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Lying Master - 9/7/2007 11:58:19 AM   
kindaconfused


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/7/2007
Status: offline 		I have a Master who I thought was wonderful.  He's always stressed trust and honor.  From the very beginning I've been completely honest and upfront with him about everything and I thought he was with me as well. 

That was until I found out he hasn't been telling me the truth about certain things.  They are very simple things like he told me he was a store manager and it turns out he is a sales person instead.  So far I haven't told him I know this because I'm trying to figure out if it's even worth it to confront him on the issue.  There's a few other things but they are about the same seriousness.

He seems so wonderful in so many ways.  I've have quite a few Masters in the past and even had one that was abusive.  He's the first Dom I've played with since that I totally trusted during play.   

So my questions are:
  • Do I confront him on the lies he has told me?
  • Should I continue to be with him or get out?

Thanks for your advice.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Lying Master - 9/7/2007 12:04:51 PM   
caught4u


Posts: 132
Joined: 5/25/2007
Status: offline 		tell him you know and ask why he fibbed. then depending on how you feel about his answer, you decide to stay or go.

_____________________________

"Be Yourself - Everyone Else is Taken"


~owned by Master of Wind~

(in reply to kindaconfused)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Lying Master - 9/7/2007 12:42:43 PM   
witchywoman313


Posts: 48
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline 		Warning My rambling 2 cents follow and my opinion is likely to be controvercial

I agree with caught4u, tell him you know that he lied and listen to his reason or explanation and decide where to go from there.

This was and is one of the biggest faults my Master/husband has in his personality.  He lies, a lot, sometimes he doesnt even realize hes doing it, and he exagerates.  We had a few very long discussions on why he lies to other people and why its VERY important to me that he not lie to Me ever.  Interestingly at the moment lieing is part of his job (he's in the military dont ask).  Every once in a while he'll stop himself in the middle of telling me a story and say "sorry that was an exageration" but since weve been married and for quite some time before he proposed I havent caught him lieing to me.  I still havent been able to get him to compleatly quit the little white lies he tells his parents (usualy his mother)  he says they are just to keep her happy. And ocasionaly, I catch him in little lies to his friends.  He knows I disaprove but we have agreed to disagree, and I dont go out of my way to correct him or to rat him out.  Even though he has this flaw, I still trust him with my life, and trust him compleatly in the BDSM sence.  I'm sure I"ll get some backlash about accepting this behaviour and for enableing him, but Ive come to understand why he needed to learn to lie growing up.  (a dominering father and obsessive compuslive socialite mother)  Anyway,  I just accept it as part of his personality, and part of his showing me how important I am to him that he makes an effort to always tell Me the truth.  Never the less, my advice to the OP if after you make it clear that his lies are not something you approve of he doesnt stop, then it might be time for hard choices, is it something you can live with or is it a deal breaker for you.


(in reply to caught4u)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Lying Master - 9/7/2007 1:43:26 PM   
xaria


Posts: 97
Joined: 1/24/2006
From: USA
Status: offline 		i agree with caught4u.  i think you should confront him.  He needs to know that you know the truth.  Find out why he lied to you.  Maybe he was trying to impress you, or maybe worse is yet to be found out by you.  Whatever the outcome, not telling him that you know the truth will only prolong your anguish.  And no matter what anyone else says, only *you* can say whether to leave or stay, even him. All relationships revolve around trust.  Trust can be a flimsy thing once broken.  If you decide to stay, he will have to *earn* your respect and trust back.  If you decide to walk away, just know that not all men are like this.  Whatever you do, i wish you much luck.

_____________________________

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
xaria - Property of Xavier
House of Logos

(in reply to kindaconfused)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Lying Master - 9/7/2007 1:49:46 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		Too many people lie and exaggerate. There is also a certain element that right or wrong think some stretches of truth or little white lies are OK in the getting to know a person. For example, I have heard of males who complain that women lie all the time by not giving out their real first name and use a different city or suburb of the city they live in for safety purposes.

I do not think anyone can seriously just say you caught a few lies and advice you to run away with such little information but certainly I do think it should give you pause as it has and to deal with it now one way or the other.

I would talk to him and confront him on those lies and see where he was coming from. Based on the lies and the reasons for them plus your own beliefs about this man can a decision be made by you only. If you think these were isolated cases only and were relatively minor that do not hit core issues and you think you can trust him then I would say if that is the only thing that is negative then maybe stay but also consciously go slower to make sure? If his lies are just character based and meant to deceive you for a reason or perception and if you feel this is part of his character and malicious and harmful whether consciously or subconsciously then yes I think you need to cut your losses.

Dominant or submissive and men or women we are all human beings with flaws and imperfections. If the flaws and imperfections interfere with your relationship in whatever way that you cannot or do not want to deal with then leave. If like what witchywoman313 wrote if these lies do not really get into the tearing down of trust and important issues for you and you can handle it then I do not think they have to be an only reason to leave.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to witchywoman313)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Lying Master - 9/7/2007 2:23:38 PM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		Oh what a tangled web they say.
Face it, we all lie, anyone's a liar who says they don't.
We lie for many reasons, sometimes out of neccessity.

