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Sub jealousy - 9/6/2007 11:21:24 PM   
HelenaTroy


Posts: 93
Joined: 8/20/2007
Status: offline 		I'm sure that subs get jealous. Especially if they have their eye on a Domme/Dom they desire that has many minions already at their beck and call.

How do subs express their feelings of jealousy to a Domme/Dom, what types of things make subs jealous, and how do the subs deal with these feelings?

I find that jealousy exists mainly when someone wants more of you than they currently have access to.

Helena
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Sub jealousy - 9/6/2007 11:44:58 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		Jealousy is nothing more than an emotional manifestation of insecurity and feelings of inadequacy.  I know this, because there was a time when I would become jealous of the Kaptin's play with others, even though I had told Him I was all right with it.  That was very, very early in our relationship, when I was unsure of my place with Him.  Now, He could go sleep with half the county and play with the other half, and I'm OK with it, as long as I'm still getting mine.
 
quote:

How do subs express their feelings of jealousy to a Domme/Dom, what types of things make subs jealous, and how do the subs deal with these feelings?  
 
I never expressed feelings of jealousy to the Kaptin.  At least, not in the immediate moment.  In fact, I only told Him about a year ago about how and why I sometimes felt that way in those first couple years (we've been together 7.5 years).  I usually dealt with my feelings of jealousy by leaving the dungeon when He played with someone else.  It was my problem, not His.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to HelenaTroy)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 2:09:22 AM   
twistedkytten


Posts: 240
Joined: 9/8/2006
Status: offline 		I guess I am lucky in the aspect- I view others that Master might play with like this... His happiness, ease of life whatever you call it is my ultimate desire in the end that is what the others provide Him. I have believed for some time now that it is foolish to believe a single person can be everything another needs.. I do find myself curious of the interactions themselves.. but perhaps that has something to do with the fact that I think watching Him with others is hot!

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Obedience is life, girl lives to serve her Master

(in reply to Evanesce)
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RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 2:13:50 AM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		Hi

Off course submissives get jealsous just like everyone else. Ideally off course they should then express this to their Dominant so they can work it out. But often jealosy i not that resonable so we peck at the rival instead or sit around and sulk. jealosy is really an ugly emotion but it is part of human nature non the less.

i wish you all well.


_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad


(in reply to twistedkytten)
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RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 3:17:17 AM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HelenaTroy

I'm sure that subs get jealous. Especially if they have their eye on a Domme/Dom they desire that has many minions already at their beck and call.


Not sure I understand this part.  A dom I desire?  Someone who is not mine but Iw ant and I wish I could ahev but others have?  How do I express that?  I don't.  I get over it.  Cause he's not mine.   That envyis misplaced.  That's life and why I bought the big girl pants.

Now how do I deal with it when Daddy has other gals who are interested?  Well that's a mental dance.  I remind myself that his heart has no limits.   I remind myself of what we have and why it's special.  And that includes reminding myself that it isn't what we do together but rather who we are to each other which is most important.  I make sure we are clear about our agreements.  Even as they continue to evolve.  I make sure that I let him know what I need and that I get it.  So bottom line? I focus on me and what I do have.  Rather than what someone else wants.


_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to HelenaTroy)
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RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 4:16:53 AM   
MstrSkyWoIf


Posts: 238
Joined: 10/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

Jealousy is nothing more than an emotional manifestation of insecurity and feelings of inadequacy. 


I agree 100%  Jealousy is nothing more than an emotional manifestation of insecurity and feelings of inadequacy

I have also noticed if someone dose not trust someone it is in most cases because they are not trustworthy.

< Message edited by MstrSkyWoIf -- 9/7/2007 4:52:32 AM >

_____________________________

this is just my opinion, I do not claim to be an expert on life. I am just Me, Love me or Hate me I really don't care. I am the culmination of my life's experiences. I am an ever changing block of clay molded by life's experiences on a daily basis.

(in reply to Evanesce)
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RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 4:28:18 AM   
favesclava


Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		insecure? yes. not trustworthy? def. not the case. Master can and does trust me with His life and those He loves. being new i felt i couldnt meet His needs as well as His other slaves could. sexually yes , physically yes, but serving i had many doubts. it took a lot of patience and a lot of confidence building from Him. now i serve Him the way He needs and other girls , slave or free women are just that. not a threat. He will never be mine, i will always be His. i still get a small prick of jealousy. but i think of His words and His actions and i put it aside. it will be something i will deal with for a while, but it doesnt rule me as it did til not too long ago.
sometimes a girl or boy is worth working with through this. i was not insane with it or pout or stomp my feet. never embarrased Master with my actions because of the way i felt. i had a direct order to speak to Him privately regarding any problems.
although i think the beating with the switch helped too.

