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Tarantuladoll -> Submissive Personality (9/8/2007 12:59:54 AM)

     First off, allow me to say hello from the male half of the Tarantuladoll profile.  I usually go by Rigel online.

    I am a little new to the BDSM scene, and usually describe myself as a switch.  However (as my wife seems to have posted a few times already), we have lately discovered that I seem to take more enjoyment as being the submissive in the relationship.

    Now, I have heard some terms thrown around by the general population such as "submissive personality" and "easily dominated" which are usually stated in terms of an entire person.  To me, that seems an oversimplification.   For example, I do not have what most would consider a submissive personality.  I tend to dominate my other relationships (friendships, ect) and am used to being in charge. My last job was a fire team leader in the military.  My current job is similar but different (and the reason I do not have a picture online).

    Now, I  have also heard the idea thrown around that people in high-stress jobs seek submission as an escape.  Again, I'm not sure that is true.  I  enjoy the authority and responsibility in my life.  And as my relationship is  with my wife  I am not really sure that would qualify as an escape. 

    So my question to all of you submissives is this:  Why do you submit, and how does it fall in line with the rest of your personality / relationships / life / job.

                                                                       ---Rigel


   



girlygurl -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/8/2007 1:15:30 AM)

Why do I submit?  Because it's what I do and who I am.  To submit to my Sir comes naturally.  I don't think about submitting to Him when we're together, it just happens.  Am I submissive in my other relationships?  It depends on who it is and what the circumstances are, but no, I am not submissive in all my relationships.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/8/2007 8:05:44 AM)

For me, personality has NOTHING to do with your orientation.  Your orientation is how you want the dynamics in your personal intimate relationships to work, nothing less, nothing more.

I submit because it's how I am with my personal intimate relationships.  It has nothing to do with any other relationships I have with anyone else.



litleone8620 -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/8/2007 8:32:09 AM)

quote:

So my question to all of you submissives is this:  Why do you submit, and how does it fall in line with the rest of your personality / relationships / life / job.


I submit because it's who I am. It's what I enjoy doing.

I wouldn't say I have a dominant personality. Around my friends, I tend to be the leader and decision maker. At work I am by far the dominant person. I'd say I have a nurturing personality. I take care of those I love, and they always come first.

That being said, personality doesn't dictate orientation, IMO. I think your orientation shouldn't depend on any other aspect of your life but what you want to do, and you enjoy doing.



akisha -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/8/2007 9:13:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

For me, personality has NOTHING to do with your orientation.  Your orientation is how you want the dynamics in your personal intimate relationships to work, nothing less, nothing more.

I submit because it's how I am with my personal intimate relationships.  It has nothing to do with any other relationships I have with anyone else.


LA said it perfectly already so I'll just smile and agree. *S*



pleasureforck -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/8/2007 9:25:40 AM)

I'm not submissive in all of my relationships or all situations. I also like being in control of certain parts of my life but that doesn't make me any less submissive to my SO. Something I've learned being on this forum is that each person is an individual with their own preferences and that doesn't makes one persons way right over another persons way. The important thing is to do what works for you and your partner.



AEslaveM -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/8/2007 10:13:39 AM)

i, too, submit because it comes naturally in my personal relationship.  Master brings it out in me, and it works for us.  i wouldn't have it any other way......  As far as the rest of my "outside" relationships, i am usually the leader, and i am a supervisor and professor in my career..............
 
 



breatheasone -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/8/2007 10:16:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tarantuladoll

    First off, allow me to say hello from the male half of the Tarantuladoll profile.  I usually go by Rigel online.

   I am a little new to the BDSM scene, and usually describe myself as a switch.  However (as my wife seems to have posted a few times already), we have lately discovered that I seem to take more enjoyment as being the submissive in the relationship.

   Now, I have heard some terms thrown around by the general population such as "submissive personality" and "easily dominated" which are usually stated in terms of an entire person.  To me, that seems an oversimplification.   For example, I do not have what most would consider a submissive personality.  I tend to dominate my other relationships (friendships, ect) and am used to being in charge. My last job was a fire team leader in the military.  My current job is similar but different (and the reason I do not have a picture online).

   Now, I  have also heard the idea thrown around that people in high-stress jobs seek submission as an escape.  Again, I'm not sure that is true.  I  enjoy the authority and responsibility in my life.  And as my relationship is  with my wife  I am not really sure that would qualify as an escape. 

   So my question to all of you submissives is this:  Why do you submit, and how does it fall in line with the rest of your personality / relationships / life / job.

                                                                      ---Rigel


  


Rigel, you and i sound ALOT alike LOL. If I were to be brutally honest here I would have to say I submit because it turns me on. Having said that, let me also say I submit because it brings me a joy...(yes joy,and even a peace), that my heart has needed all my life. The Lord has seen fit to bless me richly with my Master, the I was meant to submit to.To me this is key. I mean if you are going to be able to do what it takes to fully submit to someone, it needs to be the right one.(imho) I have run a household, and raised 3 um's(25; 22; 21) also I have 2 ( 5; 2 months) grandchildren. I am used to being in control. It was no surprise to me that my career ended up being in management, I am at ease calling the shots. Submitting is not the easiest thing I do, but its the most rewarding. I wrote a thread kinda about it called My Process.



marieToo -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/8/2007 10:24:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tarantuladoll

      
   So my question to all of you submissives is this:  Why do you submit, and how does it fall in line with the rest of your personality / relationships / life / job.

