What is self control?

What is self control? (Full Version)

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celticlord2112 -> What is self control? (9/8/2007 4:32:30 PM)
Hardly a day passes it seems where at least one thread does not offer up some commentary on how a dominant must possess "self control"--he or she must master himself or herself before mastering others becomes even a possibility. What does it mean to have "self control"? Why is it important to a D/s or M/s relationship?

jaxnsax -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 4:46:09 PM)
Greetings What is self-control? When I use the term in regards to others, whether they be Dominant, submissive, male, female…I use it in regards to a persons ability to maintain a calm attitude. Their emotions do not rule their actions, nor does it rule their words. I hope this day finds you in good humor and health jaxon

theq -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 4:50:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 What does it mean to have "self control"? Why is it important to a D/s or M/s relationship? Self-control is simple. It's about controlling yourself to act in the same standards and expectation of your lass. It's about making sure you control your desires and making sure her needs are met before requiring her to fulfill your desires. It's about being a human. As I once heard..."self-control...it's about controlling yourself". Ex: not letting your penis control you. One must be able to: 1. Control themselves 2. Control the situation 3. Control the lass Without the first two what kind of lass is going to want you to control her? Not the type of lass this Dominant would like... Q's $.02...

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 5:16:21 PM)
So what does self control mean to you?...Sometimes it is hard to think that everything needs to be defined, as if we are some politicians trying to search for those loop holes..if you are an adult then for the most part you know what self control is..This analogy is rumbling inside my head, and bascially you take politicians who are trying to define pornography..and they cannot come to a concensus of how to define it..yet..it seems that every strip club,movie house,video store and purveyors of adult toys certainly seem to know and define what is pornographic..so why cannot the politicians, supposed highly educated men wanting to run our state,and or country seem unable to define it?..So essentially I am trying to say is self control is exactly that!..control of ones self ,ones life,, ones goals, ones actions,ones reactions..ad infinitum....Tempting

celticlord2112 -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 5:22:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jaxnsax Greetings What is self-control? When I use the term in regards to others, whether they be Dominant, submissive, male, female…I use it in regards to a persons ability to maintain a calm attitude. Their emotions do not rule their actions, nor does it rule their words. I hope this day finds you in good humor and health jaxon Thank you for your response. Does this mean that all dominants should aspire to a Zen-like demeanor?

celticlord2112 -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 5:33:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theq As I once heard..."self-control...it's about controlling yourself" Indeed...I have heard similar statements. What is holding my attention at the moment is an inability to recall any definition/articulation of self control that was not this essentially circular logic.

mmb1 -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 5:44:12 PM)
I think they should loosen up every once in a while and exhibit something else besides self control...................there must be something else......lol.....

MadRabbit -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 5:46:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jaxnsax Greetings What is self-control? When I use the term in regards to others, whether they be Dominant, submissive, male, female…I use it in regards to a persons ability to maintain a calm attitude. Their emotions do not rule their actions, nor does it rule their words. I hope this day finds you in good humor and health jaxon I find this answer, as always, to be unrealistic and unpragmatic. I have yet to meet any of these dominants with this Zen like disposition. To answer the question in regards to self control and in solely MY OWN OPINION and MY OWN LITTLE PERSONAL DOGMA : 1. A dominant needs to have a reasonable and adult level of emotional control, capable of dealing with average emotions in a positive and constructive way. He needs to have enough awareness to realize when he is getting angry and its affecting him and to back away until he can calm down and deal with it properly. A submissive breaking a plate doesnt result in getting angry and cursing at her for a simple human error. However, a submissive murders your baby child in front of you...well leaving behind the Zen like ideal and going berserk doesnt equate to not being able to manage a power based relationship to me. 2. A dominant needs to have an adult level of mental control. Discipline and willpower. If you cant accomplish your own goals and you cant hold to your own rules, then chances are you arent going to be getting anyone else to. Once again, being lazy and skipping out on the gym one night is drastically different then never finishing a single goal you set. 3. A dominant needs to have an adult level of control over his own life (Job, career, fiances, etc, etc). Once again, a huge difference between forgetting to make one payment on time and not working a job, drinking booze all the time in the equivalent of a college frat house, and sleeping in to 3pm everyday. Now...the flip side of this...is all these things are just as equally important to a slave. Without emotional control, you cant obey without flipping out over the first little thing that upsets you. Without mental control, you cant accomplish any of the goals set by a Master. Without control of your own life, your turning your Master into a Mr. Fix It and bringing nothing positive to the relationship. Hell, these things are good things for any adult to have rather vanilla or kinky which is why I contribute the "self control" cliche to just adding a special mythical WOW factor to the Dominant stereotype. Having ideals you strive for is important, but its my opinion anyone searching for the ideal and not for the flawed human being who is always growing and improving is a bad approach.

