Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? - 9/13/2007 12:54:05 PM   
lovingdomwanted


Posts: 95
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline 		My interpretation is being Assertive is voicing your opinion on something you care about but without being arrogant to think your opinion is the only one that counts......Every day we learnt something new or to see things from a different angle.....I may be wrong but that's what it means to me

xxxxx

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? - 9/13/2007 1:01:41 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		I didn't realize that the definitions would be so close, either. I tend to think of them differently.
I see an assertive person as one who defines his or her own space.
An agressive person defines his or her own space--- and yours, without your permission.
Sorry if that's not clear, it's the best I can come up with.

(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? - 9/13/2007 5:08:56 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I think "Assertive" means  being direct, without being rude.

I think "Agressive" means being direct with a tinge (or more) of hostility, and possibly with an "agenda" in mind.

I realize these definitions are subjective for people (and I don't have a dictionary close-by at the moment).

Just wondering what anyone else thinks these terms mean - and how they differentiate the two terms.

Thanks very much for any replies.

- Susan 


"assertive" is when you are confident in your truths.

"aggressive" is when you are so insecure in your truths, you have to force someone else to validate your beliefs.


_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? - 9/13/2007 5:52:38 PM   
Damocles809


Posts: 532
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline 		IMO,

Assertive:  Not taking crap from other people. 

Aggressive:  Giving other people crap. 

(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? - 9/13/2007 6:14:46 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I guess maybe we need to define "respectful" - I think I know what it means (and you as well), and think I generally try to be that way, w/ other people. But I guess it can be a relative term.



"respectful" is treating other adults as mature adults intelligent enough to know the diffierence between an opinion and an announcement from God: talking to people as if they are secure enough in themselves that they can hear another opinion without a need to have their own opinions acknowledged/validated.

"disrespectful" is treating others as if they are too immature to tell the difference, or too stupid to tell the difference: constantly reassuring others their opinions exist and are valid.

Secure adults don't have egos in need of coddling. To treat an adult as if his/her ego is so fragile that they need to be coddled is disrespectful.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? - 9/13/2007 6:31:06 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I like what Erin said and will just add that I think assertive is always related to a specific point of view, while aggressive can simply be random energy from and towards nothing particular.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? - 9/13/2007 7:09:16 PM   
UR2Badored


Posts: 506
Joined: 2/3/2007
Status: offline 		FR~  Webster's definition aside--
Disclaimer: I see flaws in my own definition so please do not read beyond this line
_____________________________________________________________________
For me in the context of my perception (possibly posting styles or personalities?) 
of the OP's question:

Assertive means simply expressing one self with confidence. 
This may be classified as being direct or blunt.
(whether one appears rude or not  is very subjective and not very applicable to my definition of this term unless we had other elements like biases--see below) 

Aggressive means expressing in a way that adamently states your claim without letting up (repetitiously brutal) or an attacking sort of way (harsh) without regard to others or worse through a warped perception of righteousness to make a gain or lay claim on something.  For example: being absolutely right, winning someone over, saving face, etc  (though one might not admit to this or be able to see this with clarity)   The use of aggressiveness as a tactic has a motive, in my opinion, many times. (psychological or an emotion gain of some kind)
  • Getting the last word in and such
  • This aggressive behaviour can be passive or expressed openly 
  • I dont subscribe to the theory that being passive is the more polite alternative.
  •  I also think aggressiveness (particularly) on these boards is exhibited with the intention of humour or satyre.







My beliefs are that someone can be bias in there assertions without being rude.
Whereas someone cannot be bias in there aggressions without being bold or somewhat in attack mode. 

On the other hand, It is a slippery slope because just because someone feels attacked. I dont necessarilly believe it would be considered "aggressive".  It can also simply be a statement or action that triggers an emotion in someone that has little to do with the person making the assertion.

OH gawd, I dont know if I made a lick sense tonight.  Good night

In life, I believe that being assertive and aggressive has it place in communication depending on the circumstances particularly life and death situations.

Jax's post below is on mark.  Very simply stated and well said.

< Message edited by UR2Badored -- 9/13/2007 7:25:46 PM >

_____________________________

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way
Mark Twain

(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? - 9/13/2007 7:13:46 PM   
jaxnsax


Posts: 106
Status: offline
Greetings
My definition of assertive… Confident and strong
My definition of aggressive… showing a readiness to attack another without provocation
jaxon

_____________________________

A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion.
~Chinese Proverb~

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? - 9/14/2007 6:34:34 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Assertive people act upon something to get sh*t accomplished.

Aggressive people act sh*tty to get something accomplished.

In the end, aggressive people usually do a sh*tty job and the assertive people get a raise.

(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? - 9/14/2007 7:23:02 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the replies, people. It is appreciated.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? - 9/14/2007 6:52:24 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Damocles809

IMO,

Assertive:  Not taking crap from other people. 

Aggressive:  Giving other people crap. 


I like your definition.  A few years back, I went to a professional management workshop about dealing with your employees with tact and skill.  The definitions of "assertive" and "aggressive" were discussed there.  Basically what was agreed upon there was that being "aggressive" is violating others' rights in some way and being "assertive" is not allowing them to violate yours.  Makes perfect sense to me.........luci 

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Damocles809)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? - 9/14/2007 8:37:08 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		Assertive:  ‘Nice blouse.  Take it off now!’
 
Aggressive:    Rrrip!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? - 9/15/2007 8:07:13 PM   
MasterMagnus321


Posts: 86
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		  I think "assertive" is very direct, clear, and unequivocal.  More importantly, I think an assertive approach during communication with other humans is born out of having two specific things:  1- a very deep understanding of one's wants, needs, preferences, principles, and values, and 2- complete acceptance of self exactly as one is, and total comfort with all of the abstractions mentioned in #1. 
I think "aggressive," as you mention, has a tinge of hostility in it.  In my opinion, I think aggression is born out of a desperate need to satisfy unfufilled personal needs.  By nature, and by definition, the phenomena of "aggression" has an element of antagonism in it.  It is a negative, toxic reality.
For example, I do not accept tardiness on the part my subs.  I clearly tell them being late is simply, and totally, unacceptable to me.  I am assertive inasmuch as I take a disciplined, structured, consistent approach, and I do so "proactively," rather that reactively.  If a sub is late after that rule is explained (barring unforseen extraordinary circumstances), there will be consequences... that is a given.  If a sub is ever late again, I will dismiss her immediately, as that tardiness is something which I choose to not accept.  I am neither antagonistic or hostile, I am (very comfortably) consistent.  I am assertive in that I explain myself clearly the first time around, I am very in touch with (and accepting of) my self and my desires, and I never disrespect myself or others by breaking my word, especially my word TO myself.

_____________________________

Nothing lasts, and yet nothing passes, either.
And nothing passes just because nothing lasts.
-Philip Roth

~MASTERMAGNUS

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? - 9/16/2007 1:37:01 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Good explanation. Thank you.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MasterMagnus321)
Profile   Post #: 34
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078