                                                                      ---Rigel


I like to submit in a personal relationship for a lot of different reasons, but I don't think it really ties into the rest of my personality. 
I don't have a "submissive personality", though I may posess some traits that are often found in submissive people, ie shyness and things of that nature.  To the outside world I can be very controlling depending on the circumstances, or I can be compromising if the situation calls for it, or I may even take a 'back seat' posture with someone in particular if I sense they are more controlling than myself.  It all depends on the circumstances and the chemistry of those I am co-mingling with. But none of this correlates with my submission and the way I may express it in a personal ds relationship.



Babybass -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/8/2007 4:30:58 PM)

I have only ever submitted to one man - it was the most natural thing in the world for me to submit to him. I am not submissive in business nor in my friendships. I am unsure as to whether I could submit to someone else - but submitting feels like coming home - it is me, who i am.   



Kimveri -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/8/2007 5:14:27 PM)

Hello, Rigel,

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tarantuladoll
So my question to all of you submissives is this:  Why do you submit, and how does it fall in line with the rest of your personality / relationships / life / job.


I submit in my primary relationship because that is how I express myself to him. All the stimuli between us bring me to that manner of expression. My personality is not “submissive”, only my expression of that personality, & mostly only with him.

With others, the expression of myself shows in various behavior; dependent on the specific individual with whom I am interacting. It’s actually not a conscious choice either, for me at least. I simply act (& react) as feels natural. For me, with female lovers it is more often a dominant expression of myself that comes to the foreground, which can shift  in a flash by a change in focus to my mate & his fulfillment.

Now, in a work environment, I tend to be a take-charge kinda gal. The level of my experience, understanding of my clients’ needs & genuine desire to benefit them is something I have come to see is rare in my field, so I rarely abdicate that position, as it could have adverse effects on those who rely upon me for their safety & well-being.

I think the bottom line is finding what is natural & fulfilling for you as an individual, & exploring that sufficiently to find the limits of your comfort & interests as well as the natural direction of your growth as a person, a lover & a partner.

Good luck to you!

~Kimveri                                                               




SubJordanTyler -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/8/2007 6:10:47 PM)

I submit in my personal intimate relationships because, as has been said here before, it's who I am.  I couldn't be comfortable being dominant in that kind of relationship.  Now outside of that, I can still be submissive, but I can also be a little more dominant.  It really just depends on the situation.  But in personal intimate situations, I am wholly submissive because it's what is right for me.



mmb1 -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/8/2007 6:16:20 PM)

Submission is like breathing to me, it comes natural, but you can still be in control in other aspects of your life, I separate all from submission.  I guess the only way to explain it also is, you do not question being submissive, it is never something you have to think about before hand, it flows freely.



arayofsunshine55 -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/8/2007 10:10:38 PM)

Well I like surrendering to this guy.  It is not my personality.  It is what I enjoy.  And I enjoy relating to him in this way.  Reality is, as a mid-level manager in a large corp, I lead some and I follow others.  Both skills are really essential to being at the level of the corp.  And I use those skills in my relationship.  He leads.  Like CEO to my EVP.  Works for us.  And one day I'll find another EVP or an SVP to join us.



AquaticSub -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/8/2007 10:45:29 PM)

quote:


   So my question to all of you submissives is this:  Why do you submit, and how does it fall in line with the rest of your personality / relationships / life / job.




I submit because it's the relationship dynamic that seems to suit me best.

As for how it falls in line with the rest of my life, that really depends on what is going on. In some situations, I'm in charge and that is just how it's going to be. In others, I'm more than happy to let someone else take the lead.



sublizzie -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/9/2007 8:19:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tarantuladoll
   So my question to all of you submissives is this:  Why do you submit, and how does it fall in line with the rest of your personality / relationships / life / job. 


I submit because it's as natural as breathing to me. It is a part of the core of who I am. If I am given a task, I can take control within that task to ensure that it is done to the best of my ability. In my work I see all of it as serving the needs of others. Within that framework, I may be very controlling and directive but it's done from a mindset of serving others rather than having others serve me.

Sometimes the actions may be the same but the intentions and mindset are what show the difference between being submissive or Dominant in a situation.

Just my thoughts.......



glassdoll -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/9/2007 2:32:39 PM)

 Honestly? I am an agressive bitch in every area but the bedroom.  And even there, it takes a strong force to make me submitt. Submission doesn't get passed out like condoms in sex ed class.Perhaps it's the notion that the manI  choose to submit to is more forceful and has a stronger personality than I. Which is rather hard to come across these days.  Or maybe it has an equation with love. A sign of weakness, one could suppose. The willingness to please the one you love. 



camille65 -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/9/2007 2:45:12 PM)

Sometimes it makes things harder. I am not assertive and I hate having any attention fixed on me. Shy, quiet and usually looking for a way to 'fix' things for people.

When working I much much prefer to be left on my own with a easily established duty list. I can take initiative but usually only when no one else will so I do out of default. I'm a lot more comfortable behind scenes although the last job I held (10+ years) I worked in a bookstore which gave me the confidence to talk. And talk. And talk. [:D] . I did book lists, author comparisons and event set up. That's the first and so far only place I have stepped out on a consistant basis.

There are times I wish I were more aggressive and appeared strong willed but heh, I'm not!
I'm me.
Happiest when people around me are pleased.



charmdpetKeira -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/9/2007 3:36:52 PM)

quote:

Why do you submit,


For me, it is about the energy that comes from allowing myself to be completely vulnerable to someone I trust and respect.

quote:

and how does it fall in line with the rest of your personality / relationships / life / job.


My disposition tends to be situational with everything else.



SlaveSubtoserve -> RE: Submissive Personality (9/21/2007 8:22:22 AM)

 
......just seems like the natural way to be in personal intimate relationships with women fo me--- but not outside of that sphere.  Not being sub to women in such relationships just proved empty and draining over time......



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