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RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 11:15:06 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

I'm with Michael on this one. I have never approached a sub and never will approach a sub. I am the one to be wooed, I'm not chasing anyone around for anything, I don't need to.

If a sub contacts me, I respond in kind. A rude, thoughtless, disrespectful or one line email from a sub (or anyone else) will get the exact same response from me. Respect is a two way street in my view.

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(in reply to Satyr6406)

Post #: 21

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 11:39:27 PM

Honsoku

Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Satyr6406

Okay. I know I'm going to catch hell, here but, I don't care. It's happened before ...

In response to the very serious question: How should a Dom approach a submissive or slave online?, I respond: They shouldn't.

Now, just to show you that this isn't a smart-assed answer ...

I have always believed that one of the things that is great about this lifestyle is that we don't fall into the "neat little holes" that society does.

Contrary to how "courtship rituals" unfold in the 'nilla world, we, as dominants, are asking submissives to truly give themselves to us (in a much more defined manner than the 'nilla world) and allow us to guide, nurture, and care for them.

How does this work? A dominant need only be the best person they can be and allow a submissive to get to know them. It is up to the submissive to recognize qualities that they admire and take some time to GET TO KNOW a dominant, before they offer to submit.

It is not up to me to persue a submissive. It is up to me to show a submissive how I live my life and what I have to offer and for that submissive to discern that they "like the cut of my jib" (any allegorious sexual innuendo was not intended). From there, the decision/"moves" are up to the submissive.

Bleah, I don't like this for several reasons. Firstly, a submissive that meshes with you might not have you inside their normal search parameters or may never see your profile (for whatever reason). Secondly, submissives tend to be rather passive and unlikely to approach people, especially female ones as this is part of social expectations (now this is not an issue if that kind of person is not what you are looking for). Finally, this puts you at a disadvantage in your search against those who do make first contact as you may end up missing out on someone excellent because someone else stumbled across him/her and made first contact. What you desire rarely falls into your lap.

Now your method does have the advantage in that cases where good candidates make first contact, are much more likely to progress into something serious. I'm all for submissives making first contact, as it is to me equally silly for either to refuse to do so. I am of the opinion that if you see something that interests you, go for it, you just might get it.

quote:

ORIGINAL MissMagnolia

I am the one to be wooed, I'm not chasing anyone around for anything, I don't need to.

I see a big difference in making first contact and "wooing" someone. Just because you engage someone in conversation whom you are interested in, does not mean that you are wooing them. I don't woo and I don't expect to be wooed. If the connection is there, it is there.

Honsoku

< Message edited by Honsoku -- 9/13/2007 11:57:59 PM >

(in reply to Satyr6406)

Post #: 22

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 11:45:59 PM

Satyr6406

Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Honsoku

Bleah, I don't like this for several reasons.

I guess that's why there's eight horses in a race, my friend. My way doesn't work for you. That's fine but, I repeat: It is NOT up to me to persue. It is up to me to be who I am and for someone who admires who I am to "approach" me.

I'm not saying I don't send the occasional e-mail to a submissive but, generally, it is because there is something in their profile that I like or they have posted something, here that I like. But, I don't e-mail with an "approach". I tell them that I liked what they had to say and, possibly, point to a part of my profile/journal that is similar.

Either way, I'll repeat myself, again: We're asking submissives to hand over their very lives to us. The onus is on them to choose the correct person with whom to do that.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

< Message edited by Satyr6406 -- 9/13/2007 11:50:27 PM >

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(in reply to Honsoku)

Post #: 23

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 12:44:07 AM

Honsoku

Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Satyr6406

quote:

ORIGINAL: Honsoku

Bleah, I don't like this for several reasons.

I guess that's why there's eight horses in a race, my friend. My way doesn't work for you. That's fine but, I repeat: It is NOT up to me to persue. It is up to me to be who I am and for someone who admires who I am to "approach" me.

I'm not saying I don't send the occasional e-mail to a submissive but, generally, it is because there is something in their profile that I like or they have posted something, here that I like. But, I don't e-mail with an "approach". I tell them that I liked what they had to say and, possibly, point to a part of my profile/journal that is similar.

Either way, I'll repeat myself, again: We're asking submissives to hand over their very lives to us. The onus is on them to choose the correct person with whom to do that.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

I think we are defining approach differently. I think you are defining approach as making first contact and selling yourself to the other person. I am defining it as just starting a conversation. I definitely don't see approaching someone as pursuing them. Arguably, someone is pursuing just by having a profile. Relationships are based on mutual choice, unless you don't care what kind of sub/dom you get. I don't think asking or advertising to a person to be their dom/sub is appropriate, it either happens or it doesn't. I also don't see making first contact as the same as asking to be someone's dom/sub. I think we agree in spirit (That a submissive should want to be mine. That I should not have to convince her to be mine), but we are seeing through different filters and have different expectations.

Honsoku

(in reply to Satyr6406)

Post #: 24

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 1:43:49 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

Honsoku, when I need your opinion on my wording, my preferences and my likes and dislikes, I'll throw you a bone.

