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RE: Female Dominants - 9/9/2007 2:46:55 PM

ricar00

Posts: 45
Joined: 2/11/2006
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Beach, that is so true about the Internet and BDSM being underground. Even though i have been submissive/masochistic all my life, it wasn't until 1990 or so with the internet that i was able safely (in my mind) to find a BDSM community.
richie

(in reply to BeachMystress)

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Post #: 41

RE: Female Dominants - 9/9/2007 2:51:21 PM

blackpearl81

Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Probably more accurate to say the "nature" of her experience - and if she has had an opportunity to really work through what is at the foundation of power exchange: communication, trust, overcoming challenges, relating, empathy. When you are dealing with the intensity of power exchange it requires a lot of people skills. Just knowing how to tie someone up or talk bitchy is never going to be enough. You have to know firsthand what kinds of emotions and challenges submissive men go through (because many THEMSELVES do not know) so you can be the right kind of partner if you want it to last.

Akasha

So it's emotional / psychological..

I think I can see where it can definitely be intimidating, and intimate at the same time..

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Post #: 42

RE: Female Dominants - 9/9/2007 4:45:59 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
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quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine

quote:

*rolls eyes, just another wankstain who equates dominance with rudeness*

Um, excuse me? If you were using FR to direct that comment to someone else, it may have been prudent to specify. Otherwise, I don't see how my post made any insinuations as to rudeness, at all. Or had wank qualities, at that. I'm going to bite my tongue now.

UM, excuse me, don't tell me what is prudent and isn't, you silly little girl. I was adding on to something susan said, and as per TOS, didn't repeat the name of the person I was speaking of, as susan had already clarified who it was. I would have thought that it was perfectly obvious to anyone, but not obvious to you apparently.

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Post #: 43

RE: Female Dominants - 9/9/2007 6:32:53 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublove037
Overall, are older Female Dominants more or less dominant than younger Dommes or about the same? I noticed alot of Dommes in their 40's, 50's, and 60's on this site.

I think the question can be interpretted two ways.

The first sentence seems to ask whether the quality of dominance is greater in an older woman than in one younger. And the second sentence seems to suggest that the likelihood of a woman to embrace dominance increases with age.

I think each, the quality of dominance and the likelihood to embrace dominance, is favored by multiple factors of which age is one. Thus, all other things equal, a woman of greater age is more likely to have a greater quality of dominance and a greater likelihood to embrace dominance. That said, all other things are not always equal.

For the first question, how exactly is the quality of dominance defined? In my opinion, it is an overall measure of effectiveness in dominance (skills and insights) as well as matters that relate to relationship and interpersonal interactions--it relies on maturity and growth with respect to dominance and with respect to social skills. While age helps with respect to each, I have met many dommes in their 20s, even a few in their teens, who showed impressive insights or maturity with respect to one or both, which I attribute to how early they started and to personal qualities like intelligence, confidence, intuition, and natural potential. These women may possess greater dominance than a woman of greater age but less maturity, and less than an older woman who was at their level of maturity when at their age. Also, I think youthful qualities count in the mix of things.

For the second question, demographics of most BDSM groups lean in favor persons 30 or even 40 and above. I think there are multiple factors that contribute to this trend.

I think when one is younger, there is more competition for one's social priorities. When I first became involved with my local BDSM community, BDSM events were second in priority to social events with friends from work and with what was my primary social circle. And my social health and perception of self relied more on acceptance within this circle of peers. With time, this priority shifted to BDSM events as BDSM became more central to my romantic relationships and I relied less on that circle of peers for my social stability.

Also, for people who find it difficult to accept and be more open about their BDSM interests, it takes time to reach the point to do so, which is relevant for the age demographics I mention. I think the threshhold for entry into BDSM (how easy or not it is to accept these interests due to social taboos, and the smaller effort required to find others interested in BDSM because of the internet) has changed to allow easier entry, which has increased the ratio of younger persons in BDSM groups over the last 10 years.

Lastly, participating in BDSM at the level at which I do now (attending paid events across multiple cities, purchasing clothes and equipment) requires some amount of financial commitment, which is also relevant to the question of age demographics.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to sublove037)

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Post #: 44

RE: Female Dominants - 9/9/2007 7:47:21 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine

quote:

*rolls eyes, just another wankstain who equates dominance with rudeness*

Um, excuse me? If you were using FR to direct that comment to someone else, it may have been prudent to specify. Otherwise, I don't see how my post made any insinuations as to rudeness, at all. Or had wank qualities, at that. I'm going to bite my tongue now.

UM, excuse me, don't tell me what is prudent and isn't, you silly little girl. I was adding on to something susan said, and as per TOS, didn't repeat the name of the person I was speaking of, as susan had already clarified who it was. I would have thought that it was perfectly obvious to anyone, but not obvious to you apparently.

