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Love/In-Love - 9/12/2007 11:53:01 AM

Bobkgin

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I'm involved in a discussion where a distinction between "loving someone" and "being in love with someone" is becoming apparent.

I am curious to hear the viewpoints of others.

How do you distinguish between the two (assuming you do)?

Do you have a different set of limits/expectations of one you love versus one with whom you are in love?

Can you be in love with more than one person at a time, or only one?

Thank you for your point of view.

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RE: Love/In-Love - 9/12/2007 12:08:11 PM

RCdc

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quote:

How do you distinguish between the two (assuming you do)?

Being in love with someone is different to loving someone... how? - I cannot respond simply because it is internal and subjective and indescribable. All I can suggest from my POV is that when in love, you would die for that person.

quote:

Do you have a different set of limits/expectations of one you love versus one with whom you are in love?

Limits Yes. Expectations yes. When you are in love, then I have no expectations. It just is.

quote:

Can you be in love with more than one person at a time, or only one?

Yes you can.

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RE: Love/In-Love - 9/12/2007 12:18:17 PM

ownedgirlie

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My experience is that "in love" involves something akin to infatuation, only more. Loving someone beyond "in love" has a different kind of depth. Not necessarily deeper, just different.

As an example, I'll use a conversation I had with my mother recently, regarding my father, who died of bone cancer last year. She said all those years, she questioned whether she loved him anymore. They were married 51 rocky years. She said she knew she wasn't "in love" with him anymore. She no longer desired him, and at times she didn't even like him. He was a pain in the ass as a husband, and not very kind to her when it really mattered.

But when he got sick, she did not budge. She took care of him. She did amazing things to keep him as comfortable as possible (bone cancer is excruciatingly painful). She cleaned his bottom. She gave him catheters. She had to flush out his gums, twice a day, because they were kind of coming apart at the end. She doted on him. She found amazing strength and just took care of him without complaining...while crying for his pain...while scared for him.

She said she realized she really did love him, to levels she didn't know before. She cried over the time they wasted arguing over things.

She said in turn, he was "in love" with her, but did not love her. He admired her. He beamed at her when admiring how beautiful she is. He brought her flowers. He hugged her, and danced with her and adored her. But when she broke her wrist, he still asked where his dinner was. When she had breast cancer, he avoided her because it made him uncomfortable. He didn't come through for her when it mattered most. There wasn't enough love to carry him through.

It was an interesting take on "love vs. in love" and kind of makes sense to me.

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RE: Love/In-Love - 9/12/2007 1:18:09 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

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i was in love (my definition) with my ex husband.......it was great for many years.......now im old and jaded

, and i dont ever expect to be "in-love" again.....and im so ok with that, some days it almost scares me........

i think i like meatloafs way of putting it......i want you.....i need you......but there aint no way im ever gonna love you......

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RE: Love/In-Love - 9/12/2007 1:24:15 PM

CuriousLord

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

I'm involved in a discussion where a distinction between "loving someone" and "being in love with someone" is becoming apparent.

Typically, I believe these two phrases, "loving [someone]" and "being in love with [someone]" are just different tenses of the same phrase ("loving" being the present pregressive, "being in love" being the state-of-being). One difference is the connotation in the first that "loving [someone]" might suggest this one loves them, but that this love is not necessarily returned while "being in love with [someone]" suggests that it's more likely to be shared (due to the "with").

Still, definitions can be arbitrary. My best guess would be that your discussion evolved to associate the phrases to different, more specific meanings, and that you're now debating those concepts, using the two different phrases to refer to different concepts that have arrisen in your discussion.

Love can be a, well, lovely thing to consider. I do hope you enjoy the conversation, Bobkgin.

PS- I'm sort of curious, though.. would you mind telling me more about the conversation? It sounds like it could be a neat one.

< Message edited by CuriousLord -- 9/12/2007 1:26:19 PM >

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RE: Love/In-Love - 9/12/2007 2:24:08 PM

toservez

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I have often seen the difference as a timing or stage thing.

To me “in love” is a stage where you are so taken by the person it overwhelms you to a certain level and for some up to the level the other can do no wrong type thoughts.

To me love is caring and accepting of the other person and all of their faults on a level that goes well past other feelings for people outside of close family and wanting to be an important part of their life and to see them happy.

You can be “in love” and love at the same time but totally unrealistic to have day in and day out of how I defined it. I see often people who chase the dream of “in love” 24/7 forever but cannot do or accept love is the long term thing that sustains us.

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RE: Love/In-Love - 9/12/2007 2:38:38 PM

murmur

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FR

For me, loving someone is a passive stage. I could say * i care very much about you* and it would still have the same meaning. More then friend, but less then being in love.

Being in love...we're talking here about the big L, you cant think about anything than him/her etc.

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RE: Love/In-Love - 9/12/2007 3:27:46 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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if my ex and i were in love, we wouldn't be divorced and i wouldn't be in this lifestyle. so you can say, we had mutual love until fell apart for numerous of reasons (one of them being he was still married to wife #1).

now i have been in love before but sadly the person died 17yrs ago.

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RE: Love/In-Love - 9/12/2007 3:30:21 PM

Alumbrado

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quote:

I'm involved in a discussion where a distinction between "loving someone" and "being in love with someone" is becoming apparent.

I am curious to hear the viewpoints of others.

How do you distinguish between the two (assuming you do)?

You are supposed to love your parents. You are not supposed to be in love with your parents. If that is confusing, you are on the wrong site.

< Message edited by Alumbrado -- 9/12/2007 3:31:27 PM >

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RE: Love/In-Love - 9/12/2007 4:15:07 PM

murmur

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There is a site for people who are in love with their parents?

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RE: Love/In-Love - 9/12/2007 4:29:55 PM

Politesub53

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You can say there is Platonic love, as in "i love you", or romantic love, as in "im in love with you". It all depends on the circumstances of the relationships.

The phrase i hate is " i love you but i`m not in love with you " which normally means cya !!

Colour me cynical

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RE: Love/In-Love - 9/12/2007 4:36:53 PM

domiguy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

quote:

I'm involved in a discussion where a distinction between "loving someone" and "being in love with someone" is becoming apparent.

I am curious to hear the viewpoints of others.

How do you distinguish between the two (assuming you do)?

You are supposed to love your parents. You are not supposed to be in love with your parents. If that is confusing, you are on the wrong site.

Exactly....Before I read your post I was thinking a similar thought...You love your children you are not in love with them....The act of "being in love" seems to reflect a romantic association.

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RE: Love/In-Love - 9/12/2007 5:35:41 PM

missturbation

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I love my um, my parents, my brother, my aunties, Sir etc etc but i am not in love with them.
Being in love for me is that all consuming i would die without passion that is reserved for that someone truely special.
Yes you can be in love with more than one person at a time (my opinion).
No there are no real different expectations for me.

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