmartBBW


Posts: 167
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline 		"How can I improve on my mental part of D/s? what does she want? Any advise?"

To find out what she wants- why ask strangers?  Ask ~her~ what she means by getting into her head.  Communication can work wonders; but You can't make her believe she is a sub.  That comes from within, and only after some introspection and soul searching will she know the answer...

(in reply to oriole)
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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/8/2007 11:01:01 AM   
servantheart


Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		You've already got lots of great advice and suggestions here, but I will add my own $0.02 worth.  These tasks help keep my mental focus on Sir.  Master has given me a list of ten precepts that govern my life in a broad sense and I am to reflect on them as I lay in bed at night just before falling asleep.  Also, upon waking, I am to recite the following slave prayer before greeting Him for the day....
 
 

Allow me the strength to answer questions I cannot fathom
Allow me the spirit to know His needs.
Allow me the kindness to choke back retorts.
Allow me the serenity to serve Him in peace.
Allow me the love to show Him myself.
Allow me the tenderness to comfort Him.
Allow me the light to show us the way.
Allow me the wisdom to be an asset to Him.

Let me be able to show Him each day my love of my service to Him.
Let me open myself up to completely belong to Him.
Let my eyes show Him the same respect, whether I sit at his side, or kneel at his feet.
Let me accept my punishment with the grace of a woman.
Let me learn to please Him, beyond myself.

Grant me the power to give myself to Him completely.
Give me the strength to please us both.
Permit me to love myself, in loving Him.
Allow me the peace of serving Him.

For it is my greatest wish, my Highest Power,
To make His life complete, as He makes mine.
 
 
Copyright 1996 TheScreamer
 
 

_____________________________

When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/8/2007 4:23:14 PM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jackthehammer

How can I improve on my mental part of D/s? what does she want? Any advise?


Are you sure she is submissive and doesn't just dig on being a bottom during kinky sex?  If she is submissive, she will have a desire to serve, or if nothing else a desire to be tamed. 

Let's say she actually does have it in her to be submissive.  Give her the opportunity to serve.  She wants to feel owned outside of physical ways.  I give My Pet many speed bumps to constantly remind her that she is owned.  Whenever I hand My Pet something, she kneels, and thanks me.  Why would a submissive want that? Because it provides the opportunity to serve.  Without the ability to serve you, she cannot be your submissive.  Without the ability to lead, teach, and mold her, you cannot be her dominant.

There are many philosophies on this.  Some will say try mind fucks, others will say give her discipline.  Some may even suggest a 24-7 lifestyle.  With My Pet, that's how it is.  We aren't dressed in kinky clothing going around sexifying the world, but there is always the respect and power inbalance.  Whether it's me not letting her open her car door (unless there is a zombie attack, but that was previously discussed O.o) or her asking for permission to use the restroom, she is constantly reminded of how owned she is.  How many freedoms she has given away to be mine.

I'm a bit off track.  Some advice:  Do not abuse* her to show you have the power.  Just because I own My Pet doesn't mean she needs to see that by me selling her for the night.  My experience tells me to suggest adding mental discipline.  Why do some submissives get spanked daily?  It's a method to keep the mind focused on her lot in life. 

How does one keep her mind in a submissive mindset? It's not a simple thing to turn on (and impossible if it's not already in her to be turned on).  I would imagine it's particularly hard to switch in and out of.  It's certainly very taxing on the individual. Have a heart to heart and decide if she's willing to stay in a submissive mindset at all times, effectively becoming a 24-7 relationship.  As a note, this makes things much harder on both of you, but can be much more rewarding.

It's easy to be dominant with her when you're holding the crop.  Lust takes over and your natural dominance is all you need.  If you move into a 24-7 relationship, she will look to you for guidance on many things.  Training will expand to a much broader practices.  Many of these are more mentally (nearly cognitively) taxing on her, more than physical.

It's easy to be a submissive when you're tied down being spanked.  It's far harder to be submissive when your master tells you "You're going to bed early tonight. Sweet dreams." and expects you to say "Yes Master, Sweet Dreams." and get into bed.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/8/2007 4:55:48 PM   
theq


Posts: 85
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jackthehammer
My girlfriend and I have been involved in D/s relationship for few months. We play the scene well but she is asking me to get into her head and make her belive that she is indeed a sub. I am more into action not verbal D/s. How can I improve on my mental part of D/s? what does she want? Any advise?


Going on a hunch w/o knowing much more details....she wants you to seduce her?

*smirks*...I have found over the years I like Hypnosis...