Perhaps Mr. Wonderful was trying to impress you
by uplifting himself to a higher position because he
thought you would think better of him. Men, go figure.
I'm taller than, i make more than, my cock is bigger than,
know what i mean jelly bean?

Ok, by your own admittance, you find his certain lies
to be of the small potato serving, otherwise you find
him most acceptable if i'm hearing you right here.

So, this is what you do, put it on him, make it his problem,
make it his crow to eat, lay it entirely in his lap. Drop into
the store for a little surprise visit one bright crisp morning,
bringing fresh baked cookies for the "boss" and his charges.

If possible, wait until he is nowhere in sight, then enter and
ask another employee to lead you to the "boss's" office.
Of course, upon entering, you simply say that you were
told "Mr. Wonderful" would be there, giving no hint that
you expected him to be in the big leather chair. Most likely,
the real man in charge will be more than glad to page the
little liar to the office for you and your cookies. Simply
sit with a slight tilt to your head and a cunning little grin
on your face as "Mr. Wonderful" enters to find you there.

The moment should be priceless, and lesson learning if he
is really just a fool caught in his own stupidity. Explanation
of course should follow with sincere regret, apology and gifts.
This way, you have put it all on him without having to place
yourself in the judgement seat as you proclaim your discoveries.

Either he satisfies your concerns, and repents of his evil ways,
or you feel you can never quite trust him again. Now it becomes
your choice, make it and be happy with it, or don't complain.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to kindaconfused)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Lying Master - 9/7/2007 2:40:51 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		~FR~

If you don't tell him that you know now, then you're not being all that open and honest yourself. You can put it in such as way so that it's not attacking. Something like:

"If you told me this to try to impress me there's no need. I'm already impressed." Give him the opportunity to be honest with you and find out his motivations if you think he's worth it.

In the end, you're the only one who can decide whether or not he's the cat's meow.

Good luck to you,

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to chiaThePet)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Lying Master - 9/7/2007 7:52:02 PM   
MstrSkyWoIf


Posts: 238
Joined: 10/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

~FR~

If you don't tell him that you know now, then you're not being all that open and honest yourself. You can put it in such as way so that it's not attacking. Something like:

"If you told me this to try to impress me there's no need. I'm already impressed." Give him the opportunity to be honest with you and find out his motivations if you think he's worth it.

In the end, you're the only one who can decide whether or not he's the cat's meow.

Good luck to you,

Celeste


I agree with Celeste, If he is the Man you say and feel he is he will apologize and never do it again. To me personally there is no place for lies in any relationship. But we are all human and we can all make mistakes.

< Message edited by MstrSkyWoIf -- 9/7/2007 8:37:35 PM >

_____________________________

this is just my opinion, I do not claim to be an expert on life. I am just Me, Love me or Hate me I really don't care. I am the culmination of my life's experiences. I am an ever changing block of clay molded by life's experiences on a daily basis.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Lying Master - 9/8/2007 3:17:58 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		He must be a damn good salesman if he pitched to you that he is a manager and you believed it.

But, that is one (of many)reasons why I wouldn't date a salesman.

I'd not look at the guy the same.  He is a liar and a fraud.  What else does he lie about? If he is ashamed of his occupation, what other shames does he have. If you trust him for play only, then keep it at that, play only.  Remind him that you lost faith in him in other areas.

(in reply to MstrSkyWoIf)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Lying Master - 9/8/2007 3:21:06 AM   
kindaconfused


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/7/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you everyone for your advice.  It is much appreciated.  Just and FYI there were a few more lies that were a bit more serious but I didn't include them for fear he would know this was me.

Last night I spoke with my Master about these things.  As you can imagine he denied everything until he found out I had proof.  It wasn't a pretty conversation at first but everything turned out fine for now.

Thank you again.

(in reply to MstrSkyWoIf)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Lying Master - 9/8/2007 3:24:48 AM   
kindaconfused


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/7/2007
Status: offline 		came4U...You are correct in that I'm not sure if I will be able to trust him in other areas than play.  Luckily he is not my primary relationship.  I am married and my husband (who is also a sub) knows I play with this man and has no problem whatsoever.  My relationship with my husband is wonderful and helps me keep a good balance.


(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Lying Master - 9/8/2007 3:31:20 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		LOL

I bet now his disposition and true colors will show.

The more lies you confront him about, the more he will lash back and turn this towards anything but himself.

I don't see a man with any sort of ego or sense of pride sticking around to face a gal after this kind of situation.

I'd be glad to rid of him lol.

(in reply to kindaconfused)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Lying Master - 9/8/2007 4:25:19 AM   
lionesque


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kindaconfused

I have a Master who I thought was wonderful.  He's always stressed trust and honor. 



I know the OP has already dealt with this issue, but I just had to say...

I find that the people in this world who ramble on the most about being honorable and trustworthy are the ones you can pretty much expect to lie to you and hurt you.  Those who truly are truthful and honorable seem to have no need to verbally repeat those "facts" over and over.  Makes one wonder who they are trying to convince.  You?  Or themselves?  Actions speak wayyyyy louder than words.

