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RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 9:58:06 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe
has anyone ever felt isolated by having to cater to someone's jealousy?

A lot of doms find themselves in this position. They don't make things secure in the relationships and go about getting into poly the wrong way- they find their subs with all sorts of jealousies and insecurities and constantly trying to keep everyone happy and not step on toes and break the balance.

It all comes crashing down in the end generally though.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to RRafe)

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Post #: 21

RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 12:05:13 PM

HelenaTroy

Posts: 93
Joined: 8/20/2007
Status: offline

Thanks for all your thoughtful replies. Jealousy is indeed an ugly beast. A person's face can literally change momentarily uglier when they are displaying the emotion. I have a lot of experience dealing with other's jealousy. You are all absolutely right, it does stem from insecurity.

Since I'm fairly new to the BDSM scene, I notice that a lot of people have multiple play partners, it struck me that there might be some jealousy issues to deal with. Thanks for your insight!

Helena

(in reply to jaxnsax)

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Post #: 22

RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 1:47:28 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HelenaTroy
How do subs express their feelings of jealousy to a Domme/Dom

Well, this slave just tells Master about it.

quote:

what types of things make subs jealous

The only thing that could make me jealous is thinking about/any mention of His former subs. Not His ex-wives, not His former slaves (since I am His first), but His former subs. I've done much soul-searching about why this is. It's not because I've ever met any of them or feel threatened that they are still part of His life. This is not the case. They are long ago and far away.

It's just that, coming into our relationship never having had a dom/master before, I was always pretty sensitive about all that I didn't know. I guess I had these former subs of His built up in my mind as being perfect and knowing every thing I didn't. I now know better but it took awhile to come to that knowledge. I was an utter newbie and, to me, they represented all that I wasn't yet. That made me sensitive about and jealous of them. That is no longer the case.

quote:

how do the subs deal with these feelings?

I was totally open with Master about them and we talked at length about them. It's very odd to me that I have no feelings of jealousy about other women that we may meet today or from here on out. I am secure enough to know I am not going to be "replaced." We seek out and enjoy other female subs/slaves. No feelings of jealousy at all. It was only the ones before me that I didn't know that caused those feelings. Now that I am secure enough to know that they are in the past and won't be coming back, they don't bring those feelings of jealousy about either. For me, the jealousy really did come from a feeling of not being totally secure. Once that security was established, no one can shake it

. Just my take on it................luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 9/7/2007 1:50:36 PM >

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(in reply to HelenaTroy)

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Post #: 23

RE: Sub jealousy - 9/7/2007 3:34:39 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

You don't cater to someone else's jealousy. You discuss ahead of time what makes them insecure and what doesn't. You don't get married to a monogamous woman and then throw a tantrum complaining that she's irrationally jealous because she objects to you fucking everything you can get into the pants of.

You pick compatible partners to begin with. If you have changed enormously from what you thought you wanted when you met them, then you talk about it. You don't go out sneaking around behind your back. And you accept the fact that their needs are as important as yours instead of taking the easy way out of blaming them, and thus search for a win/win solution whether that is an open marriage, a divorce, permission to play but not have sex or whatever.

You act like an adult in addressing the issue and in attempting to ensure that such issues will not arise beforehand.

(in reply to RRafe)

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Post #: 24