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How many submissives like me... - 9/14/2007 8:03:18 PM

playfulotter

Posts: 2195
Joined: 6/27/2005
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Had no biological father in their life growing up entirely or mostly...i just wonder how it affected us..or is that effected..darn i always forget that grammar thing!

rhonda

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/14/2007 8:25:59 PM

whiteslavebitch

Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

I grew up without my biological father also. He and my
mother divorced when I was very young, and I must have
been about 4 yrs old the last time I saw him. I cannot
remember anything about him.

I was adopted by my step-father when I was about 6, and
I loved him like my own father. But I grew up with a poor
sense of self worth, partly because of feeling abandoned
by my biological father, among many other reasons.

Now that I've had therapy to deal with self esteem issues,
I realize that I am a worthy person, I no longer let that
negatively affect how I feel about myself.

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/14/2007 8:35:10 PM

completenz

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

the 'sperm donor', as we like to call him, left my younger brother and me when i was around 4 years old. He just disappeared, just walked out of our lives. i did make contact with him when i was an adult but, really, he is a waste of space.
Our stepfather adopted us when he married our mother when i was 7. He is a great guy, but i was always aware that he was not my daddy. We moved from Scotland to New Zealand when i was 10 and i was a really lost girl for many years.
Yes, it left me with some issues. Has it made me the submissive i am today??? i honestly dont know. It is just something i have lived with always.
C has given me a security, a sense of family and of home that i have never known before. i finally understand what the word 'love' means.
hugs
chrissie

(in reply to playfulotter)

Post #: 3

RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/14/2007 8:48:02 PM

playfulotter

Posts: 2195
Joined: 6/27/2005
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i just wondered what the odds were and sure on this site everything has been broached but new people are coming online all the time...sooo..that is why i asked...we all have questions about many things doncha think? hey i lived with a man 13 years older than me from age 17 to age 41...then i left at age 41....i knew there had to be more out there...

rhonda

< Message edited by playfulotter -- 9/14/2007 8:51:47 PM >

_____________________________

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.” ― Benjamin Franklin

"Some people are otters, some people are rocks." ~Sheldon Cooper

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/14/2007 10:07:12 PM

completenz

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

hi
It was a great question to ask. i must admit to wondering the same thing. i dont remember seeing this topic raised before but i might be wrong

lol- your story sounds a little like mine, though i was 44 before i made 'the break'. All those wasted years (sigh)
Now i can honestly say 'Life has never been better!!!!!'
hugs
chrissie

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Post #: 5

RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/14/2007 11:38:23 PM

KiandPhoenix

Posts: 205
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

Phoenix is at work, but I can answer this for her. She never has been told who her father was, and she lost her mother at 8 or 9. We often wonder about her father, and I think it has had quite an effect on her. Not having a mother has HUGE effects on her. He mother is still alive though and I will leave my thoughts on that. . .creature out of htis.

Incidentally I only had a sperm donor also. He would never have anything to do with us until right about a year or so ago when his father died. Now he is wondering why his children wont come see him, because he is lonely. Neither of us will tolerate his raciest, self absorbed, jackass presence.

~Ki

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 3:28:35 AM

HollyBlue

Posts: 144
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline

Interesting question. My biological father was living with us throughout my childhood, but in many ways, he was emotionally absent, and he did not accept me for who I was.

I don't know if that has anything to do with my submissiveness, though -- I'm coming to believe that the conditions of my upbringing didn't "cause" my submissiveness -- I would have been submissive regardless. It's just who I am, kind of like having green eyes.

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 4:00:04 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

i grew up with a biological father however his (military) job always came first and we were second in his life. i rarely got to see him during my preteen and teenage years because he was away most of the time. rarely would he say "i love you" or show it emotionally to us. he wasn't too big on daddy-daughter time unless it involved spending it on base inside the mess hall while he did logistics and strategies. even while i was teen, he couldn't accept the fact i was happy as the person and woman i was growing up to be especially in my size. he was big on the "lose weight and you'll become very popular" theory.

yes i do admit he was a lousy father for choosing to serve the commander-in-chief and a "grateful" nation but this was the age when i needed him the most for his nurturing and guidance in my life. however i think that's why he's has taken steps to mend his ways by spending time with my UMs since he wasn't there for me but wants to be there for them.

and this is probably what attracted Daddy to me (and vice versa) when we met - i was still the wild child who needed a father's nurturing love and guidance

< Message edited by sambamanslilgirl -- 9/15/2007 4:06:29 AM >

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 4:01:03 AM

cleopetra

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline

I have never known my father but I don't think that has anything to do with the submissive feelings that I have. If anything, I was probably most influenced by the female members of my family who were around me as I was growing up. As a child, I watched and learned from them.

