Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

white lies


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> white lies Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
white lies - 9/9/2007 12:29:30 PM   
TennesseeRain


Posts: 35
Joined: 11/9/2006
Status: offline 		Do you think it is ok to tell your sub a "white lie" to protect her feelings?  If so, how do you define a "white lie" and where do you draw the line?

_____________________________

"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul."

Pablo Neruda

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 12:41:54 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		nope, but i also think that you should be prepared to deal with emotional fall out of telling the truth

(in reply to TennesseeRain)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 12:56:06 PM   
glassdoll


Posts: 131
Joined: 4/24/2005
Status: offline 		it's better not to say anything than to just blantly lie.

(in reply to TennesseeRain)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 12:58:29 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TennesseeRain
Do you think it is ok to tell your sub a "white lie" to protect her feelings?  If so, how do you define a "white lie" and where do you draw the line?

I don't see being dom/sub as having anything particular to do with this question.  I see the same principles applying to any two people. 

As far as "white lies," I do think it is occasionally acceptable and even preferable to tell them to others.  I guess where I make the distinction between "white" lies and others is who is being protected by them.  If I tell a lie to someone to protect myself or deceive them, that's wrong in my eyes.  However, if I tell them what most people consider a "white" lie, it would be to protect them/their feelings.  I posted once before about this subject so here's that re-post:

"I was going to bring up omission. In some cases I consider that being dishonest but not in all. When someone says they 'never' lie, I think they must be very rude. Absolute, total honesty would be very brutal. One would always tell everyone exactly what they were thinking, exactly how they think they look, exactly what they find annoying about them, etc. Hiding behind being "truthful" to be rude and cruel never sat well with me. "Well, I'm just being honest." BS. Using the truth as a weapon is more wrong, in my eyes, than not always being absolutely, totally honest and open.

Lying, to me, is blatantly deceiving someone. Whether this be by commission or omission, I think that's wrong. But then total honesty can be just as hurtful in some cases. When faced with the option of a white lie or really hurting someone's feelings, I'll take the lie everytime, I'm afraid. That's just me."
 
Besides, what I feel/say about something isn't necessarily the "truth."  It's simply my perceptions.  If someone says, "Do I look fat," just because I may feel they do does not mean they actually do.  That's just my particular view.  Someone else may feel they don't look fat at all.  That's why I don't have an issue with being kind over being brutally "honest."  Because answering a question like that doesn't involve sharing a "truth," it involves sharing a mere opinion.  Big difference.............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to TennesseeRain)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 1:06:51 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Would it be okay for him/her to tell you one?

The 'whiteness' of any lie is in the rationalization of the teller.

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 1:11:31 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		My mind is my Master's to shape as he wishes.  At a time when my self esteem was practially non existent, it would have been more damaging than helpful for him to tell me Yes, I was too fat, and No, I do not submit even close to the depth he would prefer.  Instead he told me my submission had more value to him than my body, and he told me my efforts were very pleasing to him and that I was doing very well.  He gently built me up rather than put me down.  He didn't blatantly lie and tell me I was the hottest, most submissive slave on the planet.  But he fed me just enough to motivate me to keep going in the right direction. He also told me when I totally fucked up, but when I made small errors that annoyed the hell out of him, he told me it was OK, when in truth it really wasn't.  But he knew I was already beating myself up more than he ever could so he didn't want to put more on me on top of that.

I see nothing wrong with that.  Three years later, he has exactly what he wanted, and I keep asking him to pinch me to make sure I'm not dreaming (he likes the pinching part).

Edited to add:  The funny thing now is, I know him so well that I know exactly when he is telling such a "white lie" to help me along.  I see right through it and it endears him to me even more to know how much he cares and wants to protect my feelings.  I'll usually just smile warmly at him and say thank you, and he understands that I know.

The important thing is that when it really counts, he is brutally honest, and I deal with it and appreciate it.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 9/9/2007 1:15:08 PM >

(in reply to TennesseeRain)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 1:34:35 PM   
SirDraco7


Posts: 108
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline 		It all depends on the circumstances.  Maybe.

If I ever told one, it would be short term, and mostlikely only untill emotions/the situation gets calmed down some or something like that.
I would never hold any secrets from my sub, so everything would be told at the right time.

For instance say she's away to visit family, and she asks how're my parents doing?  I'd say ok, even say my mother just broke her leg.  Because I knew if I'd tell her she would come home even though it wasn't serious.  And knowing she didn't see her family often, I'd leave her thinking all is well and enjoy and have fun with her family.  THEN tell her upon her return.

It all depends on circumstances.  And how would I tell?  If she'll leave me for it or if it hurts trust then it's not a white lie.
The scenario above..  might sting, but my sub would(I hope) understand and it won't damage trust.

just my thoughts

(in reply to TennesseeRain)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 1:55:47 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
Would it be okay for him/her to tell you one?

Absolutely.  For all the same reasons I stated earlier.
quote:

The 'whiteness' of any lie is in the rationalization of the teller

Maybe so.  We all have rationalizations for each and every thing we do and say each day.  We do it for this reason or that.  For the reasons I wrote of above, in most cases I prefer being kind to imposing my brutally "honest" opinions onto others who would actually be hurt by them.  In addition,  I would prefer receiving kindness rather than blunt "honesty" of someone hiding behind "truthfulness" to cut me down.  