(in reply to MstrSkyWoIf)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 4:29:28 AM   
bulejkt1972


Posts: 32
Joined: 9/7/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe the word is not truly "jealousy" but rather "angst"... for example when my mistress is having intense sex and is indeed emotionally involved with other men I get an intense feeling of submission. Some one once claimed that "angst" is a deepened state of submission in which you feel the pain of not being her's solely but at the same time the pleasure of realizing that SHE is following her needs in spite of your pain. It's hard to describe but it certainly is a powerful emotion that heightens your loyalty and bonding to her.

(in reply to MstrSkyWoIf)
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RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 4:35:27 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HelenaTroy

I'm sure that subs get jealous. Especially if they have their eye on a Domme/Dom they desire that has many minions already at their beck and call.

How do subs express their feelings of jealousy to a Domme/Dom, what types of things make subs jealous, and how do the subs deal with these feelings?

I find that jealousy exists mainly when someone wants more of you than they currently have access to.

Helena


Personally, I have always believed that jealousy is a wasted emotion; one that I refuse to indulge in.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to HelenaTroy)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 5:11:23 AM   
bulejkt1972


Posts: 32
Joined: 9/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: HelenaTroy

I'm sure that subs get jealous. Especially if they have their eye on a Domme/Dom they desire that has many minions already at their beck and call.

How do subs express their feelings of jealousy to a Domme/Dom, what types of things make subs jealous, and how do the subs deal with these feelings?

I find that jealousy exists mainly when someone wants more of you than they currently have access to.

Helena


Personally, I have always believed that jealousy is a wasted emotion; one that I refuse to indulge in.


Well, different folks different tastes, I guess... to me jealousy is a part of understanding submission... to feel it completely...

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 5:22:13 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i've recently expressed my jealousy to Daddy when He asked about finding a "sister" to join our family. though i should welcome the idea, i would loathe the person who is taking away my time with Daddy because i don't like sharing Him. i enjoy being the "only child" in our D/s dynamic (as well as in real life despite having 4 brothers - being the only girl does have its advantages) and like keeping it just Him and me - no one else.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to HelenaTroy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 6:31:44 AM   
pleasureforck


Posts: 95
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline 		I used to feel jealous of my SO ex since they remain friends and it caused problems in our relationship. Mostly my reasons were I was insecure about us which was because we are long distance. Now we see each other more often since I moved closer to him. I am very secure now and know that he is committed to only me and desires no one else. I think insecurity is most often the cause of jealousy.

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I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 6:37:37 AM   
jaxnsax


Posts: 106
Status: offline
Greetings HelenaTroy
I have always seen jealousy as insecurity within a relationship; something that should be addressed immediately. Jealousy by itself is a very damaging emotion; it can often make a person do and say things that they would normally never think of. Because it stems from insecurity, it doubles the emotional roller coaster that a person finds themselves on.
Communication, constant and consistent, open and honest; I have found that often this will dispel feelings of jealousy. Not always, but often.
I make it a point in my relationships, whether they be intimate or just friends, to always be open and honest. If I feel that I need more time with someone, I say so. It is then up to me to decide if I can accept what the other person is willing to offer. If I can not, the relationship ends; if I can, I work through the feelings that are behind the insecurity.
I hope this day finds you in good humor and good health
jaxon
 

(in reply to HelenaTroy)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 7:05:05 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Jealousy comes from insecurity, from needs not being met.

Wanting an unavailable partner? That's something people do because they aren't ready for real relationships. No different than a teen girl putting up a poster of a boy band on her wall. Safe to moon over because there's no chance it will ever happen.

I'm not interested in people who are happily involved and who have their needs met and then some with their own partner. I might feel pain because I want what they have, but not who they have.

(in reply to jaxnsax)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 7:46:07 AM   
burningdesires47


Posts: 120
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		As someone who practiced poly before embracing my BDSM-desires, jealousy is natural. It's what you DO with the jealousy that defines a person's character.

