RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ...

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Bobkgin -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 12:56:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: came4U quote: Or is there only one way to handle this? Yes! There is one way, Your way. And who decreed that you should tell the rest of us how to live our lives, and to attack anyone who doesn't do it your way? Nobody is attacking you. You asked for our thoughts. You have them now. I am not speaking of what occurs in this thread. Indeed I asked for opinions. I am speaking of many other threads where attacks en masse have occurred.

Bobkgin -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 12:59:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation And who decreed that you should tell the rest of us how to live our lives, and to attack anyone who doesn't do it your way? Ok time out here. You did exactly the same thing to me in another thread. Talk about pot, kettle and black!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You ought to re-read my contributions to that thread. I did no such thing.

AquaticSub -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 1:01:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin I am speaking of many other threads where attacks en masse have occurred. May I advise letting it go?

AquaticSub -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 1:03:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin This is the first time I've discussed the intimacies between my wife and I. I have briefly mentioned the first woman with whom I engaged in bdsm, in a thread intended for the purpose of discussing first bdsm experiences. *She was not my wife.* Then why mention it? If the post was about not being able to speak about your wife, what was the point of taking so much time to talk about it? You sound confused. The woman I am speaking of in the OP of this thread was my wife. The only other time I've discussed intimate details involving anyone was in a thread intended to discuss first-time bdsm experiences. The woman I discussed there was not my wife, but someone I'd met long before meeting my wife. Please see bolded. When I said scene report I was refering to this thread, not any other.

AquaticSub -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 1:04:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub I am a strong believer in not asking for opinions when you are not accepting of them. If Bob needs a safe space to talk about his loss, there are many options. The collarme forums are simply not a safe space nor should every place be a safe space. Bob, if you want BDSM-friendly safe space areas where you can talk about this sort of thing and ask for thoughts, there are plenty of communities on LJ and I'm sure other forums exists where the moderators actively try to make it a safe space. I think I've made it clear since I got here that not only do I not see this as a "safe space" but I don't consider -any- bdsm fourm to be a "safe space". Truth is I carry my own safe space with me wherever I go. That I could post this after, what, a month of heckling from a minority of posters whenever I mention my wife (and just about any other time I say something) would make rather clear I not only know this isn't a safe space, but I don't need it to be. Nonetheless, they have made it an issue for about a month now, hijacking one thread after another over this, getting threads locked left and right. So here we are, in a thread where they can be heard, and everyone else can be heard, and we can all hear each other. Will anything good come from this? Who knows? But at least when this minority heckles another thread this issue will be well understood. And you think you aren't hijacking? With your oh so subtle quips about cyber bullies and insults about Mercnbeth in threads they haven't even posted in? If you want to be the big man, be it and let the conflict go. Move on.

substephen59 -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 1:06:19 PM)
Robert,first let me say i am soooooooo sorry for the loss of your wife.i think it it healthy to write out your memories.i have one question,is your son still alive and are you raising him ? i am sorry to i have to ask but the phrased you feelings made me think that something had happened to him also.thx and take care,substephen59

Bobkgin -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 1:10:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: came4U I do not want appreciate his grief mode mixed and disguised within every discussion of him fixing /finding a slave included. It is unfair ... So now we get down to it. It is not that they don't exist. It is not that I am despoiling their memory. It is that others feel they suffer an unfair disadvantage because I've lost my wife and son ... and they haven't? (o.O) I would gladly give up this distinction to have my family back alive and well. But this is who I am, what I've experienced, and why I believe what I believe. No one promised me life would be fair. No. It's that expecting them to replace your wife and son is unfair, unreasonable, and unhealthy. Repeatedly I have spoken of building a new life for myself. I have spoken of the loss of my wife and son as the end of a chapter, but not the end of the book. I've also spoken of the very real possibility I will not find anyone. I am not speaking of anyone replacing my wife and son. Indeed, it would be unfair, unreasonable and unhealthy. For one thing, I do not expect to marry again. I married my wife only because we were planning on having children, and we believed a valid marriage is important to provide security for the children. But we were content with our love and if we'd decided not to have children we'd not have felt the need to marry. As I am fifty, I have my doubts about having more children. When I take into account how much time I'd need to get to know someone new to the point where I'd want to have kids with them, I think I'd be too old to properly raise them before I'd die on them. That would be unfair, unreasonable and unhealthy too.

