Submission vs. Servitude

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gwendolyn -> Submission vs. Servitude (9/9/2007 12:17:59 AM)
I'm not usually very vocal on the boards, but I wanted some feedback concerning a conversation Master and I had last night. We were lying in bed, and I asked him if he thought I was submissive enough. The question was brewing since we came home from our first local munch. Interacting with everyone else there, I noticed that my personality kind of stood out amongst the collared submissives. He told me, yes, he thought I was submissive, but that I could stand to be more servile. When I asked him to elaborate, he told me that he would like for me to make more of an effort to notice his needs; anticipate them, in a realistic way, of course. I'm wondering if anyone else finds this as challenging as I do? Does anyone have any thoughts on how to be more productive in this area? Gwen

RRafe -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (9/9/2007 12:39:32 AM)
1. Decide what you are submitting to. 2. Decide what "servile" means. 3. Decide if you really want to go there.

chellekitty -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (9/9/2007 1:45:24 AM)
ok, i didn't know what the word servile meant, so i did some online dictionary searches, and i believe the word/phrase you/He possibly meant was service orriented...cause servile means either submissive, which he already says you are, menialy slavish or lacking originality among others...and besides submissive, none of them sound very flattering...service oriented is something i am...it means i like to serve...i see a need, i serve it...is this what you mean? edited for clarity

littlebitxxx -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (9/9/2007 2:45:35 AM)
Hi Gwendolyn, As a newbie, I had wondered the same thing. How on earth was I to learn how to serve better? Since, I have found just knowing my man to be the biggest help. Watching how he does things for himself gives me ideas on how to do it for him, like drying him off after a shower. (Hint: on a cold winter's day, put the towel in the dryer for a bit first). Knowing his routine during different times of the day, ie, do I meet him at the door with a cold drink or wait until after he has his shoes off, sits in his chair and I ask him about his day? Does he like breakfast in bed on Sunday morning or would he rather come to the kitchen? What section of the newspaper he reads first, so I can have it open for him to that page. Always have a spare pair of shoelaces on hand because you know darn well that one will break when he's in a hurry. Big meeting on Thursday? Wednesday night will see his lucky shirt ironed and suit brushed. It's the really little stuff that seems to go the furthest. Good luck to you. Let me know how you make out coz I'm always on the lookout for more ideas myself ;)

SirDraco7 -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (9/9/2007 5:25:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx It's the really little stuff that seems to go the furthest. Yup. I couldn't have said it any better than myself. :)

adoracat -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (9/9/2007 6:00:49 AM)
i asked Sir that same question last night. his answer was "as long as you keep being you, i'm very satisfied to keep owning you." my husband (who is not my Sir) ends up benefiting from my submissive nature...i keep an eye on his iced tea "would you like some more tea?" at dinnertime "do you want me to fix you a plate?" (and yes, i cut up his meat, and i cut his sandwich in two, diagonally NOT lengthwise, as per his preference) i even fold his socks in the preferred way... (just paired and folded, do NOT tuck one into the other, they get stretched that way) its about just opening myself to doing things the way he prefers them done, and just doing them. kitten, who has no idea if that helped or not.....

donnaamarie -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (9/9/2007 6:15:52 AM)
hi Gwendolyn, I'm not sure how long you have been in a relationship with your Master, but a lot of his comes with time and getting to know his needs more. I remember when I was first with my Master, I really had no clue what I was doing. It IS a learning process. We can be as submissive as the day is long, it's applying that submissiveness in a way that HE likes it that will make you successful. I remember the only thing I had down pat was that he wanted fresh coffee in the morning. Even though he was pleased with that I began to call myself "coffee slave" because frankly it's all I was getting right!!! 4 1/2 years later I have learned quite a bit more. But even now I still search for things that he needs and wants, without him having to ask for it. Observe him, see what he likes and doesn't like, and be the first one to deliver that to him when the time comes. You mentioned that you were "different" then the other submissives. He obviously chose you for those qualities, whatever they may be. You don't have to be just like another submissive, you have to be you and he has to be happy with that. I constantly wish I were more like slave A or slave B, but on the flip side I'm darn happy that I am not like slave C or slave D. It's all about being what HE wants, and figuring that out is part of the journey. donna

Celeste43 -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (9/9/2007 6:49:02 AM)
It's the little things, noticing if his cup is empty and refilling it without being asked. Realizing that he tends to work through meals and so I quietly put a sandwich and a glass of water next to him at the desk. Not interrupting, just doing. However be prepared for anticipatory service to occasionally backfire. You aren't a mindreader so you might give him decaf coffee because it's 8:00PM and then get told off because he has to work late and wants the real thing. Or you pour him water and he wants soda, you may feel rejected when what you do is wrong.