mmb1 -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 5:51:19 PM)
Boy, this is too serious for me..........I admire the traits but there is a time to be relaxed too :)

MadRabbit -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 5:53:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mmb1 Boy, this is too serious for me..........I admire the traits but there is a time to be relaxed too :) I agree completely, but self control doesnt translate to being uptight.

mmb1 -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 5:56:17 PM)
LOL

mmb1 -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 5:57:16 PM)
How did you know my middle name? lol

jaxnsax -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 6:08:39 PM)
Greetings I disagree. I do not find it unrealistic to expect a person to be able to control themselves; physically, mentally, and emotionally. You say such a person would be a robot; I say such a person IS a mature adult who knows that there are better ways to express themselves than through anger, hatred, loathing, or contempt. jaxon

MadRabbit -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 6:15:30 PM)
And I disagree because your speaking in terms of a perfect ideal and not from a realistic standpoint. I think you should perhaps reread my entire post and consider what exactly I am saying. Would you expect someone to maintain a perfect level of self control after watching their child murdered in front of him? When people talk about self control, they only talk in terms of the ideal. Everyone loses control. It all depends on the level of stress someone is under or the level of trauma of the situation someone is under. My opinion is that someone should have a mature, adult level of control and be able to properly handle life situations, an adult level of stress and crisis.

mmb1 -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 6:19:53 PM)
I agree MadRabbit................realism is just that........realism............I'm trying to figure out how my name got put on indecent lol and how to put it back....lol

jaxnsax -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 6:19:55 PM)
Greetings Since it is impossible for us to prove the other right or wrong; I will simply decline to argue the point any further. You stick with what you believe, and I will stick with what I know. I hope this day brings you good humor and health jaxon edited to add if you read the original OP, he specifically asked if it was possible and then went on to ask why it was important to a D/S relationship. My answer was in that context. My words stand as written.

MadRabbit -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 6:23:49 PM)
Nope, not impossible if you apply some logical and pragmatic thinking to what I am saying. I wish you luck on your journey to find a Master who maintains this calm level of control when his child is murdered in front of him.

MadRabbit -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 6:28:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jaxnsax if you read the original OP, he specifically asked if it was possible and then went on to ask why it was important to a D/S relationship. My answer was in that context. My words stand as written. I provided a counter argument because the overly simplistic ideal you presented doesnt cover even .0001 of the complicated and wide scope regarding what the words "self control" can entail.

celticlord2112 -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 6:32:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit When people talk about self control, they only talk in terms of the ideal. Everyone loses control. It all depends on the level of stress someone is under or the level of trauma of the situation someone is under. Good point. I have read (and made) more than a few posts where a particular dominant's behavior was deemed "abusive"--generally leading to a pontification on "self control"--so perhaps the better question to be asking is "When is it acceptable to get angry (i.e., lose control)?"

jaxnsax -> RE: What is self control? (9/8/2007 6:33:04 PM)
Greetings No. By introducing the young boy into the argument, you removed it from the context that the question was asked. I wish you good humor and health jaxon

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