Sub jealousy

Sub jealousy (Full Version)

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HelenaTroy -> Sub jealousy (9/6/2007 11:21:24 PM)
I'm sure that subs get jealous. Especially if they have their eye on a Domme/Dom they desire that has many minions already at their beck and call. How do subs express their feelings of jealousy to a Domme/Dom, what types of things make subs jealous, and how do the subs deal with these feelings? I find that jealousy exists mainly when someone wants more of you than they currently have access to. Helena

Evanesce -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/6/2007 11:44:58 PM)
Jealousy is nothing more than an emotional manifestation of insecurity and feelings of inadequacy. I know this, because there was a time when I would become jealous of the Kaptin's play with others, even though I had told Him I was all right with it. That was very, very early in our relationship, when I was unsure of my place with Him. Now, He could go sleep with half the county and play with the other half, and I'm OK with it, as long as I'm still getting mine. quote: How do subs express their feelings of jealousy to a Domme/Dom, what types of things make subs jealous, and how do the subs deal with these feelings? I never expressed feelings of jealousy to the Kaptin. At least, not in the immediate moment. In fact, I only told Him about a year ago about how and why I sometimes felt that way in those first couple years (we've been together 7.5 years). I usually dealt with my feelings of jealousy by leaving the dungeon when He played with someone else. It was my problem, not His.

twistedkytten -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/7/2007 2:09:22 AM)
I guess I am lucky in the aspect- I view others that Master might play with like this... His happiness, ease of life whatever you call it is my ultimate desire in the end that is what the others provide Him. I have believed for some time now that it is foolish to believe a single person can be everything another needs.. I do find myself curious of the interactions themselves.. but perhaps that has something to do with the fact that I think watching Him with others is hot!

nephandi -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/7/2007 2:13:50 AM)
Hi Off course submissives get jealsous just like everyone else. Ideally off course they should then express this to their Dominant so they can work it out. But often jealosy i not that resonable so we peck at the rival instead or sit around and sulk. jealosy is really an ugly emotion but it is part of human nature non the less. i wish you all well.

arayofsunshine55 -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/7/2007 3:17:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HelenaTroy I'm sure that subs get jealous. Especially if they have their eye on a Domme/Dom they desire that has many minions already at their beck and call. Not sure I understand this part. A dom I desire? Someone who is not mine but Iw ant and I wish I could ahev but others have? How do I express that? I don't. I get over it. Cause he's not mine. That envyis misplaced. That's life and why I bought the big girl pants. Now how do I deal with it when Daddy has other gals who are interested? Well that's a mental dance. I remind myself that his heart has no limits. I remind myself of what we have and why it's special. And that includes reminding myself that it isn't what we do together but rather who we are to each other which is most important. I make sure we are clear about our agreements. Even as they continue to evolve. I make sure that I let him know what I need and that I get it. So bottom line? I focus on me and what I do have. Rather than what someone else wants.

MstrSkyWoIf -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/7/2007 4:16:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Evanesce Jealousy is nothing more than an emotional manifestation of insecurity and feelings of inadequacy. I agree 100% Jealousy is nothing more than an emotional manifestation of insecurity and feelings of inadequacy I have also noticed if someone dose not trust someone it is in most cases because they are not trustworthy.

favesclava -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/7/2007 4:28:18 AM)
insecure? yes. not trustworthy? def. not the case. Master can and does trust me with His life and those He loves. being new i felt i couldnt meet His needs as well as His other slaves could. sexually yes , physically yes, but serving i had many doubts. it took a lot of patience and a lot of confidence building from Him. now i serve Him the way He needs and other girls , slave or free women are just that. not a threat. He will never be mine, i will always be His. i still get a small prick of jealousy. but i think of His words and His actions and i put it aside. it will be something i will deal with for a while, but it doesnt rule me as it did til not too long ago. sometimes a girl or boy is worth working with through this. i was not insane with it or pout or stomp my feet. never embarrased Master with my actions because of the way i felt. i had a direct order to speak to Him privately regarding any problems. although i think the beating with the switch helped too.

bulejkt1972 -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/7/2007 4:29:28 AM)
Maybe the word is not truly "jealousy" but rather "angst"... for example when my mistress is having intense sex and is indeed emotionally involved with other men I get an intense feeling of submission. Some one once claimed that "angst" is a deepened state of submission in which you feel the pain of not being her's solely but at the same time the pleasure of realizing that SHE is following her needs in spite of your pain. It's hard to describe but it certainly is a powerful emotion that heightens your loyalty and bonding to her.

