RE: Did I miss the forest for the trees?

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RE: Did I miss the forest for the trees? - 9/12/2007 1:21:11 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
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Honestly, I don't think the OP gave us enough of the story to judge if she was right or wrong, or if the dom in question is good or bad. As LA pointed out, there's just too much 'he said/she said' here.

The OP had obviously decided he's an asshole before she posted this thread, and is simply looking for validation of that fact. That's more or less why I said "look in the mirror." If we really look at ourselves and the way we handle situations, often we can see that we usually don't do everything we can, and that some blame should be shouldered by ourselves. When a woman pans out to be a fake, I shoulder part of the blame in not being perceptive enough to recognize it. Every time a situation was 'too good to be true' it was. I've heard stories ranging from a kidney being removed out of the blue, to having to get married to further a custody suit (practically overnight), to the number one most common story: "I'm on my way, and I'll be there in three hours." Maybe there's something about my front doors that acts as a submissive Bermuda Triangle

Having said that, I know I've gotten much better at gaging whether a potential online contact is sincere or not.

Stephan

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RE: Did I miss the forest for the trees? - 9/12/2007 5:56:51 PM

NefertariReborn

Posts: 381
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Satyr6406

While I don't like to defend what seems like bad behavior, I would like to point out a couple of things ...

1) We are only hearing one side of this and, while I don't think this young lady is being dishonest, one person's "full blown weeny-whining, cursing, holding his breath and turning blue, baby-fit." is another person's "somewhat agitated frustration and disappointment"

2) I think submissives do need to understand that male dominants, especially, run into any number of "submissives" on this site (and other places) that are very good at talking the talk and not walking the walk. I am not saying that is the case with the young lady who originally posted but, I am saying that after turning a truck-load of manure, we can become jaded and start to look for "bullshit", everywhere. Again, not a very "dominant" feature but, we are all still human.

3) The fact that someone who is honest and sincere about meeting might have had to do a good amount of planning and scheduling to make the meeting happen, might make their disappointment a bit more dire.

Again, none of this is meant to excuse what really may be bad behavior but, I have heard faaaaaaaar too many "submissives" say: "I am not submissive ALL the time". Well, maybe dominants should be excused some small lapses, too?

Peace and comfort,

Michael

Amen! Couldn't agree more. I hate absolutely hate being stood up. Don't email or IM Me. That's just not an option. Get on the phone! Make a call. Explain. And My second rant, don't start with the Dom/me is supposed to be in control crap if I get mad. I could pull out the list of "A submissive is supposed to...." just as quickly. I said I was dominant not a Zen Master.

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RE: Did I miss the forest for the trees? - 9/12/2007 10:21:53 PM

taintedlove75

Posts: 11
Joined: 6/11/2007
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Posting this to clear up a few things because I think I was so flustered and flabbergasted during my original post, I left out important details and I am sorry if I wasted anyones time, very new to the boards and I will be sure to learn the etiquette. All the plans to meet this Dom were done over the phone. I have been talking on the phone to this Dom for over a month and he has also seen me several times on cam so he knows I am who and what I say I am. The cancelled plans were not cancelled by text or message but on the phone. We have talked and messaged on Yahoo and the phone so there was a lot of communication in a variety of ways. He got very short with me when I cancelled and I tried to explain and I was cut off at the pass. He has wanted to meet me much sooner so perhaps that was his frustration level breaking point because I didn't think a month was an outrageous time to wait before meeting. As for looking for validation that he is an asshole, well, I am a grown up and anyone who starts screaming that I am a "fucking lying cunt" just because of a minor disappointment qualifies as a grade A choice asshole to me be they a Dom, sub, vanilla or one eyed one horned flying purple people eater. I don't care what you call yourself, you are what you act like. I know Doms are humans with human emotions but to lose control so quickly and easily and to go from the good Doctor to Mr. Hyde like that scared the hell out of me and I am simply looking for any thoughts or ideas on how to be more careful to avoid such in the future. I know this is only one sided but I can't explain his side of things because I simply don't understand what made him snap like that. I am always respectful and I even respectfully asked him not to speak to me that way and all I got was an earful of cursing. The funny thing is, if he could have held his temper and been patient, this upcoming weekend was free and clear to spend lots of time together. But I am still glad I doged that bullet because now I know what I was dealing with.

I do appreciate everyones opinion be they for or against what I have posted. I thank those who have given good advice in a positive light and I also appreciate those who saw my side in a more negative way. That gives me a different perspective on things and perhaps it is helpful to see where he may have been coming from. I can't make up for or apologise for all the subs out there who are liars and flakes but I don't think it is fair to assume I am such. I know who and what I am and that I am real. No fake pictures, no age issues, no baggage or drama. It took me a long time to get to this point in my life and to accept and be proud of my submissiveness and to want to share my life with a Dominant who will respect who I am as much as I will respect him. I think if anyone reads my profile it will be quickly determined that I am not one of those online only, don't get too close cause then I have to fess up, flakes. I am 100% up front and honest about what most people tend to lie about and that is appearance.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, perspectives, and advice.

nikki

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