Maya2001 -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (9/9/2007 7:27:22 AM)
Below from an online article 4. Service. Find out what makes your Dom/me happy, and do your best to provide. It is your job to make your Dominant happy. If you will be serving him food, find out what he likes to eat, and how he likes it served. Find out what his turn-on and turn-offs are. If it is your responsibility to set things up for the scene, find out what he requires, and have everything handy. Don't be sloppy in your service, and don't make your Top have to tell you a preference more than once. If I have to tell a sub two times that I like my coffee with cream and sugar, it gives me the impression that she is not thinking, or just doesn't care. This is not at all pleasing. Put some thought and creativity into your service. Listen when he tells you his fantasies and dreams, and try to fulfill his desires. Be observant. If you have the chance, study his surroundings for clues on the type of things he enjoys. Does he have candles sitting out? Make sure you have some at your place, too. What kind of toiletries does he use? Buy them and have them ready for him when he visits. What does he like to drink? Make sure you keep it on hand.

Cyntilating -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (9/9/2007 7:35:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gwendolyn I'm not usually very vocal on the boards, but I wanted some feedback concerning a conversation Master and I had last night. We were lying in bed, and I asked him if he thought I was submissive enough. The question was brewing since we came home from our first local munch. Interacting with everyone else there, I noticed that my personality kind of stood out amongst the collared submissives. He told me, yes, he thought I was submissive, but that I could stand to be more servile. When I asked him to elaborate, he told me that he would like for me to make more of an effort to notice his needs; anticipate them, in a realistic way, of course. I'm wondering if anyone else finds this as challenging as I do? Does anyone have any thoughts on how to be more productive in this area? Gwen Hi Gwen : ) ... He pretty much told you how >> [ an effort to notice his needs; anticipate them,] observe...make mental ( or written if it helps remember) notes...watch/listen to what pleases him in his comments and actions....and a little at a time begin anticipating them before he asks for it to be done, and then see to them being done yourself.. others here have given you some good examples of "things to do" ... I've always been a people observer...as well as a people pleaser........which can be both a blessing as well as a curse.. (ask my kids lol ) .. and yes..my people-pleasing now has healthy boundaries..and my co-dependancy is in stable remission : ) anyway so those things made it seem pretty natural to me to serve anothers needs.. I just observe and anticipate : ) & and I just really love pleasing and helping... You already show you have the desire to please him ... and he's not expressing a problem with your submission..thats a positive for you to take to heart.. I agree with others that said > it will be the little things individual to him that will really matter and make an impression...so try not to let this make you feel overwhelmed..

LeatherBentOne -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (9/9/2007 7:59:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: donnaamarie hi Gwendolyn, I'm not sure how long you have been in a relationship with your Master, but a lot of his comes with time and getting to know his needs more. I remember when I was first with my Master, I really had no clue what I was doing. It IS a learning process. We can be as submissive as the day is long, it's applying that submissiveness in a way that HE likes it that will make you successful. I remember the only thing I had down pat was that he wanted fresh coffee in the morning. Even though he was pleased with that I began to call myself "coffee slave" because frankly it's all I was getting right!!! 4 1/2 years later I have learned quite a bit more. But even now I still search for things that he needs and wants, without him having to ask for it. Observe him, see what he likes and doesn't like, and be the first one to deliver that to him when the time comes. You mentioned that you were "different" then the other submissives. He obviously chose you for those qualities, whatever they may be. You don't have to be just like another submissive, you have to be you and he has to be happy with that. I constantly wish I were more like slave A or slave B, but on the flip side I'm darn happy that I am not like slave C or slave D. It's all about being what HE wants, and figuring that out is part of the journey. donna Lovely post and good advise.

