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Bdsm mental programming - 9/8/2007 5:17:19 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		     Most people in the lifestyle have thoughts on how conditioning of their sub or slave.
But what happens when that relationship goes south. How do you deal with the after effects of a new sub that comes to you from a bad Dom or Domme. What steps can a sub take to heal from a relationship or a Dom /domme from a player sub or slave. How do you take way the conditioning of the past
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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/8/2007 5:20:44 PM   
MadRabbit


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Status: offline 		Given the mass variety of possible issues and conflicts that could arise from the vast amount of scenarios and situations that could fall under the subjective term of "Bad Dom", your question is pretty much unaswerable.

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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/8/2007 5:21:01 PM   
MstrSkyWoIf


Posts: 238
Joined: 10/26/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

    Most people in the lifestyle have thoughts on how conditioning of their sub or slave.
But what happens when that relationship goes south. How do you deal with the after effects of a new sub that comes to you from a bad Dom or Domme. What steps can a sub take to heal from a relationship or a Dom /domme from a player sub or slave. How do you take way the conditioning of the past



Time, understanding, hard work and a lot of trust building...

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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/8/2007 5:36:56 PM   
celticlord2112


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

    Most people in the lifestyle have thoughts on how conditioning of their sub or slave.
But what happens when that relationship goes south. How do you deal with the after effects of a new sub that comes to you from a bad Dom or Domme. What steps can a sub take to heal from a relationship or a Dom /domme from a player sub or slave. How do you take way the conditioning of the past



I think Omar said it best:

"The moving finger writes,
And having writ moves on--nor all thy piety nor wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a line,
Nor all thy tears wash out a word of it"

We cannot take away any of our past.  At best, we can reconcile ourselves to it.


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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/8/2007 5:37:31 PM   
LATEXBABY64


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Given the mass variety of possible issues and conflicts that could arise from the vast amount of scenarios and situations that could fall under the subjective term of "Bad Dom", your question is pretty much unaswerable.


there are doms that use brain washing techniques all the time sometimes cause Stcokholm syndrom


From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response sometimes seen in an abducted hostage, in which the hostage shows signs of loyalty to the hostage-taker, regardless of the danger (or at least risk) in which the hostage has been placed. Stockholm syndrome is also sometimes discussed in reference to other situations with similar tensions, such as battered person syndrome, rape cases, child abuse cases and bride kidnapping. The syndrome is named after the Norrmalmstorg robbery of Kreditbanken at Norrmalmstorg, Stockholm, Sweden, in which the bank robbers held bank employees hostage from August 23 to August 28 in 1973. In this case, the victims became emotionally attached to their victimizers, and even defended their captors after they were freed from their six-day ordeal. The term Stockholm Syndrome was coined by the criminologist and psychiatrist Nils Bejerot, who assisted the police during the robbery, and referred to the syndrome in a news broadcast.Contents [hide]

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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/8/2007 5:49:26 PM   
beargonewild


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Status: offline 		Yet with any relationship breakup, in this case a sub/slave, should have the common sense to step back and regroup themselves. One would hope that the sub would take the time necessary to take initiative and begin their healing process before considering another D/s relationship. This is when they/we need to learn what went wrong on both sides and use that to learn from.
From what I see; time, patience and rebuilding trust are key to replacing past conditioning. Much of the work has to be done by the sub, on themselves in order to feel "less broken"


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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/8/2007 5:57:36 PM   
SunnyTawse


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Given the mass variety of possible issues and conflicts that could arise from the vast amount of scenarios and situations that could fall under the subjective term of "Bad Dom", your question is pretty much unaswerable.


I'm not sure I agree. As a matter of fact, there are common threads that run through all kinds of deprogramming--patience, repetition of the truth, and a willlingness to be in it for the long run.

In my experience, most submissives want to please, and that makes it easier to reprogram them.

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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/8/2007 6:03:55 PM   
mmb1


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Status: offline 		agree MstrSkywolf :)

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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/8/2007 8:07:44 PM   
RRafe


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

    Most people in the lifestyle have thoughts on how conditioning of their sub or slave.
But what happens when that relationship goes south. How do you deal with the after effects of a new sub that comes to you from a bad Dom or Domme. What steps can a sub take to heal from a relationship or a Dom /domme from a player sub or slave. How do you take way the conditioning of the past



Find something else entertaining to do.

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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/8/2007 8:09:01 PM   
celticlord2112


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Status: offline 		I'm gonna regret asking, but:

How do you get from the original post to commenting on Stockholm Syndrome?????


