Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: A Question For the Subs


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: A Question For the Subs Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/11/2007 1:03:50 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		I do not engage in a power exchange with anyone unless I have built a relationship of trust with them. So anyone who talks to me as a new aquitantence WILL address me as an equal, or else they won't be addressing me at all. That includes "Little one" or "Girl" that I consider rude. Sometimes I will tolerate such references if it is used in a polite context and not one that implies I should be yielding to the speaker, but those are few and far between.

If someone is bright enough to ask or find out who I am, they will realize, while 'service-oriented' is a personality trait for me, my 'submissiveness' is not a personality trait, but part of my sexual orientation. I'm just as assertive as any other pig-head out there when it comes to every day. I'll push back, I'll yell when needed, and I generally act, day-to-day, like any other girl, and anyone who meets me, needs to understand that, -especially- if we meet within a BDSM context. I'll be silly, I'll have sugar-highs, and caffinee with-drawls and sleepless nights or bad hair days. BDSM while wanted as part of an everyday life, is not -all- there is to life, and there's a great deal outside BDSM that I want to share with friends or potential partners as well.

(in reply to bamabbwsub)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/11/2007 1:06:28 PM   
glassdoll


Posts: 131
Joined: 4/24/2005
Status: offline 		It takes respect to give it. I expect to be treated as a human. Not some washed up, broken doll. A master is a master and he/she is the only one who deserves to treat you as she/he wills, only because they earned enough respect to be your master. 

(in reply to SoulOfIron2007)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/11/2007 1:25:38 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I am am a person first and a sub second i like to talk to to someone on general matters first.  After we get to know each other a litter beetter we can move on to more intimate matters.  Once we click outside of bdsm ther is a reasonable hope that we will click in bdsm also.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to bamabbwsub)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/14/2007 12:52:50 AM   
sunfalcon


Posts: 12
Joined: 6/29/2004
Status: offline 		This is an interesting question.  From a male submissive point of view, I want to get to know the person I'm meeting.   We need to "click" as vanilla...for SSC reasons, I just feel more comfortable when I can just talk and enjoy the friendship than have to stare at the ground or worry about protocols, etc.

sun

(in reply to SoulOfIron2007)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/14/2007 4:43:28 AM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		{A) this person is a dominant, but B) they also have the good sense to treat me respectfully. Where does that line lie, and how do you, personally, judge that someone has crossed it? }

A:   being yourself ..let the natural responses flow... a submissive will be able to see/feel it is there  ( at least that is my experience....the subtle stuff can feel like it has a beacon on it...radar picks it up)
 
B:  this will vary with individuals..
but a simple answer :  the difference between treating her/him as "a" submissive  vs  treating her like shes/hes "YOUR" submissive..
   ( actually treating each other as an individual first rather than as a submissive or a dominant...just two individuals getting to know one another, understanding that underlying are some very specific desires and preferences, but those will come later)
there is no commitment..shes/hes not yours..there is no submission yet.......so your dominance will be viewed as "dominatING"  and possibly arrogant and controlling...You acting and expecting things of her/him as if she/he were yours to demands things of>  would be crossing a line..
 
respect, even in its infancy stages>  is earned..and it evolves..
  its the "chicken or the egg" question...which/who comes first..?   well if we BOTH act in a respectful manner> then it doesnt matter WHO gave respect or earned respect first...
IMO  both need act respectfully..

< Message edited by Cyntilating -- 9/14/2007 4:58:51 AM >

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to SoulOfIron2007)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/14/2007 5:12:12 AM   
jaxnsax


Posts: 106
Status: offline
Greetings
I get to know the person first. I have to have some interest in the other person, and the only way to do that is to stimulate me intellectually first.
jaxon

_____________________________

A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion.
~Chinese Proverb~

(in reply to SoulOfIron2007)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/14/2007 1:01:54 PM   
SensualFemDom


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline 		I suppose I do things slightly differently than what I've read so far. Not sure if my input will mean much, but I'll share it anyway.

I almost always start online conversations with slaves with the question, "How would you like to be addressed? This would make things more comfortable between us so there are no misunderstandings."

