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Perception - 9/7/2007 2:05:40 PM

subsnow

Posts: 152
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

When I first entered into the D/s lifestyle, I used to want to be a slave. I thought that slaves were more valuable or more sought after in the BDSM world. I believed that they were the cream of the crop because they were able to submit to everything. I wanted to be that.

I still think that I would make a great slave but I don't think I could do it for an extended amount of time. I am too hard-headed and stubborn when it comes to things that I believe in, view as meaningless, or see as time consuming. Now I consider myself a submissive and I prefer it if the power exchange remains in the bedroom.

Maybe I just haven't found the right Master and my view of the D/s relationship has been tainted. I digress. I'm wondering if my previous perception of what a slave is in the BDSM world is correct. Are slaves considered exceptional? Are those who are only sexually submissive looked down upon? Are they looked at as having less experience or understanding?

Post #: 1

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 2:09:14 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

No orientation is more or less exceptional than another. HOWEVER, the "scene" in general has an attitude that slavery is cooler/deeper/more intense than other forms of orientation.

So, fuck em. Be who you are.

And don't make the mistake of thinking slaves are NOT stubborn- orientations are about what dynamic we want in our relationships. Nothing to do with personality.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 2

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 2:11:30 PM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

what LA said!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 2:12:24 PM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

what LA said!

WORD!

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 4

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 2:15:23 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

i've been through the whole gammut of i think i am a slave/submissive/servant/bottom/masochist/switch/kinky vanilla/some combonation there of...and have come to this conclusion...i am who i am...and there is someone who wants what i am out there...if they have a label for what i am that works for them, great! if not, great! i don't get off on labels but if the shoe fits....wear it?

as for the whole, what does the "scene" think is more something and than the other...umm what LA said (oh no...i have agreed with LA twice today) fuck em....with a condom...on a stolen dick...hehe...

edited to add: wow...popular opinion today...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 2:18:15 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Well this is basically a definition issue but no slaves are not more special we are just different and while you will have a perception from online that a lot of dominants might prefer a person that is more “slave” like the truth is many who actually have explored in real time are not looking for a “salve” and are actually looking for less control of a person and whether they don’t admit it to themselves or is a sign of weakness to the other cyber dominants I can see why you might have the perception you have.

There is a tendency in my experience that newer people and cyber deadheads think slave equals better/cooler then submissive and submissive equals better/cooler the a bottom but reality and experience tends to make those perceptions disappear in the clouds.

I will avoid making an actual sub/slave definition distinction although like everyone else I have one but I think of the countless hours of debate this has spawned in every nook and cranny and medium in this life it has to be just staggering. I have often felt the “community” as a whole would be far better off if the dominants could come up with better classifications of what they want and looking for instead of the endless debates on skill level. I think this way the three choices submissive would not be such an issue or image thing.

In the end be yourself and know what makes you happy and find someone compatible, definitions be damned.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 6

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 2:22:04 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

Well this is basically a definition issue but no slaves are not more special we are just different and while you will have a perception from online that a lot of dominants might prefer a person that is more “slave” like the truth is many who actually have explored in real time are not looking for a “salve” and are actually looking for less control of a person and whether they don’t admit it to themselves or is a sign of weakness to the other cyber dominants I can see why you might have the perception you have.

There is a tendency in my experience that newer people and cyber deadheads think slave equals better/cooler then submissive and submissive equals better/cooler the a bottom but reality and experience tends to make those perceptions disappear in the clouds.

I will avoid making an actual sub/slave definition distinction although like everyone else I have one but I think of the countless hours of debate this has spawned in every nook and cranny and medium in this life it has to be just staggering. I have often felt the “community” as a whole would be far better off if the dominants could come up with better classifications of what they want and looking for instead of the endless debates on skill level. I think this way the three choices submissive would not be such an issue or image thing.

In the end be yourself and know what makes you happy and find someone compatible, definitions be damned.

what she said

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 7

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 2:24:57 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

My slave exceptional. My slave is more valuable than every woman on CollarMe.

Why is this? Because she is MY slave.

Don't gauge yourself by how many hard limits you have or do not have, or by the limits others have or do not have. What other slaves do, and what other masters besides the one that owns you do, is meaningless.

Be the person you are inside....let a master own that person, and celebrate that person. Given the great variety of men and masters in the world, you may be sure that at least one will be happy to do exactly that.

And that is the only thing that ever matters.

_____________________________

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 8

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 2:47:08 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow

Are slaves considered exceptional?

Yes by some, no by others. It's a very subjective thing.

quote:

Are those who are only sexually submissive looked down upon?

Same answer as above.

quote:

Are they looked at as having less experience or understanding?

Again, same answer as above.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 9

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 2:56:44 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Value judgements as far as people are concerned are not universal but individual in naturebecause such things are as has been said here already subjective.
Objectively no person is more valuable than any other. Subjectively people have value base on what the person making the judgement values.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 10

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 3:39:33 PM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow

When I first entered into the D/s lifestyle, I used to want to be a slave. I thought that slaves were more valuable or more sought after in the BDSM world. I believed that they were the cream of the crop because they were able to submit to everything. I wanted to be that.

