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ownedgirlie -> RE: white lies (9/10/2007 8:52:57 AM)
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quote:
The reverse is true? Her Master is a "better" man for lying? Never seen liar, or the ability to tell "while lies" as a quality trait desirable for a Dom/Master.
I think you both need to reread my post. He said my efforts were pleasing him. He chose not to tell me that I was, at the time, nowhere close to being what he wanted me to be. Maybe if you read what I wrote in the Worthless thread you will see why. He gently brought me along. Doing otherwise would have finished me off. So yeah, I think it was better and admirable that he did that.
It is reeeeally rare that he'll do that anymore. For example, if I've written a piece that didn't appeal to him at all (I write a lot for him), he'll likely say, "It wasn't your best effort." or "It didn't measure up to what I'm accustomed from you" instead of "That totally sucked!" Only once, when he was pissed, did he say, "That was the worst thing you have written, ever, and I'm appalled." He was right. It was rotten. And we delved into why. But if he had always told me my work was crap, especially when I was still emerging from my darkness, I would have never seen my own potential.
Everyone has their reasons and methods. I don't expect everyone to agree with his. And people don't have to! That's the beauty of it. People don't know me as he does, nor the details of my history and the details of its effect on me. Just like I don't know this of others (which is why you'll so rarely, if ever, see me critiquing what someone else does regarding his/her slave).
Regardless, I wrote "white lies" in quotes in my post because I don't really see that as a lie. I see it as being gentle. But if he ever felt the real need to actually lie to me, I'd trust he had a damn good reason.
But of course we're each entitled to what makes a good Master.
quote:
The truth always makes the relationship better, stronger, and, by inclusive definition, the people in the relationship become stronger too by being able to rely on that truth. Self esteem based on the need for a lie is of no value. I never could understand the rationalization of lies for improving another's self esteem. What value does it have? It makes the person's improved sense of self based on a lie. How can any compliment or reference to improvement ever not contain doubt? How can trust ever be absolute?
I don't know, Merc, since my development and risen self esteem were not based on lies, and since he so rarely offers up great compliments that when he does, I know it is is exactly what he is thinking.
Funny though, it was because of lies that my esteem tanked so many years ago. It was my Master's ability for me to see my own inner truth that brought it back up.
quote:
This is referencing 'white lie' - a lie alleged not to hurt anyone. The other option to a "white lie" isn't cruel or mocking truth. It is simple honesty;. simple truth with simple understanding and acceptance of that truth. An honesty that a slave/sub, Dom/Master can rely upon. I demand that reliability even if it means hearing things that I don't want to hear or face. Those things represent reality. Reality is cruel and brutal sometimes. I expect my relationship to have to face cruel and brutal reality. I can only rely on my partner if I know with absolute certainty and trust that I'm relying on truth. I also know that truth can never hurt my relationship - I'm confident that any lie can.
In some cases, "simple honesty" can be hurtful. Ever see "Liar Liar?" (funny movie, btw). In my case, I trust my Master. And I have never felt loved so much nor been allowed to love so much and truly flourish as a complete person before coming into his world.
I'm glad what you're doing works so well for you. What my Master is doing has worked pretty darn well for us, too.
Edited to correct some typos
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