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(in reply to Honsoku)

Post #: 25

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 2:14:38 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

I think it's important to realize that as a female submissive you are flooded with emails in various forms, many harassing, unintelligent and rude. I will generally respond to the "on your knees bitch" with a caustic intelligent remark and block the person, as they clearly have demonstrated to me their lack of intelligence and understanding of what I believe the d/s relationship is.
This is dating in a form regardless of your overall relationship goals and the eventual power distribution in the end, be polite, be intelligent, be different than all the other emails and most of all, do NOT send me an offcenter cockshot or demand for a photo or IM information in your first email. Although I'm fond of cock (:P), I've seen alot of cocks, yours isn't any different than any others and doesn't tell me a thing about you. If you are looking for a doormat, the me tarzan you jane approach might be just what you need, however, if you are looking for someone with a brain, I would suggest assuming you are going to have sex with the person off the bat is a bad idea.
As far as who contacts whom, again, everyone's opinion is valid, but as a submissive, I spend so much time responding to emails that I rarely do a search on my own, although I will contact Doms that I run across with very good profiles, generally, it's not something I do.

(in reply to Satyr6406)

Post #: 26

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 5:08:39 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

an attitude like yours would get your message ignored, blocked, and deleted because you merely seek automatic submission to your "domly" ways.

how about the dominant getting to the submissive? it is NOT up the submissive solely to get to know her dominant. the dominant has the job in getting to know his potential submissive too. how is she going to trust and respect you when you don't know a damn thing about her or take interest in her?

what you're looking for a doormat and i believe Wally's World has them on sale in aisle 5

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(in reply to Satyr6406)

Post #: 27

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 7:49:54 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Some may lile the super agressive some won't. The on you knees bitch or similer got the mail deleted and the sender blocked. Your best approch i think it so send her something that said you actually read her profile. By that i mean ask her a question about something on her profile. You should not send e mail to submissives who are collared that is really annoying, and check for spelling errors some submissives do not like that. Above all be yourself and good luck.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 28

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 11:19:35 AM

worththeeffort

Posts: 105
Joined: 6/4/2007
Status: offline

The most annoying emails i get are the pre-packaged ones from Doms (and some dom-asses) especially when i get em over and over. If you think i'm worth emailing, aren't i worth the time to take 15 seconds to come up with something to say specifically to me? If there's something in my profile you like, mention it. Have a question, ask it. And DON'T call me baby, little girl, slut, slave or anything along those lines. IRL if some strange man came up to me and called me slut, i'd tell him to go fuck himself, the same applies here. The rules of basic common courtesy apply online folks! Oooo, another peeve, elaborate porno-type emails, or personal questions right off the bat. WTF? i don't care if you're the Domlyist Dom of the Uberdoms in Domtopia, i would bet not one of ya'll would walk up to some woman on the street and say "Little slut, i'm a big strong man and i want to stick my cock in your ass. And by the way, do you like being peed on?" at least, i hope to hell you wouldn't....

Anyway, enough bitching about the bad emails. The best ones are when the person is actually being sincere, and themselves. And when their email suggests that they may have actually read the profile of the person they're emailing. A sense of humor is always a plus. So just have fun, be yourself and there's no need to try to make yourself look like an asshole just to prove how Domly you are.

~kitty

ps - cock shots should never be sent unless asked for, imnsho lol

(in reply to Satyr6406)

Post #: 29

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/15/2007 2:54:25 PM

DominicsJoy

Posts: 53
Joined: 8/28/2004
Status: offline

Sir,
I echo many who have already responded to you. Read the profiles of those you approach. They are there for a reason. Use them please. This will let you know prior to contact the type person you are dealing with and what they are seeking. I personally can tell you that if one contacts me with "on your knees bitch" I can see clearly he has either not read my profile, or he possesses no comprehension skills.
To me this approach is used by many who are beleiving this to be a perfect lifestyle one liner... and my response to them is that this will be my last response because I have difficulty typing from "on my knees".
If you truly want to impress someone, open yourself up to them. Let them know a little about you, and please, please do not send out a form letter. That is just plain rude.

Best of luck to you

Master's girl- joy

(in reply to Satyr6406)

Post #: 30

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/15/2007 4:30:36 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

i messaged a lot of Doms when i was first looking. i did weed out the profiles that a) didn't know what to put in them and b) the ones that were wannabes. The third or fourth message i got one back from my Dom and he wrote back politely, mind you, and we just started talking about regular vanilla things and some bdsm but not a lot. He took the time to get to know me before we moved onto yahoo im and we continued our conversation there and that's when we got more in depth about this lifestyle. He wanted to know anything he could before agreeing to meet, though i'm not sure who first brought up the meeting thing. Anyways, from there this month is our 7 months.
i do get messages still from Doms who do not read the entire profile, i have noticed this a lot. So my advice to you would be look at the entire profile because there may be some words in there that the sub/slave doesn't want. Me, i'm not one to go for aggressive Doms online, delete and block for me. So do not put "On your knees" or play out a scenario without knowing more about the person. i had that one before, some Dom messaged me and started writing a full two pages, most likely, of what i need to do when i meet him. Don't do that. But instead be yourself and do not send one liners. Ok enough about my pet peeves and "worthy" advice.
Best of luck

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 31

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/15/2007 5:40:32 PM

sweetsub42

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

OK, i will chime in here...to those who say 'be yourself, even if it means saying "on your knees biatch"... I TOTALLY disagree.
If i am approached like that by someone who has never said hello and has not shown me that i want to be on my knees before them...my response will be no thanks.

i DO respond to all emails i receive, but i find that many 'wanna be' Dom's think that if i say 'no thank you', it is reason to be rude, mean and call names. How can i be all you are seeking one minute and a cu*t the next. Simply because i wasn't interested in you.

