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RE: what would you do? - 9/9/2007 5:35:06 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		i would figure out what i am scared would happen if i did share him...and then talk with him about my fears, if they were valid concerns and he worked through them with me and we got things worked out then he brought another girl in, it would be all gravy, if he said tough shit, i would leave...
but i am poly oriented in the first place so that tends to color my views...
hey, the question was what would you do, not what should i do....
chelle

edited for emphasis


< Message edited by chellekitty -- 9/9/2007 5:36:17 PM >

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: what would you do? - 9/9/2007 5:44:21 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi
And I would pray that he change his mind and realize he actually loves me enough to want to be with me

But you see....in this situation he does love you enough to "want to be with" you (plus others now and then to add some variety).  Would that really be so horrible?  I'm not condemning, I'm seriously asking.............luci


For me, yes it would be so horrible.  First of all it's a hard limit for me.  Non negotiable.  So to dismiss it would mean he doesn't want to be with me.  At best it means he wants to be with a version of me that doesn't value fidelity and monogamy - some alternate dimension of me.  But not the me who I am, the me who he was attracted to, and the me who he chose to commit to.  He would be completely spitting on the feelings of the 'real' me and saying he doesn't want to be with me unless I am no longer myself.

I'm not sure what the OP negotiated with her partner, but I can say I am always up front that I am monogamous, that I will never be with another man, and that at the VERY most if he wants to be with another woman it does not happen in our bed and he doesn't cuddle with the bitch or spend the night.  And that's simply making concessions for what I believe is a man's nature - same way I can deal with him peeing in the shower as long as he rinses it off :P

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: what would you do? - 9/9/2007 6:16:10 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi
For me, yes it would be so horrible.  First of all it's a hard limit for me.  Non negotiable.  So to dismiss it would mean he doesn't want to be with me.  At best it means he wants to be with a version of me that doesn't value fidelity and monogamy - some alternate dimension of me.  But not the me who I am, the me who he was attracted to, and the me who he chose to commit to.  He would be completely spitting on the feelings of the 'real' me and saying he doesn't want to be with me unless I am no longer myself.

Fair enough.  Sounds like you've thought about it alot and know exactly where you stand. 
quote:

I'm not sure what the OP negotiated with her partner, but I can say I am always up front that I am monogamous, that I will never be with another man, and that at the VERY most if he wants to be with another woman it does not happen in our bed and he doesn't cuddle with the bitch or spend the night.  And that's simply making concessions for what I believe is a man's nature - same way I can deal with him peeing in the shower as long as he rinses it off :P

.  Thank you for answering me and for taking my question in the spirit with which it was meant.  I did not mean to second-guess you or act as if you shouldn't feel the way you do.  I was just wondering if you had really examined the issue to the point that you are sure that it would be that horrible.  Obviously you have.  I think the fact that you are always up front about how you feel about this is commendable.  Best to you.........luci

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(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: what would you do? - 9/9/2007 6:21:48 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		It wouldn't be an issue for us because it has been negotiated that no one else enters our relationship without my consent and approval. If he did want this, then I would have some tough choices to make because I really don't think I could ever share on that level.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: what would you do? - 9/9/2007 6:23:59 PM   
AlandSusy


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		He is your Master... you do as your told

(in reply to DaughterSlave)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: what would you do? - 9/9/2007 6:31:02 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		Thank you :)  Same to you!

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: what would you do? - 9/9/2007 6:35:28 PM   
teamnoir


Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
Status: offline 		I would say so.

But then, I'd also be extremely reluctant to get stuck in an M/s relationship without having stuff like this mentioned earlier.

(in reply to DaughterSlave)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: what would you do? - 9/9/2007 6:50:57 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you Xoxi for making the very important point that bisexual does NOT equal to non-monogamous.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to teamnoir)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: what would you do? - 9/9/2007 7:03:23 PM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

I would cry. A lot.  I would lock myself in my apartment for a week resenting him and eating ice cream and crying into my pillow when I sleep and waking up after having nightmares about it.  And I would pray that he change his mind and realize he actually loves me enough to want to be with me.

But I have really bad coping skills.

Ummmmm, ya think?

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: what would you do? - 9/9/2007 7:17:01 PM   
curiouspet55


Posts: 133
Joined: 10/13/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I would not be able to support this. While pleasing my Dom is of primary importance, so is our happiness and togetherness as a couple. If I knew something threatened my trust in him and security in the relationship, I wouldn't be able to say yes to it.

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Question everything, try anything, do something.

(in reply to Kelika)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: what would you do? - 9/9/2007 7:39:23 PM   
ShellyD


Posts: 207
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline 		I have been in this situation, I resisted the notion of poly for 3 years, even though he kept meeting other women, (also damaging to my sense of security) and the pressure to comply became so strong I finally gave in. I had given many reasoned and considered arguments about the damage that being in a poly situation would do to me. Unfortunately his ego overrode any commonsense he may have had, he is now single having lost both women who cared about him, and who were both against living in a poly relationship.

The main point to consider, you must be of an inclination to welcome a poly lifestyle, if it is something you dont want in your life, don't agree to it, even if the option is to leave the relationship. I wish I had done so a lot sooner, it would have saved much heartache.