(in reply to jackthehammer)
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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/8/2007 4:57:10 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jackthehammer

Hi;

My girlfriend and I have been involved in D/s relationship for few months. We play the scene well but she is asking me to get into her head and make her belive that she is indeed a sub. I am more into action not verbal D/s. How can I improve on my mental part of D/s? what does she want? Any advise?

You do not have to be verbal to be commanding..Body language, tone of voice,can do just as well..It goes down to a simple matter of control..You are the Captain of this ship...so run it!...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/9/2007 7:22:57 AM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jackthehammer

Hi;

My girlfriend and I have been involved in D/s relationship for few months. We play the scene well but she is asking me to get into her head and make her belive that she is indeed a sub. I am more into action not verbal D/s. How can I improve on my mental part of D/s? what does she want? Any advise?



Find ways to become more dominant, and she will feel more submissive.  Thats why its called a power exchange.  Do this in any manner you think it will push her buttons in a good way.  After all, you know what turns her on and if you dont know, this is a great way to find out rather than her telling you.  Thats what play is about, not just beating and sex.

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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/9/2007 8:55:27 AM   
sadisticmaster03


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/25/2006
Status: offline 		What I have found  in the past, if you cannot get into her head ie mental bondage from the begining it makes it harder to get into her head now becasue you have not established the mental connection from the start.  With that said,  I like using protocols and verbal repetition from the get go.  Have her walk behind you by one step, never even with you that makes her your equal,  when out to dinner, you sit first and give her a certain look, then she knows its ok to sit, have her open doors for you, there are are subtle cues that keep her in check,  my submissive loved her protocols because it helped her understand and focus on her submission ie it put her in the right sub space.   Verbal repetition, one example I have always used at the very begining,  when I called my submissive or when she calls me  I have her repeat a sentance to me about 10 times at the end of our conversation.  An example would be,  I love you Master Cane, I am your stupid whore to be used as your fuck toy - one.  I love you Master Cane, I am your stupid whore to be used as your fuck toy -2........ so on and so on.    If a sub say this everytime, she really starts to believe, and you will get into her head mentally.  It is like an affirmation.  Remember saying the Pledge of Allegiance in grade school when you were a kid, ya same concept we start to believe that shit after a while.  Good luck, be firm and be loving.

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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/9/2007 9:05:52 AM   
donnaamarie


Posts: 335
Joined: 9/7/2007
Status: offline 		hi Celeste,

You are not alone on this at all.  That one word has been enough to drop me to my knees time after time.  Master has actually done that for me during particularly trying times with family and the like, when I have wanted to escape their ridiculousness.  He comes up to me and leans into my ear and whispers that one word, "Mine".  It grounds me completely and lets me focus on what is important.

I'm glad to see it is working for someone else!

donna

_____________________________

Life is not about waiting for storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/9/2007 12:00:35 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jackthehammer

Hi;

My girlfriend and I have been involved in D/s relationship for few months. We play the scene well but she is asking me to get into her head and make her belive that she is indeed a sub. I am more into action not verbal D/s. How can I improve on my mental part of D/s? what does she want? Any advise?


I'm not sure exactly what you are asking for or even if you know what mental bondage is...

However, one of the most demonstrative ways I know of to display mental bondage  is to tie your sub up... with a single sewing thread.  Keeping from breaking the thread can be... interesting.  

< Message edited by TreasureKY -- 9/9/2007 12:04:32 PM >

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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/9/2007 12:43:02 PM   
SunnyTawse


Posts: 151
Joined: 11/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oriole

Try some of those, or better yet, see if you can get her to describe what will put her over the edge




Yes. This is the starting point of real domination, in my opinion.

There are several techniques I've stolen from other Dominants that I've found useful. You can instruct her to keep a diary, and you can fine-tune it if you like to any particular aspect you're interested in--maybe with her, you want to ask  her to note those times that she felt submissive throughout the day and what lead up to it. You can make her tell you about some experience in her past when someone really got into her head. You can have her write a fantasy. When you're laying in bed together after hot sex or a special day--or anytime you feel especially intimate--you can say, "Tell me your deepest desire" or "... your most taboo desire" or "... your darkest fear" or whatever. Be very seductive and very insistent. Also, be aware that it won't be the deepest or darkest--it will only touch on going in that direction; you'll have to mine that vein further to really get at what she wants but is afraid to tell you. But at least you'll know in which direction to head.

Good luck with it--and her!

Sunny Tawse
Archon of Rings
http://AthenorLodge.com

< Message edited by SunnyTawse -- 9/9/2007 12:50:05 PM >

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RE: Advise on mental submission - 9/9/2007 12:47:58 PM   
SunnyTawse


Posts: 151
Joined: 11/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.




Those who can teach, do. Those who can't, find other meaningful work.


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