I guess some would say people should never ask another's opinion if they don't want the "truth."  But, let's face it.  Most of us, anyway, are frail humans and do need some validation at some point (as much as some people seem to loathe admitting it).  I'll err on the side of kindness rather than total "honesty" in cases where it's not a major issue being dealt with................luci   

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 2:00:19 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

My mind is my Master's to shape as he wishes.  At a time when my self esteem was practially non existent, it would have been more damaging than helpful for him to tell me Yes, I was too fat, and No, I do not submit even close to the depth he would prefer.  Instead he told me my submission had more value to him than my body, and he told me my efforts were very pleasing to him and that I was doing very well.  He gently built me up rather than put me down.  He didn't blatantly lie and tell me I was the hottest, most submissive slave on the planet.  But he fed me just enough to motivate me to keep going in the right direction. He also told me when I totally fucked up, but when I made small errors that annoyed the hell out of him, he told me it was OK, when in truth it really wasn't.  But he knew I was already beating myself up more than he ever could so he didn't want to put more on me on top of that.

I see nothing wrong with that.  Three years later, he has exactly what he wanted, and I keep asking him to pinch me to make sure I'm not dreaming (he likes the pinching part).

Edited to add:  The funny thing now is, I know him so well that I know exactly when he is telling such a "white lie" to help me along.  I see right through it and it endears him to me even more to know how much he cares and wants to protect my feelings.  I'll usually just smile warmly at him and say thank you, and he understands that I know.

The important thing is that when it really counts, he is brutally honest, and I deal with it and appreciate it.

........yep.  Beautiful post and I couldn't agree more (surprise, surprise)...............luci 

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 2:41:05 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		No, he would not tell me a white lie to protect my feelings.  He would tell one in order to surprise with something to make me happy, i.e. surprize party.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to TennesseeRain)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 2:43:30 PM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline 		The only lies I find acceptable is for instance if I'm planning a surprise birthday party or something of that sorts. The rest: there is no reason to lie at all. I would be more hurt to find out I was lied to than to just hear it plain out what it is that is supposedly going to hurt my feelings. 

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 3:07:48 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I never ask does this outfit make me look fat, cause I am fat, and it's not the outfit that's making me look fat, it's me being fat.  Plus I try not to put friends into the position of being truthful and hurting my feelers, or the friendship, or lying to me.


 But then total honesty can be just as hurtful in some cases. When faced with the option of a white lie or really hurting someone's feelings, I'll take the lie everytime, I'm afraid. That's just me."
 
Besides, what I feel/say about something isn't necessarily the "truth."  It's simply my perceptions.  If someone says, "Do I look fat," [/quote]

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 3:50:43 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I guess some would say people should never ask another's opinion if they don't want the "truth." 

luci,
A Master/slave relationship shouldn't be on the same level as a casual relationship. Being afraid to answer honestly to my slave or her making a misrepresentation to me is not a appropriate under any circumstance. It would show a weakness in our relationship. Truth is true whether you hear it or not. A selective lie discovered makes it easy to loose trust - why risk it? 

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 4:23:44 PM   
SirEbonyPhoenix


Posts: 195
Joined: 8/29/2006
From: My realm in Central Indiana (you guess where :P)
Status: offline 		My take on this topic is no, it's not okay to tell a lie, whether it's a little white lie or a big red one. becuase in the end, someone will eventually get hurt whether it was caused by the Dom or the sub. And for me, 100% honesty is an absolute must in a D/s relationship; anything less is a deal breaker.

< Message edited by SirEbonyPhoenix -- 9/9/2007 4:51:10 PM >

_____________________________

"If it takes one to know one, then you must be one."

(in reply to TennesseeRain)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 5:12:21 PM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		The important thing IMO is being someone who can handle the truth.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to TennesseeRain)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 5:21:59 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		White lies are those that have no real consequences, like telling someone they don't look fat in that dress. Telling someone you were emailing your mother when you were really talking to your hidden relationship isn't.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to TennesseeRain)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 6:27:28 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		i had a councelor who used to tell me something that i think applies here....it says rigorous honesty, not rediculous honesty...

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 6:39:11 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TennesseeRain

Do you think it is ok to tell your sub a "white lie" to protect her feelings?  If so, how do you define a "white lie" and where do you draw the line?


Lies are lies.
 
I've told them to spare other's feelings, but it is far better to be able to tell the truth.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to TennesseeRain)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 6:46:34 PM   
liorsnava


Posts: 35
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline 		omitting the truth is the same to me as telling a lie...because you aren't telling the "complete" truth. i don't like lies of any type, not even "white lies"... i would rather know the truth than be ignorant to it, and not by choice. i have issues with liars anyway, having been married to a pathological liar for 5 years. lying of any kind just does not sit well with me at all.. .no matter if the intentions were good or not....

_____________________________

Lior's girl, nava

"in His light i stand as His cherished one"

(in reply to TennesseeRain)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: white lies - 9/9/2007 6:52:33 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's ok as long as your slave has been told you will be telling her white lies on occasion to protect her feelings.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to liorsnava)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> white lies Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.063