I never just assume what the person wants or doesn't want because we're still in learning stages. Judging how the person responds, I try to see how they speak about themselves. Some people automatically begin talking with a submissive tone, which almost suggests they'd like me to take the more controlling role. However, some people begin talking with casual vanilla talk and want to be referred to by their first name. No problem. It's a starting point between two people. But almost ALWAYS as soon as the person tells me how they prefer to be addressed, they ask me how *I* would like to be addressed. And I like to give the person options. My first name, or Ma'am, or Mistress, or whatever makes them comfortable.

After and ONLY after I believe we are hitting it off, I'll say to them, "I'd really like to take this relationship further because I like what I see. I believe the two of us are compatible. If you're interested as well, then I'd like you to do this (task) and if you comply, I'll know you feel the same way." Sometimes the task might be a certain type of training or requirement. Usually something small, but will let me know where their obedience or compliance level is. If they don't do it, then more then likely I'll move on to someone else. But almost all the time they'll comply and we hit it off very well and it goes from there. I begin to give more and more tasks until eventually the person begins to feel as though I'm becoming more and more their dominant and them my slave. If we agree to have an intimate D/s relationship, the first thing I do is give them a new name and teach them how to talk appropriately.

So I guess, I don't really "ease" into anything and I don't "start" a certain way either. I like to start things by asking lots of questions and judge my answers based on their responses. If they respond as though they're my equal, I do the same. If they respond as though they crave my control, then I speak to them as though I crave controlling them. I try to keep things on THEIR level so there is no confusion. And every now and then I'll say something like, "Should you decide to be my slave, these are my expectations." And that way I am not talking down to the person, but merely stating what I'd like. It's good to be respectful but at the same time show the person what life with you would be like.

Hope this helps!
~S

(in reply to jaxnsax)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/14/2007 3:11:29 PM   
Ziggidyone


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/9/2007
Status: offline 		It's interesting. As a Dom, I feel that I want to know the person on an equal basis in order to get to know her desires and opinions. I don't want her to be submissive from the start. It prevents me from being able to figure out how best to serve her.

As a sub, I want my Woman to assert her control/ownership immediately, because I want to know how best to please Her.

Make sense? It's really, in all cases, for me, about how best to serve my partner. And so I will always, whether Top or bottom, assume a position to best get to know her desires and opinions.

(in reply to bamabbwsub)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/14/2007 4:39:26 PM   
sapphirepleasure


Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline 		I remember meeting a 'dominant' for coffee, and being mildly interested in seeing him again until, as we were saying goodbye in the parking lot, he grabbed and twisted my nipple.  Mind you, this was in broad daylight in the Dunkin' Donuts parking lot!  I told him that was totally inappropriate and I left and never spoke to him again.

(in reply to Ziggidyone)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/14/2007 5:25:29 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Personally I think it's important to approach the intial stages of the relationship as equals.  Although eventually I do want to see if the guy has the attitude and personality to get the job done, communication during the negotiation type phase of what you will and will not do is very important and too much emphasis on roles can inhibit communication which can lead to misunderstanding down the road.

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/14/2007 5:48:07 PM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		"A Question for the Subs"?

Since this is the "Ask A Submissive/Slave" forum, isn't the subject heading pretty redundant? Not to mention useless in telling people what your topic really is?

I really think you'll get more readers if you say something meaningful in the subject.

(in reply to SoulOfIron2007)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/14/2007 10:38:12 PM   
natureschild


Posts: 46
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		I would like to know he's able to treat me like a real person, and not just as a object to be used. Its one thing to be turned into an object after trust and relationship is established.

I would also like to agree with what addisonclarkgirl said....

quote:

ORIGINAL: addisonclarkgirl

i like to know that the man is in charge, and has a dominant personality right from the start.  i don't necessarily want him to be in charge of me, however.  i think i need time before i can actually submit to a person; to know that i can trust them with that resposibility.  However, if i can't detect any sort of dominance in his character, then i get used to not having it there, and if the relationship continues, it is very hard for me to see him as the person who i'm giving my submission to.


