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dilettante Dommes - 7/14/2005 10:48:07 AM

agsub

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Joined: 7/4/2005
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font="Verdana"]I am curious as to other's view on this. I have come to the conclusion that many Dominants (at least Dommes) suffer from many of the same brain-lock issues that a large majority of malesubs do.

That is, they seem to assume that the only "real" D/s relationship is the one reflected in fantastic, popular media (leather clad bitchy Domme, spineless sub-human sub, ect.) – in contrast to the true nature of a true D/s relationship which is, IMHO, based on crystalline candor and a level of reciprocated inter-human trust that almost constitutes religious faith.

A true D/s interchange results in an extremely intense, intimate and positive relationship. Instead of being “spineless” or “subhuman,” the sub/slave is in actuality courageous in his trust and dedication, and is perhaps the most human of all.

Those who criticize this view are probably both poseurs and dilettantes (likely 14 year old boys pretending they are lifestylers while wanking) or have a seriously misplaced worldview. Likewise, I would rather be criticized by a vanilla zealot for my sexuality and lifestyle choices than a purported “Superdomme” who thinks just because she is 28 and has been to some play parties she is automatically invested with the right to expect submission or compliance, and who’s internal hypocrisy will not permit acceptance of the fact that there is no one “right” way to do what we do.

Of course, I have been wrong before. Comments?

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RE: dilettante Dommes - 7/14/2005 11:01:49 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: agsub
A true D/s interchange results in an extremely intense, intimate and positive relationship. Instead of being “spineless” or “subhuman,” the sub/slave is in actuality courageous in his trust and dedication, and is perhaps the most human of all.

Well plenty of subs are sucky people who have no security, no sense of self and no dedication whatsoever.

quote:

Comments?

People in bdsm are just like anyone else. Life goes on.

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RE: dilettante Dommes - 7/14/2005 11:18:13 AM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
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although i agree, i thought all this was already...a given.

the wolf

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RE: dilettante Dommes - 7/14/2005 12:33:41 PM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
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I agree. See my very first posting ever on collarme. LOL

http://www.collarchat.com/m_43178/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#43178

I say more about the issue in my journal (the above rant is there, too).

Fire

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you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

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RE: dilettante Dommes - 7/14/2005 2:48:34 PM

Oumae

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Joined: 1/4/2005
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If you read the boards I think you'll find that many of the Dommes who post are not like this at all.

I for one prefer confident men and I am what I am, whether dressed for a club or wearing my pjs!

Oumae

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RE: dilettante Dommes - 7/14/2005 2:57:38 PM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
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ok... I don;t quite get this -

One minute you are saying that truw D/s IS a particular way.

quote:

in contrast to the true nature of a true D/s relationship which is, IMHO, based on crystalline candor and a level of reciprocated inter-human trust that almost constitutes religious faith.

A true D/s interchange results in an extremely intense, intimate and positive relationship. Instead of being “spineless” or “subhuman,” the sub/slave is in actuality courageous in his trust and dedication, and is perhaps the most human of all.

Next - you say there is no set rules and way?

quote:

I would rather be criticized by a vanilla zealot for my sexuality and lifestyle choices than a purported “Superdomme” who thinks just because she is 28 and has been to some play parties she is automatically invested with the right to expect submission or compliance, and who’s internal hypocrisy will not permit acceptance of the fact that there is no one “right” way to do what we do.

hmmmm....

So is there a truw way - or not?

Peace and Love

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RE: dilettante Dommes - 7/14/2005 3:07:15 PM

onceburned

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agsub
That is, they seem to assume that the only "real" D/s relationship is the one reflected in fantastic, popular media (leather clad bitchy Domme, spineless sub-human sub, ect.)

Good lord, how did you develop this idea?

No, I am serious - and curious too. Are you involved in your local BDSM group? Or are you basing your impression on chat and online profiles?

(in reply to agsub)

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RE: dilettante Dommes - 7/14/2005 3:17:32 PM

PrincessinLatex

Posts: 191
Joined: 7/4/2005
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quote:

Likewise, I would rather be criticized by a vanilla zealot for my sexuality and lifestyle choices than a purported “Superdomme” who thinks just because she is 28 and has been to some play parties she is automatically invested with the right to expect submission or compliance, and who’s internal hypocrisy will not permit acceptance of the fact that there is no one “right” way to do what we do.

