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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/9/2007 4:51:23 AM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrSkyWoIf

I am sure he was saying some subs suffer the same at the hands of a Bad Dom or Master who treats them more like a captive then a person. Just my take on it....

Actually, part of the mechanism of capture-bonding is the transition to treating them as a person. In any case, not sure what that has to do with being a "Bad Master", although it could be seen as being a "Bad Dom", I guess. Regardless, it takes time to change it, and a fair bit of skill, understanding, and hard work.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to MstrSkyWoIf)

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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/9/2007 4:51:47 AM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

I'm gonna regret asking, but:

How do you get from the original post to commenting on Stockholm Syndrome?????

because subs are pleaser's and in that we seek to please those we serve come across someone abusive or negative it can fall into those same symptoms

Despite subs being "pleasers" that doesn't mean we like to please every single person. Some people I'd be unable to please at all. You don't think dominant persons could get the stockholm syndrome?

but to answer the question I think a person should overcome their mental unstabilities before going getting involved in a relationship. I don't think a dominant should take somebody into a relationship to help them heal (and vice versa) but rather be there for them during the time they're healing and THEN perhaps take a step a direction to relationship.
Going from a relationship with a bad dom and going to a good dom to heal without taking a period outside a relationship to heal or get over it sounds outright stupid to me.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

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RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/9/2007 5:03:19 AM

MasterMagnus321

Posts: 86
Joined: 10/4/2005
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The things which work best for me, either programming or re-programming, have always, always been three-fold: 1. CONSISTENCY 2. STRUCTURE 3. DISCIPLINE. These gears move together best when liberally oiled with frequent communication.

_____________________________

Nothing lasts, and yet nothing passes, either.
And nothing passes just because nothing lasts.
-Philip Roth

~MASTERMAGNUS

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

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Post #: 23

RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/9/2007 5:10:12 AM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
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~fr~

Whether it is healthy to start a new relationship depends on the circumstances. That level of emotional upset is incompatible with some definitions of consent, and most definitions of informed consent. Which is not to say that it needs to be a bad thing, or even immoral, just that it's a minefield in that regard. Some people are minesweepers, some get blown up, and some stay away.

And whether one can heal the person depends on the nature of what one wants to heal, the nature of the person in question, where one is going with the relationship, how one lives, and what level of skill one has as a therapist. Any reasonably empathic person with good non-judgmental listening skills is about as effective as a generic therapist for most issues, but specialist training in dealing with specific kinds of issues, or training in specific schools of therapy (CBT or DBT, depending on the illness), can raise that efficacy quite a bit.

That said, not everyone can do that job, so I'm very skeptical of people trying to do it.

It requires being on the job all the time, which many people don't cope very well with. There is very little room for slip-ups when you're doing therapy. And when you're living therapy, the potential for slip-ups is a lot higher, as you do not get the slack to recover and unwind as long as you're together. Hence, lots of hard work and patience. But it can be done, and a D/s or M/s relationship can be an ideal environment, if (and only if, I think) the D-/M-type is able to provide a stable and predictable environment with a consistent and pervasive therapy.

In general, if other options are available, then a need to ask strongly suggests it be left to others, IMHO.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to MissyRane)

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Post #: 24

RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/9/2007 5:59:02 AM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating

[ How do you take way the conditioning of the past ]

You don't ...You can't ..and it is only in that persons ability and choice to see it ( what happened to them ) as a lesson in living and learn from it and move on OR to get stuck in it and remain victimized by it...it is a choice..

as MasterFire said so well,
"You can offer a loving and supporting atmosphere. Encourage them. Praise them. Talk to them. But, in the end, you cannot heal them"

I agree with ChelleKitty... a certain amt of healing has to take place before a new relationship can be considered...
You can't do or create that healing for someone else.

I firmly agree, and the same goes for making any type of change in behavior for the other person's improvement. They have to see the need for change and be willing to adapt to it. But, if the will to change is absent.........nothing helps, so sometime one just has to acknowledge that for what it is and move on. Been there, done that. One can teach a willing mind anything, but if the will to change isnt there.......good luck !!!!!

(in reply to Cyntilating)

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Post #: 25

RE: Bdsm mental programming - 9/9/2007 6:12:02 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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It isn't the new partner's job to get you over the old. It's your job. And just because someone signs themselves on the right side of the slash doesn't mean they get absolved of personal responsibility.

Besides if you aren't over the old, then what person in control of their own life would want to get involved with you? And this goes for both sides of the slash. First you heal from the loss, whether death, death of the dream, or just people realizing that neither one was the victim, they just weren't at the same place at the same time. Then you take stock of the changes that life has made in you, and you redefine who you are and what you seek in a compatible partner. That's the adult way to handle this, instead of sticking it on some poor male who capitalizes his name.

(in reply to Cyntilating)

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Post #: 26