Did I miss having my father around, yes I think I did but I was lucky to have a couple of uncles around who were positive influences in my life, so I guess I didn't miss out completely.

cleopetra

(in reply to playfulotter)

Post #: 9

RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 4:10:28 AM

mmb1

Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline

I never met my birth father, but did meet my birth mother at age 22, and that turned out to be hell!! So right there, I did have very bad feelings of abandonment due to her giving me up at birth, then rejecting me again at age 26 (4 yrs after I met her), it was kind of like being abandoned twice. My adoptive parents divorced when I was 7, and my dad and I did not have a great relationship, he did not express love, only with his money, that was his demonstration of love, no hugs, nothing! Do I think it contributed to my submissiveness? No and Yes, I think I was always submissive, but without going through all of that pain, and having extensive therapy, maybe the submissiveness would not have been brought out. BTW, that was a great topic, and important :)

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Post #: 10

RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 5:54:59 AM

jaxnsax

Posts: 106
Status: offline

Greetings
I grew up in foster homes; never knew my father/mother
Personally though, I really don’t think not knowing them had that much of an effect of me.
jaxon

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A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion.
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Post #: 11

RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 6:06:21 AM

HollyBlue

Posts: 144
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mmb1

<snip> ...I think I was always submissive, but without going through all of that pain, and having extensive therapy, maybe the submissiveness would not have been brought out. BTW, that was a great topic, and important :)

Very good point, mmb1. I think that the pain I experienced in my life also was a catalyst to my growth and self-acceptance, which allowed me to embrace my submissiveness. If everything had been hunky-dory in our Southern Baptist household, it could have taken me lots longer to get over thinking my sexual orientation was perverted, and I probably would have tried (longer) to cram myself into the vanilla mold.

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 8:07:32 AM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
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Happy Saturday...

~smilezz~

< Message edited by smilezz -- 9/15/2007 8:08:20 AM >

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 8:27:16 AM

mmb1

Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline

Yes, as all good things happen for a reason, seems all bad things do also :)
And Happy Saturday to you too :)

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Post #: 14

RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 10:46:06 AM

cautiousiasub

Posts: 199
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline

My mother and biological father divorced when she was pregnant with me, and we (two sisters, my brother and I) met him once when I was about ten. I don't know him, and as a result of his actions and behavior, I don't care to know him. My mother remarried when I was 11. He didn't just "accept" us, he loved us as his own kids, and we knew it. He passed away 3 years ago, and we didn't mourn the loss of a step-father, we mourned the loss of our Dad. Not having my biological father in my life hasn't affected me...he wasn't enough of a part of my life to have any affect. My step-dad, on the other hand, affects me greatly. He was my father figure and I had a lot of respect for him, so I compare "potential mates" to him.

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 11:27:17 AM

mmb1

Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline

I know how you feel..........I definitely believe that never meeting my biological dad, who died at 38, and growing up with my adoptive dad, who I did not have a great relationship with, gave me a twisted definition of men in general, and it took me and still takes me a lot to fully trust men in general. But, it can be overcome with hard work. It is good that you at least had your stepdad who was a "father" to you. :)

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 12:03:23 PM

BoundDragon

Posts: 265
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline

I have had a normal (well... depends on your deffinition of normal) upbringing... mum & dad, all grew up in the family home, never moved... had steady school, home & social life.

Just voicing a different life to help with the stats.

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Post #: 17

RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 3:09:54 PM

mbes

Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
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I'm glad you spoke up, BoundDragon, I was beginning to think I was the only one who grew up with "mom and dad".

My dad died while I was a teenager, but most of my tendencies in this direction (d/s, bdsm) I remember from my younger days. His death doesn't seem to have affected them much at all.

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Post #: 18

RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 4:19:57 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Had a pretty normal childhood. Loving Dad and Mom. We didn't always get along but we all knew we loved one another. They screwed up some things in raising me but they got other things really right so... meh.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 4:23:32 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

Does being adopted count? If so then my biological dad died when i was almost 1 years old, and yes it's left me wondering what if questions about him. But my adoptive dad has been there all throughout my life. i think i got the question right

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Post #: 20

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