As far as being jealous because you want a guy and he's already taken, that's just a "suck it up" deal. If he's got multiple minions, then maybe join the ranks; but it's unrealistic and frankly rude to believe (not saying you do, just general you here) that in joining a harem you're going to be his only, ever. Certainly if you are INTERESTED and not even HIS then there's no reason for you to express that jealousy to him. Though maybe you should so that he knows to run away.

In no way does feeling jealous give someone the right to ruin other people's lives. I've gotten jealous when my fiance plays with other people (not in the BDSM sense just the screwing-around sense) but I either build a bridge and get over it, or else I tell him and we come up with a plan to make it less bothersome for me--whether that means not telling me before he goes out with someone so I'm not stewing about it, or making sure to tell me every detail so I'm not creating blown-up ideas of things in my head, it depends on the situation.

Occasionally people mistake concern for the situation for jealousy. I was once worried about the behavior of a roommate who was sleeping with my BF of the time because she was not respecting mine and my BF's relationship (and let's not forget the emotional instability)--she knew we were poly and used that to get into his pants and his good graces, but then tried to convince him to be monogamous with her. All she ended up with is a kid with FAS, a roommate (him, no longer me) that she's no longer intimate with, and a lot of nights crying herself to sleep because she let her jealousy of everything he and I had together rule how she behaved. Ruined a lot of people's lives in the process.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 8:02:38 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Glass half empty = jealousy

Glass half full = generosity

(in reply to HelenaTroy)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 8:09:16 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HelenaTroy
How do subs express their feelings of jealousy to a Domme/Dom

Before?  Swallow it down inside myself, try to ignore it and put on a smile for the outside world.
Now?  I laugh and say "I'm totally jealous but I want you to go have a good time"

quote:

what types of things make subs jealous

Anything that makes them feel they aren't getting something and someone else is.

quote:

and how do the subs deal with these feelings?

Sometimes they bitch, sometimes they manipulate, sometimes they hide, something they throw a fit, sometimes they guilt, sometimes they laugh, sometimes they cry, and sometimes they just don't get it at all.

Sgirl- stop saying you "should" feel a certain way.  That stops you before you even get going.  Realize that a huge majority of male hetero doms in the world also want "another girl" and it's nothing to do with you. 


http://www.collarchat.com/m_605931/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#606140
None of this...?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_598009/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#598029
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http://www.collarchat.com/m_516092/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#517028
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http://www.collarchat.com/m_499005/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#499071
Still Need Growth

http://www.collarchat.com/m_469964/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#470560
Define Jealousy

http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=428635&mpage=1&key=jealousy&#428636
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http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=424827&mpage=2&key=jealousy&#425069
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http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=417231&mpage=1&key=jealousy&#423661
1 master 2 subs

http://www.collarchat.com/m_374948/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#377940
No green eyed monsters allowed!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_351171/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#352231
The Green-Eyed Monster

http://www.collarchat.com/m_289099/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#289531
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http://www.collarchat.com/m_273729/mpage_2/key_jealousy/tm.htm#273795
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http://www.collarchat.com/m_232405/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#232461
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http://www.collarchat.com/m_209316/mpage_1/key_jealousy/tm.htm#209381
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< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 9/7/2007 8:11:08 AM >

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to HelenaTroy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 8:11:11 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		with my jealousy it's not from being insecure - i'm happy at where i am with Daddy.  my main problem is i don't like to share (i must have skipped that part back in school) ...i prefer being exclusive to Daddy and vice versa - i don't want or need a "sister" which is also probably the reason why i don't have many female friends in real life - i enjoy surrounding myself in the company of my male friends.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 9:17:49 AM   
curiouspet55


Posts: 133
Joined: 10/13/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I get jealous when I know there are other people interested that are being considered. Thus far, I've chosen to be open about my feelings, which has worked out well. In fact, in the most recent incidence, I learned that he was just as jealous. In my opinion, as long as it isn't a bitter jealousy, or something destructive, then a little possessiveness/jealousy is good on both sides.

cp55

_____________________________

Question everything, try anything, do something.

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RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 9:37:41 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Fast reply.

has anyone ever felt isolated by having to cater to someone's jealousy?

< Message edited by RRafe -- 9/7/2007 9:38:19 AM >

(in reply to curiouspet55)
Profile   Post #: 20
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