Yet you state. . . .

quote:

A true D/s interchange results in an extremely intense, intimate and positive relationship. Instead of being “spineless” or “subhuman,” the sub/slave is in actuality courageous in his trust and dedication, and is perhaps the most human of all.

Talk about internal hypocrisy. . . .you have COMPLETE hypocrisy going on here. . . .

Princess

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RE: dilettante Dommes - 7/14/2005 5:09:35 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agsub

font="Verdana"]I am curious as to other's view on this. I have come to the conclusion that many Dominants (at least Dommes) suffer from many of the same brain-lock issues that a large majority of malesubs do.

That is, they seem to assume that the only "real" D/s relationship is the one reflected in fantastic, popular media (leather clad bitchy Domme, spineless sub-human sub, ect.) – in contrast to the true nature of a true D/s relationship which is, IMHO, based on crystalline candor and a level of reciprocated inter-human trust that almost constitutes religious faith.

A true D/s interchange results in an extremely intense, intimate and positive relationship. Instead of being “spineless” or “subhuman,” the sub/slave is in actuality courageous in his trust and dedication, and is perhaps the most human of all.

Those who criticize this view are probably both poseurs and dilettantes (likely 14 year old boys pretending they are lifestylers while wanking) or have a seriously misplaced worldview. Likewise, I would rather be criticized by a vanilla zealot for my sexuality and lifestyle choices than a purported “Superdomme” who thinks just because she is 28 and has been to some play parties she is automatically invested with the right to expect submission or compliance, and who’s internal hypocrisy will not permit acceptance of the fact that there is no one “right” way to do what we do.

Of course, I have been wrong before. Comments?

The femdom "stereotype" -- from the latex clad vixen image to the demand for "instant" submission upon contact -- is a mostly male fantasy. I think rarely, if *ever*, does a femdom who enjoys bdsm for her own pleasures and by her own instincts maintain that kind of persona 24/7 or on the net to total strangers. Perhaps she dabbles in it here and there with an appropriate partner, but she doesn't represent herself fully as that ideal.

I believe that the women who portray this image straightforward right out of their profiles or online in chatrooms or on messages boards are:

1. Professionals who know that men respond quickly and eagerly to this persona
2. Men pretending to be women for the attention or amusement, or to attract "female" slaves or solicit cybersex.
3. Women who are interested in domination and through research falsely believe this is the way to do to it.
4. Women who love attention and know there's an infinite number of men that are turned to mush over this style.

What worries me is that this "ideal" might somehow just become the norm; in other words, those femdoms who practice BDSM for our own pleasure will be so outnumbered by those women willing to create the fantasy (either for cash, attention or as a last resort to find a mate) that we'll be an odd minority.

Don't get me wrong; I love getting dressed up in vinyl, wearing boots and getting into the full-on, catwoman persona complete wtih gloves and whip. But I don't think it's appropriate to behave that way to total strangers or project some sort of superfemdom persona in a discussion area of the Internet. That just seems silly.

Akasha

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

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RE: dilettante Dommes - 7/14/2005 5:27:37 PM

SteelBondager

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Joined: 5/29/2005
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I'd like to see these "why are people like this?"-type posts in their own section.

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RE: dilettante Dommes - 7/16/2005 11:01:32 PM

Gemeni

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Joined: 2/19/2005
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(in reply to the op)You are mistaking stereotypes for reality.

And evidently,not the only one.

< Message edited by Gemeni -- 7/16/2005 11:02:32 PM >

(in reply to SteelBondager)

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RE: dilettante Dommes - 7/19/2005 11:27:29 AM

blue^elf

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Joined: 4/19/2004
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It happens that I get similar feelings to the feeling you have. But really, all Dommes aren't like that. For a good part, I think it is an impression we get from reading stupid things on line. There are all kinds of people on line, and very often it is the stupid people we see first - the ones who are loudest.

I won't blame everything on the internet, though. I have seen enough stupid clichés in r/l, too. But there really are many Dommes who are different from that typical internet cliché (the "leather clad bitchy Domme" thing). I have met several of them. But of course, we all have different likes, so I can love a style you hate, and vice versa.

And... age doesn't always have to be important. I have talked with (on line, though) young Dommes who have made a lot of sense to me, and also older Dommes who sounded completely clueless to me. They have been exceptions, but my point is that it isn't as simple as saying "young Dommes are stupid and older, experienced ones are wise". There are always exceptions.

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