IrishMist -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/7/2007 4:35:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HelenaTroy I'm sure that subs get jealous. Especially if they have their eye on a Domme/Dom they desire that has many minions already at their beck and call. How do subs express their feelings of jealousy to a Domme/Dom, what types of things make subs jealous, and how do the subs deal with these feelings? I find that jealousy exists mainly when someone wants more of you than they currently have access to. Helena Personally, I have always believed that jealousy is a wasted emotion; one that I refuse to indulge in.

bulejkt1972 -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/7/2007 5:11:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist quote: ORIGINAL: HelenaTroy I'm sure that subs get jealous. Especially if they have their eye on a Domme/Dom they desire that has many minions already at their beck and call. How do subs express their feelings of jealousy to a Domme/Dom, what types of things make subs jealous, and how do the subs deal with these feelings? I find that jealousy exists mainly when someone wants more of you than they currently have access to. Helena Personally, I have always believed that jealousy is a wasted emotion; one that I refuse to indulge in. Well, different folks different tastes, I guess... to me jealousy is a part of understanding submission... to feel it completely...

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/7/2007 5:22:13 AM)
i've recently expressed my jealousy to Daddy when He asked about finding a "sister" to join our family. though i should welcome the idea, i would loathe the person who is taking away my time with Daddy because i don't like sharing Him. i enjoy being the "only child" in our D/s dynamic (as well as in real life despite having 4 brothers - being the only girl does have its advantages) and like keeping it just Him and me - no one else.

pleasureforck -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/7/2007 6:31:44 AM)
I used to feel jealous of my SO ex since they remain friends and it caused problems in our relationship. Mostly my reasons were I was insecure about us which was because we are long distance. Now we see each other more often since I moved closer to him. I am very secure now and know that he is committed to only me and desires no one else. I think insecurity is most often the cause of jealousy.

jaxnsax -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/7/2007 6:37:37 AM)
Greetings HelenaTroy I have always seen jealousy as insecurity within a relationship; something that should be addressed immediately. Jealousy by itself is a very damaging emotion; it can often make a person do and say things that they would normally never think of. Because it stems from insecurity, it doubles the emotional roller coaster that a person finds themselves on. Communication, constant and consistent, open and honest; I have found that often this will dispel feelings of jealousy. Not always, but often. I make it a point in my relationships, whether they be intimate or just friends, to always be open and honest. If I feel that I need more time with someone, I say so. It is then up to me to decide if I can accept what the other person is willing to offer. If I can not, the relationship ends; if I can, I work through the feelings that are behind the insecurity. I hope this day finds you in good humor and good health jaxon

Celeste43 -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/7/2007 7:05:05 AM)
Jealousy comes from insecurity, from needs not being met. Wanting an unavailable partner? That's something people do because they aren't ready for real relationships. No different than a teen girl putting up a poster of a boy band on her wall. Safe to moon over because there's no chance it will ever happen. I'm not interested in people who are happily involved and who have their needs met and then some with their own partner. I might feel pain because I want what they have, but not who they have.