< Message edited by natureschild -- 9/14/2007 10:39:53 PM >

_____________________________

"I make footprints in the sand, not to be washed away, but to make a lasting impression." ~Me~

(in reply to addisonclarkgirl)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/15/2007 5:53:16 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		here is the way I look at it ,  whether a person contacts me online or we meet for the first time , they are not my dom until I consider accepting so I expect them to be respectful and curteous and act as friends until the relationship takes the turn to where I agree to be their sub 

(in reply to bamabbwsub)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/15/2007 9:45:44 PM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulOfIron2007
When you meet someone either here on Collarme or in the context of an RL BDSM event, do you like to be treated as a submissive right from the beginning, or do you prefer to talk like two people who had met in another context before exploring elements of your respective approaches to BDSM?


We are equals and I expect to be treated as such until 'we' change those rules and decide to move forward or not. Some men have exuded that 'ar' or that 'control' vibe, a few of them I was able to squish since they had egos that were all I was seeing, others, they put me at ease right off the bat and I went into that submissive mindset automatically.
 
As far as my current relationship goes; I KNOW MJ was/is dominant, after this long its hard NOT to know that, I also knew that we were meeting as friends with a possibility of things progressing further if we both felt that 'connection.' Soon after we sat down and talked and spent time together, I DID go into that frame of mind and now, when we speak on the phone or online or in person, I automatically go into that submissive headspace. MJ earned that trust and that its out of not only respectf or Him and for His position as my Master that I go into that headspace, but, as well as it feels right.  

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to SoulOfIron2007)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/16/2007 6:54:40 PM   
dawndewdropbaby


Posts: 37
Joined: 1/29/2005
Status: offline 		I like to be treated as if Im a human being with a brain.

(in reply to bamabbwsub)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/16/2007 9:50:59 PM   
michaels4evr


Posts: 184
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline 		i just love it when He approaches me with "kneel bitch"....i usually answer...after Yo' mama..Sir

(in reply to bamabbwsub)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/17/2007 12:55:57 AM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		Fast Reply:

I like to be treated a certain way...I guess I would say I like to be treated like a lady.  I don't know what it's like to treat someone like "a" submissive but I definitely don't want him treating me like "his" submissive.  But things like opening doors, or asking me what I like on the menu and then ordering for both of us, or taking my hand and bringing me to the inside of the sidewalk when we walk, are definitely appreciated.

I prefer a man to act like a gentleman and treat me like a pretty girl.  I'm not a feminist and I don't want to be treated like one.  I'm not a slut and I don't want to be treated like one.  Just treat me in a manner appropriate to my personality.

(in reply to bamabbwsub)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/17/2007 5:49:58 AM   
lanie38


Posts: 120
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline 		Yep, like most posters...last I checked I am a person, and I have a multitude of interests and tiers to my personality that don't necessarily touch on the fact that I'm submissive...go figure

_____________________________

Don't be so humble...you're not that great. ~ Golda Meir

(in reply to bamabbwsub)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/17/2007 8:07:26 AM   
kikinymph


Posts: 40
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline 		If it was a 'nilla setting how would I want to be treated?  Would I want to be treated like a girlfriend or wife?  Ummm NO.  A prospective g/f or wife?? Maybe.  How about a feeling thinking breathing individual!?

Strangely enough, someone comes up and takes liberties with me that are generally reserved for someone whom is close to me...they could get a rather abrupt awakening in what I consider okay.

Manners are manners in any setting...and frankly, I think manners should be on display enforce at BDSM events, as you really never know when you are going to meet them later.   Besides, who would want to be associated with a rude person?? Dominant or submissive??


_____________________________

"That which yields is not always weak." Kushiel series by Jacqueline Carey

(in reply to lanie38)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: A Question For the Subs - 9/17/2007 10:10:42 AM   
twistedkytten


Posts: 240
Joined: 9/8/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with most here and would only add that I think chemistry plays a role in it as well. but never have I met someone without getting to know them a while first.

_____________________________

Obedience is life, girl lives to serve her Master

(in reply to kikinymph)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: A Question For the Subs Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078