quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
When people talk about self control, they only talk in terms of the ideal.

Everyone loses control. It all depends on the level of stress someone is under or the level of trauma of the situation someone is under.

Good point.

I have read (and made) more than a few posts where a particular dominant's behavior was deemed "abusive"--generally leading to a pontification on "self control"--so perhaps the better question to be asking is "When is it acceptable to get angry (i.e., lose control)?"

quote:

ORIGINAL: jaxnsax

Greetings

No. By introducing the young boy into the argument, you removed it from the context that the question was asked.

I wish you good humor and health

jaxon

 

quote:


What does it mean to have "self control"?  Why is it important to a D/s or M/s relationship?

quote:

ORIGINAL: jaxnsax

Greetings

No. By introducing the young boy into the argument, you removed it from the context that the question was asked.

I wish you good humor and health

jaxon

quote:


Their emotions do not rule their actions, nor does it rule their words.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
I have yet to meet any of these dominants with this Zen like disposition.

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

We all have our moments when in extreme situations (as in MadRabbit’s scenario), but I’m addressing the everyday kind of shit that rolls our way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
I have yet to meet any of these dominants with this Zen like disposition.

I wish to inject a small disclaimer here:

My personal spiritual practice draws primarily on Zen and Tibetan Buddhism.  I hardly typify the ideal you describe...but on most days it seems a worthy goal.

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

Hardly a day passes it seems where at least one thread does not offer up some commentary on how a dominant must possess "self control"--he or she must master himself or herself before mastering others becomes even a possibility.

What does it mean to have "self control"?  Why is it important to a D/s or M/s relationship?

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

Hardly a day passes it seems where at least one thread does not offer up some commentary on how a dominant must possess "self control"--he or she must master himself or herself before mastering others becomes even a possibility.

What does it mean to have "self control"?  Why is it important to a D/s or M/s relationship?

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe
It's about having an emotional and mental edge. If you cannot control your own thoughts, emotions, and reactions....someone else will

quote:

ORIGINAL: jaxnsax

Greetings

What is self-control? When I use the term in regards to others, whether they be Dominant, submissive, male, female…I use it in regards to a persons ability to maintain a calm attitude. Their emotions do not rule their actions, nor does it rule their words.

I hope this day finds you in good humor and health

jaxon

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe
It's about having an emotional and mental edge. If you cannot control your own thoughts, emotions, and reactions....someone else will

I totally agree with this statement, RRafe, as well as several others made throughout this thread.  I consider my Master to be almost Zen-like as He is very in control of His emotions and reactions.  We actually were just joking about this the other day when we both checked our blood pressure and pulse.  Mine was nearly twice as fast as His!  We laughed because that's pretty indicative of our states of mind.  I'm always seemingly "worked up" about this or that and He is "Mr. Cool."

Now, as MadRabbit posited, if I murdered someone in front of Him I'm sure that would alter a bit.  Outside of that or something like it, He indeed does maintain.  I guess to me, I see Him as having much self-control because of some of the following reasons:
*He works for a psycho bitch who I personally believe is menopausal and bi-polar.  She could make the Pope curse.  He tells me about her nonsense and I want to drive down there and bitchslap her every single day.  He doesn't raise His voice or call her nice little names (outside of her earshot, of course) or any of that.  He tries to see reason in her madness.  That's maddening to me somedays.
*He sometimes deals with angry customers and is always able to defuse the situation.  He actually enjoys starting out with someone who is unhappy and doing all He can to make them a satisfied customer. 
*He has never raised His voice at me or said anything even coming close to being mean or hateful, even when He's been displeased.  He's had reason to before, but He never has.  (And He's not passive-aggressive, either).  He just doesn't seem to have those reactions.
*He is very patient with things that give me headaches like computer problems, etc.  Never gets visibly irritated or slams things around even when the going gets tough.  I feel like taking a sledgehammer to the thing and He's all calm and easy-going.
*He exhibits much self-control as far as bad habits.  He has none that I know of.  Doesn't smoke, drink, do drugs, gamble, cheat, etc. 

Basically, He just seems to have Himself  together.  He's wise and calm and patient....all things I aspire to be more of.  He sees me sweating the small stuff and has a sense of humor about it.  I'm doing better about not being that way and He's really helping me.  As MadRabbit said, "self control doesn't translate to being uptight" because Master certainly isn't.  He's very laid-back and funny and accepting.  You just have to find that delicate balance. 

The OP asked why self-control is important to M/s.  I think it's especially so since He has total control of me.  Heaven forbid He couldn't control Himself but sought to control me.  I need someone to guide me and help me grow, not be as reactive as I can sometimes be................luci    

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

I like being happy.. like those around me being happy. I tend to shut out or alter things that do not-including people. You'll doubtless notice that with me here too-refusing to feed the negative with attention.

But show me wisdon, new things of benfit-creativity and laughter that has no victim-and you will gain not just my attention-but my compassion and loyalty.

Why is that? Those are the only buttons I  LET people have access to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
As for the D/s setting, I rely on my Master's self control, and he relies on mine.  If he had no self control/self discipline, he could not dominate me.  If I had no self control/self discipline, I could not adequately obey. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

~ FR ~

I think people should have realistic self control.  For the most part, my Master is a very controlled person.  But he is also a very passionate person.  When he laughs, he laughs hard.  When he's happy, he radiates it.  When he's angry, you sure as hell know it.  When he's lustful...well...never mind...heh.

But he always knows how far he is going and controls when to stop or pull back.  Yes, he will yell when he is angry.  But he won't fly off the handle and break things or hurt me.  Yes, he puts himself into it and enjoys his use of me.  But he won't overdo it and break me.  And so on.  He is very aware of his actions and very conscious of doing no harm - mental, emotional or physical.

To me, someone who lacks self control is someone who lacks discipline, and who may not stop before harming something or someone, including themselves.  And someone may be very controlled in one element of life but out of control in another (as seen in some people with addictions, or with abusers). 

As for the D/s setting, I rely on my Master's self control, and he relies on mine.  If he had no self control/self discipline, he could not dominate me.  If I had no self control/self discipline, I could not adequately obey. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

Yes, there must be parity. An owner cannot maintain a healthy state with an unhealthy and unstable property.

quote:

ORIGINAL: arayofsunshine55

Ack.  I actually don't believe that doms need to be any more in control of their lives than subs. I think it's great for all people to develop self control.   To develop self determination.   To be able to evolve in ways they think important.  Just not partial to thinking of it as a dominant trait.  Why does this thread remind me of the white knight thread?  I don't ascribe to the all knowing, all controlled, all whatever dominant.  He's not better at that stuff than I am.  I just like him leading me.  And he's good at it.