burningdesires47 -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/7/2007 7:46:07 AM)
As someone who practiced poly before embracing my BDSM-desires, jealousy is natural. It's what you DO with the jealousy that defines a person's character. As far as being jealous because you want a guy and he's already taken, that's just a "suck it up" deal. If he's got multiple minions, then maybe join the ranks; but it's unrealistic and frankly rude to believe (not saying you do, just general you here) that in joining a harem you're going to be his only, ever. Certainly if you are INTERESTED and not even HIS then there's no reason for you to express that jealousy to him. Though maybe you should so that he knows to run away. In no way does feeling jealous give someone the right to ruin other people's lives. I've gotten jealous when my fiance plays with other people (not in the BDSM sense just the screwing-around sense) but I either build a bridge and get over it, or else I tell him and we come up with a plan to make it less bothersome for me--whether that means not telling me before he goes out with someone so I'm not stewing about it, or making sure to tell me every detail so I'm not creating blown-up ideas of things in my head, it depends on the situation. Occasionally people mistake concern for the situation for jealousy. I was once worried about the behavior of a roommate who was sleeping with my BF of the time because she was not respecting mine and my BF's relationship (and let's not forget the emotional instability)--she knew we were poly and used that to get into his pants and his good graces, but then tried to convince him to be monogamous with her. All she ended up with is a kid with FAS, a roommate (him, no longer me) that she's no longer intimate with, and a lot of nights crying herself to sleep because she let her jealousy of everything he and I had together rule how she behaved. Ruined a lot of people's lives in the process.

RRafe -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/7/2007 8:02:38 AM)
Glass half empty = jealousy Glass half full = generosity

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/7/2007 8:09:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HelenaTroy How do subs express their feelings of jealousy to a Domme/Dom Before? Swallow it down inside myself, try to ignore it and put on a smile for the outside world. Now? I laugh and say "I'm totally jealous but I want you to go have a good time" quote: what types of things make subs jealous Anything that makes them feel they aren't getting something and someone else is. quote: and how do the subs deal with these feelings? Sometimes they bitch, sometimes they manipulate, sometimes they hide, something they throw a fit, sometimes they guilt, sometimes they laugh, sometimes they cry, and sometimes they just don't get it at all. Sgirl- stop saying you "should" feel a certain way. That stops you before you even get going. Realize that a huge majority of male hetero doms in the world also want "another girl" and it's nothing to do with you. http://www.collarchat.com/m_605931/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#606140 None of this...? http://www.collarchat.com/m_598009/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#598029 Jealousy (5) http://www.collarchat.com/m_516092/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#517028 Poly households and jealousy http://www.collarchat.com/m_499005/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#499071 Still Need Growth http://www.collarchat.com/m_469964/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#470560 Define Jealousy http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=428635&mpage=1&key=jealousy&#428636 Jealousy and Envy http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=424827&mpage=2&key=jealousy&#425069 Jealousy (5) http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=417231&mpage=1&key=jealousy&#423661 1 master 2 subs http://www.collarchat.com/m_374948/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#377940 No green eyed monsters allowed! http://www.collarchat.com/m_351171/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#352231 The Green-Eyed Monster http://www.collarchat.com/m_289099/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#289531 The little green eyed monster http://www.collarchat.com/m_273729/mpage_2/key_jealousy/tm.htm#273795 Jealousy http://www.collarchat.com/m_233131/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#233136 Jealousy (2) http://www.collarchat.com/m_232405/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#232461 Jealousy (3) http://www.collarchat.com/m_209316/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#209381 Jealousy Issues http://www.collarchat.com/m_207541/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#207542 Jealousy (4)

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/7/2007 8:11:11 AM)
with my jealousy it's not from being insecure - i'm happy at where i am with Daddy. my main problem is i don't like to share (i must have skipped that part back in school) ...i prefer being exclusive to Daddy and vice versa - i don't want or need a "sister" which is also probably the reason why i don't have many female friends in real life - i enjoy surrounding myself in the company of my male friends.

curiouspet55 -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/7/2007 9:17:49 AM)
I get jealous when I know there are other people interested that are being considered. Thus far, I've chosen to be open about my feelings, which has worked out well. In fact, in the most recent incidence, I learned that he was just as jealous. In my opinion, as long as it isn't a bitter jealousy, or something destructive, then a little possessiveness/jealousy is good on both sides. cp55

RRafe -> RE: Sub jealousy (9/7/2007 9:37:41 AM)
Fast reply. has anyone ever felt isolated by having to cater to someone's jealousy?

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