(in reply to curiouspet55)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: what would you do? - 9/9/2007 7:53:52 PM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaughterSlave

You  have a master and you love him to death. All of a sudden he want to have another female slave to join  your relationship. You  really don't wantto share him. What would you do?


"Join" the relationship like permanently? or as a playmate on occasion? For me, that would make all the difference. i'd sit down and talk to Him honestly. If it was something i absolutely couldn't do and He absolutely had to have it, i guess i'd have to end the relationship. As many others have already said, communication is key here. Good luck!

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normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to DaughterSlave)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: what would you do? - 9/9/2007 8:09:01 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		To the OP..strangely enough, Lotus made a point I would of thought of..If I went into a relationship with the agreement of monogamy and then have sprung upon me the idea of suddenly making it a poly arrangement. I would negotiate that fine ,he could bring in another, as I would bring in another Master as well..with the second Master becoming to me, the alpha Dominant....he could either accept this negotiation or he could simply release me...While I know you have expressed love for your Master..you have to weigh wether this is something that you could accept for the long haul..I suspect probably not, when you had entered into this relationship with the thought of monogamy..It was "dirty pool" on his part to decide suddenly that he wanted poly after he had obtained your love and service, and then to push upon you, his IMO "real" intent......To my way of thinking, manipulative, dishonest and deceptive on his part...Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to apiercedkitty)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: what would you do? - 9/9/2007 8:09:38 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		i would be pissed. but as usual not enough info is given about previous negotiations....so barring any new info from the OP i stand on my first reaction...id be pissed.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to apiercedkitty)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: what would you do? - 9/9/2007 8:18:23 PM   
LivingInSin


Posts: 326
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		i entered into a poly situation with my ex husband and his new wife for the sake of our children. 5 year old twins that were being bounced around all the time.
when i talked to his wife about it, she was great about the whole thing.....mmmm no. she kept going back and forth and finally setteled on ok were are good. soooo for the last 3 months...out of 5 months ive been reminding myself not to strangle her. living with her is hell!!! had she seriously told us that she didnt want it then we would have worked something out. as it is now, a friendship that i had with her is destroyed, and my ex and i are trying to hold enough of our friendship together to make life good for our kids.
if you are not 200% sure that poly is what you want...DONT!!
that is something to know before you approach your Daddy about this.
good luck. d

_____________________________

*Instead of complaining that rose bushes have thorns, rejoice that thorn bushes bloom*

*Myth says that only the woman who has been an utter slave can be truly free------this is no myth*


(in reply to DaughterSlave)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: what would you do? - 9/9/2007 8:20:39 PM   
Kelika


Posts: 56
Joined: 4/25/2006
From: Cincinnati
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlandSusy

He is your Master... you do as your told


He may be her Master, but that doesn't mean he gets to forgo his obligations on the subject of her feelings.  It might be an M/s relationship, but the key word there is relationship, not M/s.  She always has a choice of begging out of the collar.  I would -think- however that he would want to know her feelings on the subject.  As an owned slave she has no right to keep them to herself.  Anyone who cares about another would at least want to know that...in my opinion.


_____________________________

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. ~ Anais Nin

(in reply to AlandSusy)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: what would you do? - 9/9/2007 8:41:05 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

I would cry. A lot.  I would lock myself in my apartment for a week resenting him and eating ice cream and crying into my pillow when I sleep and waking up after having nightmares about it.  And I would pray that he change his mind and realize he actually loves me enough to want to be with me.

But I have really bad coping skills.

Ummmmm, ya think?


Hey now the question was what WOULD I do not what SHOULD I do :P

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: what would you do? - 9/10/2007 2:19:56 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		This is something we discussed before even meeting in person.  He has done the poly thing in the past and now wants very much to have a monogomous relationship.  If He suddenly wanted to bring in another, it would be outside of what we discussed and what was negotiated and i would be gone in a new york minute.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to DaughterSlave)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: what would you do? - 9/10/2007 4:05:22 AM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouspet55

I would not be able to support this. While pleasing my Dom is of primary importance, so is our happiness and togetherness as a couple. If I knew something threatened my trust in him and security in the relationship, I wouldn't be able to say yes to it.


Hi Curious : )
 { If I knew something threatened my trust in him and security in the relationship,}
  how would this threaten your trust in him?  hes not hiding the desires...or the potential other person....he is bringing it to you, upfront...  doesnt this actually  BUILD the trust you have in a sense??
    and  the security of the relationship> is part of his role to secure and be in control of...correct??

don't misunderstand me...I'm not challenging your feelings or thoughts about this........I'm really just curious.

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to curiouspet55)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: what would you do? - 9/10/2007 5:48:26 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		I won't flex too many brain cells on this one.

Reading her journal, she's convincing herself she's supposed to have no limits.  She's voluntarily entered into a relationship where she has zero authority.  She's being faced with a situation that is hard to stomach; the question isn't 'if poly was discussed' (as she's entered a dynamic where she willingly and knowingly has surrendered any perceived right to negotiate.)

What it boils down to, is if this dynamic is satisfying enough for her to continue playing the game, or not.  I suspect it will be in the short term, and become tedious and expire in due course.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Cyntilating)
Profile   Post #: 40
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