If I want to respond to myself (post 44) and create a new post (post 45), I can go click on reply or quote in post 44. If for whatever reason that method is broken, the CM programmers have allowed me a back up option: I can click on Fast Reply as long as no one else has posted before me. But the CM programmers asked, what if both of these mechanisms are broken? Let's add a third, they said. If both of these features malfunction, I can click on the Post Reply button. So I have three ways to obtain the same result, you know, in case the first two are broken. But they didn't stop there--you can get the same result by simply typing into the text box at the bottom of the screen!

Now that's through planning for contingencies, no? ;-)

Unfortunately, the CM convention for how the in-reply-to is inserted leaves room for confusion and misunderstandings. If one hits the fast reply (FR) button, post reply, or uses the text box at the bottom of the screen, CM displays the response as if it is to the preceding post, which is what occurred in post 23 of this thread. Because post 23 is listed to be in response to post 22 by iammachine, it seemed to her that the comment about rudeness was directed at her. To avoid such confusion I try not to use the FR button and click on reply in the post to which I am responding. I still forget sometimes. And when a post is listed to be in response to my post but does not make sense, I seek clarification before taking offense. Of course, with me they always clarify that they were indeed responding to me and then make fun of me for not knowing it ;-)

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

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Post #: 45

RE: Female Dominants - 9/9/2007 9:29:31 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
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quote:

UM, excuse me, don't tell me what is prudent and isn't, you silly little girl. I was adding on to something susan said, and as per TOS, didn't repeat the name of the person I was speaking of, as susan had already clarified who it was. I would have thought that it was perfectly obvious to anyone, but not obvious to you apparently.

Pardon me for taking offense to a flame that was posted in a reply to me and wanting to clarify the issue, as opposed to hauling off and firing a return volley to something that was clearly uncalled for.

"Silly little girl," clearly age says very little about character. Thanks for so obviously illustrating my point.

< Message edited by iammachine -- 9/9/2007 9:32:17 PM >

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Post #: 46

RE: Female Dominants - 9/9/2007 9:37:22 PM

iammachine

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quote:

Unfortunately, the CM convention for how the in-reply-to is inserted leaves room for confusion and misunderstandings. If one hits the fast reply (FR) button, post reply, or uses the text box at the bottom of the screen, CM displays the response as if it is to the preceding post, which is what occurred in post 23 of this thread. Because post 23 is listed to be in response to post 22 by iammachine, it seemed to her that the comment about rudeness was directed at her. To avoid such confusion I try not to use the FR button and click on reply in the post to which I am responding. I still forget sometimes. And when a post is listed to be in response to my post but does not make sense, I seek clarification before taking offense. Of course, with me they always clarify that they were indeed responding to me and then make fun of me for not knowing it ;-)

Since they always seems to clarify that they are responding to you, can we just assume that flames unwittingly directed towards yours truly are indeed directed to you?

Thanks for the clarification, sea!

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Post #: 47

RE: Female Dominants - 9/10/2007 7:20:53 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
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From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine
Since they always seems to clarify that they are responding to you, can we just assume that flames unwittingly directed towards yours truly are indeed directed to you?

Not just that but you can also assume any comments that don't have a clear recipient are intended for me ;-)

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to iammachine)

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Post #: 48

RE: Female Dominants - 9/10/2007 11:09:43 AM

iammachine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine
Since they always seems to clarify that they are responding to you, can we just assume that flames unwittingly directed towards yours truly are indeed directed to you?

Not just that but you can also assume any comments that don't have a clear recipient are intended for me ;-)

Cheers,

Sea

Cool beans! And nice hat!

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Post #: 49

RE: Female Dominants - 9/10/2007 11:22:53 AM

submgreenbay

Posts: 69
Joined: 6/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Darlin....it doesn't matter where this thread is...it's still the same. Age has nothing to do with how dominate a female is. Dominance is a state of mind. Just because i'm in my 40's doesn't mean i'm more dominate than a 20 year old, it just means i've lived longer.

Again the question wasn't intended for me... however... I generally disagree because ones state of mind changes as their mature. I do agree with what IronHorse said below:

quote:

Younger dominants, the ones I see are more open about seeking casual activity partners, OR offering professional services and are more kink/fetish oriented.

(in reply to HutchGarahl)

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Post #: 50

RE: Female Dominants - 9/10/2007 12:09:02 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine

quote:

*rolls eyes, just another wankstain who equates dominance with rudeness*

Um, excuse me? If you were using FR to direct that comment to someone else, it may have been prudent to specify. Otherwise, I don't see how my post made any insinuations as to rudeness, at all. Or had wank qualities, at that. I'm going to bite my tongue now.