donnaamarie -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (9/9/2007 10:20:24 AM)
~smiles~ thank you very much Mistress.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (9/9/2007 10:33:18 AM)
This is really something HE needs to train you on. It's doubtful that he wants you to anticipate and keep doing EVERYTHING for him. As well, there are things he will need to teach and work with you over time for you to understand the best way of doing it. This has nothing to do with being "more submissive" BTW- simply "more stereotypically servicing" A slave who runs a board meeting is no less submissive than the slave put in the corner who fetches paper and water for the board members. As well, service is not necessarily submissive- all of the great masters I know are also ones who enjoy providing service to the world they live in.

chellekitty -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (9/9/2007 12:43:51 PM)
wow...so much for not jumping to conclusions and waiting for clairification....ok...back to jumping to conclusions...

slaveluci -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (9/9/2007 1:12:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Celeste43 It's the little things, noticing if his cup is empty and refilling it without being asked. Realizing that he tends to work through meals and so I quietly put a sandwich and a glass of water next to him at the desk. Not interrupting, just doing On one of my other favorite sites, they speak of this as "subtle service." Master and I both love that term. It's doing exactly as you say. Anticipating needs and meeting them without intruding or interrupting. It gives the one serving the opportunity to serve without shifting the focus back onto themselves. A beautiful concept...........luci

glassdoll -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (9/9/2007 1:45:58 PM)
Does ebay sell esp? How are you supposed to know his needs without being verbally told so? Doesn't that that type of thing come in time?

gwendolyn -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (9/9/2007 7:35:43 PM)
I want to make it clear, as there seems to be a subtle misunderstanding; I'm not distraught or upset. On the contrary, open and honest communication between us is what has made a TPE possible for the better portion of a year. It's just always nice to get others' feedback, even if it mirrors what's going on in my own mind. A reassurance from others in my own situation. Thanks so much to those who took the time to help out with some words of advice. [:D] Gwen

agirl -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (9/10/2007 5:50:53 AM)
I am better at doing that kind of thing for people that rely on me. I anticipate and notice my children's needs, for instance. I don't expect my children to be worrying about my needs, I see to them myself. I'm in charge. I think I see those things as a matter of responsibility and care. I'm not responsible for M, or his needs, HE is. It would be a huge shift in balance in this relationship if I began to feel responsible for them. I tend to serve the people in my care.........M isn't in my care. If he wants something done or accomplished, he'll simply say so....THEN it becomes my responsibility. agirl

mypain56 -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (3/27/2008 4:31:35 PM)
OK, i get the service part of it, so now i need help with the difference between service and servitude...>?>? Every week, bless His heart M has me do an essay 1000 word minimum. i love doing thiis simply because of the learning process and the knowledge i am gaining to feel more secure in M's consideration of me as His submissive. So far He has given me some really good topics and my effort in doing it correctly ie.. as i would of in college. Research, collect information, study, outline and then sink my teeth into writing. He also Has allowed me to choose some of the topics this weeks actually. it would be simple for me to look up the definition in the dictionary, but getting feedback from my sister's around the globe that are in service in one form or another would be a great referrence tool. At this time we are not 24/7, or in a D/s but hopefully in time perhaps a few years we will be able too achieve that dynamic. So inessense any feedback would be so very appreciated,, ms. melly

softness -> RE: Submission vs. Servitude (3/27/2008 4:43:47 PM)
oooh loves that phrase "subtle service" ... I have noticed that Sir is very prasieworthy towards invisible service, towards girls who need very little elaborate protocol to serve consistently and pleasingly... I will fit into the model of whatSir wants because He will sit down with me and outline it clearly, He will ensure I know exactly what needs to be done for service to meet His needs... right fromhow He wants His shirts ironed (well starched and a danger to others) to how He wants me to act as a hostess at a dinner party for His friends or how to direct the other girls serving at a Leather Tea in His household. This isn't to say that I will not be able to serve without direction, that I wont act on my own initiative, but there are things He wants done in a particular way, things that will please Him.. so He will show me what that is. If your Dominant wants you more servile .. or service orientated .. then he needs to sit down and decide exactly what that service will look like, that done he will be able to guide you towards what he wants you to be. As many have said, you cant read his mind, second guessing him mnay occassionally result in an outcome he desires .. but surely it would be 100 times more effiecient if he told you want he wanted.

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