Bobkgin -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 1:14:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: came4U I do not want appreciate his grief mode mixed and disguised within every discussion of him fixing /finding a slave included. It is unfair ... So now we get down to it. It is not that they don't exist. It is not that I am despoiling their memory. It is that others feel they suffer an unfair disadvantage because I've lost my wife and son ... and they haven't? (o.O) I would gladly give up this distinction to have my family back alive and well. But this is who I am, what I've experienced, and why I believe what I believe. No one promised me life would be fair. You know what bob...I've buried a son. Bet you didn't know that. Know why you didn't know it? Because I don't parade that fact about me on this or any site. It is a private matter and I don't glorify it or use it to get laid. Apparently you use it as a 'gotcha'. Nonetheless, who told you yours was the only way to do it, or the right way for me to do it? Nor do I "parade" my family. I am proud of them, proud to have known them, and proud to speak of them. And I do not see how speaking of them gets me "laid". What kind of perverse imagination would consider it a tactic to get laid? You see, this is how I know whether I am speaking with reasonable people or people too immature to handle adult conversations.

Bobkgin -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 1:21:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub Though this is most probably a woefully futile attempt as you only seem to read what you want to read Bob, for some masochistic reason i still feel obliged to make the attempt. As many others have mentioned you are not unique in that life has been painful for you or that you have experienced loss, lots of us humans have had similar experiences, myself included. However, while i was still in the place in my life that i was talking about those experiences more often than not, i was not in a place where i was ready for another relationship because pain, the pain of that loss was all i could see, all i could process and even though i THOUGHT i had moved past the worst of it, casual acquantainces could tell how much pain i was still in. And any relationship that i might have made at that point in the healing process would have been doomed from the outset as i would have been using that relationship to heal a wound in me and to try to replace the person that i had loss. That is not fair to expect from a person, and as much as another person might love and care for me, they can NOT heal me or fill a wounded place left by the loss of another. i don't know if you will actually hear any of this, but i hope for the sake of any potential submissive/slave that you eventually find that you will hear it and put any attempt of finding another submissive/slave on hold until you are further along in the healing process, because unless and until you heal further, you are setting them up for failure and causing the death of the relationship before it ever has a chance to start. heartfelt I am confused why so many insist their way is the only way in which to handle death, and that as it was for them, it must be so for me. I'd have thought those exposed to all the variations of lifestyle and relationship such as exists under the BDSM umbrella would see the dangers in declaring "One True Way" for dealing with death. It would seem there are actually very few who understand that.

Remorseless -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 1:22:35 PM)
quote: You even tell us how many nails you used. The title is "on behalf of..". What are you sayng on behalf of her? Though I seldom post; I am a long time follower (lurker) of this board and I must agree with this...you have hit the "nail" on the head.

KatyLied -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 1:23:24 PM)
quote: Consider this is the only footnote in 'history' my wife will get that credits her for her accomplishments in bdsm. So you are bragging on her behalf? Tacky. Some don't require badges for their accomplishments.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 1:24:45 PM)
quote: What kind of perverse imagination would consider it a tactic to get laid? Yours - you said so yourself Your words: quote: It is that others feel they suffer an unfair disadvantage because I've lost my wife and son ... and they haven't? (o.O) No one promised me life would be fair. Guess you think you need the "advantage".

camille65 -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 1:26:19 PM)
Heya Bob. I know that you were jumped on when you first arrived here. Much of what you said was valid, but I swear it seems like all you have done since then has fed into and increased the problem. You needed to see why so many folks said you were spouting the One-True-Way yet instead of doing that you instead pushed your methodology further as the only way to do things. That upsets people. To imply, to state or to infer that YOUR way is the ONLY way completely denigrates their life. Some of the people here did try. Did try and engage you in discourse throughout many threads on a variety of subjects but for the most part all you had to contribute was your way of seeing things and the loss of your family. You did hijack, you do hijack threads. Most do though not using the same topic time and time again. It is seen that you use your loss to swing the thread to your direction, maybe you don't even see that you do it. Again pushing your loss like you did was shown as though no one else could possibly hurt which denigrates a loss they may have had which angers people. You keep using patterns that anger people and I hope you try and see that. I think that you are an okay man who just can't get past a horrific time. I can't imagine losing immediate family like that and I've been lucky so far. Sigh.

Bobkgin -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 1:30:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: substephen59 Robert,first let me say i am soooooooo sorry for the loss of your wife.i think it it healthy to write out your memories.i have one question,is your son still alive and are you raising him ? i am sorry to i have to ask but the phrased you feelings made me think that something had happened to him also.thx and take care,substephen59 Thank you. I raised my son for several months after my wife passed away. He died as a result of choking on food.