(in reply to kindaconfused)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Lying Master - 9/8/2007 4:31:12 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		I agree lion, I once dated a guy who often rambled about his integrity on a constant basis (regarding work ethics, commitment in relationships, faithfulness, etc) and go figure, he was the one I caught lying several times about those very things.  It made it EXTRA hard to swallow AFTER they notify of such personality traits as honor.  Sickening, in fact.  At least someone who doesn't say/imply these values doesn't or didn't make fraudulent or fake statements of promise. 

I tend to value the deeds, not the spoken word.

< Message edited by came4U -- 9/8/2007 4:32:18 AM >

(in reply to lionesque)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Lying Master - 9/8/2007 5:11:44 AM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		Talk to him about the issue. It probably isn't any big thing except that he wanted to seem better about himself. The only ones i have ever met that lie are those that deep down have some self esteem issues, and want to seem better in the eyes of other then how they feel about themselves. Maybe remind him that no matter what his past was you still think he is great, and infact the true past is why he is a wonderful guy.

As for lie in the military is the way of life, that isn't true. There is no where in the code of ethics that this is tolerated. you might be asked to not tell everything, but you aren't suppose to lie. I would have never made it through if i was told to lie...my face gives me away. lol

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Lying Master - 9/8/2007 7:47:57 AM   
SirDraco7


Posts: 108
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kindaconfused

Thank you everyone for your advice.  It is much appreciated.  Just and FYI there were a few more lies that were a bit more serious but I didn't include them for fear he would know this was me.

Last night I spoke with my Master about these things.  As you can imagine he denied everything until he found out I had proof.  It wasn't a pretty conversation at first but everything turned out fine for now.

Thank you again.



I was going to say something along a different sort untill I read this, then everything changed.
For instance at my job we have a salesman, he does mostly all group sales and sells his ass off, but he also has Manager level authority and privelages.  He can(and sometimes does) go and be a manager for periods of time to help out.  but he's still considered just a salesperson.
So him calling himself a Manager wouldn't be a lie.
One lie I can see perhaps as making himself look better..  but several is a concern and problem.

The thing is, you confronted him and he denied his lies.  So it goes from possible miscommunication to lying.
The only time he gave in was when you showed proof, then he relented and "made everything better?"

No offense but BS.  Once a lier always a lier.
Everything should not be fine, how could it be?  Do you still trust this man?  Are you saying he's honest about EVERYTHING else that you do not have proof he lied about?
That there are no other lies he's told that you havn't seen proof of?   Has he given proof that everything else he said is not a lie?
Does he have STD's?  Was it his word or a piece of paper that makes you believe such?  And if it was his word..  do you actually trust your life to a man who you caught lying..  not once but several times?!?

I say you need to reevaulate everything.  Yes he might treat you well, but so could a husband who has 2 other relationships on the side.


Think about it in your current relationship.  what if you started to see another Man and not tell your husband about this other man.  What if you lied to your husband about this mans existance and he found out somehow.  How would such a revalation affect your husband?  would it endanger your marrage?  Strain your relationship with your caring husband?

Personally I'd say drop him and find one who does not lie.  because how do you know anything he says is the truth anymore?  And is that how you like a relationship to be?



(in reply to kindaconfused)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Lying Master - 9/8/2007 7:51:14 AM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		It is better to find out now, than to marry and then find out.  Tell him, and break it off. No tellin what else he is not telling you especially if he is married or not.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to SirDraco7)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Lying Master - 9/8/2007 11:57:44 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Find someone who can master himself before he attempts to master others.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to kindaconfused)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Lying Master - 9/8/2007 12:19:48 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		It's not all bad...at least the dude has a J.O.B......I have done similar things....I was ashamed of being viewed as being a simple "sales clerk" so I told my sub that I was the manager.....I had to steal my bosses badge and name tag from work....I wore it the first time we met...So far things have gone fairly smoothly. I mean she hasn't caught me, or any thing like that...The only thing that has taken a little getting used to is her not calling me by my real name.

Sincerely,

Sudheendra Bhandari

Best Buy Manager

_____________________________



(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Lying Master - 9/8/2007 3:24:06 PM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kindaconfused

I have a Master who I thought was wonderful.  He's always stressed trust and honor.  From the very beginning I've been completely honest and upfront with him about everything and I thought he was with me as well. 

That was until I found out he hasn't been telling me the truth about certain things.  They are very simple things like he told me he was a store manager and it turns out he is a sales person instead.  So far I haven't told him I know this because I'm trying to figure out if it's even worth it to confront him on the issue.  There's a few other things but they are about the same seriousness.

He seems so wonderful in so many ways.  I've have quite a few Masters in the past and even had one that was abusive.  He's the first Dom I've played with since that I totally trusted during play.   

So my questions are:
  • Do I confront him on the lies he has told me?
  • Should I continue to be with him or get out?


Thanks for your advice.



If it were me, I would want a master I could respect, admire and be inspired by.  

I don't respect liars and surely don't look up to them either.

(in reply to kindaconfused)
Profile   Post #: 20
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