To the Dom's who think that it is my job to persue them. Best wishes! I am sub by nature, shy until i know you and not going to email you first unless your profile is extremely appealing. A Dom who has a list of things for a sub to complete before emailing him boggles my mind.

Dom's earn respect, they aren't born with it and i will not follow the orders of just anyone.

My advise in answer to the topic: Try something simple, like...
"Hey, I read your profile (after you have really read it) and would like you to check out mine and get back to me."

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 32

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/15/2007 5:45:46 PM

BabyNyla

Posts: 578
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

I ask because I have seen some slave/submissive profiles where the slave or sub states that she doesn't want to receive messages like "On your knees!", and stuff like that.

It makes me wonder if I should be using that same super-aggressive approach.

If you read on their profiles that subs DON'T want to receive a message like that (which I know I don't) ... then why would you even consider it ... if you just read they don't like it ...

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Post #: 33

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/25/2007 9:19:28 AM

DominicsJoy

Posts: 53
Joined: 8/28/2004
Status: offline

Just a note... to those Doms/Dommes who say that they are to good to approach any sub and wait for the right one to fall into their lap...

Sounds like the Lazy Dom syndrome. If you see something you like go after it... try for the perfect one. But... if you would rather sit behind a computer and complain that you have been looking for 10 years and still haven't made any progress.... then who is really to blame.

If you state that you are too Superior to chase a sub... then I think that it speaks volumes for what you would personally offer in any relationship that you did manage to establish. Sounds like a cop out.

Yep, I have stirred the pot.

(in reply to BabyNyla)

Post #: 34

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/25/2007 9:21:16 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

With respect, some individual care- and a willingness to listen.

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Post #: 35

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/25/2007 9:30:31 AM

HotFaerieMama

Posts: 2617
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

With respect, some individual care- and a willingness to listen.

i agree with this.

Sir found me thru alt.com and He was straightfoward in what He was asking and i read His full profile and slept on it. my answer was yes. He had taken the time to get to know me before He asked and thus i could make a rational decision .

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 36

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/25/2007 9:41:20 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HotFaerieMama

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

With respect, some individual care- and a willingness to listen.

i agree with this.

Sir found me thru alt.com and He was straightfoward in what He was asking and i read His full profile and slept on it. my answer was yes. He had taken the time to get to know me before He asked and thus i could make a rational decision .

A mature man does not approach with fear. He has a willingness to show what he has to offer-and also to risk having that rejected. Nor will he be foolish enough to use pressure or intimidation. Always better to seduce than bulldoze.

But seduction is an art-it requires finesses, patience, intelligence, empathy, and imagination. Few seem to have these qualities in the right combination. Probably why we see subs complaining that there are so few real Tops out there.

The wnker crowd lacks what it takes to do more than annoy.

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Post #: 37

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/25/2007 9:58:06 AM

SirCache

Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
Status: offline

Truthfully, if I see something I want, I pursue it. The same applies to women I might find here. The key for me is to be respectful, polite, and inquisitive--I am not in any kind of relationship with anyone here at this point and frankly I don't play with people whom I know nothing about. If the other person writes back, that's wonderful. If not, it does not bother me--there was no investment made in any kind of relationship.

Always, however, my emails are based on their profile, asking questions about things I felt needed more information and offering some of my own take on what she had to say. Originality beats 'hi' every time.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 38

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/25/2007 10:02:32 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

...seduction is an art-it requires finesses, patience, intelligence, empathy, and imagination. Few seem to have these qualities in the right combination. Probably why we see subs complaining that there are so few real Tops out there.

The wanker crowd lacks what it takes to do more than annoy.

Brovo! Again he nails it! I'd like to know whatever happened to both common courtesy AND the art of discourse. Discourse; the delightful exercize in getting to know someone... Lordy, has it gone the way of poarch swings?

I would like to say that, for me, this IS a 'dating' site...and why should any approach here be different than a gentle comment at the grocery store or work place or some party?

A simple comment that might lead to a simple conversation...that just might lead to a sharing of likes and interests...which could open the door to a friendship...which could become a real relationship.

I really do not think it is rocket science.

beverly

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(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 39

RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/25/2007 10:04:31 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

PS...

How interesting people are, huh?

Here all this time I have been reluctant to approach Dominants because I thought it unseemly; believing if they find me interesting...they would say so...and if not I wouldn't be a bother by contacting them.

Shows to go ya, huh? We all march to different drummers...

b

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Post #: 40

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