LaTigresse -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 1:32:03 PM)
One would think that Bob is the only person that has lost a loved one. That is is some wonderful thing that should be given a medal of honour. I would venture to say that most of the people on these forums have lost someone they loved dearly. Guess what, it's called LIFE!! People are born, people get sick, people die. Not much we can do to stop it. Slow it down a tad maybe, but we are not going to stop it. And no, it's not something wonderful. It sucks. It is painful. But to drag it out and use it as a trophy, look at me, aren't I just something special because someone I loved died.......... sick and twisted.

heartfeltsub -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 1:37:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub Though this is most probably a woefully futile attempt as you only seem to read what you want to read Bob, for some masochistic reason i still feel obliged to make the attempt. As many others have mentioned you are not unique in that life has been painful for you or that you have experienced loss, lots of us humans have had similar experiences, myself included. However, while i was still in the place in my life that i was talking about those experiences more often than not, i was not in a place where i was ready for another relationship because pain, the pain of that loss was all i could see, all i could process and even though i THOUGHT i had moved past the worst of it, casual acquantainces could tell how much pain i was still in. And any relationship that i might have made at that point in the healing process would have been doomed from the outset as i would have been using that relationship to heal a wound in me and to try to replace the person that i had loss. That is not fair to expect from a person, and as much as another person might love and care for me, they can NOT heal me or fill a wounded place left by the loss of another. i don't know if you will actually hear any of this, but i hope for the sake of any potential submissive/slave that you eventually find that you will hear it and put any attempt of finding another submissive/slave on hold until you are further along in the healing process, because unless and until you heal further, you are setting them up for failure and causing the death of the relationship before it ever has a chance to start. heartfelt I am confused why so many insist their way is the only way in which to handle death, and that as it was for them, it must be so for me. I'd have thought those exposed to all the variations of lifestyle and relationship such as exists under the BDSM umbrella would see the dangers in declaring "One True Way" for dealing with death. It would seem there are actually very few who understand that. i knew it was an exercise in futility. Am now done beating my head against the wall, i will leave that endeavor to those who are more masochistic than i. You know it would be nice, though it is unlikely to occur, if you would not jump down someone's throat who was actually trying to help you, and not accuse them of being "One True Way". heartfelt

mnottertail -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 1:38:25 PM)
Is that you or the dead slave talking? Ron

SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 1:39:03 PM)
well Bob this is the first thing i have read that you posted, that didnt piss me off.......i enjoyed it....... folks say im peculiar, but hell i did enjoy it......i hope you find the strength to move on though......if she was as awesome as you portray, she would want you to do that.

Bobkgin -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 1:41:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: susie You fail to see that most people would be put off having any sort of relationship with you becuase you constantly bring up your wife and child at every turn. If my Master brought up his wife half the number of times you do I would no longer be with him. I think you fail to see that I'm not interested in "most people" wanting me. I seek 2, no more than 3, with whom I'll form my poly family. They will recognize me as I will recognize them. They will hear me and understand. I realize in a place where every wannabe hits on everyone, it can be hard to imagine someone who is focused enough to seek only those who closely match, and not worry about whether everyone else wants to climb into bed with him or not. But I am here nonetheless. I am under no illusions that the ones I seek are rare, and thus more precious to me than all those whom you call "most people". But what of it?

DarkDaddyZ -> RE: Speaking on behalf of a dead slave ... (9/7/2007 1:44:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse One would think that Bob is the only person that has lost a loved one. That is is some wonderful thing that should be given a medal of honour. I would venture to say that most of the people on these forums have lost someone they loved dearly. Guess what, it's called LIFE!! People are born, people get sick, people die. Not much we can do to stop it. Slow it down a tad maybe, but we are not going to stop it. And no, it's not something wonderful. It sucks. It is painful. But to drag it out and use it as a trophy, look at me, aren't I just something special because someone I loved died.......... sick and twisted. I agree with you LaTigrese. Sick and twisted can be such a wonderful thing. Sadly in regards to this thread it's not. Bob: If you posted this to bring on a debate or whatever, congrats, this seems to be the thread of the day! Earlier I asked you why you were speaking on behalf of your slave and you answered one of my questions as well, thank you for that. Many of us have had intimate love ones die and sometimes we do lean on community during those times. Yet it's presented differently than you have here. That's not to take away from your hurt, your loss and your pain. Perhaps this is therapeutic to you (that's one of my earlier question that you didn't answer). I can't tell you how to deal with it (if that's indeed what you are going through) but I really don't believe anyone here is suggesting that there is one true way to grieve or even honor or send a tribute. Perhaps your title should have been "In Memory of My Loving slave and wife" instead of "speaking on behalf of a dead slave." Who knows? I do know this and I believe most would agree with me: there's not one true way, there will never be one true way and no-one is advocating one true way.

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