UM, excuse me, don't tell me what is prudent and isn't, you silly little girl. I was adding on to something susan said, and as per TOS, didn't repeat the name of the person I was speaking of, as susan had already clarified who it was. I would have thought that it was perfectly obvious to anyone, but not obvious to you apparently.

Your response clearly says at the bottom "(in reply to iammachine) " Since you didn't bother to make your post in response to what SusanofO said, why would you find it odd that people were confused? And such an unpleasant response to a simple request for clarification leaves me shaking my head. Why is calling someone a silly little girl for pointing out she didn't understand why you seemed to be calling her a wanker ok? This is a forum for the exchange of information and ideas, not a place to attempt to humiliate others non consensually.

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Post #: 51

RE: Female Dominants - 9/10/2007 12:25:42 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ricar00

Beach, that is so true about the Internet and BDSM being underground. Even though i have been submissive/masochistic all my life, it wasn't until 1990 or so with the internet that i was able safely (in my mind) to find a BDSM community.
richie

Many people tend to discount that. I think that part of the reason that there are so many women over 40 into is is the exact same reason there are so many college kids into it. It is easy to find now. Also, with today's attitudes about sex being more liberal and BDSM making it onto mainstream TV, it is more acceptable than it was. We even have an advocacy group, National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, if you folks aren't aware of it! (I know you know about it ricar.) http://www.ncsfreedom.org/

< Message edited by BeachMystress -- 9/10/2007 12:27:26 PM >

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Post #: 52

RE: Female Dominants - 9/10/2007 7:49:34 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
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quote:

Why is calling someone a silly little girl for pointing out she didn't understand why you seemed to be calling her a wanker ok? This is a forum for the exchange of information and ideas, not a place to attempt to humiliate others non consensually.

My flame-foo is strong, and my skin is thick. I think the only one suffering from humiliation here is probably the one that seems to be inflicting it upon themselves by giving the impression that they have maybe wandered a bit too far away from their bridge.

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Post #: 53

RE: Female Dominants - 9/16/2007 1:32:27 AM

jimheath

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I think the answer may be that dominance is not about age. But I do prefer older dommes because they are much more confident than their younger counterpartws. They have more experience and maturity, and to me, confidence makes them much more in control

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Post #: 54

RE: Female Dominants - 9/16/2007 4:20:49 AM

LJayne

Posts: 35
Joined: 12/6/2005
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I'm an older Domme. When I first started, I think I was possibly more overtly dominant - but less experienced. Now - I'm more experienced - much more! - but tend to be less 'overtly' dominant. I find I don't need to prove anything any more - which maybe I felt I did when I was younger. I am more confident. I've also learnt a lot along the way - I have taken courses on First Aid for instance which didn't occur to me right at the start (duh) - and I am now much better able to get into someone's head - after having trained in psychology - also something which I did out of my interest in the psychology of D/s.

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Post #: 55

RE: Female Dominants - 9/16/2007 6:53:29 AM

thetammyjo

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Sociologically speaking it has always been the findings at least through the 1990s that older women tend to be more adventuresome sexuality and more outspoken in public life.

With age came less inhibitions for women based around fears of bastards they might produce (social/political/religious idea here, not mine). Add into that the idea that women should take more care of domestic matters and you have less time and energy for public things and for sexual expression.

Has it changed since the last studies I know of from the 1990s? I don't know because I have not taken other sociology courses since then. I do know that historical for Western culture is most often the case that older women are more free sexually and publicly.

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Post #: 56

RE: Female Dominants - 9/17/2007 7:20:08 PM

jovonna

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I believe age is nothing but a number,how one present herself is the important thing. I have been told I neither look or act my age,however ones conduct is something that is most important.

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Post #: 57

RE: Female Dominants - 9/17/2007 7:58:40 PM

pantysniffer777

Posts: 24
Joined: 3/10/2007
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the so called ladies who think they are dominant because they are divorced and pissed off at men are nothing more than women who are miserable and wanty to get evevn with a few dumb men so they just use these dumb jerky guys like fools

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Post #: 58

RE: Female Dominants - 9/17/2007 8:00:16 PM

AFlyInYourWeb

Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sublove037

Thanks for all the replies. I was wondering more about the different ways older Dommes dominant vs. younger ones and would think in most cases, older Dommes would be looking more for longer lasting relationships.

There is no absolute correlation between chronological age and experience. Some women began Domination earlier in life than others.

Nor would I agree that "older Dommes would be looking more for longer lasting relationships". I might venture to say that a more experienced woman might bring more finely developed relationship skills to the table.

Lord knows, I have better relationship skills than I did in my twenties or thirties.

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Post #: 59

RE: Female Dominants - 9/17/2007 8:26:35 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
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From: Ontario, Canada
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I was in my 30's when I started reading this site. I'm 42 now. I don't feel more or less dominant. But I am stronger inside myself. I've survived more and enjoyed more of life than I had when I was 20 or 30.

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Post #: 60