I still think that I would make a great slave but I don't think I could do it for an extended amount of time. I am too hard-headed and stubborn when it comes to things that I believe in, view as meaningless, or see as time consuming. Now I consider myself a submissive and I prefer it if the power exchange remains in the bedroom.

Maybe I just haven't found the right Master and my view of the D/s relationship has been tainted. I digress. I'm wondering if my previous perception of what a slave is in the BDSM world is correct. Are slaves considered exceptional? Are those who are only sexually submissive looked down upon? Are they looked at as having less experience or understanding?

I recall those days. We talked about that here not so long ago.

Now, the terms "sub" and "slave" are interchangeable.

I still use the old language, and for me slaves are still exceptional and more desirable than a submissive.

But don't expect anyone else to understand the difference.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 11

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 3:41:39 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

i think what you label yourself at any given time can change depending on the partner you are with and what's happening in your life. Don't try to live up to anyone elses measure of you but your own. Otherwise you will make yourself very unhappy in the end. Only you know what it is you seek and what you can give.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 12

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 3:48:53 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Hmmm....as someone who has been in both roles I can tell you that it never really changed who I am. I wasn't any more special as a slave. Now I identify as a submissive because my personal view is that the most base level qualifier between the two is ownership...and currently I don't really have time in my life to devote to a relationship to that degree. But I'm still the same me. It was the relationship that was the defining factor.

Lots of folks have a view of slavery that places slaves on some pedestal....and submissives are "just" submissives. It's bullshit really.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 13

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 3:53:20 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

if slaves get placed on a pedestal, i don't want to be a slave, it fucking hurts when you fall of those damned things....

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 14

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 3:58:17 PM

subsnow

Posts: 152
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

i think what you label yourself at any given time can change depending on the partner you are with and what's happening in your life.

I didn't think of it this way. Hmm...interesting.

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 15

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 4:00:22 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Does it really matter? It actually should be, IMO, about what you want- because if only you seek something you believe someone else wants for (or from) you in the beginning, with no regard at all for your own needs, you will most likely end up in a relatonship that probably doesn't fit your own needs.

To some people, a slave is seen as being more "devoted". It should be noted (and not without a little emphasis) that the term "slave" is a self-declaration - on the part of anyone.

I am sure there are some very devoted "slaves" out there - and I am also quite sure there are some who are applying that term to themselves simply because it sounds like it will market them better to prospective oweners, and maybe also because it has a slightly more romantic "tone" (to some people) who may well be much less devoted (or ready to be) than some "mere" submissives.

So there, IMO, you have it. To me - it isn't about some "who can be the best" competition - it's about what I need and what I think I can do, first and foremost.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 9/7/2007 4:06:38 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 16

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 4:01:21 PM

Elegant

Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

if slaves get placed on a pedestal, i don't want to be a slave, it fucking hurts when you fall of those damned things....

And then the slave has to pick up the pieces of the broken pedastal...more work...sigh

_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 17

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 4:48:29 PM

leatherette

Posts: 255
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Now I identify as a submissive because my personal view is that the most base level qualifier between the two is ownership. It was the relationship that was the defining factor.

Thank you mistoferin ( and I hope you don't mind I cropped your post to highlight) for your definition.
I use the same terminology. Right now I call myself "submissive" but have been "slave" during times of ownership.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 18

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 5:04:07 PM

jaxnsax

Posts: 106
Status: offline

No one orientation is better than the other. Some have it within them to be the ‘slave’ that you perceive one to be; and that is ok. Some do not; and that is ok too. As long as you are doing what is right for you, that is what matters most.
I wish you good humor and health on this day
jaxon

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 19

RE: Perception - 9/7/2007 5:20:39 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

Different people have different perceptions and, perceptions can change over time and by simply expanding your perception through your own experiences. It is my perception, that we are each unique individuals and we each define who we are and live our lives accordingly. No one is any more "special" than the other, just because they associate with one label rather than another. And, everyone is more "special" than everyone else, simply because we are all unique. That's my perception.

i have said this many times and i will say it again. i was no different, no less submissive, and no less "special", as a submissive to my former Doms, than i am now as the slave of Master David.

i am the same person i have always been. The difference is in the man that i belong to and how He chooses to use me. The Doms i was with in the past didn't want a slave and didn't want 24/7. So, i was their submissive, when they wanted me to be their submissive and the rest of the time i was my own person. Even when i was married to a Dom, he only wanted me to be his submissive wife, not his slave wife, and so, that's what i was to him.

i did exactly the same things then, for my Doms, that i do now, as Master David's slave. The difference is that my Master wanted a 24/7 slave to have complete control over and that's what He got. He doesn't define who i am, as a person. He defines who i am to Him and what my purpose and role is in His life and within Oour relationship.

To some, that would mean that i am not a "real" slave. That's their perception, based on the criteria they use to decide what makes someone a slave or not.

Fortunately, i don't have to live my life according to anyone else's perception. i live it according to my own and, at this time in my life, my perception is that i am Master David's slave and i will remain so for the remainder of my life, unless He chooses to disown me and release me from His collar.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David
______________________________________________________
"Are We there, yet? Not quite. We all evolve at our own pace."

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 20

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