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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/8/2007 8:11:15 PM   
MstrSkyWoIf


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mmb1

agree MstrSkywolf :)


Thank you

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this is just my opinion, I do not claim to be an expert on life. I am just Me, Love me or Hate me I really don't care. I am the culmination of my life's experiences. I am an ever changing block of clay molded by life's experiences on a daily basis.

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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/8/2007 8:13:03 PM   
chellekitty


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Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		he sauntered to a conclusion...

i don't think anyone should start a new relationship as a way to heal from an old relationship...its better for me when i enter a relationship whole and happy and at peace...so i wish that for other people....and how each individual does that, i could not tell you, but it takes mind body AND spirit to do so...

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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/8/2007 8:24:00 PM   
MstrSkyWoIf


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Joined: 10/26/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

I'm gonna regret asking, but:

How do you get from the original post to commenting on Stockholm Syndrome?????



I am sure he was saying some subs suffer the same at the hands of a Bad Dom or Master who treats them more like a captive then a person. Just my take on it....

_____________________________

this is just my opinion, I do not claim to be an expert on life. I am just Me, Love me or Hate me I really don't care. I am the culmination of my life's experiences. I am an ever changing block of clay molded by life's experiences on a daily basis.

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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/8/2007 8:32:47 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Depends on how you conditioned them- most masters condition their slaves to be effective and useful members of an active world outside the home.  Many slaves end up MORE capable and responsible in the world.

And if they don't- well competent masters make provisions for such occasions to see that the slave is taken care of, and incompetent ones, well, there are resources to help abandoned adults as much as they can.

The good news is that anything conditioned can be unconditioned.

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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/8/2007 8:50:04 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

I'm gonna regret asking, but:

How do you get from the original post to commenting on Stockholm Syndrome?????



because subs are pleaser's and in that we seek to please those we serve come across someone abusive or negative it can fall into those same symptoms

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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/8/2007 11:26:29 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		i dont beleive in "bad doms". there are lots of folks who dont match up very well, but that does NOT mean the dom was bad persay , both people have equal responsibility in making bad decisions that dont support where they want to go and who the want to be.

and you can take it one more esoteric step: the above statement is only true in a cursitory way, but the truth is no one is ever not where they want to be or who they are not....fact is if they are living a life of suffering they chose that life for some reason, and you as the person thinking of hooking up with them should look at that, and especially look for what shifted in them and if it feels like a healthy permant change, other wise dont besurprised if in a year from now she is calling you a bad dom.

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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/8/2007 11:46:38 PM   
teamnoir


Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
Status: offline 		With mental programming, it's really all the same thing. Programming = reprogramming = healing = damage. The only thing that makes a trait considered a good thing or a bad thing is context and perspective. What I consider training might, to some people, be viewed as damage or injury.

In NLP, there's an idea. Only and event in a context has meaning. Meaning is the pairing of an event and a context. Change the context and you will change the meaning. Change the event and you will change the meaning. This is the general idea behind reframing.

Any conditioning, training, education, etc, is an event. That's all. It's value neutral. It's only in context that it has meaning or can be judged.

For example, if a dog shows a tendency to bite, do you train it to stop biting? Or do you train it to bite but only in certain contexts? Which one you chose will probably depend on your reasons for owning or traing the dog to begin with. Neither one is wrong nor constitutes an injury or damage. They are simply different tools used in different contexts to effect different results.

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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/9/2007 2:18:17 AM   
MasterFireMaam


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Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		You can offer a loving and supporting atmosphere. Encourage them. Praise them. Talk to them. But, in the end, you cannot heal them. If they are damaged beyond self repair, send them to a therapist. Whether they are or not, teach them to speak up about their feelings, desires, wants and needs. Meet as many of their needs as possible, acknowledge their feelings, then work the desires and wants in as a reward system for the new, positive behaviors that you are wanting to see.

Master Fire


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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/9/2007 4:07:31 AM   
LostMyself


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Joined: 9/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

How do you take way the conditioning of the past



God, do I wish I could answer that one.

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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/9/2007 4:23:23 AM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		[ How do you take way the conditioning of the past ]

You don't ...You can't  ..and it is only in that persons ability and choice to see it ( what happened to them ) as a lesson in living and learn from it and move on OR  to get stuck in it and remain victimized by it...it is a choice..
 
as MasterFire said so well,
    "You can offer a loving and supporting atmosphere. Encourage them. Praise them. Talk to them. But, in the end, you cannot heal them"

I agree with ChelleKitty...  a certain amt of healing has to take place before a new relationship can be considered...
You can't do or create that healing for someone else.
 
 

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