RE: Love-Less BDSM

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RE: Love-Less BDSM - 9/13/2007 9:04:42 AM

SmokingGun82

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I think the casual sex/sex in a loving relationship comparison is the most apt. It can be a lot of fun to hook up with someone for one night, either for sex or a "scene." I don't need to love someone to be attracted to them, or to wonder what they'd look like with cane stripes on their ass. If there is some sort of emotion involved, it makes things better, yes... but the difference between a perfectly cooked T-bone and a perfectly cooked porterhouse isn't that great, and neither is the difference between sex/etcetera with love and sex/etcetera without love, to me at least.

Even though there's not much of a difference, given the choice, I'll always take the porterhouse and the love.

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RE: Love-Less BDSM - 9/13/2007 9:22:51 AM

peppermint

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Although I'm in a loving 24/7 relationship presently, it was not always that way.

At one time I did the BDSM thing for the sheer joy of it. There was laughter and commroderie in sharing our kinks. I used to play only during my vacation times. I played hard and went back to work the next week feeling wonderful.

(in reply to Bobkgin)

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RE: Love-Less BDSM - 9/13/2007 10:04:01 AM

TreasureKY

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Joined: 4/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

In a perfect, wonderful world, I would find love with a dominant man who enjoys power exchange not fully dialed up to the highest degree and who can understand that I am not a masochist. I've come to the conclusion that this person does not exist.

Of course he does... he's just taken.

Point being, though... where there's one, there's bound to be more.

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RE: Love-Less BDSM - 9/13/2007 10:21:10 AM

TheIronOrchid

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Joined: 8/30/2007
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I agree with SmokingGun. It's perfectly possible to have sex without love, why not BDSM without love? Love can enhance or complicate things in BDSM for the same reasons as it does in vanilla sex.

I think that, regardless of whether love is involved or not, whether we're talking about BDSM or vanilla, mutuality is the key. So long as I'm feeling the same level of affection, attraction, or even love that my partner is feeling for me, the intimacy we experience will be ultimately enhanced.

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RE: Love-Less BDSM - 9/13/2007 10:30:20 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

If not love, then what motivates you to participate in BDSM?

While I very much require love in a BDSM relationship, I don't need to love or be loved by someone to scene with them.

My motivation? It's fun!

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RE: Love-Less BDSM - 9/13/2007 10:37:41 AM

DiurnalVampire

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Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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BDSM activities are simply that activities. I dont need to love someone I play with, any more than I do someone I go hiking with. Its an activity that we both enjoy and share. Just becasue I play with someone doesnt mean I have any desire to love them. I have met boys to teach them about certain activities that I enjoy and they were curious about. That was the extent of the interaction, lessons. I kept Kitten, we played often and hard, but love was not a part of it.
I have boys now that I interact with, none of which do I love, nor do I expect them to love me.

With that said... there is a very different aspect to it when there IS love involved. My relationship with Angel is far far different than those boys I play with elsewhere. He is mine, I do love him, and we have been together nearly a year now. I dont think I would be happy with the relationship he and I have, nor think it would keep my interest had I tried it with anyone else. The engaging part is who it is, Angel makes our time together enjoyable even if it is not the sort of activity I would have imagined being a long term interest.

DV

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RE: Love-Less BDSM - 9/13/2007 2:20:56 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

I am told many people do not believe Love and BDSM go together.

If not love, then what motivates you to participate in BDSM?

Love and BDSM can go together...they just don't have to.

I used to do BDSM activities to a very limited extent with someone I'd just met who professed an interest in having me do something that they had seen me do to someone else. Do I love them? No. In the few cases where this occurred, I barely knew them. For the most part, they were good experiences but they were limiting...by our lack of knowledge of each other. Nowadays, I prefer to sit down with someone and get to know them a bit before I do something that they would like to have me do. I want to like them. Even there...I find that extremely constricting because I am a sadist...I derive sexual pleasure from what it is I do and when I have no outlet for that, it is extremely frustrating if I am in a mood where I am not just getting mentally and spiritually aroused from what I am doing but also physically aroused and the submissive does not wish to go there. Since I do not have a submissive here with me to take out my arousal on, then it can be rather pointless unless...as already noted...I can get myself into the headspace to just enjoy what I am doing and turn it into a practice/learning experience.

Nowadays, what I prefer the most is to be doing something to someone that I am involved with to the extent that there is an emotional connection of some sort between us. It doesn't have to be "in love" or even "love" but it does have to be "in deep like" ...with the possibility of it becoming more...for me to enjoy it the most.

But no...it does not have to be love. Even D/s, stripped away of all BDSM activities, does not have to have love involved but for me, there has to be an emotional connection of some sort...otherwise, for ME, it is not all that pleasurable.

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RE: Love-Less BDSM - 9/13/2007 2:46:16 PM

RumpusParable

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Same way I may or may not love a person I ride a rollercoaster with. Either way, I have a great time.

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RE: Love-Less BDSM - 9/13/2007 6:25:23 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin
I am told many people do not believe Love and BDSM go together.

If not love, then what motivates you to participate in BDSM?

Being true to myself, authority transfer.

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RE: Love-Less BDSM - 9/13/2007 7:09:12 PM

Griswold

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

I am told many people do not believe Love and BDSM go together.

If not love, then what motivates you to participate in BDSM?

It's kinf of like Chocolate and rye grass...no one see's the connection in the beginning...but when you're vomiting shards of wheat on the sofa....it all makes sense.

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Post #: 30